BatteryIncluded

BatteryIncluded (BI) is an American hero and Wikipedo. He has made many exceptionally good contributions on Wikipedia, and like most functional and disease-free editors, incited the wrath of an aspie, which is how he came to have an article on this site.

He is a pretty cool guy, calling out deluded engrish speaking fuckwits who exercise their unhealthy obsession with space exploration on wikipedia. He is also legitimately interested in the mental health of those who attack him, repeatedly offering suggestions as to how symptoms may be better managed. For his dedication and concern, he is scorned by at least one autist.

2009

BatteryIncluded edits mostly uninteresting bullshit about space and shit, with an edit count well into the thousands. BatteryIncluded made himself an enemy or two, and told them to "write a book", which is Wikipedian for "climb a tower of dicks and eat your way down". He then refused to even acknowledge calls for civility on his part. He also asked that all Martian spiders be moved to the Dark Dune Spots, which seems to be a sensible precaution against Martian spider invasions.

2012

In 2012, an editor attempted to add a page about an operation by Anonymous called "Operation Phobos-Gone", a "campaign" to redress the injustice of a Russian rocketry club being closed following a programming error left a $163 million dollar space probe stuck in low earth orbit, a fireable offense in most office settings. This campaign was evidenced by only a twitter account and a shit livejournal knockoff journal, but that didn't stop Starkiller88 from writing an article up to cover the whole affair. When asked to account for his creation of a pointless non-article about a twitter feed, Starkiller admitted in broken, near unreadable prose that he himself had started the twitter feed and the journal the article was based upon. He said he was forced to do so because BatteryIncluded stated the fact that no further Phobos probes were planned.

	“	Starkiller88: That's one thing is certain. Operation Phobos-Gone by Anonymous has started because of BatteryIncluded's statements that Fobos-Grunt will not be repeated in any name or form. As of right now, the Fobos-Grunt team has been disbanded. This operation aims to prosecute them so that it will make sure that this fiasco will not happen again. W. D. Graham: So it's something you've created in response to his editing? Starkiller88: Yes, that's WHAT BatteryIncluded said on my talk page last month	„
	—Starkiller, totally missing the point.

	“	Starkiller88: You are the person who caused me to start this operation by Anonymous to target Russian organizations linked with the failed Fobos-Grunt sample return kission. The hackers intend to either silence them or perform vigilante acts on them as what Dmitry Medvedev has suggested. See the redirect discussion. BatteryIncluded: Please double your medication dose.	„
	—BatteryIncluded, expressing concern for the health of Starkiller88

	“	Starkiller88: OK. I got it. I'm not a paranoid person. I started Anonymous "Operation Fobos-Gone" (@Op_PhobosGone) on Twitter and (on paper.li) because of the fact that Fobos-Grunt FAILED, BURNED, CRASHED (NOT RECOVERED) AND THE MISSION WILL NOT BE REPEATED IN ANY FASHION OR NAME (EVER), and I am a member of The Planetary Society distraught over the loss of Phobos LIFE, which may led to LIFE being abandoned and the team behind it disbanded. The project website of Fobos-Grunt is still online despite after these events, and it is likely to exist forever as it is a junk of IKI's web servers. BatteryIncluded: So now you think that just because you inserted the Anonymous seal in your cheap web site it makes it a reliable source and a "real" Anonymous Operation? Please triple your medication dose and step back from your computer. Really.	„
	—{{{9}}}

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After having his shit article raped and smelling the burnt flesh stench of banhammer in the air, Starkiller88 went running like a child to BatteryIncluded in a desperate attempt to avoid being shit-canned.

	“	I'd like to redeem myself. I don't want to disrupt Wikipedia with further false uncited, unverified info. Now I know there will be NO attempt to repeat the Fobos-Grunt mission or any other future Phobos sample return. I knew that earler before March 15. You have to know that. I'll start with ExoMars.	„
	—Starkiller88, quivering in fear

	“	PLEASE DON'T!	„
	—BatteryIncluded, pissing himself in even greater fear.

	“	You recall this: "This is the first time you write something coherent regarding the Fobos-Grunt mission, Mr. Starkiller. I'll fix it." on the talk page of Living Interplanetary Flight Experiment. Tell me if I want to repeat this by writing something coherent regarding any mission.	„
	—Starkiller88, pleading with BatteryIncluded to remember the good times.

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Despite many contributions to pages such as Anonymous, Malaysian National Space Agency, Future spaceflights, various Malaysian Railways, and Series of Unfortunate Events pages, Starkiller88 was permabanned shortly after this conversation. Although his name wasn't added to the list of banned users, BatteryIncluded took advantage of his ban, baiting him with a kitten he gave him.

2013

Not being a banned loser, BatteryIncluded continues to edit, telling people to kill themselves, and not giving a fuck. May he live a long and healthy live, have five wives and eighty children, and die only when he is good and ready to leave his mansion.

External links

• Wikipedia's page of BatteryIncluded
• Wikimedia Commons page of BatteryIncluded
• The obligatory youtube video declaring war.
• The Anon News announcement

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