Chris-chan/Megan Saga

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Megan Schroeder is a poor sap who tried to be nice to Chris-chan by keeping him in The Friend Zone, and received Assburgers-induced sexual obsession and stalking in return. This is the wrath of God for meddling with his Assburgers children, who should rightfully be driven out to the jungle and left there to find their own food and girlfriends.

Megan with Chris in real life. Note the fear in her eyes.

Megan with Chris in the comic. Note the fear in her eyes.

Throughout the first half of 2006, Megan explained to Chris that she was not looking for a boyfriend, so her rejections of his advances were nothing personal. Megan also began to request that Chris give her more personal space. She made a point of explaining that she still valued Chris' friendship, despite constantly reminding him to detach himself from her. Issue 5 of Sonichu, which introduces Sailor Megtune, was started on April 29, 2006. Chris' touching of her became more and more of an issue...

“	Also I'm just a little mad that I have to keep telling you to PLEASE stop touching me! It's like your not wanting to listen to me! I tell you, then you say ok, but eventually your back to the same tricks, and this time I really MEAN IT!! ... I don't like it much when people get into something RIGHT AFTER they find out I liked it first. When you said we had a lot in common like Sailormoon and My Little Pony, well who Loved Sailormoon first? Who collected My Little Pony first? Ok, I know I sound like a spoiled brat but can you see what I'm trying to say?	„
—Megan, July 15th, 2006

“	And last wed. you really had me pinned against the wall. Please give me more space.	„
—Megan, June 25th 2006

Megan even called Chris out for his childish view on his love quest.

However I can't say I like how you call him a lucky "jerk" Why is he a jerk? Why do you call ALL guys that? Because they "Take all the pretty girls leaving you none to choose from?" Hate to be blunt but that's a pathetic way to think! You don't go to a mall and buy a girlfriend! The thing is, the guys didn't take all the girls... The girls just didn't choose you. Quit blaming other men! Girls chose who their boyfriend was too!

...

Just because YOU don't have a girlfriend doesn't give you the right to HATE ALL MEN!! It's not THEIR fault! The world doesn't revolve around you. And keeping this grudge will really get you nowhere.

...

So I often wonder: If I was an ugly girl, you wouldn't even come near me would you?

--Megan, August 7th 2006

In a blog entry that Megan never read, Chris describes Megan in an intimate way, despite the fact that she has already kindly rejected him at least a dozen times by this point.

For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON'T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.

Eventually, light a magical lighthouse that randomly shone its healing guiding light upon my previously Shattered Heart and tortured Soul, and mended them back to good shape and form, one girl walked into my life, like a Sailor Soldier having just vanquished a heart-snatcher. Bit by bit, I've noticed her shining lustrous hair, here shiny Blue Chaos Emerald-like Eyes, and a personality strong, caring and true like a Buttercup bloom. I followed my recovered heart's instincts and Followed Her.

Yet, one can't stay on such sweet passionate feelings without a few speed bumps in the road of life. Even though I didn't mean to give the impression that I was being forceful; for heaven's sake I wouldn't ever dare to force her to do anything she didn't want to, but she reminds me times that she isn't ready for Love beyond Friendship. I have no feelings against her wish, and I respect her decisions and feelings. Oh, but even though she Doesn't Say it, or return it, I Love Her, and no matter what, those feelings wills stand strong as time itself. And Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.

Suddenly, despite constantly being told that she just wants to be friends with him, when Chris realizes that Megan had a boyfriend, this changes everything!

“	Yet, there was a Finish; she had a Boy-Crush in the Military; Seriously Killed that Romantic mood. So, now After August 3, 2006...it's been THREE LONG YEARS, and I still Do Not have a Sweetheart (or even a girlfriend to build up into one).	„
—Same blog

2007 - The Parappa Contest

A picture Megan drew for Chris, and unfortunately, what Chris strove to copy imitate in his own shitty artwork.

As a result of Megan's influence, Chris uses animu eyes fucking everywhere.

At one point, Megan went on a trip to Kentucky. Chris emailed her constantly, with some not-so-subtle hinting that he loved her, despite the fact that she had previously told him she wasn't interested.

“	Aside from that, I'm still thinking of you sweetly and fondly; it is good.  :) I long to see you again at the Game Place and welcome you back with open arms. I sometimes feel lonely, but it is so worth the wait just to be close to you again. <3 I hope you are safe and well.  :)	„
—Chris, July 15th 2007

He said something along those lines in pretty much every email he sent. It was around this time that he created a video to enter a Sony contest centered around black person.

About June 29th, I created, edited and submitted an video entry for Playstation.com's Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown. I submitted it through e-mail, as well as uploading it to YouTube and Veoh. I just got an E-Mail from the Playstation people, and Good News...

"Congratulations! Your Parappa the Rapper video contest entry has made it into the voting phase of the contest.

...

It would be so awesome if I won the Grand Prize... a trip for two to Seattle, WA for the Penny Arcade Expo. And I couldn't think of anyone better to be there with me than you.  :)

--Chris, 18th of July 2007

I am spreading the word throughout MySpace, my Sonichu, Pokesite 2 (english and spanish), Hot Wheels, and Bionicle websites, through the Playstation Network (with help from playing online with Motorstorm to get names), and Locally at the Game Place and such about voting for my PaRappa the Rapper Video. I'd really like to win that trip and those PSPs, so I can share the expierence with you, my closest, sweetest friend. <3 Who knows, maybe I can wing it for good results.  :)

At least I can keep you up-to-date, even though it may still be a while before you can read these E-Mails.

I'll send you another one soon. Have the Happiest of 21st Birthdays, because you've got a nice family to share it with and me.

--Chris, 23rd of July 2007

I fantasy you and me taking the trip, having fun at the Penny Arcade Expo, maybe take a tour of the Nintendo of America company, playing Guitar Hero with you on my PS3 in our hotel room, and basically just being with you, period.  :) And I would give you and John the two PSPs (but I would keep one of the two PaRappa the Rapper games). But I digress...

That's enough from my heart (blush) for a while, my sweet friend. I'll e-mail you again soon.

--Chris, 28th of July 2007

The video can be viewed here.

Video Summary: Chris waves his arms and legs around pathetically while almost rapping about Master Onion A la mode. To top it all off he applies random stock video effects for the win.

Chris was shocked he didn't win, but predictibly nobody else was, so he wrote to the contest organizer:

In addition to my message on your machine...

I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED CRYSTAL. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "KICK THE AUTISTIC!" *sigh*

I had my fantasies of having fun with Megan, taking her to a really extravagent destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the Nintendo of America company tour, with her, playing Guitar Hero against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our first time in the bed...*sigh*

Life can be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos. (:_(

Here, we see Chris admit that he wants to have at it with Megan, but why should Sony or the contest organizer have to put up with Chrissy's shit? An hour later, when he emails Megan, he omits his sick fantasy, but admits to attempting to rig the contest in his favor. As you can tell from the message, Chrissy is by far a gigantic loser and cheater for trying to rig the contest, but he has the balls to complain about losing the contest.

Subject: Well, I'm emotionally busted... :(

I just learned that I am not the winner of the PaRappa Chop Chop Master Onion Contest; among their ten videos, they were organized Alphabetically (I checked the html source, and that explained why I was number 7. Anyway, that lucky jerk, admstackhouse (assumed to be his e-mail name), gets to go to Seattle. That SOB should have really been disqualified; his dance was supposed to be MUSIC-FREE, yet he has some s***y beatbox noises in the background throughout his video (so did two others).

I am Angry, Depressed and Lonesome ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY. I worked so d*** hard; I sent like over 500 messages between MySpace, Playstation Network and AOL. And I even made up over 120 dummy e-mail accounts to match with their dummy Playstation accounts, so I could stuff the f***in' ballot...

I really wanted to take you somewhere fun and exciting so you and I could be together for longer than usual...and I really wanted to give you and John each a PSP... *sigh* I've failed. So much effort...rappin' and dancin' with goofy effects to be even considered...spreading the word as far and wide as possible...wasted. And I did it all for you, Megan; I had you in my heart as I chopped the Onion A-La Mode dance...I gave so much energy, even had a gut virus for a couple of days...crazy I guess.

Anyway, I'm not in such a delighful mood at this time; it may take a few days or so for me to recover...then again, you make me feel happy...I just realized that you were and still are a continuing inspiration for me. I looked at you in our photo ever since you left for Kentucky, and I get a happy feeling... from the feeling of having you to fall on when I feel low. You are such a delightful listener, and you are truly intelligent when you talk about what interests you and such. I am so delighted to have you in my life, and I appreciate you everyday. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh, so what if I didn't win that trip; I still can look forward to being able to coming over to your house, or you to mine, sometime. And I will get to see you at least on Fridays (although I'd like to be able to be with you much more than that). I like you so much, Megan.

“	Yesterday, after some rest, I still felt anger and resentment against that lucky S.O.B. winner. But I have found two faults in his video that were against the official rules; there was music, and there was more than one person in the video. I also found three more out of the remaining nine with the similar violations. I have sent some e-mails among the Playstation consumer services, and I have called the company personally and registered my grand complaint. It's not a matter of jealousy or loss; it's the principal of rule violations. Justice will be done to the seven people involved in the four violating videos, or I am not Autistic. Anyway, I wanted to let you know about that. I hope you all are still doing well in Kentucky, and I will truly feel so much better when I see you personally in front of me safe and sound.  :) Faithfully yours; Chris Chan. <3<3<3	„
—Chris, Swearing on his Autism, 5th of August 2007

Unable to take much more of Chris' increasingly disturbing behavior, Megan finally snapped, and sent Chris a "soul-shattering" email in response to his recent antics.

“	I haven't been checking my email until recently, and I just want to say that your behavior has irritated me for the last time. First I'll start off with saying that I'm glad you didn't win the contest because I have no interest in going on a trip alone with someone who can't keep his hands off me. I'm not your girlfriend and I never will be. When I say "don't touch me" that means DON'T TOUCH ME! What may seem friendly to you is sexual harrassment to me. You whine that you're just being friendly but you obviously have no consideration for my feelings.	„
—Megan, August 8th 2007

Despite having the 'shit fucked out of his heart', Chris sent this email to Sony:

I was solely depressed earlier when I called, because my Sweet Megan went AWOL. Justice will still be done, sworn on my Autism. I will still accept the prizes.

Chris sent another e-mail soon after having the 'shit fucked out of his heart', mentioning something rather disturbing:

Subject: Hey...How you doing?

It's been a while, and I haven't heard anything from you. So I thought I would check in.

I can only imagine what your may be feeling from the recent trauma. I truly care and worry about you. I wanted you to know that I blurted out my confession, because my heart was hit so bad, that it sprung a leak... it leaked pain, torment and the deep feelings I had held in for so long. *sigh*

I can't apologize enough for hurting you the way I did with my jealously over the rule-violating winner, for my lonely, wandering hands wanting to feel your gentle, and spunky, soul, for figiting over such trivial gestures that some others were permitted to share with you, whereas you wouldn't permit me to for your reasons... Not knowing your current feelings, not knowing what else is going on in your world, not knowing if you and I are still the closest friends to have been for almost two whole years... is all a great weight on my still-recovering heart and my tearful soul... It's hard for me to enjoy things as I did while I knew you and I were sweet friends, and as I felt there could have been a strong foundation for my one bright future in this cursed Autistic life. But since I read that message last week and not having heard anything new from you, my faith for that future felt sooo lost; my faith in our friendship wained thin.

I CAN'T LOSE YOU, Megan Schroeder, you are the foundation of my happiness after the depression from my LONG, ENDURING Love Quest, you are the inspiration for me to carry on as I was able to for the past greater than a year and so on, you were the reason that I was able to shed fewest tears for that time.

Please, please, please, forgive me, let me know that you and I are still the closest friends, and don't deprive you and me of our fun by boycotting the Friday trips to the Game Place.

Truly, I just would fall into an infinite sink-hole of depression if I lost you from my life, and it would be an unbearable tragedy... *sigh*

Please reply as soon as possible.

<3<3<3.....<3........<.....3................

Christian Weston Chandler.

There was a dead silence between the two for a while, but at one point things resumed. It would appear that an incident occurred involving another individual named Chris, full name Christopher.

The hugging was one thing, but when I heard the smack of your kiss on his cheek, it started a chain reaction in my head from "OMG" to simultanious infuration and jealousy. I assure you that I would not do anything extreme to Christopher.

Originally, I was not fond of him, because it was obvious that he was a homo. Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face.

...

I was programmed to be more favorable towards women over those of my gender. With the infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor, I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences. Those doofs get all the luck, having a Sweetheart to care for and to be cared from, getting all the hugs, kisses and emotional support and the security of a solid future without lonliness and with love and children. And besides that, my Autism is not much help on the programming of my mind. *sigh*

Oh, my life.

I have been trying to move on, but I still have caring feelings for you, Megan, since I still have not found another Boyfriend-Free woman to transfer the care to. I sit at the UVA's Alderman library for Three Hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with a printed advertisement taped on the bar-type furniture across from me, and I am waiting, hoping and praying to be found/picked up by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-25-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic, white woman, who will voluntarily be my Gal-Pal to Girlfriend to Sweetheart. Can you understand the loneliness I feel from days and days of not even being approached by a caring someone while I wait and wait and wait to be found by a caring someone? Not only is it Very Lonesome, but it is Tiresome, Troubling and Frustrating... *sigh* It's been that way since the beginning of my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Granted the relieving heart poundings I felt for you for over a year, until the e-mail I received during the Parappa contest last August.

But rest-assured, aside from the past issues and angst against the males of the Boyfriend-Factor, I, Christian Christopher Weston Chandler, have not and will not ever have any intention of killing or murdering or physically ensue pain towards any person, including your Christopher.

I am sorry about Friday night, Megan.

Take care; Christian Christopher Weston Chandler.

He obviously still hasn't gotten the message that Megan doesn't want him, so when this "Christopher", who happens to be openly gay, gets kissed by Megan, he somehow thinks that the other Chris did something wrong. He seems to have done something that scared the other Chris, to the point where he thought Chris was going to murder him, and pissed Megan off. When he emails Megan back, we see his reasoning behind his homophobic antics. He's afraid of becoming gay.

He also suggests that he wants to remain straight for the sole purpose of raising a family, rather than because he is attracted to women. In addition, he is fully open to the idea of a sex change. This entire incident is the inspiration behind Reldnahc. Chris also reveals he has reverted to his Sign Approach of attracting women. Megan responds with...

Subject: what's up?

Christian I can probably understand how you're feeling. You looked pretty pissed.....not to mention giving my friend the "fucky finger".

Why? Why do you hate him so much? Cause now he's really scared that you're going to go after him and kill him!

Besides if you have to hate someone, it should be me because I'M the one who didn't return your feelings and didn't want a serious relationship. Remember I have the right to decide who I want to be with. Now I'm not saying that I hate you. You are still my friend....that is if you're going to stop keep getting grudges and tormenting my friend. You're hatred and jealousy towards him is affecting me as well. How do I know you're not going to do something rash? So please just leave us alone.

I'd like for you to just accept this and move on. You have no right to hate him, he did nothing bad to you! Personally I thought you'd actually be happy for me. So please listen to me and please don't do anything bad and just leave Chris alone.

Subject: I now understand.

I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the burst of anger. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful rainbow as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.

You, Megan, truly are an inspiration for the better, even a neccessary "better half", for me. I thank you for leading me toward the light of better judgement.

Chris mistakenly thought that Megan was mad over the PaRappa contest. Once again, there was a long period of silence between the two. He then drew five rule 34 pictures including one of Chris himself fingering Megan (with censored eyes) uploaded on September 11th, 2007.

Chris Chan vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica

Unsurprisingly, Megan did not like the fact that Chris had drawn, signed and uploaded such imagery.

I just don't know what to say now....

I am very much scarred by that image and it will never leave me. And I can't decide what's worse, the image in general, or the fact you intentionally drew it AND gave it to the webmaster for that site that you hate so much. Note only have you poured gas on the fire by doing that,(adding obscenity to the already horrific site) but you have also embarrassed and humuliated me, and degraded and demeaned me whether you realize it or not. I mean I'm not that kind of girl, and you know that. So why? And you also lied to me about it.

--Megan, March 12th 2008

I hope you're doing well. Anyway, I'll get to the point; there is a way you can work with me on the elimination of the "Chris-chan" page on Encyclopedia Dramatica, basically the pages on whole ED website are wiki (similar to html editing), and setting up an account to edit the page is free; you may want to use a fake e-mail address. Anyway, you can remove the all the junk they put about you on there, as well as the drawing from the page for starters, but be careful not to take out TOO MUCH; they may undo your doing, so you may want to make multiple edits; remove the story on the first time, then add some random thing that comes to your mind onto the bottom of the page. I've managed to have the drawing removed and replaced with a different, yet similar image for a while, but they undid that bit of my handiwork.

I can only do so much at one time, since after I make an edit (behind their backs), they "ban" my IP address from undoing their undoing, and I have to wait a few hours to a day or two before I can anything more against them.

--Chris, 16th March 2008

Look, my main issue is NOT the website itself. It's just the fact that you drew those weird pictures. Um....ok...so instead of removing that one completely, you just enlarge my crotch....thanks a lot....WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST REMOVE IT??!!

Well I'm sorry but that just makes me more angry in a way. It's not that actual sex-act that traumatises me, it's the fact that you fantasize doing such things to me when you know I would never. It's like, how do I know that you're not going to abduct me and such? That was a figure of speech. You know what I mean? It creeps me out you have such thoughts about me. It's like you're stalking me so you really need to back off.

...I don't care how lonely you are, I haven't had luck with relationships either, but I don't boast about being a "virgin with rage" When you say things like that, it just makes it sound like you're looking for someon to fuck.

I'm sorry to say this but you're partially to blame for some of the content on the site. Because things about me and things they quoted about me came from you obviously. You have those blog things and so you blabbed to the whole cyber world about the angry email I sent you last summer. Ok, just WHOSE business is it anyway? Id on't understand why you post things involving me like that. And you also made it sound that I just wrote you an angry email and you had nothing to do with it, when in fact the reason being was because I was sick of telling constantly to stop touching me. That is SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. I wrote the email in reponse to what YOU did wrong to me.

--Megan, March 16th 2008

Megan posts on dontdatehimgirl

Megan posted a comment on Chris's entry on dontdatehimgirl, although it could be a troll it's a fucking troll.

It's all true! I met Christian (or CWC, as he immaturely calls himself) through eBay. We became friends, largely because I felt sorry for him. He quickly developed an enourmous crush on me, and began to make numerous innapropriate advances towards me. Despite the fact I made it clear that I wasn't interested, he continued to send me emails declaring his love, and even entered a free-style rapping competition (which he lost) in order to take me on a trip. He frequently tried to hug me, or pin me against walls in order to feel me up, and refused to stop, despite my repeated demands. Things came to a head when he uploaded a hand-drawn picture of himself fingering me online, in what he called a "protest against 4-cent-garbage". I cut off all contact with him, which caused him to "crash into slumber". Chris is a menace to society and must be stopped at all costs.

--Megan, January 8th 2009

Another post on dontdatehimgirl.com, although anonymous, sounds more like the real Megan judging from the events (e.g. porn drawings) that she mentions.

I too have encoutered Christian. At first he seemed nice, if a little odd. After a while though, he started touching me everytime we met, starting with simply rubbing my back, but later touching me somewhat inapropriately as well. Everytime I would ask him to stop touching me, but after a while he would start again, claiming he was 'just beeing friendly'. He also became very posessive of me, even going off at a girlfriend of mine because she patted me on the head, telling her to not touch me. A bit later I found out that Christian was posting photographs of me on the internet. I asked them to remove them, and even though he promised he would, those photo's stayed put. He also kept talking about sexual things to me, even though I kept asking him to stop. Things got really creepy when Chris actually drew pornographic scenes with me and him in it,and UPLOADED THEM TO THE INTERNET, alongside photo's of me. Later he even started drawing and fantasizing about us having a daughter named Crystal, which he then fantasized about in a semi-sexual manner (She would have sexy hair, etc). Chris kept beeing under the illusion that we had a proper relationship, whilst we didn't. Eventually he got agressive, pinning me against the wall, making veiled threats about how he was forced to draw him and me in pornographic scenes because else he might 'do something stupid'. Chris then also began to show agression to male friends of mine. Some of them are still scared of him, since Chris is somewhat big. He even punched my brother, who only tried to get him to back off and stop touching me. Again, all of this happened when me and Christian were not in any form of relationship, but he still seemed to think I was his girlfriend. So in short, please watch out for Christian, since he's a perverted, manipulative , agressive, dangerous individual with severe mental issues!