DigiRaid

DIGIMANS ARE REAL!

An illustrated guide to opening a portal to the Digital World through masturbation.

Some people are such big fans of Digimon, and so very, very, lonely, that they pretend that they have their own imaginary Digimon companion, and are Digimon Tamers (moar like lusers, amirite)?. You might not think it is so unusual for someone to have an imaginary friend they can pretend will breathe fire on all the bullies at school, as everyone has done this in the past. However, these Digifags do not have good grip on reality so Instead of just buying a dog, they have deluded themselves into thinking that they have real Digimon pets, and, like a freaky cult, will try to convince nonbelievers to share their delusions.

The Digimon Believers are seriously trying to find a connection to the Digital World where they will reunite with their long-lost Digimon companions. These plans, dubbed Project Digiclipse/project DERP, are apparently the only completely logical and scientific way to reach the Digital World and involve toy Digivices, their parents' computers, plastic bags, and waiting for a passing comet.

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  Definitive proof that Digimon are real
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  The Real Digimon Believers are loosening the fabric of reality.

Digiclipse? what the fuck?

According to the Digifag site, "Project digiclipse is the combination of hope, belief, and the theories of members of all digimon believers. The point is, we believe that digimon (yes, they mean the imaginary digital monsters featured in the program) exist, and we are determined to find a way to bring them to us. The way we attempt to do this, is simple, yet hopefully effective. We gather all the believers that we can find, and focus on our goal at the exact same moment all around the world, hold our digivices to the sky, and the laws of mind over matter tell us that we can achieve our goal; a digital portal opening somewhere nearby."

That's right. These people believe that the universe and inhabitants from the TV cartoon series "Digimon" are actually physically real, and that a "portal" can be opened to this universe if a group of "believers" all holds up their toy Digivices (the licensed products based on the show) at the same time and wish really hard. As the website explains, "The digivices may be toys, but many of them are a symbolic or even spiritual connection to our partners, and act as a bridge between our world and the digital world by sheer love and belief. That's what this entire project was based on, the power of the mind, and our connections, if not just our belief. It's been proved throughout history that if you believe in something, it can happen... As long as you believe, something is bound to happen!" Yes, and for the Digiclipsian, that "something" could well be the arrival of burly mental health nurses, called upon by their terrified parents to drag them off for a two-month vacation at Camp Haldol.

However, lest we write of the believers in the Digiclipse as the modern-day version of the Millerites, the author of the project webpage sounds a note of realism amid the hope for a digital Rapture: "We can't tell you whether or not it will work," the website admits, "as it has not been attempted by anyone before. This is sort of a hopeful experiment, but even if a portal doesn't open, it will bring us all closer and hopefully weaken the barrier between the worlds." Sounds like a long shot. Besides, as Scotty of TV's Star Trek once said, "Any decent brand of Scotch'll do that, Sir."

PROOF, ZOMG

The Real Digimon Believers can unequivocally prove that Digimon are indeed real through poor photo manipulation and MS Paint.

	“	We do lots of research sometimes, and usually come across things. Also, we have a few learning programmers in the group who seem to know a lot about Digimon and data and things. Sometimes we hear noises and see things, but we usually only associate them with Digimon when it has our toy Digivices involved. It maybe sound immature, but there's no saying that data can't travel through the air to the device(right?), or that invisible creatures aren't controlling it.	„
	—RulerHD - Leader of the Real Digimon Believers

	“	Of course, it can be disputed, but the fact of the matter is, the existence of Digimon is plausable, and very much probable. Though it hasn't been proved, there are loyal fan bases out there that have evolved their belief into something more; a seperate community of "believers". Most will ban anyone who joins and lurks, or just to simply troll. There have been a lot of attempts made by the fakers to mislead the groups, though it is always obvious who is lying, and who is not. The leaders of such groups are skilled enough to tell a true believer from a troublemaker, so to save you time it isn't recommended for a "non-believer" to join. These groups have proved that not only is Digimon an innocent childrens show, but it is the base of a thriving community, and has made many people friendsaround the world. Most aare children, and therefore do not have any kind of furry activity, or hentai imgages and it is definate that it will stay that way in the future.	„
	—RulerHD sockpuppet, a self-proclaimed member of THe RDB Revenge Squad.

	“	i'm doing research. there's a 10th crest. the crest of darkness. its dangerous, but it can be purified. i'm still doing reasearch on the 10 crests though.	„
	—josh, scientist for Project Digiclipse

	“	Hmm.... my mom would probibly send me to a therepist... again... if I tried to tell her about Elecmon...	„
	—Tashaka, Senior Member Priestess

	“	ok im from the MSN Group RDB: Real Digimon Belivers and im trying to gather all the sites that belive into one. i have teamspeak that can be used to help communitcate, which is why i contacted you. i want you to help me contact the main leader/creators of each site and get them into team speak or into a place where we can settle into making one super beliver site! please anwser this message an let me know.	„
	—DCYBER01, trying to collect cult members

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Attack!

The day of the DigiRaid was a coordination of many boards and channels. It was truly a gem of the internet found by the internet protectorates Anonymous. That said, Anonymous recognized the threat such a discovery of the tubes could pose to the world. Serious lulz and action ensued as DigiFags attempted to pose as such Internet Tough Guys as Paul Fetch and Goronchev

On Sunday, March 23, 2008, Anon's from around the world took it upon themselves to save the world from yet another fuck up. You see this community believed they could actually contact the digital world via toys easily accessible from Toys R' Us. The people on that forum actually believe that one day they will come into contact with real Digimon. In fact, hours before their great discovery of a digiland by Pentium Anonymous decided they wanted interviews with such a serious 18-year-old scientist. Unfortunately, over 9000 interviews later Pentium was unreachable because his parents couldn't sleep.

Fortunately though, there are plenty of lead Detectives on the digiboard watching our channels and forums very carefully. Infact, their detective skillz are so good that all participants of the raid will be captured and tortured by the Digifags' Seadramon.

After Anonymous finally threw the switch to end DDoS's of their terrible shared hosting server, he managed to wiggle his way into the holes of Apache. Thus, Pentiums BlackGreymon of doom was hacked and told to stfu. What ensued was a night of lulz as IP's of the boards most active members were published to the internets and were matched with emails. Currently, the FBI is trying to track the DigiFags in fear that they may have actually found something important.

How Pentium Did It

Eureka!

Pentium Posing With BlackWarGreymon a Black Server Box Nearly Naked. Also nice fireplace.

After gaining access to Pentiums computer, Anonymous felt it was morally obligated to do a full scan for the FBI and NSA. After reading over all of his Windows 95 programs that he mentioned in his thread on the Digifag website, Anonymous found that he was actually pinging servers and people all over the internet. After fruitlessly using up most of his daddy's upload, he really came to nothing, which is probably why he could not uncover the actual digiworld. The mountains that he found in the "digiworld" were actually a porn site, which he inadvertently pinged to which his 17th century computer responded with a Viagra induced e-boner.

In a sweep of pure irony, Pentium was making maps of the intertubes (very illegal in terms of AnonLaw, the internets must remain a mystery). Though his intellectual ability allowed him to make maps of non-existent places, he was unable to think to just unplug his phone line when Anonymous' Agents called in to question the legitimacy of his claims. Agent Anonymous though was able to locate his home and invade his internets, despite the constant wild drones lurking about his IP.

More about Pentium's personality is still quite unknown to the Internet. But sources say he had recently posted a picture of himself nearly naked on Facepunch to show off his almighty E-penis. Baddass.

The Aftermath

Fortunately for Anonymous, the Raptor Pope came for a visit with several Anonymous Officials. He informed them that he fully sanctioned our actions and thanked us for defending the Digiland from the outcast of modern society. After his visit, Anonymous did not take rest. Several Anonymous took it upon themselves to post a warning to all Digifags that might actually continue in their quest for the Digiland. They made it clear that Anonymous runs the Digiland, and Pokemon fucking rule.

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  Anonymous triumphs
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  the forum is down? i wonder why?

After such blessings were ordained, Anonymous held a holiday. In this holiday, the Raptor Pope appeared to Anonymous and spoke the words of wisdom. These words were not to be respoken, but someone did grab a picture of Raptor Pope amidst the bright light around him.

Reraided LOLWUT?

On July 1st 2008, they were rehit by a troll calling himself DigiPwn. Slandering the site with racial slurs and incestuous threads, the discovery was made even if the threads are deleted, the titles stay up to be seen.

Posting that discovery here led to that problem being fixed less than four hours later. Thanks ED, or more accurately, thanks User:Animorphs18, you've done the digifags a great favor, even if it only delayed the inevitable.

Rereraided/Reloaded?

At about 3 AM, on the 10th of July, an old fashion troll who went under cover for at least 100 years, fucked up the beloved site for the lulz by clearing out the FTP and having it replaced by a well drawn comic. This brave troll did so with the help of her trusty cats, TweedleDee and TweedleDum.

The troll mentioned in her letter that the site would most likely be back up in a matter of hours - which it is now apparent it will be. Like any good lulz observer, archives have been made. Screen shots of the site before and after (including the site admin's butthurt message to the troll) can be seen here:

The comic, in which digifags learn a new word.

The page source, including notes from the trolls.

The note from TK. (Someone took the time to screen this shit? Wtf?)

Wait, what!?!?!?! As of 10:30p on the 10th, this image is on the site, along with the song Still Alive. Along with a message condemning certain failed trolls. Actually, shits down again. Disregard my disregarding that, shit's back up, and that damn music is playing again.

Also, there are no women on the internet, unless the bitches have started trolling from the kitchen. This means you, Aurelie (Yarelie?). But who really cares? Everyone knows Aurelie (Yarelie!) did this for lulz and for glory on teh internets since she feels insecure about the sand in her vagoo. (This is the truth. I know because I personally have it imported weekly from the beaches of Bermuda and shovel it in by the truckload. And by vagina, of course I am referencing my gaping asshole. ~Allie Yarly Aurelly Yarelly) Lulz abound!

The digifags report that while they are indeed butthurt over Au-Relly Ya-Relly's actions, they acknowledge that she did a good job being a troll. They also know how to use Encyclopedia Dramatica effectively and understand that free speech for all = lulz, as well as the capacity to laugh at oneself. Lulz lolz lulzzipop.

Project DERP

In May of 2009, like a turd that just won't flush, Digiclipse resurfaced as project DERP. The site is now run by an admin by the name of Nicholas_Roge and still has a group of devoted members and mods.

now, instead of holding their toys in the air once a year they do it EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. This is called a "miniclipse". Members of the site have also reported sightings/visions, voices speaking to them and in rare cases actually seeing a digimon

The site is closed as of February 2012, with little explanation but a LOT of emails.

Gallery of DERP About missing Pics

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  Goodnight sweet prince

How to generate lulz from Digifags

This section was written just in case some complete retard reads this article and decides to go into the forums saying "LULZORZ DIGIMANZ ARNT REEL YOU FAGETS LOL IM FROM EBAUMSWORDL.ORG LULZ RULES 1 AND 2 EPIC WIN" If you were planning to do that, then you must an hero immediately.

There are many ways to troll the digifags as most of them are retards who will believe anything. The first obvious method of fucking with them is posting copious amounts of rule 34 as most of the eight-year-olds on there will have trouble figuring out what a vagina is. Another good idea is to piss off the mods by being obvious trolls but making sure there's no evidence that you actually are doing it for the lulz. They won't do anything about it because they're chickenshit every week there is a "miniclipse", this is a good chance to make crazy shit plausible. Be creative and be sure to screencap the results

Videos

The digifags have jewtube accounts, unfortunately. They also need to lrn2spell

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See Also

• Pokéclipse

External links

• SA article about the original site, full of delicious lulz

DigiRaid is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.