Hello Kitty: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 04:52, 14 December 2012

Hello Kitty was created by Sanrio, a Japanese company created solely to be an outlet for desperate young women to recover some semblance of innocence.

Those who actually find Hello Kitty to be an enjoyable, lovable character need to be euthanized post-haste, ~~except for Gas Mask Girl~~ DISREGARD THAT, NO ONE IS EXEMPTED, NOT EVEN THE ONES YOU FAP TO.

Apparently, Hello Kitty violates the AUP.

Hello Kitty Fandom is not harmess

Sanrio: Helping damaged women sleep through the night.

The following is a true story about the decent into Hello Kitty madness.

I live in a Hello Kitty Hell, no ifs, ands or buts about it. ... What makes it even more of a hell is that it is the result of my own doing. I have nobody to blame but myself which makes the daily torture that much more intense. I live with it because I helped to create it, I initially encouraged it and it gradually engulfed me until there was no escape…

The story has a simple beginning. My wife has always thought that Hello Kitty was cute, purchasing an item here and there to display. When we decided to purchase a house, we decided that extra income would be a necessity to afford the place we wanted. To accomplish this, I suggested that she should take any hobby she enjoyed and we could make it into a money making venture. Her choice was Hello Kitty.

Thinking back, I should have seen the red flags waving all around me. I should have made her pick something else right then and there, but it never occurred to me that she could turn the hobby into a full fledged business. I also never imagined that one day I would have to live in a house full of Hello Kitty.

The problem was that I imagined that she would only be able to sell a few items a week to bring in a little extra cash. I mean, who would ever imagine that some people are so fanatical they would pay more than $100 for a Hello Kitty plush (that’s a stuffed doll for those not into Hello Kitty collecting)? They exist and not only that, they exist in numbers which has enabled my wife to turn Hello Kitty into a profitable business. The problem is that when she discovered she could make money with Hello Kitty, her hobby greatly expanded to include practically anything Hello Kitty.

So I now find myself in a catch 22 Hello Kitty Hell. I encouraged her to turn her hobby into a money making venture so I can’t really ask her to stop, but you have to start questioning if it has gone too far when you have 4 different types of Hello Kitty toilet paper to choose from in the bathroom. If 4 types of toilet paper wasn’t bad enough, one of the rolls actually mocks my Hello Kitty Hell ... doesn’t it look like Hello Kitty is flipping me off as she winks at me?

So here I sit, trapped in cute overkill created in part by my own doing, with my only means of release being what you’re reading now. Welcome to my living hell and rejoice in the fact that life will never get this bad for you.

Who Enters this madness?

Women. Oh, and men who think they are women.

It starts innocently, just like the true story above. A pair of socks with the evil feline's face, a pink bow on a Christmas ornament, or perhaps some suspiciously pink lipstick make it into her bag.

If she's Wapanese it's the fascination with Japan that gets her started. Or maybe she's a fat, hog-ugly unfuckable attempting to be kawaii bu adding poorly drawn bow-wearing felines to her clothing. There's also the few creepy uncles who like to give Hello Kitty as gifts to his "extra SPECIAL little girl".

Then she goes, "I already have one and like it, what's the harm of one more?"

Since Sanrio makes everything under the sun with Hello Kitty on it this quickly spirals into Hello Kitty everything! Hello kitty dolls line the walls. Hello kitty is on her shirt, pants, shoes, socks, bra, panties, and contact lenses (yes, those are real). You go to the bathroom and there's Hello Kitty toilet paper next to the hello kitty toilet and suspiciously feline soap on the edge of the now pink sink. She tries to be sexy and brings out the Hello Kitty lengerie, vibrator, and condoms.

No sane person can stand Hello Kitty Hell for long so the woman quickly finds herself alone as her man will leave her and her sane friends will quietly avoid her at all times. It's a special form of self-imposed furfag isolation done to protect the world from the now infected "fan".

With nobody else to turn to, she turns to the echo chamber of other fans who see nothing wrong with this at all. In fact the fans say you're wrong for getting mad at their little, harmless collection and you're evil for nor finding Hello Kitty cute. Oh, and did you see that brand new Hello Kitty gun with the hello kitty bullets? Try it with the hello kitty gunshot mufflers when you go shoot those Hello Kitty targets at the gun range while you choke back years of repressed rage and pain. Don't forget those Hello Kitty tissues to wipe away those bitter tears. She's the one really there for you now...

Now fully brainwashed and confirmed by the fandom echo chammer, the newly forged "fan" buys more Hello Kitty in hopes of making that hole in her life go away. Maybe enough cat-shaped crap with pink bows will make the memories fade? Hint: it never does.

Other Mutated Animals

Landry the motherfucking adorable Raccoon! Jesus, look at the tiny ducky!

Think you're safe because your lady is one of the few who isn't into cats? You're wrong. Sanrio also raped the image of raccoons, tigers, penguins, rabbits, other cats, puppies, fish, Your mom, and Stalin.

A surprising amount of lulz or at least uncomfortable irritation is to be had here, at the Sanrio website. That particular link leads to the confusing page of characters, including an obsessive-compulsive raccoon and a panda made of APPLE which Hello Kitty poops out from time to time.

Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans

Dear loyal buyer-sama,

We appreciate so muchly the purchase of Hello Sanrio Kitty Chibi Honorable Kawaii! Our mission is to provide super happy good experience to Herro Kitty-chan customer with A-1 taste.

We proud that kawaii designs make happy the peoples and skin the fruit Hello Kitty-chan and Sanrio have make in 1974. We say small gift make happy big smile!

We treasure most honorable customer-sama and bring great honor upon your families though purchase of deluxe goods. Continue buying and to be owning for Herro Kitty-chan We continue blotting away memory of Bad Uncle touch you down where!

Through the smiles customer-sama our brand is constantly rewarded.

Related Crap

Furries fap to this
Kawaii? Oh yes it is.
Wapanese people stock up on this
...so do ronry wimmin.
...and the Japanese
Sparkledogs - same concept, different animal

Hello Kitty is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Hello Kitty is part of a series on 日本国

Typical Japanese People.　日本人
Filthy Frank • Hard Gay • Mutsuo Toi • Otoya Yamaguchi • Satoshi Uematsu • Shoko Asahara

●

Typical Japanese Culture.　日本の人文

2chan • Anime • Animu Archetypes • Big Daikon • Dating sim • Gaiden • Herbivore Men • Japanese Bug Fights • Manga • Shimajiro

Typical Japanese Porn.　日本の猥本
Bukkake • Guro • Harem Comedy • Hentai • Lolicon • Pantyshot • Shotacon • Yaoi • Yuri

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-[[Image:Hellokitty2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Cum_slut|Oh the humanity!]]]]
+[[File:Hello Kitty Herm by Doug Winger.jpg|thumb|right|[[hir|Oh the humanity!]]]]
 '''Hello Kitty''' was created by Sanrio, a [[Japan]]ese company created solely to be an outlet for desperate [[16 year old girl|young women]] to recover some semblance of [[virginity|innocence]].
@@ Line 7: / Line 7: @@
 Apparently, [http://www.netauthority.org/offenders/4260.shtml Hello Kitty violates the AUP.]
-==Hello Kitty fan?==
+==Hello Kitty Fandom is not harmess==
+[[Image:Hello Kitty.gif|thumb|Sanrio: Helping damaged women sleep through the night.]]
+[[Image:Hellokittyrule34.jpg|thumb|right|Hello to you too, Kitty!]]
-[[Image:HALOKITTY.jpg|thumb|right|Why Hallo Thar Kitty...[[MTF|It's]] [[Admiral Ackbar|A Trap]]!!]]
+''The following is a [http://www.kittyhell.com/2006/08/04/hello-kitty-hell-the-beginning/ true story] about the decent into Hello Kitty madness.''
-[[Image:Hello_kitty_kotex.jpg|thumb|right|4 retarded]]
-Hello Kitty fans are easily identifiable; however they often are otherwise normal, probably goddamn [[retarded]], female women. Another type of Hello Kitty fans, are those plauged with [[wapanese|wapanese syndrome]]. Usually, they are [[pedophilia|old men, pedophiles, uncles, or gaiafags who like to dress up as women]]
+I live in a [[Hell|Hello Kitty Hell]], no ifs, ands or buts about it. ... What makes it even more of a hell is that it is the [[epic fail|result of my own doing]]. I have nobody to blame but myself which makes the daily torture that much more intense. I live with it because I helped to create it, I initially encouraged it and it gradually engulfed me until there was no escape…
-Usually somewhat [[basement dweller|shy]], these young [[womyn|women]] are usually revealed to be Hello Kitty consumers by accident.
+The story has a simple beginning. [[wimmin|My wife]] has always thought that Hello Kitty was [[kawaii|cute]],  purchasing an item here and there to display. When we decided to purchase a house, we decided that [[jew gold|extra income]] would be a necessity to afford the place we wanted. To accomplish this, I suggested that she should take any hobby she enjoyed and we could make it into a money making venture. [[divide by zero|Her choice was Hello Kitty]].
-Oh, and the entire [[scene|Emo Scene Queen]] commmunity. They [[assrape]] Hello Kitty.
+Thinking back, I should have seen the red flags waving all around me. I should have made her pick something else right then and there, but it never occurred to me that she could turn the hobby into a full fledged business. I also never imagined that one day I would have to live in a house full of Hello Kitty.
-Often, someone such as a family remember will discover a small trinket, such as a pen/pencil, micro toy or lip balm with a Sanrio character, most commonly the egg-headed "feline" Hello Kitty. I'm not sure [[drugs|what they were on]] when they drew Hello Kitty, but I'm pretty sure it was actually drawn with an amputee's amputated foot.
+The problem was that I imagined that she would only be able to sell a few items a week to bring in a little extra cash. I mean, who would ever imagine that some people are so fanatical they would pay more than $100 for a Hello Kitty plush (that’s a stuffed doll for those not into Hello Kitty collecting)? They exist and not only that, they exist in numbers which has enabled my wife to turn Hello Kitty into a profitable business. The problem is that when she discovered she could make money with Hello Kitty, her hobby greatly expanded to include practically anything Hello Kitty.
-When confronted, those stricken with Hello Kitty admiration will often reply, "Oh! I love Hello Kitty! She's so [[kawaii|cute]]!"
+So I now find myself in a catch 22 Hello Kitty Hell. I encouraged her to turn her hobby into a money making venture so I can’t really ask her to stop, but you have to start questioning if it has gone too far when you have 4 different types of Hello Kitty toilet paper to choose from in the bathroom. If 4 types of toilet paper wasn’t bad enough, one of the rolls actually mocks my Hello Kitty Hell ... doesn’t it look like Hello Kitty is flipping me off as she winks at me?
-[[Over 9000|In no time at all]], more and more Sanrio merchandise creeps through the normal possessions of a young [[cunt]] to form a veritable Hello Kitty shrine.
+So here I sit, trapped in cute overkill created in part by my own doing, with my only means of release being what you’re reading now. Welcome to my living hell and rejoice in the fact that life will never get this bad for you.
-Daily [[cut|blood sacrifices]] are made for good fortune, as well as keeping the fearsome Hello Kitty deity happy. It is believed that any item offered upon the [[kawaii]] [[wiccan|alter]] is devoured by Hello Kitty in her [[hell|fluffy cloud paradise]].
+==Who Enters this madness?==
+[[Image:Hellokitty34.png|thumb|[[rape|innocent fun for all ages]]!]]
+[[File:Hello_Kitty_Weaboo_Kawaii.jpg|thumb|Just keep telling yourself that.]]
+[[Women]]. Oh, and [[gay|men who think they are women]].
-Many young Hello Kitty [[fetish|enthusiasts]] offer their "virginity" to their deity of choice, usually the sassy but personable penguin Badtz Maru. This is a symbolic offer, in which followers re-virginize themselves by pledging unending celibacy.
+It starts innocently, just like the true story above. A pair of socks with the evil feline's face, a pink bow on a [[Christmas]] ornament, or perhaps some suspiciously pink lipstick make it into her bag.
-[[Image:Hello Kitty.gif|thumb|left|Sanrio: Helping damaged women sleep through the night.]]
+If she's [[Wapanese]] it's the fascination with [[Japan]] that gets her started. Or maybe she's a [[fat]], hog-ugly unfuckable attempting to be [[kawaii]] bu adding poorly drawn bow-wearing felines to her clothing. There's also the few [[pedobear|creepy uncles]] who like to give Hello Kitty as gifts to his "[[rape|extra SPECIAL]] little [[loli|girl]]".
-[[Image:PINHEADKITTY.gif|thumb|right|It's often thought to be [[emo|"edgy"]] to take Hello Kitty and [[photoshop|alter]] it to be something atypical. Such other "corrupted" children's characters also include CareBears made [[gay]] and [[goth]].]]
-==Other Mutated Animals==
+Then she goes, "I already have one and like it, what's the harm of one more?"
-Sanrio also raped the image of raccoons, tigers, penguins, rabbits, other cats, puppies, fish, [[Your mom]], and [[Stalin]].
+Since Sanrio makes everything under the sun with Hello Kitty on it this quickly spirals into Hello Kitty everything! Hello kitty dolls line the walls. Hello kitty is on her shirt, pants, shoes, socks, bra, panties, and contact lenses (yes, [http://www.kittyhell.com/2012/10/02/free-hello-kitty-contact-lenses-giveaway/ those are real]). You go to the bathroom and there's Hello Kitty toilet paper next to the hello kitty toilet and suspiciously feline soap on the edge of the now pink sink. She tries to be sexy and brings out the Hello Kitty lengerie, vibrator, and condoms.
-A surprising amount of [[lulz]] or at least uncomfortable irritation is to be had [http://www.sanrio.com/characters/more_characters.php here], at the Sanrio website. That particular link leads to the confusing page of characters, including an obsessive-compulsive raccoon and a panda made of APPLE which Hello Kitty poops out from time to time.  [[Image:Pkhkweightloss.jpg|thumb|center|[[poop]] + [[Japan]] = <3 ]]
+No sane person can stand Hello Kitty Hell for long so the woman quickly finds herself alone as her man will leave her and her sane friends will quietly avoid her at all times. It's a special form of self-imposed [[furfag]] isolation done to protect the world from the now infected "fan".
-==Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans==
+With nobody else to turn to, she turns to the echo chamber of other fans who see nothing wrong with this at all. In fact the fans say you're wrong for getting mad at their [[lies|little, harmless collection]] and you're evil for nor finding Hello Kitty cute. Oh, and did you see that brand new Hello Kitty gun with the hello kitty bullets? Try it with the hello kitty gunshot mufflers when you go shoot those Hello Kitty targets at the gun range while you choke back years of repressed rage and pain. Don't forget those Hello Kitty tissues to wipe away those bitter tears. She's the one really there for you now...
-[[File:Banner_FvcWt8_hello_kidney_145.gif|left]]
-Dear loyal buyer-sama,
-We appreciate so muchly the purchase of Hello Sanrio Kitty [[Chibi]] Honorable [[Kawaii]]!
+Now fully brainwashed and confirmed by the fandom echo chammer, the newly forged "fan" buys more Hello Kitty in hopes of making that hole in her life go away. Maybe enough cat-shaped crap with pink bows will make the memories fade? Hint: [[Suicide|it never does]].
-Continue buying and to be owning for Herro Kitty-[[cracky-chan|chan]]
+==Other Mutated Animals==
+[[Image:Landry_sanrio_hello_kitty.JPG|thumb| Landry the motherfucking adorable Raccoon! Jesus, look at the tiny ducky!]]
+Think you're safe because your lady is one of the few who isn't into cats? You're wrong. Sanrio also raped the image of raccoons, tigers, penguins, rabbits, other cats, puppies, fish, [[Your mom]], and [[Stalin]].
-We continue blotting away memory of [[Pedobear|Bad Uncle]] touch you [[vagina|down where]]!
+A surprising amount of [[lulz]] or at least uncomfortable irritation is to be had [http://www.sanrio.com/characters/more_characters.php here], at the Sanrio website. That particular link leads to the confusing page of characters, including an obsessive-compulsive raccoon and a panda made of APPLE which Hello Kitty poops out from time to time.  [[Image:Pkhkweightloss.jpg|thumb|center|[[poop]] + [[Japan]] = <3 ]]
-==When the dust settled, I stood alone...==
+==Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans==
+[[File:Banner_FvcWt8_hello_kidney_145.gif|thumb|They'll put a bow on ANYTHING]]
+Dear loyal buyer-sama,
-[[Image:Hellokitty34.png|thumb|Oh god no]]
+We appreciate so muchly the purchase of Hello Sanrio Kitty [[Chibi]] Honorable [[Kawaii]]!  Our mission is to provide [[awesome|super happy good]] experience to Herro Kitty-chan customer with A-1 taste.
-[[Image:Hellokittyrule34.jpg|thumb|right|Hello to you too, Kitty!]]
-It's been twenty years since the beginning of the noble [[Jesus|crusade]] my personal [[an hero|hero]], Admiral Simon P. Scalesington led single-handedly.
+We proud that kawaii designs make happy the peoples and skin the fruit Hello Kitty-chan and Sanrio have make in 1974. We say [[micropenis|small gift make happy big smile]]!
-When he first saw sight of Sanrio's Hello Kitty prototypes he could see a [[future]] in which emotionally damaged women with histories of [[rape|sexual abuse]] were not [[slut|promiscuous]] and free with their affections but instead found a way to recover a bit of a metaphorical hymen.
-Thusly he realized he must stop this adorable creature from gaining a niche market among women who previously would give it up to [[you|anyone]] who could take away the pain of previous [[sex|sexual]] encounters.
-He began campaigning with the earliest forms of the [[internet]] against Sanrio, claiming the company was run by [[pedophiles]] who commonly engaged in [[sick fuck|unnatural and unacceptable]] [[convention]]s of behavior including [[scat]], [[goatse]], and [[camwhore|camwhoring]].
-After erroneously refering to one exec as a "Size Queen," Sanrio struck back.
-Releasing the un-[[lulz|lulzy]], unstoppable monster called Shinkansen. Shinkansen is an unstoppable bullet train with a relentless blood thirst quenched only once, briefly in 1987 during the Red Rains of Keralai in which the sky literally wept blood.
-[[Image:Landry_sanrio_hello_kitty.JPG|thumb| Landry the motherfucking adorable Raccoon! Jesus, look at the tiny ducky!]]
-Shinkansen tracked Admiral Simon for three solid months before eventually finding and [[pwn|pwning]] him into the afterlife.
+We treasure most [[wimmin|honorable customer-sama]] and bring great honor upon your families though purchase of deluxe goods. Continue buying and to be owning for Herro Kitty-[[cracky-chan|chan]] We continue blotting away memory of [[Pedobear|Bad Uncle]] touch you [[vagina|down where]]!
-It is now I, the noble [[goth|antihero]] who must strive in my fallen commander's stead. Though I strive day and night to conquer Sanrio and finally put Hello Kitty in a [[kawaii]] pink coffin, I still attest that Landry the raccoon is fucking adorable.
+Through the smiles customer-sama our brand is constantly rewarded.
-I'm working on it, valiantly.
+==Related Crap==
+[[Image:PINHEADKITTY.gif|thumb|right|A failed attempt to be[[emo|"edgy"]].]]
+*[[Furries]] fap to this
+*[[Kawaii]]? Oh yes it is.
+*[[Wapanese]] people stock up on this
+*...so do ronry [[wimmin]].
+*...and the [[Japanese]]
+*[[Sparkledogs]] - same concept, different animal

Hello Kitty: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 04:52, 14 December 2012

Contents

Hello Kitty Fandom is not harmess

Who Enters this madness?

Other Mutated Animals

Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans

Related Crap

Navigation menu

Hello Kitty: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 04:52, 14 December 2012

Hello Kitty Fandom is not harmess

Who Enters this madness?

Other Mutated Animals

Sanrio's Statement To Its Fans

Related Crap

Navigation menu

Search