Bill Kaulitz: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 06:44, 21 April 2012


	ALERT: THIS IS A FORCED MEME
	Bill Kaulitz will be posted by the same unfunny newfag until you like it.

Billa "Bill" Kaulitz is the female lead singer of German shit band "Tokio Hotel". Recently, she's become a minor internet anti-meme, commonly featured in /b/ and elsewhere with posts of her stunning photos and brief mention of her androgynous first name. Typically, this is followed by Admiral Ackbar posts intended to trick newfags into believing that there's more to her than meets the eye. Bill is the real-life equivalent of Bridget.

"Bill Jokes" often refer to her neo-emo goth punk rock appearance and her gorgeous-yet-far-out hairstyles. Media:PUBIC HAIRpubes Q: What would you do for Bill?
A: Loan her my razor and a noose.

Early Years

Bill initially rose to fame as a quarter-finalist in 2001 Germany's Star Search competition, where her likeness was compared to the delicious young Natalie Portman in Luc Besson's 1994 film "Leon: The Professional", which co-starred the juicy Jean Reno and famed character actor Gary Oldman.

Arguably, the only thing keeping her from winning was the unfortunate fact that, at the time, her voice sounded like a bag of kittens being run through a garden tiller.

Countdown

Bill, and her identical twin brother Tom, were born on September 1st, 1989. Despite the fact that they legally been able to consent to sex for the past 6 years under German law, several dozen websites ran 18-year countdown clocks to commemorate their birthdays.

Tokio Hotel

File:BeautifulBillKaulitz.png

Not an Adam's apple! It's a trick of the light!!11

Her band, "Tokio Hotel", was named after an Asian county/town/city/whatever and the German word for penis. They've had a string of successful albums and hits over the last few years, including...

"Schrei - so laut du kannst" - "Sex - so long as you can"
"Übers Ende der Welt" - "Udders That I've Felt"
"An Deiner Seite (Ich Bin Da)" - "A Dinner Swiss (Boom Ba)"
"Durch den Monsun" - "Fuck The Monsoons"
"Jung und Nicht Mehr Jugendfrei" - "Jews Stole my Testosterone"
"Ermöglicht haben alle analsex" - "Lets all have Analsex"

Unfortunately, everyone forgets the band because of the beauty of frontwoman Bill and because the others are all gay. Bill's twin occasionally makes an appearance for twincest fics, but generally no one knows who the other two are and quite frankly no one wants to. Anything related to Tokio Hotel often turns into vicious drama instigated by fanfags and haters due to TH being the most simultaneously loved and hated band in the world. Here is an accurate transcript:

billkaulitzwife4evax: omg, lIKE, i love tokio hoteal its like the most gay baend ever bill is sooooo dreamy

maggot666: wtf u faggot y dont u listen to tru mettl lyk Slipknot and System of a Down insted of these fudge packrs who r totally being manipualetd by the corpoatiaons

billkaulitzwife4evax: stfu, how can i b a faggot if im a gurl!!

maggot666: fuck u bitch suck my penus i am a real man unnlyk these FAGS!

Just remember, no matter how manly Bill may be, fapping to her still makes you gay. It doesn't matter that you're a straight guy who just noticed how manly Bill is, you are gay. It doesn't matter if you still like other girls and exclaim over and over that you're straight. Bill is still there in the back of your mind haunting your heterosexuality. That includes all you talking vaginas with computers in your kitchens. Everyone is gay for Bill.

Musical Style

Arguably, the best categorization of Tokio Hotel’s musical style is an eclectic blend of various aspects present in modern day media visuals, such as (but not limited to): livestock mutilation, sub-Saharan dry guitar riffs, and partially recognizable remnants of deceased Dodrios. However, claiming that their genre is near legendary bands such as Metallica (despite their questionable actions (see: sellout)) is not only a disgrace to “classic” rock, but a gross overestimation of this German-based group’s musical abilities. Most of their debated fame can be attributed to two factors: 1) the exponential growth of new generation retarded teenage girls, believed to carry a rare strain of acute encephalitis , and 2) the belief that the two front members of the band, Bill and Tom Kaulitz, are engaging in sexual activities. Nevertheless, Tokio Hotel deserves commendation for serving as a diplomatic stronghold and strengthening foreign relations between the United States and Germany.

Other Members of Tokio Hotel

See Shit nobody cares about Because they suck

Chan Fandom - /b/ill takes over

Note: Some of these guys have obviously never read this article, and don't quite have their facts straight.

“	Fuck you guys. Since you started posting pictures of him every day, I have seriously gotten gay. Not that guys in general turns me on, just this guy. I want to fuck him so bad, even though I have never had any gaytendensees.	„
—Anonymous, on /b/

“	Bill Kaulitz threads are the only reason I visit 4chan now.	„
—Anonymous, on /b/

“	I love him. With all of my soul. I want to lick his soft sweet face, feel his frail, sweet body against mine, I want to rub my cock against his leg... I don't even want to cum on/in him because he's soo delicate. I just want him to tease me, to hold him in my arms; Tom meanwhile is under the covers, toying my cock with his tongue, then sucking it deeply....oh god bill is now murmuring in my ear.... BRB church.	„
—Anonymous

“	Despite his utter lack of breasts, and stupid hair, I want to bang him so bad. His brother Tom's gonna get it too.	„
—Anonymous

“	Straight fag here, who's comfortably with his sexuality, ergo, can fap to a guy not be gay.	„
—Anonymous

“	I want to give Bill kaulitz a blow-job. And have him c*m in my mouth.	„
—12 year old girl

A good majority of them can be found at Bestuffintheworld

MOAR

Out of fapping material? http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ksohggr4

LOVE LIFE

Apart from banging her twin brother Tom, Bill is currently in a hot and heavy relationship with every last member of another German band, Cinema Bizarre, and, of course, together with her twin brother, in a ménage à trois in their home city of Hamburg with the German rapper Samy Deluxe.

Bill Kaulitz now an Hero

http://147.102.135.118/cnn.html# According to CNN, Ms. Kaulitz and her goatse-loving friend Tom became heroes when they both died in a car crash. /b/ died. Everyone else was thrilled.

There's no escaping the fangirls. Ever. *Ever.*

SHOW'S CANCELLED DUE TO AIDS

In March of 2008, Bill suddenly became very ill, and had to cancel a show in Portugal. This caused copious amounts of butthurt from emo girls. This was actually one of the finest pieces of drama ever, which gathered thousands of people in one place and then had some guy telling everyone to GTFO, resulting in massive amounts of wrist cutting blood. When asked if he did it for the lulz, he said he just had too much cock down his throat.