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Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare: Difference between revisions

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{{Spoiler|PRESS SQUARE TO PAY RESPECTS!!11  WILL DIES, KNOX DIES, CORMACK DIES, ATLAS ARE THE BAD DUDES CUZ THEY WANNA END ALL WARS (LOLWUT?!), YOU KILL KEVIN SPACEY BY CUTTING OFF YOUR ROBOT-ARM WHO HELD ONTO IT}}
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That's right! The guys from Sledgehammer who tried to help Infinity Ward on the heap of garbage that was MW3 have finally came up with their game they were planning on doing after 2 years, known as '''Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare''', also known as Titan Fall: Reloaded, Elysium: The Video Game, and Cock of Doody: Advanced Whorefare.  
That's right! The guys from Sledgehammer who tried to help Infinity Ward on the heap of garbage that was MW3 have finally came up with their game they were planning on doing after 2 years, known as '''Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare''', also known as Titan Fall: Reloaded, Elysium: The Video Game, and Cock of Doody: Advanced Whorefare.  


===Campaign===
===Campaign===


All that is known so far is that you play a crippled veteran in the 2040s (Yeah, more futuristic bullshit) who's recruited by some generic Mercenary company inspired by countless FPS games where [[Gay|you're stuck in an exo suit that gives you superpowers!!!]]
You play crippled veteran in the 2040s after murdering dozens of North Koreans (Yeah, more futuristic bullshit), who's recruited by some generic Mercenary company inspired by countless FPS games where [[Gay|you're stuck in an exo suit that gives you superpowers!!!]]. But then your protagonist is like, LOL NO FUCK THAT SHIT, betrays his employer in an instant and then just goes on a murdering spree.


==== Characters ====
==== Characters ====
*'''Jonathan Irons:''' HOLY DOGSHIT KEVIN SPACEY!!!one!11!!  
 
*'''Pvt. Mitchell:''' The typical Call of Duty protagonist; seen, but not heard.
*'''Jack Mitchell:''' - Ungrateful puppy eyed redneck bitch-boy protagonist who shits on comradeship the instant something wrong is done in the world. Except when he brutally murders Koreans or all his former comrades. Takes a shit on his 4 years of service with ATLAS just so he can "do the right thing" and murder all his old comrades.
 
*'''Gideon:''' - Token britfag. Cold-bloodedly enjoys murdering his ATLAS ex-comrades after 4 years of service, because fuck loyalty.
 
*'''Ilona:''' - Ex-SPEZNAS (how the fuck?!) feminazi that is essentially useless to the plot after discovering TEH DARK SEKRIT OF KEVIN SPACEY.
 
*'''Knox:''' - Some guy nobody cares about, gets rek'd by MANTICORE germs.
 
*'''Joker:''' - That guy that ... umm ... cracks jokes? Nope, didn't do that one. Did he fly the Normandy ... no that's not him. That's how important this character was to the plot.
 
*'''Cormack:''' - The token Call of Duty nigger, dies like a bitch by bleeding out after getting shot in the dick by Kevin Spacey.
 
*'''Will Irons:''' - Son of Kevin Spacey, dies like a retard after getting his arm stuck with a grenade in his hand. PRESS SQUARE TO PAY RESPECTS!!11
 
*'''Jonathan Irons:''' HOLY DOGSHIT KEVIN SPACEY!!!one!11!! His company ATLAS rebuilds sandnigger towns into high tech cities in less than 2 years, don't ask how that is even physically possible. He's clearly the bad guy here. Gives Mitchell a second chance by giving him a robot arm and lets him join his private military force, but then he *DER GASP* TRIES TO PROFIT FROM TERRORIST ATTACKS THAT HIS ENEMY, "HADES", PLANNED OUT, SO HE CAN DO THINGS FOR THE GREATER GOOD BY CAUSING SOME DEATHS WITH A SUPER WEAPON. 3 times he has the chance to shoot Mitchell right in the face, but doesn't because he's "NOT A MONSTER", yet he shot an informant in the back of the head and shot Cormack so he could bleed out (?!?!). Did anyone even read the fucking script when they wrote this game? Falls off a burning building after Mitchell cuts off the Robo-arm he was hanging onto, OH TEH IRONY.


=== Weapons ===
=== Weapons ===

Revision as of 22:52, 3 November 2014

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT PRESS SQUARE TO PAY RESPECTS!!11 WILL DIES, KNOX DIES, CORMACK DIES, ATLAS ARE THE BAD DUDES CUZ THEY WANNA END ALL WARS (LOLWUT?!), YOU KILL KEVIN SPACEY BY CUTTING OFF YOUR ROBOT-ARM WHO HELD ONTO IT!!!1


That's right! The guys from Sledgehammer who tried to help Infinity Ward on the heap of garbage that was MW3 have finally came up with their game they were planning on doing after 2 years, known as Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, also known as Titan Fall: Reloaded, Elysium: The Video Game, and Cock of Doody: Advanced Whorefare.

Campaign

You play crippled veteran in the 2040s after murdering dozens of North Koreans (Yeah, more futuristic bullshit), who's recruited by some generic Mercenary company inspired by countless FPS games where you're stuck in an exo suit that gives you superpowers!!!. But then your protagonist is like, LOL NO FUCK THAT SHIT, betrays his employer in an instant and then just goes on a murdering spree.

Characters

  • Jack Mitchell: - Ungrateful puppy eyed redneck bitch-boy protagonist who shits on comradeship the instant something wrong is done in the world. Except when he brutally murders Koreans or all his former comrades. Takes a shit on his 4 years of service with ATLAS just so he can "do the right thing" and murder all his old comrades.
  • Gideon: - Token britfag. Cold-bloodedly enjoys murdering his ATLAS ex-comrades after 4 years of service, because fuck loyalty.
  • Ilona: - Ex-SPEZNAS (how the fuck?!) feminazi that is essentially useless to the plot after discovering TEH DARK SEKRIT OF KEVIN SPACEY.
  • Knox: - Some guy nobody cares about, gets rek'd by MANTICORE germs.
  • Joker: - That guy that ... umm ... cracks jokes? Nope, didn't do that one. Did he fly the Normandy ... no that's not him. That's how important this character was to the plot.
  • Cormack: - The token Call of Duty nigger, dies like a bitch by bleeding out after getting shot in the dick by Kevin Spacey.
  • Will Irons: - Son of Kevin Spacey, dies like a retard after getting his arm stuck with a grenade in his hand. PRESS SQUARE TO PAY RESPECTS!!11
  • Jonathan Irons: HOLY DOGSHIT KEVIN SPACEY!!!one!11!! His company ATLAS rebuilds sandnigger towns into high tech cities in less than 2 years, don't ask how that is even physically possible. He's clearly the bad guy here. Gives Mitchell a second chance by giving him a robot arm and lets him join his private military force, but then he *DER GASP* TRIES TO PROFIT FROM TERRORIST ATTACKS THAT HIS ENEMY, "HADES", PLANNED OUT, SO HE CAN DO THINGS FOR THE GREATER GOOD BY CAUSING SOME DEATHS WITH A SUPER WEAPON. 3 times he has the chance to shoot Mitchell right in the face, but doesn't because he's "NOT A MONSTER", yet he shot an informant in the back of the head and shot Cormack so he could bleed out (?!?!). Did anyone even read the fucking script when they wrote this game? Falls off a burning building after Mitchell cuts off the Robo-arm he was hanging onto, OH TEH IRONY.

Weapons

Assault Rifles
Submachine Guns

High rate of fire shitsticks with high recoil. Guaranteed rape at close range to those who don't use other SMGs or Shotguns.

  • ASM1: Notable for being a futuristic Tommy Gun. Pretend you're a future Gangster!
Heavy Weapons
  • EM1 Quantum: Also notable for being a legitimate laser weapon that shoots a high powered, concentrated beam to vaporise holes in your enemies torsos.


Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare is part of a series on

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