Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Colegio Cervantes shooting: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older editNewer edit →
imported>SH4444VKA
No edit summary
imported>SH4444VKA
No edit summary
Line 12: Line 12:
{{Ibend}}<!--
{{Ibend}}<!--
-->
-->
On the [[Lie|beautiful]] morning of January 10, 2020, just mere weeks before [[Coronavirus|Coronachan]] would dominate us all, our youngest challenger yet would go on to perpretrate a mass shooting, and despite [[Epic fail|fragging only 1]], caused massive lulz in North America (specifically Hispanic parts). This challenger is '''José Ángel Ramos Betts''', a [[Eric Harris|shameless ripoff]] born and raised in [[Mexico]] since [[12 year old boy|2008]], he was too retarded to do anything but play [[Fortnite]]. This mass shooting occurred in the city of Torrèon, specifically in one of the secondary schools, Colegio Cervantes. This case is lulzy due to three factors:
On the [[Lie|beautiful]] morning of January 10, 2020, just mere weeks before [[Coronavirus|Coronachan]] would dominate us all, our youngest challenger yet would go on to perpretrate a mass shooting, and despite [[Epic fail|fragging only 1]], caused massive lulz in North America (specifically Hispanic parts). This challenger is '''José Ángel Ramos Betts''', a [[Eric Harris|shameless ripoff]] born and raised in [[Mexico]] since [[12 year old boy|2008]], too retarded to do anything but play [[Fortnite]] and frag a singular teacher. Distracting from all the brutal cartel murders, it was a nice change of pace, occuring in the town of Torrèon, at a secondary school - Colegio Cervantes. This case is lulzy due to three factors:
* Perpretrator is a [[Columbine copycats|LOLumbine copycat]]
* Perpretrator is a [[Columbine copycats|LOLumbine copycat]]
* It occured in the same nation as the Colegio Americano del Noreste shooting, also same kill counts
* It occured in the same nation as the Colegio Americano del Noreste shooting, also same kill counts
* Perpretrator is 11, world record for youngest [[school shooter]]
* Perpretrator is fucking 11, world record for youngest [[school shooter]]
{{morphquote|highscorequotes||font-weight; bold
{{morphquote|highscorequotes||font-weight; bold
|Today is the day.|José before the shooting}}
|Today is the day.|José before the shooting}}
Line 51: Line 51:
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|1/20 ''1 frag''  
|1/20 ''1 frag ''  
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|0/20  ''Got a kill from someone by shooting in the knee lmao''
|0/20  ''Could only kill someone kneeling in front of him''
|-
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:

Revision as of 09:42, 23 June 2022

This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Lose an iPod?

This page contains an hero.
HIS FAMILY WERE NARCOS AND HE GOT THE GUNS THERE!!!
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT HE'S 11???!!!1
José Ángel Ramos Betts
Nationality: Mexican   
Highscore A teacher on her knees
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style Single player
An Hero? Yep

On the beautiful morning of January 10, 2020, just mere weeks before Coronachan would dominate us all, our youngest challenger yet would go on to perpretrate a mass shooting, and despite fragging only 1, caused massive lulz in North America (specifically Hispanic parts). This challenger is José Ángel Ramos Betts, a shameless ripoff born and raised in Mexico since 2008, too retarded to do anything but play Fortnite and frag a singular teacher. Distracting from all the brutal cartel murders, it was a nice change of pace, occuring in the town of Torrèon, at a secondary school - Colegio Cervantes. This case is lulzy due to three factors:

  • Perpretrator is a LOLumbine copycat
  • It occured in the same nation as the Colegio Americano del Noreste shooting, also same kill counts
  • Perpretrator is fucking 11, world record for youngest school shooter
   
“ 		 
Today is the day.
  		„
  		 

—José before the shooting

Previous Quote | Next Quote

A boy of many faces (and problems)

In happier times.

On April 8 of 2008, in the shitty town of Torrèon, Mexico, there was a little kid that was just born, that seems so cute! Too bad we're talking about this article's main person, José. While being born in fuck nowhere Mexico immediately gives you a justification for mass homicide via cartel, this boy took a different route. So, why did this kid sperg out? Some people say it's le vidya, the scapegoatiest of scapegoats. Some people say it's his narco family, and some people say it’s autism (it’s always autism.)

  1. He played Fortnite extensively all day
  2. His mom epicly an heroine'd for the Lulz
  3. His father was always absent so he had to stay with his uncle
  4. His grandmother was murdered

Not much is known about the perpetrator, but his father, in true and honest Mexican fashion, was arrested for drug trafficking. This was the foundation of the Reyes family fortune. Until their retarded bastard child show up his school that is then they got arrested, LOL.[1] This kiddie was very fond of Eric Harris, one of the LOLumbine shooters, even scribbling the words “NATURAL SELECTION” on his shirt with what were probably crayola markers.[2].

The shooting

BOOM HEADSHOT!

At exactly 8AM on January 10, 2020, our challenger asked his teacher for permission to pee-pee, and she let him go. Little did she know this manlet would fuck her life up permanently. Since he's slow in everything, not just intelligence, he spent too much time larping as Eric Harris and loading his guns, and the teacher went to look for him. However, he finished reloading JUST IN TIME to start shooting, saying: "Today is the day". Injuring her badly (couldn't even finish her off) he went to a nearby classroom and just started to SHOOT FUCKING EVERYTHING, injuring 5 classmates and his P.E teacher. Afterwards he was walking in the hallway, almost an hero'ing, when his English teacher came up to him on her knees sucking his cock, begging him to stop. But José was already mad that he couldn't kill anyone cause he was a dipshit, so he epicly put the gun in her mouth and killed her. After that, he shot himself in the eye to end his own pathetic life and forget the trauma of being molested by his teacher.

And thus ended the life of José: born retarded, died retarded.

Reactions

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador loved the event and said this in regards: "LET'S FUCKING GO THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT SHITTY FEDERICO ELIZONDO YAY" His wife didn't agree and lamented the shooting, lamenting the fact that parents don't check kid's backpacks. The Governor of Coahuila Miguel Ángel Riquelme Solís liked it secretly, and in regards of him being a Columbine copycat, said this: "lol natural selection hehehe"

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 1/20 1 frag
Accuracy: 0/20 Could only kill someone kneeling in front of him
Style: 4/20 Cockumbine copycat and narco family
Butthurt: 5/20 Lulz in Mexico but that's it
Bonus: 2/20 Killed a cock-sucking teacher
Total score: 12/100 (F-)

Police action

Wanted Level:

Police Force

GO PLAY FORTNITE FAGGOT
See full ranking
  1. ↑ https://www.zocalo.com.mx/new_site/articulo/hunden-conversaciones-al-abuelo-de-atacante-del-cervantes
  2. ↑ https://elpais.com/internacional/2020/01/10/mexico/1578671916_858043.html
Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Colegio_Cervantes_shooting&oldid=22658"