Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019)

Preorder for Mountain Dew

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2019 (a.k.a. Call of Duty: Windows Doorframe) is the 9797th entry into the bloated corpse of a generic FPS franchise. The game is highly innovative for creating shit that breaks the game with great quantities of bugs and lag to offer for anyone who’s stupid enough to still be playing a COD title. All for sacrificing your entire data space and possibly burning your shitty PC and console device you are using for a lackluster game. Wow! This is also the last mainline slop they would ever care about before Warzone came to rape the franchise’s core fanbase into the ground for Jew money.

This shit is broken yo!

The only way to play the game

Just like every other COD made at least 3 years ago, Activision decide to neglect them cause they were not paying the bills. As such, numerous hackers flooded the official servers in those games. These hackers even were able to access the users of games and steal valuable data from them. It became such a problem but no one in the company gives a shit about it. Too busy suing modders to care. So if you were to somehow travel back in time, then you get to witness mediocrity at its peak without getting anally raped by hackers and what not.

LOAR

Top 5 Moments before Disaster

Main story focuses on a fictional country known as Kurdistan. Americunts were tasked to absolute nuke the living shit out of a chemical factory in some shitty Caucasus country and steal the toxins for themselves. They were then pwned back by Americunt backed resistance force mistaking them as Russkies. Not Captain Price was tasked by strong independent waman to retrieve the chemicals for Jewish interests. Fast forward to London, DEI hire and his team were pwned by a couple of sand niggers raving havoc on the Whities for giving them a somewhat better life. Gaz met with Not Captain Price as Gaz almost got shanked by a Jihadist. They met with the bomber who claims to be a victim. Unfortunately, the counter-terrorist team forgot that they were supposed to bring their bomb refusal kit. So Price, in homage to the cancelled R6: Patriots game, throws him off the balcony to die and everyone lived happily evar after! Back in Kurdistan, CIA SWM Alex came back from teh first anal raping to meet with American puppets who almost tried to kill them Israli-style. Alex, hamstringed along with a woman who would’ve been dead right now by Sandmen (if biology hadn’t done so), bombs all the Russians for teh lulz and for enslaving the poor Arabs as an example of White privilege. Back in London, Gaz, Price, and the meatbags raided the shit out some terrorists living in London thanks to current immigration policy. They learned where man these sand niggers respond to “Wolf” is at. Alex was notified and successfully captured the furry after bombing a local hospital. They captured and held him in their embassy for epic tourturing while his right hand man launched an attack on the embassy the very same day. After almost getting raped by the Arabs, the team decide to throw him in a big vault with no guards to check for any intruders. Predictably, the furry got away and thus the mission must continue. Girl power then convinced themselves that they should attack the furry’s men on a highway bombed by -A-m-e-r-I-c-a-n-s- Russians. It turns out that the woman’s cucked brother stole the chemicals from us in the first mission and betrays us by forcing every gamer to play as a woman with plot armor, Auschwitz style. It’s revealed that the Russians decided to invade the Kurds after enough trolling from them, sparking the biggest lulz ever. After another anal butt rape, CIA woman located the betrayer and tasked the team (again) to find him. They were finally able to kill the furry but the others got to get away. After the whole shebang, the US government finally declared the freedom fighters as terrorists when they were useless to Israel. Alex gets pissed and switched teams. The team tracked the furry’s right hand man to Mother Russia with CIA asset Not Nikolai from the (4th) first game. After capturing RHM, they used the most reliable CIA tactic of kidnapping and extortion. However, we don’t get to kill the little gremlin since moral fags would pwn the player for having fun. Gang shootouts commenced and we traveled to the next location to find the woman’s brother. Barkov’s family were captured by the ULF by guilt of association and Price and the team has to moral fag Hadir in order to find the location for epic pwning. The team attacks the gas factory against the entire military and win. Unfortunately the detonator decide to kill itself from the cringe and Alex has to be a martyr for his new Reddit cause. For some reason, Farrah somehow was on board with Barkov and decide to say a cringe worthy line before stabbing him. The chemical factory that contains chemicals fortunately doesn’t decide to contaminate the area after an explosion like all other American operations and the team lived happily ever after (IDK guys, maybe it’s scientific). Price decide to leak the next Modern Warfare 2 game to nostalgia bait the gamers into another game. There’s a whole Spec Ops game nobody cares about and neither should you.

Out of the Loop

It’s safe to say that the COD community is a toxic cesspool akin to Chernobyl and 1945 Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. The franchise at that point has already dabbled in multiple settings and genres, all of them have been received with the warmth and glee akin to domestic violence. When the developers made the same shit over and over again, people complained that it was monotonous and begged the developers for something different. When the developers tried something new, the kids whined about how it’s too different and wanted everything to be the same. After a dwindling sales record and the fear that their studio will be shot in the head by their overlords, Infinity Ward had to create something fresh that is also rehashed somehow. New engines, no more loot boxes, maps with more than three lanes akin to the Golden Era of COD, more ways to customize your guns, and most importantly, Nostalgia bait. When they revealed the trailer, all the fanboys went berserk and pre-ordered the games, not learning their lesson since the fanbase is mostly made up of children and pedophiles. Graphic whores praising the games new ways to fuck up your frame rate; Normies, game journalists, video essayist, and more retards across the globe were starting to get interested; Rejects from animation were jerking off how the game have a gritty and realistic reload animations (for fuck sake); And the franchise started to pick up steam on JewTube and Jeff Bezos’ new monetization scheme. It even implemented a battle pass akin to their first failed battle royal from BO4. It seemed to go great for the company. However, when the game first launched, it became apparent that all is not what it seemed.

Special Reap Operations

Average Spec Op Experience

People who like Spec Ops from the previous MW installation can be safely assured that the developers hate them with ferocious intent. Mode was a clusterfuck of drugged up enemies, rocket spamming against you, shitty respawns, shitty story, lack of classic missions, operations that took way too long to complete, lag, game crashes, almost no checkpoints, and much more ways to fuck you up. It’s basically akin to having scolding shit pouring over you multiple times. Additionally, Survival was locked to just PlayStation for no reason but to fuck with normal people. After a while, Infinity Turd had to fix their shitty game. It’s widely believed that it was initially supposed to be in a bad state since they were experimenting on live service, which is just an excuse for the developers to not do their job, for a while and wanted to try it out. Fortunately, this is just the only bad thing most of the player base doesn’t give a shit about. The rest of this turd pack can only go up from here.

The Community Hub with Guns and Explosions

Summary:

The gameplay consists of sitting in an area that can’t be easily noticeable and waiting for rushers to come so that they could commence sexual assault on them. Then, rack up all the kills to deploy a AC-130 or a nuke, which at this point, everyone in the enemy team will ragequit before it even happened. The fanbase bitched and whined that the game is basically a huge sweatfest, just like in 2009 (Nostalgia much?). There are many reasons for this. The maps had way too many paths to travel through, the visuals and lightning were very indiscernible, footsteps sound like elephants (hence the term Elephant footsteps), cross play means that the gamers with PC will always dominate over console fags, return of kill streaks, and introduction of gunsmith were just some of the reasons why the game is what it is. The game also implemented a matchmaking system that punishes you for being too good at the game.

Absolute State of Play

The absolute state of COD

This game features a boatload of cosmetics that stray away from the main setting of the game because the Kikes at Activision needed to somehow rape their consumer’s wallet since they can’t get away with loot boxes and map packs. So when you decide for some reason to join a game, you will get to meet the Puppet from Saw, a Cowboy, five edge lords, hippies, women who would’ve been dead already, random nobody’s, characters from previous games that shouldn't even been here, and more garbage. Because of this and Activision’s insatiable greed, some blood sacrifices had to be made. No more intro music from the beginning of a match, no unique announcers that are funny stereotypes (instead, you get some British cunt that sounded like he smoked 5 packs of fags a day or he’s doing it wrong), fewer mil-slim operators that fit the overall ascetics because the kids will get scared, and more fags and tranny flags in order to save face from their inevitable lawsuit.

100 Ways to Kill

Like all COD titles, there are some guns that are downright broken to play and some that are too useless to be a toy gun. COD’s greatest innovation are the numerous optical sights where most of them are pure garbage.

Rifles

The only thing that people care about

• M4A1: Starter gun you get when you first join. Amazing considering it’s a starting weapon for newbies.
• Kilo 141: American Desert gun that is mediocre.
• FAL: Marksman rifles for people with carpel tunnel syndrome.
• FR 5.56: Mislabeled rifle for those who want to surrender faster. Aside from the shitty French jokes, this gun is pretty decent in most cases.
• Oden: Shittier version of the FAL, which basically makes it a FAIL.
• M13: Functions similar to the Kilo, except black. What did they mean by this?
• FN Scar 17: From COD to Fortnite to COD, it went on a long journey to mediocrity.
• AK-47: Terrorists favorite weapon and top tier choice for Russian cosplayers. Has a drum mag that turns it into a LMG.
• RAM-7: A new gun that exists. Nothing else. Also ugly as fuck.
• Grau 5.56: Nice gun to look at and use.
• CR-56 AMAX: Has a mag option that turns the gun into a pseudo-marksman rifle.
• AN-94: Slow as fuck firing rate. Choose this if you want to die quicker.
• AS-VAL: Overpowered as fuck. Generator of in-game lulz. It is said that people who used it are cursed to burn in hell after they die.

Sniper

Becomes much harder to quickscope for the sake of immersion. Commence butt hurt.

• PKM:

Shotguns

One hit wonder machine

• Modern 680: Generic shotgun. Nothing more.
• R9-0: Burst shotgun. Decent if you can actually land your shots.
• 725: A nightmare for gamers back in early seasons of the game. Functions as a sniper rifle in any range and most used by toxic players. The team nerfed it down so that now you have to hit two shots to absolutely obliterate a poor man’s life.
• Origin 12: Crappy Auto-shotgun that doesn’t give the dopamine of a standard shotgun.
• VLK Rogue: Some weird abomination of an AR that functions like a shotgun.
• JAK-12: Use the flame option to be a dipshit.

Machine Guns

Campers top pick

SMG

Served as a top pick for wannabe E-Sports members

• AUG: Austria’s only weapon in the military. Functions more like an Assault Rifle but bullet size place it into the try hard section.
• P90: Mechanically confusing short rifle that serves as a baseline for tryhards.
• MP5: Overpowered as fuck in its heyday. Nerfed down but still functional.
• Uzi: Kikes top pick. Useful for gang members and such.
• PP19 Bizon: Serves as a mini-LMG. Still shittier than the other SMGs.
• MP7: Structure of an UZI. Functions like a Bizon.
• Striker 45: Slow as fuck. Use it if you hate yourself.
• Fennec: Another mislabeled rifle that has an option that can transform you into a shitty action star.
• ISO: This gun functions fine.
• CX-9: Cold War gun that somehow landed in MW. Balanced unlike its Warzone counterpart.

Warzone

After a few months, Activision created another trend chasing battle royals mode called Warzone, leaving the main game and all other games afterwards to be forced at whim to cater to Fortnite fans.

Gallery

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