Jessica Nigri: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 18:02, 15 February 2015

Jessica Nigri = infected with GOTIS

You can help by not giving her any attention.

You

Without Jessica Nigri, cosplay would be nothing but fat bitches. Even with Jessica, cosplay is still a bunch of shameless attention whoring and shitty costumes. The only difference is that she knows when to put down the cake.

Jessica Nigri is a braplayer, known for ruining your childhood with her tits. Her talents including supposedly natural-growing breasts, giving neckbeards boners, and stealing your money by pretending to be a SO RANDUM QUIRKY gamer gurl. Nigri gets paid to attend your nerdy weeaboo cons, because conventions realized long ago how much attention tits brings in from how thirsty you virginal fucktards are. But she thinks you are all "fucking idiots," and has ditched a paid con obligation in favor of going on an aquarium date with her boyfriend (the one she cheated on her past fiance with, used to get a modeling deal, then dumped).

Nigri is the reason we can't have nice things in this world, and the reason why your nerd hobby is rapidly degrading into an attention whore competition of frauds who think watching one episode of "The Big Bang Theory" gives them geek cred.

"Professional" Cosplaying

Jessica playing with a dildo a fan sent her.

Trollplay Whoremon

Jessica has an epic case of butthurt. Her almost 3 million likes on Facebook and constant ass kissing from neckbeards isn't enough to fill the void inside! Some meanie haterz hurt her feelings, so Jessica goes insane for a period of time, and gives your childhood a big "fuck you." She added boobies to every Pokemon you can imagine, and they're all awful and cheap-looking.

"Still love me, daddy?"

She defends the shittiness of her "cosplays" by saying she's only "trolling." But her trollplay ends up backfiring. As you probably know, neckbeards are man children that refuse to leave their mother's basements and grow the fuck up, so they cling to garbage like Pokemon. And most of Jessica's fans are neckbeards, so the trollplaying ends up leaving a bitter taste in their mouths. Many end up saying how shitty Jessica's Pokemon Penthouse cosplays are, and how shitty Jessica is for fucking with their beloved rainbow-colored weeb vomit.

In order to prevent the loss of patronage from idiots that are too stupid to fap to her Facebook profile for free, Jessica then immediately ceases her first round of Poketrolling so it won't hurt her photo print sales.

Beware of the Pokemon cosplay. Whenever JNig gets angry enough, she always falls back on her Poketrash to get a rise out of her "haters" (which is anyone who doesn't say something 100% positive about her). She is now doing the whole Eeveelution, because she's mad that the whole world doesn't revolve around her tits.

NEVAR 4GET SAILOR MARZ

Jessica was planning on doing a Sailor Moon group cosplay, where she would be Sailor Mars. The group was entirely filled of a bunch of nobody cosplayers, obviously looking to climb up the cosplay fame social ladder, and get your basement-dwelling ass to look at their bewbz. But the Sailor Scout outfits weren't showing enough skin for Jessica. So Jessica gets one of the girls in the group to draw her some fanart that she can use as an excuse for why her version of the Sailor Scouts is inaccurate and is showing off more skin and titties than they are supposed to.

She made a few posts regarding the cosplay.

Then she posts the finished product.

"But, wait! That doesn't look like Sailor Moon or the rest of the Sailor Scouts... And why is Sailor Mars in the middle?" Well, my sweet naive nerdlet, it's really quite simple. Jessica needs every ounce of attention, no matter to what is accurate to the actual character. She must show off her breasticles in every single cosplay, and must be front and center in every group shot. See, I told you it would be simple to understand!

/cgl/ goes insane

Being the jelly landwhales that they are, /cgl/ wastes no opportunity in shitposting about Jessica. But then this time, something amazing happens. The bitches end up finding this pic on Facebook. Apparently, one of the nobody cosplayers in Jessica's cosplay group was too busy brown-nosing and kissing ass to think of the consequences of uploading every photo to the Internet.

"What is this photo?" Well, if you're too dumb to understand, let me tell you. It appears to be a photo of girls from Jessica's cosplay group, working on some red armor and a black side bang wig. Now, WHO do we know that is obsessed with side bang wigs, to hide their giant forehead? And WHO was the only one in the Sailor Scout group who was wearing an inaccurate black side bang wig and crappy red armor? That's right, your precious professional cosplay queen- Jessica Nigri!

The situation becomes even more hilarious, because Jessica is obsessed with herself and lurks every page that talks about her. So when she finds out this photo was posted on /cgl/, she asks her minion to delete it and send her a shit-ton of new "work-in-progress" photos. She then uploads these all to Facebook, thinking it will make everyone forget the photo on /cgl/.

"B-but she uploaded 'work-in-progress' photos... And she said she made it. I believe her! She makes all of her cosplays!1!" Holy fuck, you are stupid. Bless your soul for your dumbassery.

Feel free to read the whole drama that went down here.

The Death Knight Saga

Jessica announced that she was going to cosplay Death Knight from World of Warcraft. She posted some progress pics, claiming she "made" it. Why the quotes? Well, as we all know, Jessica doesn't make any of her cosplays.

Bitch can't APOXIE

It was assumed by many asspained haters of Jessica that her newest "boyfriend" (a friends-with-benefits boy toy who is apparently very experienced in cosplay) had made most of the cosplay. Jessica, too busy adoring herself, had Tweeted a pic of her FWB working on something. Why Tweet a photo of someone else working, but still claim to be the one working on everything?

What also supported this assumption was the fact that Jessica posted about how she was using a crafting solution called APOXIE, and seemed inexperienced in its usage. A quick online search shows that the packaging says you don't need any water, yet Jessica wrote about using water with APOXIE and was confused as to why it didn't come out the way she wanted.

The instructions Jessica was too dumb to read.

Now, why would anyone ignore the actual packaging instructions when they are a "professional cosplayer" who "makes all of their cosplays"? Why, it is almost as if she has no cosplay crafting experience at all!

And how can someone fail to use something so easy, but somehow be able to craft a whole set of armor professionally? Wow, talk about amnesia!

That backpedaling tho

Those lousy haters then dug up some evidence where another one of Jessica's ass-kissers on Instagram tagged a photo of Jessica's armor and said they were helping her make it. So now, there are two people who potentially made the armor for Jessica.

"BUT SHE SAID SHE MADE IT!!!" Well, my naive little nerd, that's the best part. Jessica said she made the armor. But once again, Jessica is narcissistic and lurks every page about her like cray cray. When she saw her haters dug up some evidence that proved she didn't make her Death Knight cosplay, she quickly went on her Facebook to set the story straight. She now finally admitted that she received a shit-ton of help from her "boyfriend" (FWB) and some other "friends" (social ladder climbers).

Bra + Ears = Cosplay!

The perfect formula for cosplay turns out to be "just show your boobs". You barely have to do anything beyond that. It doesn't matter. No one's looking anywhere else.

Fap Gallery About missing Pics

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

No exceptions.
$5 just for stickers of her slutty body? Not only that she's a pretend cosplayer, but she is also part Jew.
DARP!

Convention Guest

There are enough beta losers attending conventions that hiring Jessica as guest has become profitable. No one really knows what she does other than sell prints and let people take pictures of her tits and ass but if it draws a crowd it's good for business.

The FanExpo incident/Aquarium trip

Unfortunately at Fan Expo 2014, Jessica decided it was too boring to hang out with the greasy neckbeards who bought tickets to see her and went to an aquarium in Toronto instead. She wasn't smart enough to lay low and posted selfies of herself at the exact time she was supposed to be at the con. Oh well! The betas still defended her decision, especially after she posted that she was soo sowwy and tiwed needed west and kisses to recoopowate with her fwiends rather than go to a single fucking panel that she was hired by the con to attend.

Screencap of the Fan Expo announcement about Jessica ditching, and the angry congoers complaining.
The selfie Jessica posted to her Instagram while everyone at the con was wondering where she was.
Jessica's shitty defense for ditching. "I wuz tired, but had energy to go to an aquarium!"
The pathetic whiteknightery that took place that day.

Fans/White Knights/Beta Faggots

The overwhelming majority of JNig's fans are forever alone virgins between the ages of 12 and 25 who think they have a shot at that sweet, sweet, immaculately waxed vagoo if they stoke her ego enough. They follow her on all social media outlets, so no matter where she complains about "haters," they're always there to call her beautiful and tell her she's perfect. When she complains about her "haters" they quickly threaten Internet violence against anyone who DARES speak ill of their precious waifu. Unfortunately they're also kind of retarded so any time she posts a picture with a man- not even necessarily her boyfriend- they feel the need to mark their territory by calling him a faggot and telling JNig she can do sooo much better.

"All-Natural" Breasts

EVERYTHING YOU KNOW AND LOVE IS A LIE~

@@ Line 97: / Line 97: @@
 [[File:Jessica Nigri Death Knight 4.jpg|400px|center]]<br><br>
-'''"BUT SHE SAID SHE MADE IT!!!"''' Well, my naive little nerd, that's the best part. Jessica said she made the armor. But once again, Jessica is narcissistic and lurks every page about her like cray cray. When she saw her haters dug up some evidence that proved she didn't make her Death Knight cosplay, she quickly went on her Facebook to set the story straight. She now finally admitted that she receieved a shit-ton of help from her "boyfriend" (FWB) and some other "friends" (social ladder climbers).<br><br>
+'''"BUT SHE SAID SHE MADE IT!!!"''' Well, my naive little nerd, that's the best part. Jessica said she made the armor. But once again, Jessica is narcissistic and lurks every page about her like cray cray. When she saw her haters dug up some evidence that proved she didn't make her Death Knight cosplay, she quickly went on her Facebook to set the story straight. She now finally admitted that she received a shit-ton of help from her "boyfriend" (FWB) and some other "friends" (social ladder climbers).<br><br>
 [[File:Jessica Nigri Death Knight 5.png|400px|center]]
 [[File:Jessica Nigri Death Knight 6.png|400px|center]]
 === Bra + Ears = Cosplay!===

Jessica Nigri: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 18:02, 15 February 2015

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