The Empire of Arkantos

Arkantos is, as some argue, one of the worst games ever made. It was created in 2004 by a couple of fellows who were seriously high on god knows what kind of shit.

Censored becau- LOLSPOILERS!!1!1

The Game

Playing this game will make you feel like the creators made this while in the edge of death due to AIDS and they had to ultimately do something before dying, and they didn't know how the fuck RPG Maker works, thus resulting in a game which only took about 3 months to be made, that can be also called the worst piece of crap ever.

Storyline and Gameplay

Here's an example of this piece of art's ultimate use of realistic graphics.

The game is about a 13-year-old boy named Arkantos, who lives in the world of Arkantos (wtf) and has nothing to do with his life, so he leaves home for the first time evar and finds out that some woman named Sensual Laura (that is her actual name) is being raped by some guy in a house. Then all of a sudden, they run off the house for some reason and Arkantos manages to enter, only to find an empty place with semen and boxes full of marijuana everywhere. Then, you see one of the creators of the game watching ”The Love Boat With Men”, and thus the journey begins!

As if the original wasn’t gay enough...

You start off with Arkantos and 3 more characters. One of them is Zack, who at one point of the game has sex with previously mentioned Sensual Laura. Little is known about the other two characters, as they don’t do anything at all, besides participating in the occasional random RPG-style random encounter battles. FORTUNATELY, there are very few of those battles.

At one point of the game, only after completing half of it, you find out there’s actually some point in this game, which is the fact that there is a bad guy, and it is fucking Kefka from Final Fantasy VI. However, in this game, his name is “The Evil Guy”. In fact, this game’s storyline is something that should be followed by every game now, and it is the ultimate improvement on storylines, taking the “defeat the bad guy and restore peace to the world/save someone/something/whatever” cliché to the next level, turning it into “defeat the bad guy and then nothing happens because this storyline is a piss and shit combo at the face”.

What to Expect

The game is basically a series of test maps with totally fucked up graphics that make no sense at all, filled with people raping each other, monkeys, Pokémon, an old man who keeps stating that he is gay, AIDS, Santorum, giant cocks with 3901674HP, DirectX errors and centipede filled vaginas.

This happens all the time.

Usual Talk Subject

Here are some random quotes taken from the game:

• “Pay attention! I am not a masturbal guy!!!”

• ”There is a lot of penis milk on the beds”

At least 100 times during the game, you have to hear the old man stating that he is gay. We already know, bitch!

• “My mother has a penis she asked me if you could suck it”

• “My name is Carlitos Silvino n i luv childrinz”

• “PEOPLE DRINK AND THEN OH YE THEY HAVE SEX”

• “I WANNA FUCK LIKE MY DADDY”

• “NOW I WILL SHOW YOU MY TRUE FORM!!1!11”

• “DGHKPGPLTKPTKLPKTPGKLLPTGJPHTGJTHGKLKLPG”

• “Fuck you! You are a gay and a motherfucker. You are a jackass. You are fucking gay and you fuck with cars along the street. Because you are a bitch and a fucker and a mother fucker - fuck you and have a nice day.”

• "DirectSound Error (DSERR_INVALIDPARAM)"

• “If I eat this… will I die?”

• ”How do I shot web?”

• ”I’m gay.”

SO WHER DO I GET DIZ SHIT?

Every fucking one knows.

If you wish to play this piece of shit, CLICK HERE

See Also

RPG Maker

Heino Hijinks