Lulznews/April Archive

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April 28th

Chicago, IL (æ) BLZN AZN ALERT!!! The new Cho plans HS massacre.

Silicon Valley, CA (w00t) Apple introduces the iCheat. Kuwaiti newspaper wins the EDlizter Prize for coverage.

Rome, ITALY (ÆD) Satanic granny school teachers busted for touching the doll 'there'.

April 27th

Wellington, NEW ZEALAND (Voronic) Customer finds out what McDonald's 'McRib' is really made out of.

Lawrence, MA (LNN) Catholic schoolgirl assassin outed by MySpace.

Japan (LOL) Japanese are disappointed by sudden change in dinner plans

Sydney, AUSTRALIA (ÆD) Pot...meet Kettle! Snoop Dogg banned from Oz for failing 'character test'.

Bombay, INDIA (ÆFP) Richard Gere wanted for public raping of dotIndian woman.

April 26th

London, ENGLAND (LNN) New inhalable Viagra gets thumbs-up from rapists with ED.

London, UK (BBæ) England still waiting for Chavs to figure out how to make meth.

Beihai, CHINA (Snærky) Wannabe zoo "Blazn Azn" foiled by crocs.

April 25th

Ottawa, CANADIA (ÆD) Superman crosses Ottawa off his flight-path as Kryptonite is discovered.

Tampa, FL (ÆP) DIY 'gator belt maker busted for felony alligator possession.

April 24th

Roanoke, VA (ABCæ) Blazn Azn: Him so horny before massacre.

Knoxville, TN (Snarky) Dad works hard to ensure druggy son will become future VTECH gunman.

London, UK (CurrentBun) Man makes his bangers and mash a little more personal as DIY circumcision goes horribly awry.

Melbourne, FL (LNN) Captain America busted for raping woman with burrito.

Phoenix, AZ (ÆD) Woman drops dime on fugitive fiance after Google rats him out.

April 23rd

Hot Dog on Duck Doggy Style Action.

Paris, FRANCE (ÆD) A sad day for Dogmongler as Frenchman invents sex toy for Fido.

Bentonville, AR (GÆ) Pop sues library when teenage sons 'suffer' fapping sleepless nights after reading Lesbos For Dummies.

Sydney, AUSTRALIA (LNN) Great Dog Wall of Australia fails it as horny camels vie for man points.

April 22nd

Almeda, CA (ÆP) THAR SHE BLOWS! Great White Whale captured off California coast.

Boston, MA (ÆP) Teacher fired for pointing gun at students in V-Tech reenactment.

Houghton-le-Spring, UK (LNN) MySpace: A place for friends...who will come over and fuck your house up.

April 21st

Manchester, NH (LNN) Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship is all about the paper.

Southbridge, MA (ÆP) Slacker attention whore out-emos DaxFlame; gets over 9,000 calls after posting digits on YouTube vlog.

New York, NY (ÆD) 13/f/pa s nu txt winr

April 20th

Fresno, CA (ÆP) Reverse trap runs for Prom King.

Phnom Penh, CAMBODIA (ÆP) MONKFIGHT! Rival Buddhist monk gangs clash at abuse protest.

Somewhere, USA (LNN) Not enough time for personal hygiene and breakfast? Problem solved.

April 19th

Hollywood, CA (TMZæ) Alec Baldwin goes off on "thoughtless little pig," 11-year-old daughter.

Wright City, MO (ÆP) Al Qaeda operative Winnie the Pooh attempts to blow up post office.

United Kingdom (Dæly Mail) David Stock: Hours on his computer

April 18th

New York, NY (CæNæN) Yahoo! busted for aiding and abetting Chinese Government in torturing dissidents.

Silicon Valley, CA (LNN) All ur compooters are belong to pr0n; workplace smut runs amok.

Beijing, CHINA (Skæ) Government bans taxi driving Gingers for Olympics.

April 17th

This is madness...

New York, NY (LNN) THIS...IS...LESBOS!!! Nappy headed lesbho gang leader on trial for ræping man in Greenwich Village.

Abergavenny, WALES (ÆP) ASBO Granny from Hell gets six months for terrorising neighbours

Sioux Falls, SD (Gæ) Deaf, lesbo chainsaw massacress to get IRL permaban.

April 16th

Chicago, IL (ÆD) Hot teacher-on-teacher pr0n DVD filmed at local elementary school

Milan, IN (LNN) Fourth-grade teacher dishes out beauty shoop makeovers to naughty boys.

April 15th

Kuala Lumpur, MALAYSIA (Zæ) School principal canes teacher for loitering.

Galveston, TX (ÆD) Cops bust /b/tard teacher for viewing Internets CP at school.

Stony Creek, MI (ABCæ) Husband arrested for dropping wife's watermelon on cement.

April 14th

Indianapolis, IN (ÆP) Final Destination 4: The Crapper

County Durham, UK (BBæ) Kid N’Play on the run as MySpace house party goes OTT.

Toronto, CANADA (LNN) Granny dearest gets a spoonful of loving to help the medicine go down

April 13th

WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW?

Taipei, TAIWAN (ÆP) Crocodile finds zookeeper's arm; returns it.

London, ENGLAND (CurrentBun) Restaurant fined for putting the 'bang' in Bangers & Mash.

New York, NY (ÆP) NBC and Steve Carell trolls Wikipedia.

April 12th

Washington, DC (CæNæN) Lung transplant put on hold as air traffic controller takes a dump.

Texas, INTERNETS (LNN) Tom Delay calls for Rosie's head as revenge for Imus.

Baghdad, IRAQ (ÆD) EPIC WIN for Iraqi Guy Fawkes. Now with video!

April 11th

Waxahachie, TX (LNN) Li'l Nazis spit on L'il Jews in school Holocaust cosplay.!

Allentown, PA (ÆP) "I'm a nappy-headed ho" not the "Phrase that Pays" for fired radio DJ.

Pomona, CA (ÆP) Cops nab pirate ATM robber.

Detroit, MI (LNN) Ford Motors exec sorry that Bush didn't blow himself up.

HEAVEN (ÆD) No love, no Jesus for Imus? Xtians say "NO U!"

Archangelsk, RUSSIA (LNN) Woman dies when friend does DIY excorcism rong.

April 10th

Piscataway, NJ (ÆP) Rutgers' Nappy-Headed Ho team reverse-troll Don Imus.

Orlando, FL (ÆP) Astrothug Lisa Nowak had pr0n, drugs and UK money in kidnap toolkit.

London, ENGLAND (CurrentBun) Molly Turney: "My mum spent two weeks as an Iranian prisoner and all I got was this shitty doll."

Belfast, UK (LNN) Teachers to end cyberbulling... of themselves.

April 9th

Woolves, ENGLAND (LNN) Furry commuter dodges bus fare by dressing as kitty.

Australia (LNN) Australian army to recruit fans of lulz and internets; EDiots shit themselves.

Pullman, Washington (LOL) Police crack down on killer tomatoes; Tomacco is IRL now.

April 8th

Chicago, Illinois (LNN) Paralyzed men use Viagra; can now fap in your mouth.

Kuwait, Saudi Arabia (ÆD) Man teaches his bitch who's boss by cutting off his own penis.

New Orleans, Louisiana (LOL) New Orleans airport give parking fines to the probably dead car owners.

April 7th

San Pedro Cutud, ILLIPPINES (ÆP) Jews rat out 7 Pinoy Messiahs for 'Crucifiction 2:The Sequel'.

E. Hartford, CT (ÆP) This Energizer Bunny does not only not keep on going, it never gets off the couch.

Kiev, UKRAINE, (LNN) Hash powered vibrator seized by airport customs officials.

Amanda, OH (LNN) Substitute teacher pulls an STFU McGuyver on rowdy kindergarten class.

April 6th

Oh no they di'ent!!!

Flaming firefighter busted.

Toronto, CANADIA (ÆD) Woman in Chinese furniture troll; removes 'offensive' label under penalty of law.

Dayton, OH (LNN) Fireman arrested for DUI turns out to be flamer.

Tacoma, WA (LNN) Craigslist gives woman 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition' and lulz for all.NOW WITH VIDEO!

Everett, WA (LNN) Rare female Pedobear busted for scamming loli!

April 5th

Los Angeles, CA (ÆP) Doctor to cancer patient: "The good news is we got the right testicle; the bad news?...it's not the left one.

London, ENGLAND (Ræters) Rolling Stones' Keef Richards snorted father's ashes.

Middlefield, MO (LNN) Thief DOES NOT WANT crappy car stereo.

Naugatuck, CT (FUXT) Armageddon NOW! Jesus v. Satan comes to local parking lot.

April 4th

Newark, NJ (ÆP) Judge: If you're going to drive drunk, do it in a Zamboni.

Austin, TX (ÆD) Kappa-Sigma wet toga contest is made of FAIL and ARREST.

Colville, WA (ÆP) Boy hires hitman for world's most expensive abortion

Seattle, WA (ÆP) ASL? 30/f/beating your ass

Stockholm, SWEDEN (BBCæ) Authorities say "NO U" to baby girl 'Metallica'.

New Orleans, LA (ÆP) Jailbaits partyvan-ed?

April 3rd

Hollywood, CA (TMZæ) 'American Idol' Sanjaya scores job at KFC.

Mount Entoto, ETHIOPIA (WUT) New treatment for AIDS: climb mountain, get chained up, wait for Golden Shower from God.

Taylor, MI (ÆP) Local entrepreneur busted for 'pimping' 'ride'. video

Second Life, FAIL (LNN) Christian Furs now able to attend mass w/out ending 24/7 yiff session

April 2nd

Palm Bay, FL (LNN) Hungry, hungry husband resorts to cannibalism after his bitch didn't cook

Kansas City, MO (LNN) Male criminals smarter than females; nobody is surprised.

Stratford, CT (ÆP) Dick Cheney (or Jaclyn Smith) leads cops on high-speed chase.

April 1st

File:Chocolate jesus.jpg Riyadh, SAUDI ARABIA (ÆFP) Wife enthusiast trades in 85-year-old beater for younger model.

Berne, SWITZERLAND (LNN) Swiss enjoy record spaghetti harvest thanks to Global Warming.

New York, NY (LNN) SWEET JESUS! Catholic church says "NO U!" to naked, chocolate Saviour.