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Bill Schmalfeldt: Difference between revisions
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*[[Internet Tough Guy]] | |||
*[[Lawlsuits]] | |||
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Revision as of 22:18, 6 February 2016
Who Is Bill Schmalfeldt?
In his mind, Bill Schmalfeldt is an Internet Tough Guy. In reality, Bill Schmalfeldt is a drunk bloated pedobear troll whose style of harassing people who mock him has landed himself in a whole heap of legal trouble and made him one of the more entertaining internet lolcows. His stupidity guarantees that he'll always fuck up...and that same stupidity also guarantees he will be unable to admit he fucked up.
What Does Bill Schmalfeldt Do?
Since Schmalfeldt claims to be disabled, one thing he does NOT do is actually work. This leaves his useless ass plenty of time to indulge his perversions, stalk and harass people (and their small children), and be an all-around waste of society's resources.
Blackout Drinking
Schmalfeldt's penchant for Johnnie Walker Red is common Internet knowledge. (At 4200 calories per bottle, this ensures Bill will remain a bloated laughable fuck for the foreseeable future.)
Collecting Restraining Orders
Drunk people do dumb shit. Psychotic people do crazy shit. So obviously, Bill Schmalfeldt has done some dumb crazy shit which has caught the attention of the authorities. Bill still hasn't learned that stalking, harassing and DOXing people is kind of illegal.
To date, Bill has been hit with 9 restraining orders in 6 states, including:
Schmalfeldt also enhanced his PedoBear profile by being barred from harassing a 3-year-old child.
Cub Scout CP
—--Bill Schmalfeldt | ||
In the interest of taste, we won't dwell too much on how Bill got the banhammer at Daily Kos. Let's just say it involved Schmalfeldt's fascination with anal rape and Cub Scouts. 'Nuff said.
- Bill Schmalfeldt: Sadism, Sodomy and Other Bizarre Mental Aberrations
- Dishonest Bill Schmalfeldt Got Banned from Daily Kos for Anal Rape ‘Satire’
- Bill Schmalfeldt: Too Disgusting For Daily Kos
A few months after getting booted from Daily Kos, Schmalfeldt tried to sneak back on under an alias, only to get banhammered again for cyberstalking and harassment.
Coprophilia
Bill Schmalfeldt's fascination with "pooty holes" (usually those of children) and his own feces is some pretty sick shit. Only someone drunk and/or stupid would BLOG about that shit, right?
LOLSUITs!!
What do you do when you're a bloated drunk pedobear with homosexual tendencies and the Internet won't stop laughing at your tough-guy routine and pounding you with butthurt?
FILE A LOLSUIT!
Bill has filed 6 lawlsuits in the last 2 years. All of them turn out the same way: Dumbfuck Bill's ignorance of the law has judges sailing his complaints right into the shitpile. Since Schmalfeldt doesn't work for a living, he tries to suck the government's tit some MOAR by demanding to file in forma pauperis. Sometimes the court shows mercy, sometimes the court tells Bill to GTFO.
List of Bill's past fails
Here's a list of Schmalfeldt's attempts to shut his detractors up, and the predictable result:
- Lolsuit 1: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 20 May, 2014; withdrawn by Plaintiff (after turning his panties into a fudge factory) 22 May, 2014.
- Lolsuit 2: Hoge v. Schmalfeldt. Counterclaims filed on 3 June, 2014; counterclaims dismissed with prejudice 15 August, 2014.
- Lolsuit 3: Schmalfeldt v. Johnson. Filed 2 February, 2015; motion to proceed [[|Poorfag|in forma pauperis]] denied 18 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of jurisdiction 18 February, 2015.
- Lolsuit 4: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 23 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of service of process and improper venue 18 June, 2015.
- Lolsuit 5: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 27 April, 2015; dismissed with prejudice 19 August, 2015.
Lolsuit 6
After fleeing Maryland to escape his criminal troubles, Bill was pissed to learn that people where still mocking his fat drunk ass. On 17 December 2015, Schmalfeldt filed his latest shitpile in Milwaukee Federal Court. After a real lawyer answered Bill's lawlsuit, Bill pissed his panties and quickly dropped most of the defendants from the suit.
Still too stupid to understand the process of serving a LOLSUIT, Bill's meaningless drivel is nao gathering dust in a Milwaukee court clerk's files.
Gail Schmalfeldt
Gail Schmalfeldt become a zombie on June 17, 2015. Some say that Gail an heroed herself to escape from Bill Schmalfeldt's constant neglect, abuse and humiliation. Like being forced to endure photographs on your deathbed:
Unfortunately for Gail, even death didn't deliver her from Bill's abuse of her dignity. After getting her cremated, Bill took the classy step of posing with the Ziploc bag of her ashes:
You stay classy Bill Schmalfeldt!
External Links
- Billy Sez (A website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ
- Thinking Man's Zombie (Another website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ
- Hogewash (Often reports on Bill Schmalfeldt's illegal behavior and his latest restraining orders.)
- The Other McCain (Often reports on Bill Schmalfeldt.)
- Meet Bill Schmafeldt
- Bill Schmalfeldt: The Stranger Who Harassed My Family (Dated 2012, an early profile of Schmalfeldt's psychotic trolling behavior.)
- Bill Schmalfeldt's Lies
- Criminal Arrest Warrant Was Issued for Bill Schmalfeldt
- The Rhetoric of Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt
- Blubber Sues Bloggers (A brief blog covering the early Lolsuits
See Also
Gallery
Gallery About missing Pics
[Expand Gallery]
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