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COBOL: Difference between revisions

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COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world.  If you still know how to use colbol, you are [[old|a respected and valuable member of the programming community]], as very few people are [[old]] enough to know how to program in [[shit nobody cares about|COBOL]].  COBOL was invented by a [[wimminz|woman]], which is probably the main reason why it downright sucks giant [[cocks]].  We all know that wimminz never make anything worthwhile.
COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world.  If you still know how to use colbol, you are [[old|a respected and valuable member of the programming community]], as very few people are [[old|wizened]] enough to know how to program in [[shit nobody cares about|COBOL]].  COBOL was invented by a [[wimminz|woman]], which is probably the main reason why it downright sucks giant [[cocks]].  We all know that wimminz never make anything worthwhile.


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Revision as of 13:22, 17 April 2011

COMMON BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE is the prune juice of the programming world. If you still know how to use colbol, you are a respected and valuable member of the programming community, as very few people are wizened enough to know how to program in COBOL. COBOL was invented by a woman, which is probably the main reason why it downright sucks giant cocks. We all know that wimminz never make anything worthwhile.

EXAMPLE CODE

 
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  *THIS IS A COMMENT.  PERIODS (BESIDES COMMENTS) DENOTE END OF STATEMENT.
  IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
  PROGRAM-ID.	HELLO WORLD.
  
  ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
  INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.
  
  DATA DIVISION.
  WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
  
  PROCEDURE DIVISION.
  MAINLINE.
  DISPLAY "HELLO WORLD".
  END-RUN.

1. Divide envrionment
2. Comment a line of code
3. Write a shit-ton of code
4. Hello world
5. ????
6. PROFIT!!

In python, a similar program would only take about 5 lines, as opposed to over 9000, which is why COBOL sucks.

trolling COBOL coders

  • (if their a wimminz) steal their depends
  • eat their prunes
  • steal all of the hard caramels
  • destroy social security
  • take a shit in the local bingo hall
  • walk all over their lawn
  • raid the dollar store


See Also

COBOL is part of a series on

Softwarez

Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

COBOL is part of a series on Programming.

[2 L337 4 MEEnter the Matrix]

ADA • Assembly • C • C++ • COBOL • Debug • DOS • Erlang • Error • Fdisk • Fortran • Integer • Java • LOLCode • Machine Code • Matlab • MIRC Script • MUMPS • Open Source • Perl • PHP • Programming language • Python • QBASIC • Ruby on Rails • Scratch • SSH • Visual Basic

Hacks

Firefox XPS IRC Attack • Safari XPS Attack • Sandworm

Programmers

Bill Gates • Linus Torvalds • Weev • Goatse Security • Terry Davis • Theo de Raadt

Other Topics

Operating system • Warez • Notepad • Is not a bug, it's a feature • Database Error

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