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Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.

"Free Palest-ACK!"

February 25, 2024, amongst the hilarious ongoings of the Israel-Hamas war, 11,000 kilometers away from the uncivilized and instead in the lardass Jewnited States of Americunts, Aaron Bushnell was an obvious undercover Al-Qaeda, Hamas, ISIS and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse operative and Redditor ^{(Archive 1, 2)} disguised as your average serviceman in the U.S. Air Force who under the guidance of Allah was sent to increase anti-Western sentiment and Antisemitism in the civilized world (anywhere other than Gaza) by becoming An hero by setting himself on fire and burning to death outside of the U.S. Israeli Embassy whilst shouting "Free Palestine".

Due to being too worried that his death would be forgotten after 2 days and not mentioning that he was an attention whore, he decided to livestream the suicide, an increasingly common trend amongst an heroes with Ronnie McNutt and Shuaiby as examples of the hot new fad, meaning that Aaron death will be a certified hood classic on gore sites. Like every other "self-immolater" (other than this guy), he began screaming, wriggling around and obviously regretting his dumbnut decision almost instantly after 5 seconds of being ablaze instead of showing self-control like a true an hero of that selection would.

Background

What a cute twink

Aaron was likely trained in Afghanistan from a young age on guerilla tactics and how to suicide bomb churches but was snuck into the U.S. as an undercover soldier of Islam, he was originally a typical nerd who worked in cybersecurity before being drafted into the U.S. military during the October 2023 theatre release of Gaza War 15: The Arabs are fighting the Jews, again?.

The most probable immediate message sent to Aaron from his Fed buddies was to commit a terrorist attack at his own military barracks in "the name of Allah and in revenge for U.S. military presense in Iraq Afghanistan Gaza", but they likely realized that this would only increase Islamophobia and Christchurch fans in America, so in order to increase sympathy for Hummus and Palestine, a totally "new, original and never done before" protest would have to be excecuted.

Self-immolation

	“	Many of us like to ask ourselves, 'What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now.	„
	—Aaron being deep

In the early afternoon, Aaron began a livestream on Twitch under the screen name LillyAnarKitty. (Closeted tranny? Perhaps) He gives a poetic speech about what he is about to do, sets down his camera and pours gasoline all over himself before whispering “Free Palestine.”. In the distance we hear a security officer say “Hey, can I help you sir?”, Aaron then struggles to start the lighter until he succeeds and catches on fire.

He immediately begins trolling the Israeli building by repeatedly shouting “Free Palestine”, the more engulfed he becomes in flames, the louder his autistic screeches become. An officer shouts “There’s a fire!”. After a few seconds the realization of what he is doing kicks in and he begins stumbling and shouting actual screams of pain rather than the shouts of your average protester.

The officers respond extremely quickly, yet for some reason point there guns at him. Thankfully, some officers who are not mentally challenged swoop in and extinguish the flames with fire extinguishers but alas, Aaron has already been cooked. He may not have died an American hero, but he is certainly our an hero.

Aftermath

Considering this is a fairly recent event, there have not been too many reactions yet. Perhaps his sacrific will cause even more Palestards to set themselves on fire outside their local ZOG branches, a Muslim might even commit a typical Islamic terrorist attack in his honour. There have been some responses however, including politicians and even some friendly festival skydivers.

	“	The fact he's a reddit commie basedboy just makes it 100 times funnier	„
	—/pol/ack

	“	He immortalised his name as a defender of human values and the oppression of the suffering Palestinian people because of the American administration and its unjust policies	„
	— Hamas claiming responsibility

	“	It's obviously a terrible tragedy, but I think it speaks to the depths of despair that so many people are feeling now about the horrific humanitarian disaster taking place in Gaza, and I share those deep concerns.	„
	—Bernie Sanders

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External links

• Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums thread

Wikipedia article