Sound Docking

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Sound Docking is the sexual practice that involves two homosexual men co-joining their penises in an erotic display of faggotry so epic, it could only be out done by two unicorns with cum covered mustaches trying to shove cupcakes and rainbows into each other's buttholes. First practiced by the Aztec Indians (not the Greeks, which was an early and confusing theory) in the early parts of their empire, this practice was once thought to be a religious experience. This theory was smashed when Prof. Randicus D. Jukie pointed out that only a retard could or would shove a bar of metal into his own penis in an attempt to see a deity. He then went on to propose that Sound-Docking was, in fact, an early form of Lithotripsy that fell into the wrong hands. It must be stressed that up until the writing of this article, the author thought that he had invented the idea of sound-docking in an attempt to gross out his friends. As it turns out, sound-docking is an existing sexual practice used by gay men.

Sounding

OH CHRIST...Sound-Docking. You can't see it, but there is a Hello Kitty pencil in there someplace.

While this is technically "sound docking" it is not Sound Docking.

"Normal" Sounding

"Normal" Docking

Sounding - the Christmas Edition

For when things don't go right.

Current reigning Sound-Dock Champion Lester "The Pole" Cathadarski.

These fagots were such big fans, they named themselves in honor of this art of faggotry

Space Docking is NOT Sound-Docking

Sounding, in this case, is the sexual practice whereby a urethral sound is introduced into the urethra and then gently (or not gently) pushed inside the male or female's body. In medical cases, the urethral sound is used to expand the urethral opening so that inner obstructions can be viewed or removed. For the purposes of this article, only the sexual version of urethral sounding will be used. So yeah, its one of those fucked up fetishes that you see every once in a while (or all the time, depending on what gets you off) through the magic of the internet.

Docking

Docking is another weird fetish that is practiced by gay men. It involves two homosexual men, one of whom must be "uncut". The participants then achieve erection and the "uncut" participant stretches out his foreskin, fully enveloping the other participant's cock head and perhaps some of his penis.

Sound-Docking

Can you see where this is going? Okay, if not, here is a brief explanation:

1. You take the sound and put it in your urethra. You have to be a gay man for this to work, because most women (with some exceptions) lack the proper equipment.
2. Leave part of the urethral sound sticking out of the end of your penis.
3. Have your partner stick that end in his urethra.
4. Continue getting closer to each other until you can then use the stretched foreskin to dock.
5. ???
6. EJACULATE!!!

Responses to Sound-Docking

“	i was hoping it involved something impressive, like homo A docking into homo B's urethra.	„
—shen, internet tough guy, adds his two cents.

“	I love sound docking. I used to JUST dock...	„
—Tahoma

“	tacoma and I are docking all the time	„
—Mephistol

“	I think that if people are weird enough to get into this crap...they're probably safer off doing hard drugs. Just my humble thoughts on the matter.	„
—DrZoidberg on theForum.

“	all us guys without foreskin are left out in the cold.....rimshot!	„
—disturbed_00001 also at theForum.

Hawley does some research:

«4:51:31» Hawley: sound-docking sounds interesting
«4:51:38» Hawley: i would love to see it in action
«4:54:41» Hawley: Pratt sounds are longer urethral dilators (double ended ones are usually almost a foot long) with
                  rounded and slightly bent ends. Many men enjoy them for sounding.
«4:54:50» Hawley: sound docking excists
«4:55:01» Hawley: nothing new under the sun i guess

Further reaction from slimchance:

«9:39:35»           slimchance: god i hate you dan.
«9:39:52»           slimchance: not many things make me cringe
«9:40:05»           slimchance: wheatarted and mutilated dicks are the only things that come to mind.
«9:40:16»           acefire: haha
«9:40:30»           slimchance: oh.. and acefire and his emo myspace shit
«9:40:40»           acefire: right
«9:40:59»           slimchance: just end it all already if you hate everything so much

Embracing the Idea

The gay community has embraced the idea of Sound-Docking mainly due to the fact that it is just one more fucked up thing for queers to do in the bedroom besides getting poop-dick and hepatitis C. Now, besides shoving hamsters up each others rectums and giving each other the "Dirty Dutch Rudder", they can add body modification tools to their penile homo-play. This additional aberrant behavior opens up whole worlds of possibilities when it comes to self loathing and self-damage. Besides torn O-rings, Anal Prolapse, and the dreaded Prostate Friction Burn, the average gay man can now add all of those lovely problems to "the front of himself" as well. Imagine the inner skin and mucous membrane damage that awaits those who will become fans of this new fad.

Advice for the Beginner

Saliva isn't generally recommended as a lubricant because it dries quickly (as you may have discovered already). Also, sugars from the mouth can be found in saliva that may cause urinary tract infections (UTIs). Sugars also can be found in some types of lube, sometimes listed as glycerin in the list of ingredients. Ultimately, a water- or silicone-based, glycerin-free lube with a thin consistency will probably work best for "Sound Docking." Silicone-based lubes are longer lasting, but water-based lubes may have a thinner consistency. However, some people find silicone-based lubes to be a bit harder to clean up. Men find what works by experimenting.

Further Experimentation

As if this vile practice is not enough for you, here are some suggestions for taking Sound-Docking to a whole new level of retarded perversion:

• Tabasco brand hot sauce as a lube.
• Leave a portion of the Sound exposed and slowly heat it up with a lighted candle.
• Use a lit candel (time is running out)[1]
• Two words: Electrical Current.
• Use a glass rod...and a hammer.
• Hollow tube full of ants. The professional Sound-Docker will use bullet ants rather than household ants.
• Sound-Dock Braiding. This practice requires two faggots who also are into Body Modification and have their cocks split. The two men assume the docked and sounded position and get as close together as possible. They then use the split portions of their penises to weave a braid of cock meat. Experts at this will often try the incredibly dangerous act of braiding the "Cat's Cradle". - Thank you, Ajt.

Nettle sounding...docking isn't far off.

Sound-Docking Battle

This is a battle between two gay men. To start the battle, the two men get into "docked" position with the sound in place. They then proceed to try to urinate hard enough to push the sound into the other man and fully dislodge the sound from themselves. In the event of a tie, Frozen Strawberry Daiquiris are served until the opponents are "charged up" and ready to start round two. This continues until there is a clear winner.

See Also

• A frank discussion of mental illness
• Foreskin
• Homosexuality
• Kids in Sandbox
• List of sex moves
• Secks

Sound Docking is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Sound Docking is part of a series on Homosexual Deviants Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.