Kesha/Timeline

Date	Event	Location
May 1, 1776	Adam Weishaupt founds the Illuminati.	Ingolstadt, Bavaria
March 17, 1956	Rosemary Patricia "Pebe" Sebert hatches from a reptilian egg.	Michigan City, Indiana
September 26, 1973	Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald is born.	Providence, Rhode Island
March 1, 1987	Pebe attends a party and Kesha Rose Sebert suddenly falls out of her vagina.	Los Angeles, California
May 1, 1991	F.A.R.T. the Movie is released. The film features an old woman identifying the scent of 4-year-old Kesha's fart as coming from a "very virile man".
1997	Dr. Luke joins Saturday Night Live as their lead guitarist.	NBC
2003	Pebe forces 16-year-old Kesha to record her first song, "Stephen".
May 12, 2005	The Wedding Planner episode of The Simple Life airs. This episode features two whores staying at the Seberts' house while planning a wedding.	Fox
September 26, 2005	Kesha signed a contract with Dr. Luke and his record label, Kemosabe Records.
October 5, 2005	Kesha attended Nicki Hilton's 22nd birthday party where she wasn't drugged or raped.	Paris Hilton's House
October 6, 2005	Kesha did not wake up naked in Dr. Luke's bed and did not phone her mum.	Dr. Luke's Bed
December 5, 2005	Kesha has her lawyer, Fred Goldring, attempt to terminate her contract with Dr. Luke.
January 27, 2006	Ke$ha enlists DAS Communications to find her a better contract within a year.
August 28, 2006	Paris Hilton's single Nothing in This World is released. Ke$ha sings back up.
January 27, 2007	DAS Communications fails to find Ke$ha a contract within a year.
May 25, 2008	DAS Communications sent Ke$ha and Pebe an email in which they used "explicit language" when referring to Dr. Luke.
September 11, 2008	Ke$ha attempts to terminate her contract with DAS Communications and celebrates Jews Did WTC.
November 28, 2008	Britney Spears' album Circus is released. The track "Lace and Leather" features background vocals by Ke$ha.
January 27, 2009	Flo Rida's single Right Round is released. Ke$ha provides female vocals for the track.
October 13, 2009	Dr. Luke tweets a pic of Ke$ha sleeping on the job.	Twitter
January 1, 2010	Ke$ha released her first album, Animal.
November 19, 2010	Tickets for Ke$ha's Get Sleazy tour go on sale and immediately sell out.
February 15, 2011	Ke$ha's first show of her Get Sleazy tour. Unfortunately she didn't die of dysentery on the trail to Oregon.	Portland, Oregon
May 6, 2011	Ke$ha's final show of her Get Sleazy tour.	Los Angeles, California
June 16, 2011	Ke$ha admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged her.
October 18, 2011	Pebe admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged Ke$ha.
November 10, 2011	Ke$ha registers the domain name putyourbeardinmymouth.com	GoDaddy
December 6, 2011	Ke$ha makes her first post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr.	Put Your Beard In My Mouth
April 25, 2012	Ke$ha makes her last post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr.	Put Your Beard In My Mouth
September 25, 2012	Ke$ha's Die Young single is released.
November 30, 2012	Ke$ha releases her second album, Warrior, which crashes harder than an aeroplane into a skyscraper.
December 14, 2012	Adam Lanza goes for the high score.	Newtown, Connecticut
December 18, 2012	Ke$ha apologizes for causing Adam Lanza to murder 20 children and then proceeds to lie about being "forced" to sing Die Young.	Twitter
December 20, 2012	Ke$ha admits that she lied about being "forced" to sing Die Young.	Ke$ha's Website
January 6, 2013	Ke$ha voices a character in the Robot Chicken episode "Papercut to Aorta".	Adult Swim
April 23, 2013	Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life begins airing its first season on MTV.	MTV
May 23, 2013	Ke$ha's first show of her Warrior tour.	Boston, Massachusetts
August 1, 2013	Ke$ha's phallic jewellery line, Kesha Rose by Charles Albert, is released and quickly sells out.
September, 2013	"Rebecca Pimmel" starts the "Let Ke$ha have creative freedom" petition.	Care2
October 7, 2013	Pitbull's single, Timber, is released. The song features Ke$ha and is currently her last song... and we hope that it fucking stays that way.
October 29, 2013	Pebe Sebert sends Dr. Luke and his lawyer an e-mail where she attempts to extort him and threatens to blackmail him with Ke$ha's false rape accusations.
October 30, 2013	Pebe Sebert sends another email to add that she's planning on forwarding everything to the blogger who started "Free Kesha".
December 30, 2013	Pebe sent out an email to numerous fans and bloggers claiming that Dr. Luke physically and emotionally abused Ke$ha.
January 3, 2014	Ke$ha checked into Timberline Knolls, an eating disorder treatment center.	Lemont, Illinois
January 11, 2014	"Rebecca Pimmel" joins Twitter to promote her shitty petition.	Twitter
March 6, 2014	Ke$ha was finally released from Timberline Knolls after doctors erroneously deemed her to no longer be a threat to society.	Lemont, Illinois
September 5, 2014	Simone Battle of G.R.L., a Kemosabe signed girl group, is found hanging in her closet. Ruled a suicide, but Ke$ha has never denied involvement in her death.	Los Angeles, California
October 14, 2014	Ke$ha files a LOLsuit against Dr.Luke and finally plays the rape card.
December 2, 2014	Lady Gaga reveals that she was allegedly raped by a music producer early in her career.	The Howard Stern Show
December 2, 2014	Mark Geragos poses the deeply philosophical question "Guess who the rapists was?" and then responds "#bingo" when some faggot says "Lukasz".	Twitter
December 2, 2014	Lady Gaga's lawyers call Geragos out on his bullshit.
December 2, 2014	Geragos claims that Lady Gaga's lawyers are lying and then threatens to drag Lady Gaga to court to testify against Dr. Luke.
December 23, 2014	Ke$ha performed live with Yeast Infection.	Nashville, Tennessee
June 9, 2015	Ke$ha amends her lawsuit to include Sony. Ke$ha now claims that Sony knew about the abuse (that didn't actually exist) and did nothing about it.
September 19, 2015	Ke$ha's final show of her Warrior tour.	South Carolina
October 23, 2015	Jem and the Holograms, a reboot movie of the 80s animu of the same name, is released. Ke$ha has a small role in this shitty flop of a movie.
October 30, 2015	Mark Geragos files Ke$ha's request for an injunction. Interestingly, the filing claims that Ke$ha hasn't toured in "nearly a year" which is a blatant lie.
November 5, 2015	Pebe Sebert's Twitter account goes on a multi-tweet rant calling Luke a rapist urging a boycott of Sony. It's possible that these tweets were actually made by Ke$ha.	Twitter
February 3, 2016	A judge dismissed Dr. Luke's defamation lawsuit against Pebe despite the overwhelming evidence against her.
February 19, 2016	New York Supreme Court Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich denies Ke$ha's request for an injunction.	New York
February 19, 2016	Brandon de la Cruz starts a GoFundMe campaign in an attempt to raise $2,000,000 and buy Ke$ha's contract from Sony.	GoFundMe
February 21, 2016	Taylor Swift donates $250,000 to Ke$ha.
February 21, 2016	Thousands of children needlessly starve to death in Ethiopia because noone donated $250,000 to help them.	Ethiopia
February 22, 2016	Dr. Luke makes a series of tweets defending himself from the vile and disgusting harassment of the #FreeKesha movement.	Twitter
February 25, 2016	Sony states that they are unable to release Ke$ha from her contract because her contract is not with them.
February 28, 2016	Lady Gaga performs Til It Happens To You at the 88th Academy Awards, she dedicates the song to sexual assault survivors and for some reason includes Ke$ha.	Los Angeles, California
March 5, 2016	Ke$ha receives an award from the "Human Rights Campaign", a group that actually supports faggots instead of supporting starving children in China.	Nashville, Tennessee
March 9, 2016	Shitty tabloid The Crap publishes an article that claims that Sony is planning on dropping Dr. Luke.	The Wrap
March 9, 2016	The faggots of Twitter begin planning for the #SonyIsDroppingDrLukeParty.	Twitter
March 11, 2016	Ke$ha's fans stand outside of Sony's headquarters and harass people as an act of "protest".	New York City
March 18, 2016	An Encyclopædia Dramatica investigator confronts Ke$ha's fans with evidence that "Rebecca Pimmel" could be Ke$ha herself.	Twitter
March 19, 2016	"Rebecca Pimmel" responds to our inquiry and claims to be Austin Ryan Dean.	Twitter
March 22, 2016	Ke$ha files an appeal against Shirley Kornreich's ruling that compares her contract to slavery.	New York
March 22, 2016	The progressive libtard commenters on HuffPost begin frothing at the mouth and finally start calling Ke$ha a liar after her slavery comments.	Huffington Post
April 3, 2016	Ke$ha claims that she rejected a deal that would have given her her "freedom" if she apologized for making false rape allegations.	Instagram
April 3, 2016	#FreeKesha began turning into #SaveKesha.	Twitter
April 6, 2016	Ke$ha gets BTFO when Shirley Kornreich dismisses all but one of the claims in her LOLsuit against Sony.	New York
April 7, 2016	Jennifer Lopez releases her single and "feminist anthem" Ain't Your Mama.
April 7, 2016	The spastics on Twitter begin harassing Jennifer Lopez via the #JLoSupportsRape hashtag after finding Dr. Luke listed in the credits for her new single.	Twitter
April 7, 2016	Demi Lovato makes a tweet promoting Jennifer Lopez's Ain't Your Mama and is promptly harassed.	Twitter
TBD	Ke$ha does an Amy Winehouse/Steve Irwin/Kurt Cobain.	TBD