Joe Exotic

Joe and his husbands

Joe Exotic (Powerword: Joseph Maldonado) is a boring polyamorous country singer with tight jeans, big pecs, stupid tattoos and a shitty JewTube channel to which he uploads embarrassing music and videos of tigers fucking. This enormous faggot, who has not one but two husbands (one legal, one extralegal), is obsesssed with big cats because he probably is a crypto-furfag. His bid for the 2016 presidential election caused exactly Noone to get bent out of shape because he wasn't on anyone's radar until his name showed up on this website.

As a libertarian, Joe believes that children should be allowed to join the labor force after 3 years of age. Joe is also a supporter of legalizing the sex trade in Oklahoma, but only as long as children under 10 are barred from it.

He also believes that Tigers have hidden knowledge that can only be gained from watching tigers have sex. He has been banned from almost every major zoo in the country for making what he calls "educational fur fap videos".

Early Life

Where the fuck do you start? Everyone knew that Joe was a little different when he was born with the ability to speak. The first thing he did was look at his mother's vagina and yell in a backwoods drawl "That's the last time I use one of them fuckin' thangs, I swear!" The second thing he said was when the doctor slapped his ass; he just smiled and said, "HARDER, DADDY."

He was also born with the condition Whiteous Trashirium, the condition that makes you already born a white trash piece of shit. He was born with tattoos already branded, his signature cowboy hat, and assless chaps.

Tiger Obsession

All throughout school, they couldn't get little Joe to pay attention unless it was showering in PE or reading his favorite book, Winnie The Pooh. He loved Tigger. He found it sad that Tigger was so alone, so he would draw Tigger a friend in every copy of the book he could find. Everyone thought it was cute until they realised that Tigger wasn't hugging his friend, he was what Joe called "going balls deep in that striped ass."

The school, a child psychologist, and an Exorcist were called in to deal with Joe's feline obsession. They tried to explain that Tigger wasn't real and that was he was doing wasn't right. The school made the mistake of showing him pictures of Tigers saying that they were real. Joe quickly stated "I wanna see them fuck then. Just striped balls slapping striped assholes. That's what I want. Oh, make it happen." To which the school replied, "He's fucking retarded." The child psychologist stated that only molestation from the town clown rapist would set him straight, and the Exorcist just cried and wailed, "God's already fucking dead!"

Personal Life

Joe lived up to the name gifted him after a school trip with the men's swimming team: "the hole filler." Joe has had a well-documented and varied personal life. Not known to be picky, Joe has gone "all in" on various men: transgendered, transvestite, and Transylvanians. He once even squat-humped a 140-year-old giant tortoise named Ben, which marked the 300th zoo he was banned from.

This all changed for Joe when he met the love of his life, Kenneth—at least Joe thinks that it was Kenneth; there were a lot of dicks at that glory hole. Joe loves to tell the story to all those that can stomach it (and there are vew few) that his meeting with Kenneth was a lot like the children's story, Cinderella—except instead of a glass slipper left behind, it was an sore asshole.

Joe stuck it in every hole in a three-state area, some willingly and some not, until he found his "glass slipper". As Joe stated, "I knew our love was going to be forever when we first made love...oh, and when the blood test came back." The two were married (Thanks, Obama) and like most married couples, two eventually became three—although in this case, it wasn't a child. (There are lawsuits and open cases forbidding Joe from even being around children.) A few short months after Joe and Kenneth were married they welcomed their new cum dumpster, Charles or "Cum Chuck" as he is called at home. CC is not a full part of the relationship, and some reports claim that he's not even allowed to eat at the table with Joe and Kenneth but instead from an old shoe under the front porch.

Rise to fame

Since we live in a world where a person this fucked up can become famous, he did. With no skills, talent, or self-aware irony, he is legit famous. Anything more written about this would be enough for a justified suicide. He has a YouTube channel (because who tf doesn't?) where he continues to promote tigers having sex—because again, why not?

Death

We hope any day now. Seriously, we live in a world without Don Rickles, Prince, and Carrie Fisher but this guy is still drawing breath? The exorcist was right: "God's already fucking dead."