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{{watch}}
[http://www.bungie.net Bungie.net] is the website for a a rich community of [[fags|faggots]] and a small dwelling community of [[Furry|furries]]. The website can be quite funny at times, and is also ripe trolling grounds. Trolling tactics must be unconventional, however.
[http://www.bungie.net Bungie.net] is the website for a rich community of [[fags|faggots]] and a small dwelling community of [[Furry|furries]]. The website can be quite funny at times, and is also ripe trolling grounds. Trolling tactics must be unconventional, however.
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==The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions==
==The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions==
===The H3F===
===The H3F===
The H3F is arguably the worst forum on bnet, on it you will encounter various degrees of stupidity such as, 'OH MY GOD, MY BR STOPPED WORKING GAEM BROKEN'. This is why it has earned the nick name of the troll 3 forum. A popular phrase is GBITH3F, which stands for 'Get Back In The Halo 3 Forum'.
Nobody goes there anymore. They moved their retardation to the Halo Reach forum instead.
 
Just Dust and Semen
The H3F has a similar board, H3F: ODST, they are practically the same, but ODST has more whining about recon.


===Halo: Reach Forum===
===Halo: Reach Forum===
A forum that is worse that H3F. Here Reacharound players complain about game breaking issues such as armor lock, grenade blast radius, bloom and the terrible maps in this game. Bungie then proceeds to lock all topics insulting there game and ignore all the complaints. You can find the following in the reacharound forum:
A forum that is worse than H3F. Here Reacharound players complain about game breaking issues such as armor lock, grenade blast radius, bloom and the terrible maps in this game.  
Usually the target of hatred by the Flood.
Bungie then proceeds to lock all topics insulting there game and ignore all the complaints. You can find the following in the reacharound forum:


*My Beta is not working, fix it Bungie!
*My Beta is not working, fix it Bungie!
*Armor lock suks!
*Armor lock suks!
*Bloom is to random. Fix it now.
*Bloom is to random. Fix it now.
*The BR is better than the DMR and vica versa.
*The BR is better than the DMR and vice versa.
*Armor lock suks!
*Armor lock suks!
*Trolls creating topics about colored weapons. lulz
*Trolls creating topics about colored weapons. lulz
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===Bungie.net Community (the Septagon)===
===Bungie.net Community (the Septagon)===
[[Image:Im_kind_of_a_big_deal.jpg|thumb|Average poster on the Septagon.]]
 
A cesspool of retardation and a hornets nest of mods, this forum is impossible to troll and has the most elitist members on the site. Do not venture forth into here unless you want an anal rape from the mods.
A cesspool of retardation and a hornets nest of mods, this forum is impossible to troll and has the most elitist members on the site. Do not venture forth into here unless you want an anal rape from the mods.


The webmaster himself lurks there.
The webmaster himself lurks there.
===Prominent poster(s) in the Septagon===
Spartain Ken 15 - Bungie.net is Ken's life as he has nothing better to do than to think of highly ridiculous ways to "improve" bungie.net. Then he posts 10 paragraph topics about his ideas. Each topic ends up becoming a hot topic, not because people want to discuss the topic, but because everybody wants to let Spartain Ken know that he is an idiot. Such suggestions included adding a subscription for bungie.net, having a "ranked members only" only forum, nuking the flood forum, nuking the reach forum, nuking private groups. If you want to piss Ken off, just make an account named after him and suggest something ridiculously stupid in the septagon while he is banned and then he will rage in bungie.net's private groups. Ken got butthurt when he saw this section of the article. http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=64820580&postRepeater1-p=5
<pre>Ken looked at Achronos in the eyes and said "I will do anything! ANYTHING, to please you." Achronos scratched his chin and looked down at Ken and said
"Suck my dick and I'll make you my personal slave boy." "Yes master!" said Ken, and he unzipped Achronos' pants and pulled them down.
Ken pulled down Achronos' underwear and placed the overlord's throbbing banhammer into his mouth and sucked. Achronos quivered with pleasure and said
"Yes....suck it hard ken! My seed will give you ninja powers!" Ken sucked harder and harder. 2 hours later,
Achronos yelled with a crazed fury as his banhammer exploded inside of Spartain Ken's mouth and all over his face.
Ken eagerly swallowed Achronos' seed and licked his lips. He looked up at the overlord and said "Thank you master!"''
                                                            -Typical Spartain Ken behavior.</pre>


==IRC chat==
==IRC chat==
Some halofags created a bungie.net irc chat on irc.adelais.net. [http://chat.moap.net/?channel=BungieNet# #bungienet] . Make sure you don't do any of the following or you will be banned: Criticize any of the OPs, criticize [[Obama]], voice an opinion, talk, idle, joining the channel, or exist at all.
Some halofags created a bungie.net irc chat on irc.adelais.net. [http://chat.moap.net/?channel=BungieNet# #bungienet] . Make sure you don't do any of the following or you will be banned: Criticize any of the OPs, criticize [[Obama]], voice an opinion, talk, idle, joining the channel, or exist at all.
==The [[Racism|Colorblind]] Thread==
[[image:Whites_vs_blacks.png|thumb|A great idea for colorblind gamers!]]
On Thanksgiving day 2010, a successful troll called ExplosivePigs created a thread in the halo reach forum called "WHITES vs BLACKS" in which he claimed to be colorblind and that bungie should should release a playlist for colorblind people, in which the teams were black and white.  This resulted in much lulz and drama as people sympathized for his cause while others realized he was trolling and called him out on it. Those who called him out for trolling were immediately called insensitive pricks by the morons who actually believed the OP. After 13 pages, ExplodingPigs got [[b&]] for <strike>14 days</strike> forever. As a result, his posts are now hidden and his thread has been locked. But you can still see the drama here: [http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=53383327&postRepeater1-p=1 An example of a successful troll.] You can still see a quote original post in the picture to the right.


==Master Chief is a woman!==
==Master Chief is a woman!==
On December 13, 2010, a user called Zickson posted [http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=54134216 this thread] in the Halo Reacharound forums. In the topic, Zickson suggests that there is no proof that [[pretty cool guy| Master Chief]] is a man, so he must be a woman. The post generated 8 pages of butthurt from the halo reach fanboys who were too stupid to recognize the [[X Y is X|obvious troll]] to ignore it. Some users went so far as to use evidence from the books in order to dispute Zickson.
On December 13, 2010, a user called Zickson posted [http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=54134216 this thread] in the Halo Reacharound forums. In the topic, Zickson suggests that there is no proof that [[pretty cool guy| Master Chief]] is a man, so he must be a woman. The post generated 8 pages of butthurt from the halo reach fanboys who were too stupid to recognize the [[X Y is X|obvious troll]] to ignore it. Some users went so far as to use evidence from the books in order to dispute Zickson.
==lolReach==
On August 13, 2011, in the middle of the night, a group of trolls decided to spam the Reacharound forum with pages of nothing but the words: lolReach. While all of the fanboys were becoming [[butthurt]], the Bungie mods were busy sleeping in their beds. This spamming went on for several hours before one forum mod, [[faggot|Duardo]], signed on and saw that his [[shit|prized forum]] had gone to hell, he subsequently [[b&]] most of the forum, even people who tried to stop the trolls. But, the mods didn't realize that Bungie's bans are easy as shit to get around and that most of the spammers already had alternate accounts waiting for them, in case a mod actually did stop them.


==The Flood==
==The Flood==
To say The Flood is like /b/ is like saying that dropping your eyeliner in the toilet is like the BP oil spill. Despite this, there are some arseholes on The Flood who believe this very thing, only to be tarred and feathered by the more internet-savvy members who have plenty of oil at their disposal for tarring and feathering.
To say The Flood is like /b/ is like saying that dropping your eyeliner in the toilet is like the BP oil spill. Despite this, there are some arseholes on The Flood who believe this very thing, only to be tarred and feathered by the more internet-savvy members who have plenty of oil at their disposal for tarring and feathering. Pretty much hated by everyone else, due to their frequent raids, parodies, attacks, buttrapes of other games other than Skyrim, Halo, and Mass Effect.


In any case, the Flood boils down to these points:
In any case, the Flood boils down to these points:
 
*Fap Threads
*Jailbait Threads.
*Meatspin
*Relationship threads
*The prohibition of pornography (not necessarily a good thing).
*The prohibition of pornography (not necessarily a good thing).
*It's even more retarded.
*It's even more retarded.
*The mods try to repress the stupidity, resulting in many bans.   
*The mods try to repress the stupidity, resulting in many bans.   
*porches
*porches
*Rather lulzy threads
*ITS RENDERS FAULT!
The easiest way to troll the flood is to simply make a thread about any of the following: Politics, MW2 being good, religion, girls, being gay, saying rap is good, saying rock is good, music in general, porches, and anything else you can think of. It is supposedly "protected" by a group called "The Flood's Army". Mainly just sit on their asses.
The easiest way to troll the flood is to simply make a thread about any of the following: Politics, MW2 being good, religion, girls, being gay, saying rap is good, saying rock is good, music in general, porches, and anything else you can think of. It is supposedly "protected" by a group called "The Flood's Army". Mainly just sit on their asses.


===Prominent posters in The Flood===
===Prominent posters in The Flood===
*Daxina - Some girl that the Flood stalked until she left.
 
*Naked Noob - Makes political threads to debate different topics, then flames anyone who doesn't agree with him.  
*''Naked Noob'' - Makes political threads to debate different topics, then flames anyone who doesn't agree with him.  
*SpongeJerk89 - Fucked his dog
*''XII CIUTCH IIX'' - Faggot sissy boy who doesn't like meat.
*XII CIUTCH IIX - Faggot sissy boy who doesn't like meat.
*''Gaara444'' - A batshit insane, racist, xenophobic, conspiracy theorist. This guy honestly believes the government can hear his thoughts, and will constantly talk about how the Kennedy Assassination was a hoax. Chances are he's hides in his house all day and goes outside with a tinfoil hat.
*WyldFyre- Bungie's own rampant [[furry|furfag]] who defends furries in the name of justice. You can count on him to post in any thread that has "furries" in the title. Wyldfyre is a source of many lulz as he will often contradict himself. For example: Wyldfyre says that the [[bestiality|furry fandom]] [[lie|is not a fetish]]. But when somebody shows a screenshot of the fag showing off his furporn in a bungie tinychat, he will either [[lie|deny that it represents all furries]] or simply deny it was him, as all [[lolcows]] do.
*''John Cena'' - A wannabe troll whose idea of "good trolling" is spamming obvious links to meatspin in as many threads as he can. A perfect example of [[doing it wrong|trying too hard.]] real account is xXxdropshotterxXx
===Spinoff Groups===
*''King Dutchy'' - A notorious druggie.
*Flood V2 - A spinoff of New Flood. Known for flaming eachother a lot. Tom is shitadmin.
*[[Shane Dawson]] - See John Cena for more of the same.
*New Flood - Original Spinoff group, made by a bunch of college level elitist hipsters. They hate newfags.
*''SanghieliWarrior'' - Like to pretend he is a gay elite. A submissive gay elite.
*We Have Unicorns - Shitty site full of furries and gays. Don't bother trying to find it because they have changed sites like 10 times. srsly. Also, delete their site for lulz.
*''Daft Punk'' - WyldFyre's yiffy little bitch use to love [[My Little Pony|Fluttershy]] to the point of declining real women, now has internet girlfriend.
*''ChurchRagnarok''- Some faggot brony who claims to be an EMT but really uses that as a cover to lure kids into his pedo van and rape them.
*''Spartanelet M37'' - A brony/furfag that writes My Little Pony porn fics and lives in a delusional world where he is a black pony, named Shadow Light, that has sex with with a main character from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, named Pinkie Pie, and has a child with her named, Cupcake.
*''SPARTAN 32192''- Essentially Bungie's #1 tool. He wastes his time sucking shit.
*''TheZealEffect'' - A homophobic social conservative who no one likes. He's also a brony who can never get in any of his girl groups, and trys to get sympathy from it.
*''kikashi hatake'' - The prime definition of a sheltered child. Was either raped by a pedophile as a boy or castrated in front of a large crowd as a teen... Probably both.
*''Vien''- A dick tickling faggot that pretends to be a gay elite. Spends his day fantasizing about cocks while drawing his stubby alien ones.
*''Capiton Render''- Often regarded as the biggest and most annoying faggot of the flood, constantly using stupid outdated memes in order to be lulzy, and always post links raep face, but in reality he's a massive cock sucking faggot. He's also the one responsible for trying make this page a personel "I'm E-Famous!!11!!" page due to his aforementioned faggotry.
*''Decimator Omega'' (retard for short) - Thinks he is an intelligent game designer in training, doesn't realize he oozes homosexual fantasies from his stupid responses, he is more akin to a potato sucking retarded howler monkey screaming fanboi gay fantasies from atop a tree, ITS ALL RENDES FAULT!
*''Felicia402''- Attention Whore
*''Camnator''- A fatass that pretends to be a vegan body builder, is batshit crazy, thinks the government is out to get him and enslave everyone. Cries like a little bitch whenever is picture is posted and tries to play it off like he isn't the spineless, autistic, fatass that everyone knows he really is.
*''Lonepaul'' - A half blind British fucktard that only bashes the US. He use to be incredibly obvious about it and after a series of humiliations he was finally banned. Like a fucking cockroach however he came back on an alt and continue to post shit until is ban expired. Once that happened he proceeded to pretend that he and his alt were two separate people due to the fact that the only person who could possibly agree with his previously mentioned fucktardedness was himself. Currently floats around after having abandoned his alt and now only passively hates the US.-Update, it is now confirmed he has pedophilia fantasies while having incestuous relations with his mother. He has an unusual fixation with sausages, even though he works in a fish and chips shop.
*''WeededDragon'' - Master of puns, also fatass.
*''Electrified Rose'' - Arguably Bungie.net's #1 fucktard. Has created many lulzworthy threads, that usually spiral into huge flamewars after the first post. His MO usually includes making a ridiculous post/claim, then insults your intelligence if you disagree with him or if you just post in his thread, then he will say "Muted and reported" and then message the moderators once you've beaten him in an argument.
*''RC5908'' - [[Leftard|Liberal]] pansy who likes it up the ass 24/7.
*''Gojira'' - [[Loser|Loser]] who pretends to be Godzilla on a video game forum because he has nothing better to do in his pathetic life.
*''Zoid'' - [[Wapanese|Weeaboo]] who pretends to be a girl because he is just that much of a loner.
*''SecondClass'' - Bungie.net's biggest [[Attention whore|attention whore.]] Thinks he's a good troll when in reality his "troll threads" couldn't be more obvious.
*''deadlyfluffball/TheBreadSquid'' - Draws blurry and just all around shitty "drawings". Puts emoticons at the end of every sentence just for the sake of being a [[Fag|faggot]].
*''emmamas'' - Colossal [[Fucktard|dumbass]] who's posts never add anything to a thread's discussion.
*''Ember'' - Obnoxious cunt and [[MSPaint Adventures|Homosuck]] [[Fantard|fanboy]]. [[Fact|Regurgitates the same shitty Rose meme over and over again because he is too unoriginal to come up with anything new.]]
*''Verbatim'' - This guy is [[Butthurt|'''''mad''''']] 24/7, 365. The fucker is opposed to [[Marijuana|weed]] with every fiber of his being, and he's a [[Straight Edge|Straight Edge]]. (Synonymous with "queer" and "faggot".)
*''angry0ldgrandpa'' - A delusional [[Retard|Christian]] fuckwit who seriously believes World War III is happening. He believes every single word of the [[Bible|Bible]] and doesn't question anything in that book because he is too stupid to think on his own. He is most likely a sufferer of dementia.
*''DarkestSeptagon'' - The Flood's personal slut.
 
'''Prominent B.next posters:'''
*''MyNameIsCharlie'' - A hypocrite who doesn't stop talking about his retarded son or pothead wife, but will threaten anybody who brings up his precious baby.
* ''DeclinedA1'' - Libertarian dick-tickling polititard. Genuinely believes that allowing big businesses to rule unopposed would result in the general welfare of the people - but it doesn't matter because he's a zitty, loner no-life who works in a fucking fast-food restaurant.
* ''Madman Mordo'' - An arrogant, misogynistic, victim-blamer who tries to play off occasions where his stupidity is revealed as "jimmy rustling", but everybody knows he only hates women because if he tried to rape them, he would be beaten the shit out of.
* ''Higher Ground'' - Carbon-copy of Fox News, only more insufferable. Literally the most self-entitled poster on the website, who contributes by never ceasing to complain about the lack of decent contribution. Also likes to sniff Oldfag Sparkles's ballsack.  
* ''Oldfag Sparkles'' - A deranged, sociopathic, euphoric transhumanist who loves to argue with whoever disagrees with him even slightly and was banned for threatening to murder a classmate. Faps at every opportunity he gets to rustle some jimmies. Will probably be found circlejerking alongside the other British users or touching his testicles while reading Friedrich Nietzsche.
* ''Le Dustin'' - Almost definitely the most prolific alt-user on the site, yet always pins his bad reputation to Sociopaths United, because he's too much of a pussy to accept how pathetic his trolling is. Also sounds like a six-year-old girl.  
* ''Mr Psychologist'' - A fucked up individual inspired to help others through psychology, probably as a result of how fucked up he is.  
* ''Smiggles'' - A dirty whore who doesn't hesitate to post pictures of her, or her effeminate boyfriend, all over the website.  
* ''IchEsseKinder'' - An utterly retarded conservative who wouldn't hesitate to stick his cock in Rush Limbaugh's plumbing. Never passes up an opportunity to post anything that will paint the Republicans in a good light.
* ''Edableshoe'' - A retard who was caught smoking pot and ruined his even more retarded dream of throwing away his life in order to teach music to autistic kids. 
* ''TrussingDoor'' - A no-lifer who would autofellate himself over the thought of Bethesda Softworks; he tries to pass off as somebody with a decent social life, but all of the anti-depressants and anxiety medication must be making him hallucinate things in his mother's basement.
* ''Onion Beetle'' - An Irish boxer who has nothing better to do than to make alts and troll Fox News. Author of, 'This guys gets it' and the shitty sequel, 'This guy gets it 2.'
* ''Elegiac'' - Semi-closet bisexual who faps to autofelacio in his spare time.  
* ''Yishae'' - On par with Camnator and PSU as far trolling goes, he's a fucking lunatic who spends his time on the forum obsessing over federal reserve conspiracy theories and liberal propaganda.
* ''Exploding Piglets'' - The only user on the site to have multiple main accounts, he spends most his time trolling #destiny or writing shitty stories no one has the time to read. He considers himself a 'dragon furry' or a 'scaly.'


===Gallery of Floodian Culture===
===Gallery of Floodian Culture===
<center><gallery perrow=5>
<center><gallery>
Image:GARDEVOIR.jpg|Flood sure likes Pokemon...
Image:A Typical day on flood.png| A typical day in the flood forum.
Image:Fuckin'_kittens.jpg
File:WhenYouAskForRecon.jpg
Image:HE SEES ALL.jpg|YOU CANNOT HIDE. HE SEES ALL. HE HEARS ALL.
File:butthurt.jpg | When you mention CoD
Image:What is this?.jpg
Image:Howcute.jpg|Da'www.
Image:Avaerage_day_on_the_flood.png| A typical day in the flood forum.
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>


==The Flood part deux; Floodian History==
==Forum Ninjas==
{{co|bungienetfloodhistory|[No one could possibly care about all this bullshit.]|[View history]|0|
Forum Ninja's are what BNet calls it's moderators.  [[lie|The term does not sound gay, at all.]] These forum faggots or bungie worshippers or whatever you wanna call them have no life and believe Bungie is GOD. They happily swallow loads of Bungie's cum and regularly toss each other off in glee at the thought of another map pack.  They ban for everything and anything that doesn't worship bungie and have a deep seeded hatred of trolls.
The History of The Flood Forum, 2nd Edition
 
===List of Forum Ninjas===
[[Image:bnetmoderator.jpg|thumb|Average moderator.]]
[[Image:Retardedfilipino.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Urk from the bungie.net forums.]]
 
*Urk - A bungie employee that writes the weekly updates (mind you the updates have never actually contained "updates" for Bungies games). [[Shit nobody cares about|His latest updates include gay interviews about noble map pack and other dumbass bull shit. He blindly worships Bungie and his forum posts are hard hitting pieces of literature such as "I Voted." which was his response to a poll topic titled "Do you think Reach needs a patch?"]] He also spends his times posting irrelevant pictures in threads. Since only bungie employees can post pictures, this is considered to be the greatest thing ever, turning the thread into an instant hot topic. His real name is Eric Osborne and he lives at 2304 S Pinebrook Ln.Seattle, WA 98198. If you have any complaints about how much halo sucks give him a call at<strike>(206) 249-8907.</strike> The landlinde has been discontinued newfag.  Extra points if you link him to this page!!!one!
 
==Bungie.net Copypasta==
 
===Dazarobbo's bad day===
Dazarobbo was having a horrible day. He just got laid off from his job and his girlfriend just kicked him out of her house when she heard the news. His relationship with her had been deteriorating ever since he became a moderaor on bungie.net. Instead of hammering her, he spent his time hammering noobs on the forums. He had nowhere to go and he had no internet. His family was about 777 miles away and he only had enough money and gas to get to 666 miles. Daza knew he had to find a place to stay. So he called his best friend, Bobcast.  Daza explained the situation, about how he got fired from his job and kicked out by his girlfriend and that he just needed a place to stay. Bob listened patiently to Dazarobbo. When Daza was done talking he asked, "Do you think I could stay at your place for a couple of days? Until I find a job at least?" "Sure man, Recon Number 54, Foman, TU and I are going to be having a drinking party tonight. You could join us for a couple of days."  Dazarobbo thanked him a lot for being such an awesome friend.
 
So Dazarobbo hitched a ride on a bus (his ex girlfriend owned the semi-truck since she was a trucker). 30 minutes later, he was at Bobcasts apartment and he knocked on the door. Bob opened the door up and welcomed dazarobbo in. "The other guys are inside playing halo reach, there are chips and salsa in the kitchen and beer in the fridge, help yourself dude. You will be staying in room upstairs on the left." he said. "Thanks man, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this." said Dazarobbo. "No problem man, I am a doctor. It is my duty to take care of people, especially my friends." Dazarobbo went upstairs to put his things in his room. Then he came back down and said hi to the others. "sup?" said True Underdog, "Hey -blam!- whats happnin?" said foman  " Hey son? how are you doing?" said recon number, who took up a whole couch. "Just hanging out for a couple of days.
 
So he sat down to play some games with the other ninjas. When nightfall came, the drinking games started. Foman and Bobcast played against Dazarobbo and True underdog in a game of beer pong while Recon number ate 2 bags of chips and drank one of the kegs of beer. So the games went on and the ninjas got pretty drunk. Dazarobbo, who was staggering drunk, burst out crying all of a sudden. "yo whats wrong bro? *hiccup*" said foman. "Ever since I became a forum ninja, my life went downhill!I had so much fun banning people that I didn't pay attention to my girlfriend or my job! So I lost m-my job and I l-lost my girlfriend a-and she k-kicked me out! " Dazarobbo bellowed. The other ninjas looked at him with sympathetic glances. Bobcast put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You are not the only one. I wanted to become a surgeon. But ever since I became a ninja, my life went downhill. I wasn't able to finish my classes in collegeman, now I am only a nurse. Plus I got kicked out of my girlfriend's house too!" "R-Really?" said Dazarobbo.  "So was I man" said foman, who now had tears in his eyes. "I was goin to be a -blam!- lawyer yo! but then I became a ninja! and DAMN! I had so much fun kickin them stupid white folks from bungie.net and haven them swear me out that i forgot to do my classes an shit. my bitch kicked me out of her house and i was on the street! An my homie, Bobcast took me in!"


Twitch
Dazarobbo was astounded. He looked at True underdog, who immediatly broke down and cried. "me too man! I have a beautiful son! But I never paid attention to him because I was a ninja on bungie.net! My girlfriend kicked me out and bobcast took me in!". Recon number 54 burped. "I never knew we were all so alike... I love you guys so much!" exclaimed Dazarobbo "we need eachother don't we?" They all nodded, even recon number nodded, sending undulations through his blubber. So they all gathered around and hugged eachother. Then, what one can only hope was the guidance of the alcohol, they began to fondle eachothers asses.
2005
Twitch did a whole bunch of spamming, trolling, flaming, and beyond, but he was still a major part of the community, and had himself a fanbase. The fanbase would eventually coin the phrase "Twitch for pres." He felt that the "spam was tha -blam!-," and that "it just need to be said." If he hadn't said it he "would be doing the world a disservice fo real."


He would also target a group run by Gold Templar II. He was a character that Twitch found odd so naturally he "-blam!- with him... alot." His fan group launched a spam attack on his group, while Twitch created an alt that looked very similar to Gold Templer ll, and would spam the forums. Gold Templar told the mods that he had been hacked by Twitch, and that was all they needed. He has since been permabanned, but it is rumored he still posts on alts, like almost everyone does. People don't like to talk about Twitch for fear of it still upsetting moderators.
The ninjas began to undress until they were butt naked. Their throbbing banhammers hanging . Dazarobbo and bobcast caught eachother's eyes and began to embrace eachother. While Dazarobbo and Bobcast were making out, True underdog knelt in front of foman. Then foman shoved his big black veiny banhammer into his ass, making True Underdog squeal. Meanwhile, Recon number 54, who couldn't get out of the couch because of his weight, began to jerk his banhammer. Bobcast looked at Dazarobbo's raging banhammer and knelt down. He put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Meanwhile foman and true underdog cried out and they both sprayed banhammer juice at the same time. Recon number was still jerking. Bobcast's sucking was making dazarobbo moan in ecstacy. All of a sudden he cried out and sprayed into Bob's mouth. They were spent.  


The Flood-Zanzibar War
But then bobcast looked at recon meaningfully. Recon, getting the message, pulled out his glass eye. Then bobcast came over and stuck his banhammer ino recon's eye socket. This got recon to moan and jerk off even more furiously. Bobcast screamed as he came into that eyesocket, dripping banhammer juioce down recon's cheek. Recon came all over bobcast's legs. The night went on and the ninjas are now closest friends. But then one night, foman was was monitoring the forums and saw this story. "WHO THE FUCK RECORDED THIS SHIT AND MADE AN ALTERNATE ACCOUNT ON BNET?!?!?"
Summer 2005-May 2006
In the summer of 2005, the forum Zanzibar tried to blitzkrieg the Flood Forum by flaming and spamming the forum into submission. The resulted in a full-out flame war. Floodians started flaming and spamming the forum Zanzibar in retaliation, until late in 2005. The Flood halted the flaming and spamming, and the Zanzibarians claimed a victory for themselves. However, in the late spring of '06, the Floodians won, as the Zanzibar forum was deleted to make room for the Halo 3 forum, merging with New Mombasa.


The Flood Nightbar
===Sanghieli Warrior and his friends===
8/14/2005
bacon greese1521 created The Flood night bar. It is important in that is laid the template down for what every following forum bar. The first few posts are the ordering of drinks, with the OP serving as a bartender. Within a few pages, however, the bar quickly devolves into barfights, card games, and shenanigans of every kind. Flood Bars of this template are now opened on every holiday(that extols drinking) from January 1rst to December 31st.


Shiska is a Pegboy
SanghieliWarrior was kneeling at the end of the bed, butt naked. Ready to take Ryle's throbbing elite phallus into his tight ass. Ripa was laying down on the bed, his legs hanging over the edge so that SanghieliWarrior's snout was at his crotch, and Ryle was standing behind SanghieliWarrior's ass, ready to dominate.  
8/16/2005
A spammer named Watermelon King created at least 15 pages of nothing but "Shishka is a Pegboy" as the title and body of each thread. It is believed that it was because Shiska had called him a Pegboy, and that he did not take very kindly to this comment. At this point in Bungie.net's history, there was not post limit or cooldown; so he was able to create that many threads fairly quickly. Floodians, and Shiska, look back and laugh at the event.


Glory Days of Forum Fiction
The elites growled and huffed, ready to take the great journey with eachother. SanghieliWarrior hovered his mandibles above Ripa's erect cock, and plunged his maw onto it, making Ripa groan with delight. Then he felt Ryle poke at his ass, teasing his tailhole with his pre coated pride. Then he felt Ryle thrust....
6/1/2005-10/26/2008
During this point in time The Flood experienced a wealth of talented writers, as well as a fanbase that was will to read more than 4 paragraphs in a single post. Among the Floodian writers that it would produce were Douglas Brown, Sniper McGee, bacon greese1521, Mabian, Commander Locks, Tartan 118, GameJunkieJim(Yes, the moderator), Colonel Corbec, and the Laureate of The Flood, Halifax. Multiple members would write for years, and even create fan groups, to themselves which became quite popular. Halifax is easily the most voluminous writer of them all at this point, even after many of his works were lost on Day After Bungie Day.


There was even a point in time where writers were treated like rock stars when they announced that they were going to do a story. However, many like Sniper McGee and squirrel dude only got through the first couple of chapters and then simply didn't have the energy to continue with their work. The Golden Age is marked at ending on 10/26/2008, when Halifax posted his final story, but it had been falling off long before that. Although Mabian was writing a very popular story called The Floodiad, many other authors were no longer receiving the attention they used to, the attention that was often the reason for their writing. This, combined with a resurgence of The Gallery forum has limited Floodian forum fiction since.
SanghieliWarrior howled with agonized pleasure as he felt the ridge covered dick slide into his tight ass and press against his prostate. Ryle placed his hands around SanghieliWarrior's waist and thrust until his hilt met SanghieliWarrior's cheeks. Then SanghieliWarrior continued to suck ripa off, his maw was coated in the elite's purple pre-cum.  


One Day War
Ripa shuddered and placed his hands on SanghieliWarrior's head and said "oooo brother, you are amazing." Ryle knodded in agreement as he continued thrusting. "Your passage is tighter than that of a human's!" SanghieliWarrior began to sway back and forth with pleasure as he was fucked in the ass.  
Mid-August 2006
A thread in late summer reported that the moderators created a thread in HCFS, it was titled "We will attack at dawnleave no Floodian standing." However, the contents of the thread is unknown, because any non-moderator b.net member who even attempts to join the group will be in some pretty big trouble, or so says the group's motto. Anyway, the Floodians decided to be prepared for an attack from the mods(For mods, forum attacking is the act of locking threads for no apparent reason). Unfortunately, the next day, the thread was locked by a moderator. It is unknown if the moderators really were planning a surprise attack, but stopped because some bold Floodians found out, or if they are still planning for a surprise attack on The Flood to this day..


The Halo 3 Forum War
an hour passed...and then 2 hours. Pleasure  began to build SanghieliWarrior's mid-region....
May 2006-November 2006
Although Floodians had defeated Zanzibar, the wars for supremacy were not over. The attention of the forum shortly turned to a new rival: The Halo 3 forum. As soon as the forum was released, the H3 Fanboys ignorantly started to spam the Flood with their theories and ideas for H3. In response, the Floodians flamed these members who spammed. The Fanboys retreated and started to stop spamming in October, but started back up again in November . This time, Floodians started to spam the H3 Forum with very stupid ideas, to see how the fanboys would act in response. The battles have halted since November, although contempt is still held by The Flood for The Halo 3 forum, and their regulars.


hotpink - gu3do Marriage
Ryle growled and picked up the pace, he began to thrust harder and deeper, causing SanghieliWarrior to coo with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior slid his hands under Ripa's buttocks and gave them a squeeze, his finger slid up Ripa's hole and Ripa howled with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior wiggled his finger, making Ripa buck a little. He continued sucking the elite off while being pounded in the ass.
8/31/2006 -
Don't let the title fool you, these two aren't married, even tough it says in her signature that they were on 12/22/2006. They didn't actually talk online until 8/31/2006, and didn't visit each other until 7/13/2007. They do still have a relationship to this day, and do plan on getting married when the time is right. They are pretty much the only Floodians to form a romantic relationship, and for it to then succeed after they met in real life. The only ones to do the former even, I think.


That said, not every member was happy for them when they were still dating an getting married and having babies and growing old. In fact, quite a few Floodians got damned tired of hearing all about their lives, and how awesome they were, and how great a photographer gu3do was, and how pretty hotpink was. It wasn't that hotpink only wanted to write threads that were gushy blogs about how happy she was, she openly admitted that every thread she made simply became a blog out of habit. Eventually they both stated posting in groups more often so that members and moderators wouldn't get mad that they were posting lovey dubby blogs all the time.
"BY THE GODS!" he thought, "I haven't felt this way since I encountered the demon!" Soon, all 3 of the elites were approaching their threshold. And at the same times, they howled. Ryle blew his load into SanghieliWarrior's depths, Ripa blew his load onto SanghieliWarrior's face, getting it coated with green elite c*m, and SanghieliWarrior blew his load onto the floor. He felt like his body was tearing itself apart!


Kitchen 8
30 minutes later, the orgasms settled down and they all fell asleep.
1/26/2007-2/3/2007
A Floodian asked the Flood to help vote in a contest to win a kitchen makeover for his relatives. Fuge amounts of Floodians poured in to vote, and it quickly took 2nd or 3rd after a few hours. Soon after that it took first place by over 200 votes. The kitchen became known as Kitchen 8 as it was initially the 8th choice. Kitchen 8 had become a massive phenomenon, with Floodians making groups to worship Kitchen 8 as a national religion. Kitchen 8 was now the Flood's official kitchen.


However, some people were against it. On the contest's comment page, other people voting claimed that The Flood was made up of "hackers" and "12 year olds with no lives." One member set up a group to go against Kitchen 8, and support kitchen 7 (the then 2nd place kitchen). However, the group was a failure, recruiting only 6 members.


The contest closed on January 31st, and as of Feb. 3rd, Kitchen 8 had officially won the contest.
The next morning, 3 naked teenagers were found dead in the woods. Autopsy reports showed that they overdosed on LSD.


Jetfalcon is attacked through the internet
===Average Day in the Life of a Sapphire Member===
6/13/2007-8/4/2007
Jetfalcon was a selfproclaimed cool kid at school, but it hadn't always been that way for him. It was only over the last year that he had become popular, and become a shoe in to win Prom King. He was very loud about this, animal cruelty, most people saw him as an annoying douche. Among the most avid of his attackers were Ada Astra and MeechVII. Though this is not to say that everyone hated him, some actually saw him as a member who could be funny at times.


Things came to a head when Floodians made YTMD's proclaiming his faults. Jetfalcon found out about this because he used Google.com to search his own name. Once he discovered it, he posted on The Flood about how it was a cyber hate crime because attacking a wealthy, popular, prom king is a hate crime. The Flood responded by flaming him, leading to the banning of many members once evilcam showed up to shut it down.
Today we will follow "Jeff." Jeff has school today. First day back from summer, he is now going to be a freshman in high school.


The Ghost BikeTakes Flight
Jeff awakens to the piercing sound of crashing ocean waves. Slamming the alarm off, he turns over to catch a few more Zs. But his mother wouldn't have that.
6/23/2007
A group of Floodians decided to make a team for the Red Bull Flugtag with a ghost built over a bicycle. However, they weren't automatically selected, and instead were put in the wild-card round where they would have to be voted in. Unwilling to let this go down to chance, the Floodians called on the forums to go to the site and vote them in. The response was overwhelming, with The Ghost Bike team getting nearly 30,000 votes. The Ghost Bike team took the stage on the 23rd of June, and did a Halo based skit when they prepared to launch. The Ghost Bike when speeding off the platform and did a nosedive straight into the water.


Day After Bungie Day
"Jeffy, back your bags and get your breakfast, the bus leaves in 10 minutes!"
12:20 A.M-12:30 A.M EST, 7/9/2007
An unknown hacked into the moderator's, Pezza's, account started locking all threads on the front page of The Flood. All hell broke loose. Several people who started threads about the incident were blacklisted. A few of those blacklisted were some of the Flood's well-known users. In fact, even moderators were being banned. People were making threads asking for their thread to be pinned, some of which ended up being pinned, but were quickly taken down.


About 10 or so minutes later, the chaos finally stopped, as administrators and higher ranking forum ninjas blacklisted the moderator's account. Many formerly pinned threads had been deleted, and so new ones were created. Pezza now uses a different account, Pezz.
Jeffy, barely audible, replies, "OKAYYYY MOMMMMMM GGRRRRBBLLLLLLLLlll pp..."


Gamerz Property Gets Hacked
''Did you know that when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?''
Summer 2007
On a day in the summer of 2007, Pillage, or an alt of his posted how he had been able to hack into Gamerz Property's/Gamer girl's account by fishing her information. Logical Thinking is also thought to be involved with the hacking. They successfully got her myspace, Bungie.net account, and photobucket account. They were able to get a large amount of personal information from this, and posted some things that Gamerz didn't want anyone to see.


Not every member saw Gamerz as the victim in the situation, or at least not a pitiable one. For the, her blogs about her extracurricular activities with friends meant that she warranted the invasion of property. The Flood devolved into people supporting Pillage's actions for whatever inane reason they used to justify it, no one saying anything if they were one Gamerz' side, and Gamerz freaking the -blam!- out about the whole thing.


Note: This section was censored, due to member and moderator pressure. It's the reason I couldn't get a true date, and I hope to accurately tell the story in the revised edition.


The New Flood
"Damn that voice, damn it to Harlow's dungeon!" Jeff thinks. The voice in his head has now awoken him sufficiently, and he rises from his bed. The rest of his morning preparations go uneventfully, and he climbs aboard the bright yellow school bus on time. As Jeff finishes ascending the steps he takes a leisurely scan down the bus for available seating. He sees a neighbor, a fellow Sapphire member, seated three seats down. Jeff scuffles over and smiles at Pip as he sits down. Naturally, Jeff begins a normal conversation with Pip.  
6/2/2007-8/14/2008
The New Flood was founded by I Will Kill You based on the belief that The Flood and the entirety of the Bungie.net community had been degrading since the release of Halo 3. Many of the Flood's regulars joined the group for at least some point of time. The group had a constantly shifting administration structure, with administrators leaving, stepping down, or becoming deceased, and new ones taking over. On July 19, 2008, X Rampancy X, a New Flood member, created an offsite for the group. The Bungie.net group is now considered dead, as most members, and thus many former Floodians, have moved to the offsite.


Through the first half of August of 2008, there was a panic about an attack on the forum. They rumors were "spread by Houston Texan." These rumors spread like wild fire through members on the Bungie.net forums. On August 14th, due to the countless warning threads, the phrase "New Flood" became a bannable term on the Bungie.net forums.
"Hey P, you see Harlow's post in Sapphire? Funny as hell right? He must be pretty cool."


The Pie Thread
"Ya he's chill, I totally respect him," Pip replies.
4/18/2008 - 3/24/2009
A thread was created by bungie employee drabominable, titled DO YOU LIKE PIE? For quite some time it was extremely popular. The thread was more than simple yes and now answers, with some members writing massive philosophical arguments as to why pie was such a wonderful food, and vice versa. Multiple moderators also partook in the discussion, giving the thread validity. However, after 2009, it came under scrutiny as breaking the rules that all other members had to abide by.


The topic of whether or not the thread should be locked quickly became a massive and long lasting topic all unto itself with debate raging in both The Flood and The Septagon. At last, the thread was deleted, as was the main discussion thread about whether or not to lock it. This decision did not please many Floodians, who saw it as just further evidence of The Septagon interfering with The Floods good times.
Jeff starts again, "What about th-"


Forum Games Become considered spam
"Please stop talking about Sapphire," Pip says forcefully. Taken back and a bit offended, Jeff turns to face straight ahead. Pondering, he begins talking again.
Mid 2008
For quite some time it was only the dumb forum games that were considered spam, but a shift in policy would occur. Serious discussions about this did not happen until much later, with members questioning the reasoning for the change in policy in 2009.


The Flood V2
"But we always talk about our epic forum adventures, I thought you liked Sapphire."
(7/30/2008 - 7/29/2009)
Created by DoJoe89, The Flood V2 is made up of members that claim to be devil spawn. The group was much more aggressive than the New Flood, and was proud of it. They often spammed, trolled and raided The Flood. They would edit pages on Bungiepedia, to a point where it quickly got far out of hand. On November 15th of 2008, The Flood V2 would create an offsite, and it would then fail on the 21rst.


A second offsite of The Flood V2 was created by EJ. Most of the group has either moved to the offsite, or at least participates in it in some way. However, the group does not raid The Flood as much, if at all anymore as moderation has stepped up since the implementation of the Play Nice Rules. The Last major event was a group attack in February of 2009.
Pip is more relaxed and sincere now, his initial annoyance has receded.


7777 Pages
"I do, but this is high school. We can't be talking about some internet forum group and about how we adore Harlow with all of our hearts."
8/13/2008
On this day at approximately 8:45 The Flood reached 7777 pages of content


Play Nice Rules
Jeff, saddened, doesn't understand his dear friend's sentiment.
9/24/2008
Probably the most important rule change, or revamped enforcement in Flood history. The play nice rules drastically effected the culture of The Flood culture. It is seen as both the moment that the administration finally began to crack down on misbehaving Floodians, and as a motion to make The Flood conform by an oppressive administration. Many members felt that the rules went to far, leading to a increase in membership for Flood V2, and other groups of it's ilk.


The New Flood and Flood V2 are both often included in the discussion as to why the Play Nice rules were enacted. This is supported by some members of the groups, as well Achronos' statement that the problem mostly seemed "to be due to a specific subculture of those that frequent this forum." However, members of the group will say that it was specifically The Flood's culture that lead to the rules, and the subculture was only being copied by The Flood.
Pip continues, "If we want to get any new friends we gotta be-"


Attacking the PETA boards 2008
Jeff cuts in, "not gotta, we should, Pip. Should."
9/24/2008 - 1/2/2009
On September 24th, a member reported how PETA had asked the Ben and Jerry's Ice cream company to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk. Floodians were appalled at the idea. Shortly afterward, a member found that PETA had an online site that include forums where the nuts talked about saving chickens from the evil Colonel Sanders. Floodians organized themselves and created accounts on the PETA boards to harass the members.


However, the moderators couldn't allow this to continue happening once they found out. on January 2nd, 2009, Duardo issued a message on the issue. Any Floodian "proclaiming to have spammed the PETA website, or any other, will be permanently banned from Bungie.net without exception." The reasoning for this was on the interpretation that by spamming PETA's website you were hampering their use of the Bungie.net website. Spamming has openly stopped since this announcement.
"Yeah. Anyway, we should discuss more social things, worldly events, stuff like that. No one will want to talk about what we normally talk about."


Hancock's death
Now Jeff is quite sad. He feels some pulsing pains in his butt, and his buttox tightens. But Jeff is used to this sensation, so he quickly relaxes his butt muscles.
9/28/2008 - 4/22/2009
Hancock was a popular member, who gained popularity after he announced that he had been diagnosed with "Perihilar cholangiocarcinoma" on September 28th of 2008. He explained that by the time it had been diagnosed, it had "metastasized, spread to the rest of his liver and small intestine," so it was now inoperable. Most members believed what he said, and shared their condolences with him, though there were some doubters. Most expressed their disbelief that if he truly had been diagnosed with cancer, then why was he spending time on an internet forum? Hancock posted no specific date of death, but did say that he had less than a year to live


Hancock posted an update on March 17, 2009. He explained that he had undergone surgery in October which had removed many affected organs. He talked about how he gone to Greece and seen the world. His post was notably more depressed, and how he was looking forward to death at this point. His last post was on 4/22/2009, but that does not mean for many members that he is dead. Some have questioned his threads as simply very clever trolling, and said that he had simply stopped using that account, and switched to using an alternate. Using an alt is such a common practice when someone is banned, that it is not unlikely.
After a few quiet minutes, the bus arrives at school.Jeff hops out and sees Pip already talking with other unfamiliar kids. Disappointed but still light-hearted for school, he strolls through the front doors. Jeff's first class is History. He grabs a seat between a cute girl with ponytailed black hair (to his left) and an a kid (on his right) whos bulging flaps of lipid protruded so far as to nearly touch Jeff's desk. Jeff had now nearly gone 10 minutes without speaking to anyone. After figuring the fat kid may be feeling jolly and acceptable, Jeff leans over, avoiding the kid's fat, and half-whispers,


Draw-ball
"Hey you like history? Know anything about this teacher?"
10/9/08 - 4/7/2009
A Floodian by the name of Knightmare01 petitioned the Flood to go draw on the Draw-ball. Floodians flooded in to flood draw-ball with the colors of The Flood. This would continue for months, with multiple invasions planned by The Flood in private groups and The Flood forum. Floodians saw it as a way to compete with /b/ and 4chan in general without actually attacking or provoking their website. As with the PETA incident, however, moderators couldn't have The Flood using sites where you draw in coordinated ways. On 4/7/2009 the thread was locked, though many members had started to grow tired of all the draw-ball threads.


10000 pages
The fat kid turns his melon and answers with harsh pickle-smelling breath, "All I know is that I wanna suck her tits bro, hahaha."
1/29/2009
On this day, at around 6:40 PM The Flood reached 10,000 pages of content


Porch Day
Jeff was quite startled by such a frank remark. Replying hastily, he replies, "Yeah like Harlow sucked Jay hahaha man that must have been great."
5/24/2009
It all started with a post talking about how a pet recently died on a members porch. From there Floodians created multiple parody threads. From there, Floodians created multiple parody threads of parody threads. From there, Floodians created parody threads, of parody threads, of parody threads. It spiraled wildly out of control, to the point that over 4 pages were covered with parody threads, all of which had
something to do with a porch.


All wings reporting in
Fatty stared at him. "The ­-blam!- you babbling about bro?"
8/31/2009 - 9/1/2009
In the middle of a crisis of some sort, the Flood quickly organized itself into squadrons. From red wing to redrum, the Flood prepared to fight an enemy of some sort, for over 24 hours. Of course they never actually fought an enemy, they just reported in, and reported on the situation of each others toilets.


Element War
"Nevermind," Jeff said as Fatty's babe of a teacher began introducing herself to the class.
9/17/2009 3:58 PM - 8:14PM
An alternate, now identified as belonging to Pieman191, named Bronze created a thread titled "I'm issuing a treaty. The thread entailed characters proclaiming an element, and then forming alliances against the other elements. The action quickly escalated, with members creating alternate accounts in order to participate the fullest. It was no longer a member representing the element gold, but the member gold that engaged in the combat. The war lasted 4 hours until a moderator locked the thread.


The Harlow, Rhea, Naked N00B 14 Popularity War
Her name is Shiska and indeed she is attractive. Her boobs bounce when she walks to and fro, and her generous buttcheecks wave hello to anyone fortunate enough to get a good look. And you can be sure Fatty does.  
9/21/2009 - 11/30/2009
Floodians have always been easily rallied up behind the cause of a popularity war behind specific members, and this case was no different. It started with HarlowOO197 attacking Chris Lyonz because he betrayed The Flood by supporting /b/ in a hypothetical war. He coupled this with declaring himself the emperor of The Flood.


Meanwhile, Naked N00B 14 was constantly creating threads that either broke, or barely stayed within the rules of the forum. Most of his threads became hot topics and he quickly became a popular Floodian, know for his willingness to debate the issues of the day. He declared his bid for President of The World on October 12, 2009.
Suddenly Fatty begins moaning ever so slightly. Jeff glances over and sees Fatty obviously jerking his wang beneath his flabs of fat and his I LUV METAL t-shirt. With the smell of large wet pickles in the air, the faint sound of "fapfapfapfapfap," and Shiska's swaying breasts, Jeff begins to get horny. The chemicals are swimming throughout his body.


Rhea on the other hand had been working the popularity game for over a year at this point. She was a chick, and talked about sex, and college, so she was instantly popular. The Flood is still part of the internet, after all. She had created a group Take Over Teh World in 9/29/2008.
''It has been 5 hours. When will you satisfy yourself to this glory?''


Multiple polls were created in order to accomodate the need of The Flood to discuss the topic. Eventually some of the candidates used alts to create polls that eliminated a candidate that did better than them. Ultimately HarlowOO197 stepped down as emperor, and Naked N00B 14 was banned because of the threads he made. In most cases this would make Rhea the winner. However, during the campaign Naked Noob had called her a man, and the insult stuck, as well as the title of "The Flood's Attention Whore" by Elite Mouse. Floodians have since jumped on the bandwagon, and she was never able to claim victory.


Pokealts Day
2/8/2010
On this day many members created specifically Pokemon named accounts and started posting on the forums. However, almost all of these accounts have been since banned, so the only evidence that it happened are large numbers of Pokemon related threads that have hardly any posts in them at all, all of which occurred on a specific date, and the testimony of Floodians.


Idplowmileycyrus, and other alts.
"Not now I am in class," Jeff thinks.
7/3/2010
Starting on this day a member created the account "Idplowmileycyrus". This users post was almost always posted in The Flood, although some users have witnessed posts in the Halo: Reach forum, posts that were not miley related and more topic related. This user was famous for involving "Miley Cyrus" Into every post. This user trolled in a clever manor, a manor that got him out of many bans. He started spamming more than casual trolling. After a couple of days "Idplowmileycyrus" Eventually got perma banned. He had created apparently "7 othe alts...for wave one", according to his main alt "n9 11 waz funny". He continued to troll on those 7 other accounts. He was caught by a moderator and all current accounts created were perma banned.  


[[Image:imagefile.png|thumb|The first wave of Miley accounts]]
''FOOL. You cannot resist. Imagine what you would do to that. You can live that right now.''


According the his main alt account, he got out of the "some-what IP ban". He created a second wave of accounts persisting of 6 more "Miley accounts" that are actually ready-to-go and announced alliance with 2 other floodians.


At the end of wave 1, it turned out he was just an obsessed miley cyrus "fan" that would love to have an opportunity to "plow" miley cyrus.
"No, I can't," Jeff insists.


" " Day
''YES. PLEASURE YOURSELF LIKE FATTY. SPRAY YOURSELF OVER THAT CUTE GIRL OVER THERE. I SEE HER, YOU SEE HER. WHY WAIT?!''
9/25/10


At 5:11 PM PST, JVanik created a thread with no post or body, causing the Flood to flip shits and post in the thread like wildfire, with people left and right posting about how special they are for posting in said thread. At 9:47 PM, the thread was finally locked, with 266 posts. An official group was created in honor of said event, out of fear that everyone who posted would be banned. Oh, and shit nigger ass fuck, because someone said it needed cursing.
"NO!" Jeff yells in his head. Or so he thought. He sees all students turn and look directly at him. Even the fapfapfap has ceased.
-Comrade Napoleon.
|}}


==Notable Trolls==
"I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom," Jeff quickly mutters and bolts out of the room.
*Naked Noob - see above
*MarryMeJane/ExplosivePigs - posts a bunch of hilariously disgusting Halo erotica in unsuspecting threads. Causes massive amounts of butthurt.
*Zickson - Somehow manages to get hot topics despite being an obvious troll.


==Forum Ninjas==
Still horny as hell, Jeff claims himself a stall in the freshly polished restroom and begins to ponder.
Forum Ninja's are what BNet calls it's moderators. [[lie|The term does not sound gay, at all.]] These forum faggots or bungie worshippers or whatever you wanna call them have no life and believe Bungie is GOD. They happily swallow loads of Bungie's cum and regularly toss each other off in glee at the thought of another map pack. They ban for everything and anything that doesn't worship bungie and have a deep seeded hatred of trolls.
 
"Well, no one else is here right now..."
 
''Yes. Do it. It will be so satisfying. Imagine the pleasuring.''
 
 
Jeff is now speaking aloud. "You don't need to remind me!" Jeff states defiantly, whips out a picture of a young body clad scantily and simultaneously whips out his raging di­ck. Stroking and moaning, Jeff proceeds to pleasure himself in a dirty way which he often fantasized about: in a public restroom! ­
 
"-blam!- the world, muahahaha!" Jeff laughs menacingly and joyfully as he explodes onto the green stall door ahead of him.
 
After cleaning himself and his secretions, Jeff strolls out of the restroom happier than ever, forgetting he has his fap picture in his hand. By sheer chance, his friend Pip is walking into the restroom.
 
"Dude, you know you are holding a picture of Harlow? Better put that away. People may think you are weird with a picture of a random dude, especially one with the dude wearing basically nothing."
 
Jeff looks up, embarrassed at first, but the initial feeling passes.
 
"I don't care what they think," he says, giggling.
 
"Alright man, see ya later," Pip replies, rushing past.
 
His eyes following his friend rush into the bathroom, Jeff caught a glance of a picture jutting out of Pip's right pocket.
 
"Hehe...what if we both?..." Jeff thinks.
 
''You still have some more in there. Do it for Harlow.''
 
 
 
Jeff casually makes his way into the restroom behind Pip.
 
===Earliest known entry by MarryMeJane===
I am sorry for your loss. Betrayal is unforgivable. I was betrayed by fate. You see, I am not supposed to be here, in this time, in this universe. I have memories of a different life. This one is the most vivid memory:
 
My most vivid memory:
 
The human and covenant war had long ended. Humans and the sanghieli were now in a delicate diplomatic relationship. I met the arbiter at one of the negotiation meetings. Although the war was over, we needed to rebuild. the sanghieli, felt it was their duty to help us rebuild since they contributed to Earth's near annihilation.  


===List of Forum Ninjas===
We caught eachother's eyes for just a second, and we both fell in love. I didn't know how he felt about me until later that night, I was beamed out of my bed and kidnapped by thel. He was flying a seraph equipped with beaming technology. I woke up in surprise, I thought I was dreaming. I saw the arbiter looking at me. He said "don't be afraid human. What is your name?"
[[Image:bnetmoderator.jpg|thumb|Average moderator.]]
[[Image:Retardedfilipino.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Urk from the bungie.net forums.]]
*Qbix89 - Likes massive amounts of penis.
*Foman - Nigger faggot.
*Pezza - is such a failure he can't keep his account from being hacked.
*TGP - Faggot who always signs his posts with -TGP-
*Captain K Mart - doesnt afraid of anything*
*The Slayer - A 17 year old
*Urk - A bungie employee that writes the weekly updates (mind you the updates have never actually contained "updates" for Bungies games). His latest updates include gay interviews about noble map pack and other dumbass bull shit that nobody cares about. He blindlyworships Bungie and his forum posts are hard hitting pieces of literature such as "I Voted." which was his response to a poll topic titled "Do you think Reach needs a patch?" Hes also A gay Bungie employee who posts pictures of fag porn in unsuspecting threads. His real name is Eric Osborne and he lives at 2304 S Pinebrook Ln.Seattle, WA 98198. If you have any complaints about how much halo sucks give him a call at(206) 249-8907.  Extra points if you link him to this page!!!one!
*True Underdog - A [[furry]] who became a moderator by blowing Tom Giocanda.
*Achronos - Real name: Tom Giocanda. He is ta bungie.net overlord and a fatass.
*Recon number 54 - [[Pedophile]]
*Dazarobbo- Raped as a child.
*Bobcast-Claims to be a doctor.


==Bungie.net Copypasta==
"j-jane". "jane...such a nice name for a human female." I don't know what came over me, because just then, I ran right at him and hugged him. Instead of pushing me away and acting surprised, he hugged me back. Then we both began to strip our clothes, without words. Just animal instinct.
===Bungie.net copypasta===


Dazarobbo was having a horrible day. He just got laid off from his job and his girlfriend just kicked him out of her house when she heard the news. His relationship with her had been deteriorating ever since he became a moderaor on bungie.net. Instead of hammering her, he spent his time hammering noobs on the forums. He had nowhere to go and he had no internet. His family was about 777 miles away and he only had enough money and gas to get to 666 miles. Daza knew he had to find a place to stay. So he called his best friend, Bobcast. Daza explained the situation, about how he got fired from his job and kicked out by his girlfriend and that he just needed a place to stay. Bob listened patiently to Dazarobbo. When Daza was done talking he asked, "Do you think I could stay at your place for a couple of days? Until I find a job at least?" "Sure man, Recon Number 54, Foman, TU and I are going to be having a drinking party tonight. You could join us for a couple of days."  Dazarobbo thanked him a lot for being such an awesome friend.
We were both naked, I gently caressed the brand on his chest, and he nibbled on my breasts with his mandibles.He said to me "Marry me Jane." and I looked up into his eyes. They were loving. "Yes...I want to be with you forever! Please....dominate this human!"He grinned at me and He then laid me on his bed, and gently spread my legs. I threw my arms around his back and gripped his shoulderblades as he thrust into me. His girth was incredible and his reach was far. I moaned and tensed up, he stopped. He looked down at me and said


So Dazarobbo hitched a ride on a bus (his ex girlfriend owned the semi-truck since she was a trucker). 30 minutes later, he was at Bobcasts apartment and he knocked on the door. Bob opened the door up and welcomed dazarobbo in. "The other guys are inside playing halo reach, there are chips and salsa in the kitchen and beer in the fridge, help yourself dude. You will be staying in room upstairs on the left." he said. "Thanks man, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this." said Dazarobbo. "No problem man, I am a doctor. It is my duty to take care of people, especially my friends." Dazarobbo went upstairs to put his things in his room. Then he came back down and said hi to the others. "sup?" said True Underdog, "Hey -blam!- whats happnin?" said foman  " Hey son? how are you doing?" said recon number, who took up a whole couch. "Just hanging out for a couple of days.
"were it so easy"


So he sat down to play some games with the other ninjas. When nightfall came, the drinking games started. Foman and Bobcast played against Dazarobbo and True underdog in a game of beer pong while Recon number ate 2 bags of chips and drank one of the kegs of beer. So the games went on and the ninjas got pretty drunk. Dazarobbo, who was staggering drunk, burst out crying all of a sudden. "yo whats wrong bro? *hiccup*" said foman. "Ever since I became a forum ninja, my life went downhill!I had so much fun banning people that I didn't pay attention to my girlfriend or my job! So I lost m-my job and I l-lost my girlfriend a-and she k-kicked me out! " Dazarobbo bellowed. The other ninjas looked at him with sympathetic glances. Bobcast put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You are not the only one. I wanted to become a surgeon. But ever since I became a ninja, my life went downhill. I wasn't able to finish my classes in collegeman, now I am only a nurse. Plus I got kicked out of my girlfriend's house too!" "R-Really?" said Dazarobbo.  "So was I man" said foman, who now had tears in his eyes. "I was goin to be a -blam!- lawyer yo! but then I became a ninja! and DAMN! I had so much fun kickin them stupid white folks from bungie.net and haven them swear me out that i forgot to do my classes an shit. my bitch kicked me out of her house and i was on the street! An my homie, Bobcast took me in!"
Then he thrust the rest of the way into me. I cried out loudly, with passion. I told him how much I loved him , and to take me away on a great journey. His mandible shifted in what appeared to be a grin. He pulled out, almost to the tip, and thrust back in. I reached up and kissed the mouth inside his mandibles, they raked gently against my cheeks.  


Dazarobbo was astounded. He looked at True underdog, who immediatly broke down and cried. "me too man! I have a beautiful son! But I never paid attention to him because I was a ninja on bungie.net! My girlfriend kicked me out and bobcast took me in!". Recon number 54 burped. "I never knew we were all so alike... I love you guys so much!" exclaimed Dazarobbo "we need eachother don't we?" They all nodded, even recon number nodded, sending undulations through his blubber. So they all gathered around and hugged eachother. Then, what one can only hope was the guidance of the alcohol, they began to fondle eachothers asses.
Thel growled and picked up the pace, thrusting inside of me again and again and again. He grabbed a hold of my arms and then pinned them down, growling as he gave it to me. I felt the all too familiar feeling of impending climax, and so did he. I heard of and felt him grunting more and more, and I screamed as my body was ravaged by the most white hot orgasm I ever felt. My toes curled, I thought I was going to pass out as he shot his seed into my depths. Here I was thinking that the war was over. But now I had been totally dominated by a handsome elite. I loved it. I wanted to have his babies.


The ninjas began to undress until they were butt naked. Their throbbing banhammers hanging . Dazarobbo and bobcast caught eachother's eyes and began to embrace eachother. While Dazarobbo and Bobcast were making out, True underdog knelt in front of foman. Then foman shoved his big black veiny banhammer into his ass, making True Underdog squeal. Meanwhile, Recon number 54, who couldn't get out of the couch because of his weight, began to jerk his banhammer. Bobcast looked at Dazarobbo's raging banhammer and knelt down. He put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Meanwhile foman and true underdog cried out and they both sprayed banhammer juice at the same time. Recon number was still jerking. Bobcast's sucking was making dazarobbo moan in ecstacy. All of a sudden he cried out and sprayed into Bob's mouth. They were spent.  
==See Also==
* ''[[Halo]]'' - Possibly the only notable game these [[faggots]] have ever created.
* [[Flood detected]]


But then bobcast looked at recon meaningfully. Recon, getting the message, pulled out his glass eye. Then bobcast came over and stuck his banhammer ino recon's eye socket. This got recon to moan and jerk off even more furiously. Bobcast screamed as he came into that eyesocket, dripping banhammer juioce down recon's cheek. Recon came all over bobcast's legs. The night went on and the ninjas are now closest friends. But then one night, foman was was monitoring the forums and saw this story. "WHO THE FUCK RECORDED THIS SHIT AND MADE AN ALTERNATE ACCOUNT ON BNET?!?!?"
==External Links==
* [http://www.bungie.net/default.aspx '''Bungie.Net''']
* [http://halo.bungie.org/ ''An equally lame website'']
* [http://fuckbungie.blogspot.com/ '''Fuck Bungie''']


{{gaming}}
{{gaming}}

Latest revision as of 18:18, 13 January 2015

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.

Bungie.net is the website for a rich community of faggots and a small dwelling community of furries. The website can be quite funny at times, and is also ripe trolling grounds. Trolling tactics must be unconventional, however.

The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions

The H3F

Nobody goes there anymore. They moved their retardation to the Halo Reach forum instead. Just Dust and Semen

Halo: Reach Forum

A forum that is worse than H3F. Here Reacharound players complain about game breaking issues such as armor lock, grenade blast radius, bloom and the terrible maps in this game. Usually the target of hatred by the Flood. Bungie then proceeds to lock all topics insulting there game and ignore all the complaints. You can find the following in the reacharound forum:

  • My Beta is not working, fix it Bungie!
  • Armor lock suks!
  • Bloom is to random. Fix it now.
  • The BR is better than the DMR and vice versa.
  • Armor lock suks!
  • Trolls creating topics about colored weapons. lulz
  • "I hate this game" threads.
  • I got banned for boosting.
  • Armor lock has no counter and should be nerfed.
  • Black ops is better because Treyarch released a title update a few days after BO launched.
  • Grenades are like mini-nukes now.
  • Armor lock suks!
  • i got banned for nothing!
  • i got banned for boosting
  • i got banned for playing the game
  • i got banned for not playing the game!

Bungie has been ignoring all of the above complaints about their game to date. Their dream of only 7,777 people playing their game will soon come true.

It is the best trolling grounds on the site, but if you value sanity, do not enter. One of the best methods of trolling is to actually mention anything remotely related to Cock in Booty Tew in any way. For example, make a thread called "Colored Weapons" and talk about how you should be able to color your weapons. While this is one of the few legitimate ideas that fans have actually put out there, people will react as if you just hit a nun in the teeth with a puppy. Chances are the mods will ban you until forever for spam. Other trolling methods include "What's the best way to destroy my copy of halo?" or "I don't like the beta." For extra lulz, say it as civilized as possible, with no swear words or slang. This will make the massive freak out reactions even more gratifying. It gets even better if you get someone to agree with you, then even more people will begin to troll the post.

Bungie.net Community (the Septagon)

A cesspool of retardation and a hornets nest of mods, this forum is impossible to troll and has the most elitist members on the site. Do not venture forth into here unless you want an anal rape from the mods.

The webmaster himself lurks there.

Prominent poster(s) in the Septagon

Spartain Ken 15 - Bungie.net is Ken's life as he has nothing better to do than to think of highly ridiculous ways to "improve" bungie.net. Then he posts 10 paragraph topics about his ideas. Each topic ends up becoming a hot topic, not because people want to discuss the topic, but because everybody wants to let Spartain Ken know that he is an idiot. Such suggestions included adding a subscription for bungie.net, having a "ranked members only" only forum, nuking the flood forum, nuking the reach forum, nuking private groups. If you want to piss Ken off, just make an account named after him and suggest something ridiculously stupid in the septagon while he is banned and then he will rage in bungie.net's private groups. Ken got butthurt when he saw this section of the article. http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=64820580&postRepeater1-p=5 

Ken looked at Achronos in the eyes and said "I will do anything! ANYTHING, to please you." Achronos scratched his chin and looked down at Ken and said 
"Suck my dick and I'll make you my personal slave boy." "Yes master!" said Ken, and he unzipped Achronos' pants and pulled them down.

Ken pulled down Achronos' underwear and placed the overlord's throbbing banhammer into his mouth and sucked. Achronos quivered with pleasure and said 
"Yes....suck it hard ken! My seed will give you ninja powers!" Ken sucked harder and harder. 2 hours later, 
Achronos yelled with a crazed fury as his banhammer exploded inside of Spartain Ken's mouth and all over his face.

Ken eagerly swallowed Achronos' seed and licked his lips. He looked up at the overlord and said "Thank you master!"''

                                                             -Typical Spartain Ken behavior.

IRC chat

Some halofags created a bungie.net irc chat on irc.adelais.net. #bungienet . Make sure you don't do any of the following or you will be banned: Criticize any of the OPs, criticize Obama, voice an opinion, talk, idle, joining the channel, or exist at all.

Master Chief is a woman!

On December 13, 2010, a user called Zickson posted this thread in the Halo Reacharound forums. In the topic, Zickson suggests that there is no proof that Master Chief is a man, so he must be a woman. The post generated 8 pages of butthurt from the halo reach fanboys who were too stupid to recognize the obvious troll to ignore it. Some users went so far as to use evidence from the books in order to dispute Zickson.

lolReach

On August 13, 2011, in the middle of the night, a group of trolls decided to spam the Reacharound forum with pages of nothing but the words: lolReach. While all of the fanboys were becoming butthurt, the Bungie mods were busy sleeping in their beds. This spamming went on for several hours before one forum mod, Duardo, signed on and saw that his prized forum had gone to hell, he subsequently b& most of the forum, even people who tried to stop the trolls. But, the mods didn't realize that Bungie's bans are easy as shit to get around and that most of the spammers already had alternate accounts waiting for them, in case a mod actually did stop them.

The Flood

To say The Flood is like /b/ is like saying that dropping your eyeliner in the toilet is like the BP oil spill. Despite this, there are some arseholes on The Flood who believe this very thing, only to be tarred and feathered by the more internet-savvy members who have plenty of oil at their disposal for tarring and feathering. Pretty much hated by everyone else, due to their frequent raids, parodies, attacks, buttrapes of other games other than Skyrim, Halo, and Mass Effect.

In any case, the Flood boils down to these points:

  • Fap Threads
  • Jailbait Threads.
  • Meatspin
  • Relationship threads
  • The prohibition of pornography (not necessarily a good thing).
  • It's even more retarded.
  • The mods try to repress the stupidity, resulting in many bans.
  • porches
  • Rather lulzy threads
  • ITS RENDERS FAULT!

The easiest way to troll the flood is to simply make a thread about any of the following: Politics, MW2 being good, religion, girls, being gay, saying rap is good, saying rock is good, music in general, porches, and anything else you can think of. It is supposedly "protected" by a group called "The Flood's Army". Mainly just sit on their asses.


Prominent posters in The Flood

  • Naked Noob - Makes political threads to debate different topics, then flames anyone who doesn't agree with him.
  • XII CIUTCH IIX - Faggot sissy boy who doesn't like meat.
  • Gaara444 - A batshit insane, racist, xenophobic, conspiracy theorist. This guy honestly believes the government can hear his thoughts, and will constantly talk about how the Kennedy Assassination was a hoax. Chances are he's hides in his house all day and goes outside with a tinfoil hat.
  • John Cena - A wannabe troll whose idea of "good trolling" is spamming obvious links to meatspin in as many threads as he can. A perfect example of trying too hard. real account is xXxdropshotterxXx
  • King Dutchy - A notorious druggie.
  • Shane Dawson - See John Cena for more of the same.
  • SanghieliWarrior - Like to pretend he is a gay elite. A submissive gay elite.
  • Daft Punk - WyldFyre's yiffy little bitch use to love Fluttershy to the point of declining real women, now has internet girlfriend.
  • ChurchRagnarok- Some faggot brony who claims to be an EMT but really uses that as a cover to lure kids into his pedo van and rape them.
  • Spartanelet M37 - A brony/furfag that writes My Little Pony porn fics and lives in a delusional world where he is a black pony, named Shadow Light, that has sex with with a main character from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, named Pinkie Pie, and has a child with her named, Cupcake.
  • SPARTAN 32192- Essentially Bungie's #1 tool. He wastes his time sucking shit.
  • TheZealEffect - A homophobic social conservative who no one likes. He's also a brony who can never get in any of his girl groups, and trys to get sympathy from it.
  • kikashi hatake - The prime definition of a sheltered child. Was either raped by a pedophile as a boy or castrated in front of a large crowd as a teen... Probably both.
  • Vien- A dick tickling faggot that pretends to be a gay elite. Spends his day fantasizing about cocks while drawing his stubby alien ones.
  • Capiton Render- Often regarded as the biggest and most annoying faggot of the flood, constantly using stupid outdated memes in order to be lulzy, and always post links raep face, but in reality he's a massive cock sucking faggot. He's also the one responsible for trying make this page a personel "I'm E-Famous!!11!!" page due to his aforementioned faggotry.
  • Decimator Omega (retard for short) - Thinks he is an intelligent game designer in training, doesn't realize he oozes homosexual fantasies from his stupid responses, he is more akin to a potato sucking retarded howler monkey screaming fanboi gay fantasies from atop a tree, ITS ALL RENDES FAULT!
  • Felicia402- Attention Whore
  • Camnator- A fatass that pretends to be a vegan body builder, is batshit crazy, thinks the government is out to get him and enslave everyone. Cries like a little bitch whenever is picture is posted and tries to play it off like he isn't the spineless, autistic, fatass that everyone knows he really is.
  • Lonepaul - A half blind British fucktard that only bashes the US. He use to be incredibly obvious about it and after a series of humiliations he was finally banned. Like a fucking cockroach however he came back on an alt and continue to post shit until is ban expired. Once that happened he proceeded to pretend that he and his alt were two separate people due to the fact that the only person who could possibly agree with his previously mentioned fucktardedness was himself. Currently floats around after having abandoned his alt and now only passively hates the US.-Update, it is now confirmed he has pedophilia fantasies while having incestuous relations with his mother. He has an unusual fixation with sausages, even though he works in a fish and chips shop.
  • WeededDragon - Master of puns, also fatass.
  • Electrified Rose - Arguably Bungie.net's #1 fucktard. Has created many lulzworthy threads, that usually spiral into huge flamewars after the first post. His MO usually includes making a ridiculous post/claim, then insults your intelligence if you disagree with him or if you just post in his thread, then he will say "Muted and reported" and then message the moderators once you've beaten him in an argument.
  • RC5908 - Liberal pansy who likes it up the ass 24/7.
  • Gojira - Loser who pretends to be Godzilla on a video game forum because he has nothing better to do in his pathetic life.
  • Zoid - Weeaboo who pretends to be a girl because he is just that much of a loner.
  • SecondClass - Bungie.net's biggest attention whore. Thinks he's a good troll when in reality his "troll threads" couldn't be more obvious.
  • deadlyfluffball/TheBreadSquid - Draws blurry and just all around shitty "drawings". Puts emoticons at the end of every sentence just for the sake of being a faggot.
  • emmamas - Colossal dumbass who's posts never add anything to a thread's discussion.
  • Ember - Obnoxious cunt and Homosuck fanboy. Regurgitates the same shitty Rose meme over and over again because he is too unoriginal to come up with anything new.
  • Verbatim - This guy is mad 24/7, 365. The fucker is opposed to weed with every fiber of his being, and he's a Straight Edge. (Synonymous with "queer" and "faggot".)
  • angry0ldgrandpa - A delusional Christian fuckwit who seriously believes World War III is happening. He believes every single word of the Bible and doesn't question anything in that book because he is too stupid to think on his own. He is most likely a sufferer of dementia.
  • DarkestSeptagon - The Flood's personal slut.

Prominent B.next posters:

  • MyNameIsCharlie - A hypocrite who doesn't stop talking about his retarded son or pothead wife, but will threaten anybody who brings up his precious baby.
  • DeclinedA1 - Libertarian dick-tickling polititard. Genuinely believes that allowing big businesses to rule unopposed would result in the general welfare of the people - but it doesn't matter because he's a zitty, loner no-life who works in a fucking fast-food restaurant.
  • Madman Mordo - An arrogant, misogynistic, victim-blamer who tries to play off occasions where his stupidity is revealed as "jimmy rustling", but everybody knows he only hates women because if he tried to rape them, he would be beaten the shit out of.
  • Higher Ground - Carbon-copy of Fox News, only more insufferable. Literally the most self-entitled poster on the website, who contributes by never ceasing to complain about the lack of decent contribution. Also likes to sniff Oldfag Sparkles's ballsack.
  • Oldfag Sparkles - A deranged, sociopathic, euphoric transhumanist who loves to argue with whoever disagrees with him even slightly and was banned for threatening to murder a classmate. Faps at every opportunity he gets to rustle some jimmies. Will probably be found circlejerking alongside the other British users or touching his testicles while reading Friedrich Nietzsche.
  • Le Dustin - Almost definitely the most prolific alt-user on the site, yet always pins his bad reputation to Sociopaths United, because he's too much of a pussy to accept how pathetic his trolling is. Also sounds like a six-year-old girl.
  • Mr Psychologist - A fucked up individual inspired to help others through psychology, probably as a result of how fucked up he is.
  • Smiggles - A dirty whore who doesn't hesitate to post pictures of her, or her effeminate boyfriend, all over the website.
  • IchEsseKinder - An utterly retarded conservative who wouldn't hesitate to stick his cock in Rush Limbaugh's plumbing. Never passes up an opportunity to post anything that will paint the Republicans in a good light.
  • Edableshoe - A retard who was caught smoking pot and ruined his even more retarded dream of throwing away his life in order to teach music to autistic kids.
  • TrussingDoor - A no-lifer who would autofellate himself over the thought of Bethesda Softworks; he tries to pass off as somebody with a decent social life, but all of the anti-depressants and anxiety medication must be making him hallucinate things in his mother's basement.
  • Onion Beetle - An Irish boxer who has nothing better to do than to make alts and troll Fox News. Author of, 'This guys gets it' and the shitty sequel, 'This guy gets it 2.'
  • Elegiac - Semi-closet bisexual who faps to autofelacio in his spare time.
  • Yishae - On par with Camnator and PSU as far trolling goes, he's a fucking lunatic who spends his time on the forum obsessing over federal reserve conspiracy theories and liberal propaganda.
  • Exploding Piglets - The only user on the site to have multiple main accounts, he spends most his time trolling #destiny or writing shitty stories no one has the time to read. He considers himself a 'dragon furry' or a 'scaly.'

Gallery of Floodian Culture

  • A typical day in the flood forum.
    A typical day in the flood forum.
  • When you mention CoD
    When you mention CoD

Forum Ninjas

Forum Ninja's are what BNet calls it's moderators. The term does not sound gay, at all. These forum faggots or bungie worshippers or whatever you wanna call them have no life and believe Bungie is GOD. They happily swallow loads of Bungie's cum and regularly toss each other off in glee at the thought of another map pack. They ban for everything and anything that doesn't worship bungie and have a deep seeded hatred of trolls.

List of Forum Ninjas

Average moderator.
Urk from the bungie.net forums.

Bungie.net Copypasta

Dazarobbo's bad day

Dazarobbo was having a horrible day. He just got laid off from his job and his girlfriend just kicked him out of her house when she heard the news. His relationship with her had been deteriorating ever since he became a moderaor on bungie.net. Instead of hammering her, he spent his time hammering noobs on the forums. He had nowhere to go and he had no internet. His family was about 777 miles away and he only had enough money and gas to get to 666 miles. Daza knew he had to find a place to stay. So he called his best friend, Bobcast. Daza explained the situation, about how he got fired from his job and kicked out by his girlfriend and that he just needed a place to stay. Bob listened patiently to Dazarobbo. When Daza was done talking he asked, "Do you think I could stay at your place for a couple of days? Until I find a job at least?" "Sure man, Recon Number 54, Foman, TU and I are going to be having a drinking party tonight. You could join us for a couple of days." Dazarobbo thanked him a lot for being such an awesome friend.

So Dazarobbo hitched a ride on a bus (his ex girlfriend owned the semi-truck since she was a trucker). 30 minutes later, he was at Bobcasts apartment and he knocked on the door. Bob opened the door up and welcomed dazarobbo in. "The other guys are inside playing halo reach, there are chips and salsa in the kitchen and beer in the fridge, help yourself dude. You will be staying in room upstairs on the left." he said. "Thanks man, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this." said Dazarobbo. "No problem man, I am a doctor. It is my duty to take care of people, especially my friends." Dazarobbo went upstairs to put his things in his room. Then he came back down and said hi to the others. "sup?" said True Underdog, "Hey -blam!- whats happnin?" said foman " Hey son? how are you doing?" said recon number, who took up a whole couch. "Just hanging out for a couple of days.

So he sat down to play some games with the other ninjas. When nightfall came, the drinking games started. Foman and Bobcast played against Dazarobbo and True underdog in a game of beer pong while Recon number ate 2 bags of chips and drank one of the kegs of beer. So the games went on and the ninjas got pretty drunk. Dazarobbo, who was staggering drunk, burst out crying all of a sudden. "yo whats wrong bro? *hiccup*" said foman. "Ever since I became a forum ninja, my life went downhill!I had so much fun banning people that I didn't pay attention to my girlfriend or my job! So I lost m-my job and I l-lost my girlfriend a-and she k-kicked me out! " Dazarobbo bellowed. The other ninjas looked at him with sympathetic glances. Bobcast put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You are not the only one. I wanted to become a surgeon. But ever since I became a ninja, my life went downhill. I wasn't able to finish my classes in collegeman, now I am only a nurse. Plus I got kicked out of my girlfriend's house too!" "R-Really?" said Dazarobbo. "So was I man" said foman, who now had tears in his eyes. "I was goin to be a -blam!- lawyer yo! but then I became a ninja! and DAMN! I had so much fun kickin them stupid white folks from bungie.net and haven them swear me out that i forgot to do my classes an shit. my bitch kicked me out of her house and i was on the street! An my homie, Bobcast took me in!"

Dazarobbo was astounded. He looked at True underdog, who immediatly broke down and cried. "me too man! I have a beautiful son! But I never paid attention to him because I was a ninja on bungie.net! My girlfriend kicked me out and bobcast took me in!". Recon number 54 burped. "I never knew we were all so alike... I love you guys so much!" exclaimed Dazarobbo "we need eachother don't we?" They all nodded, even recon number nodded, sending undulations through his blubber. So they all gathered around and hugged eachother. Then, what one can only hope was the guidance of the alcohol, they began to fondle eachothers asses.

The ninjas began to undress until they were butt naked. Their throbbing banhammers hanging . Dazarobbo and bobcast caught eachother's eyes and began to embrace eachother. While Dazarobbo and Bobcast were making out, True underdog knelt in front of foman. Then foman shoved his big black veiny banhammer into his ass, making True Underdog squeal. Meanwhile, Recon number 54, who couldn't get out of the couch because of his weight, began to jerk his banhammer. Bobcast looked at Dazarobbo's raging banhammer and knelt down. He put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Meanwhile foman and true underdog cried out and they both sprayed banhammer juice at the same time. Recon number was still jerking. Bobcast's sucking was making dazarobbo moan in ecstacy. All of a sudden he cried out and sprayed into Bob's mouth. They were spent.

But then bobcast looked at recon meaningfully. Recon, getting the message, pulled out his glass eye. Then bobcast came over and stuck his banhammer ino recon's eye socket. This got recon to moan and jerk off even more furiously. Bobcast screamed as he came into that eyesocket, dripping banhammer juioce down recon's cheek. Recon came all over bobcast's legs. The night went on and the ninjas are now closest friends. But then one night, foman was was monitoring the forums and saw this story. "WHO THE FUCK RECORDED THIS SHIT AND MADE AN ALTERNATE ACCOUNT ON BNET?!?!?"

Sanghieli Warrior and his friends

SanghieliWarrior was kneeling at the end of the bed, butt naked. Ready to take Ryle's throbbing elite phallus into his tight ass. Ripa was laying down on the bed, his legs hanging over the edge so that SanghieliWarrior's snout was at his crotch, and Ryle was standing behind SanghieliWarrior's ass, ready to dominate.

The elites growled and huffed, ready to take the great journey with eachother. SanghieliWarrior hovered his mandibles above Ripa's erect cock, and plunged his maw onto it, making Ripa groan with delight. Then he felt Ryle poke at his ass, teasing his tailhole with his pre coated pride. Then he felt Ryle thrust....

SanghieliWarrior howled with agonized pleasure as he felt the ridge covered dick slide into his tight ass and press against his prostate. Ryle placed his hands around SanghieliWarrior's waist and thrust until his hilt met SanghieliWarrior's cheeks. Then SanghieliWarrior continued to suck ripa off, his maw was coated in the elite's purple pre-cum.

Ripa shuddered and placed his hands on SanghieliWarrior's head and said "oooo brother, you are amazing." Ryle knodded in agreement as he continued thrusting. "Your passage is tighter than that of a human's!" SanghieliWarrior began to sway back and forth with pleasure as he was fucked in the ass.

an hour passed...and then 2 hours. Pleasure began to build SanghieliWarrior's mid-region....

Ryle growled and picked up the pace, he began to thrust harder and deeper, causing SanghieliWarrior to coo with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior slid his hands under Ripa's buttocks and gave them a squeeze, his finger slid up Ripa's hole and Ripa howled with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior wiggled his finger, making Ripa buck a little. He continued sucking the elite off while being pounded in the ass.

"BY THE GODS!" he thought, "I haven't felt this way since I encountered the demon!" Soon, all 3 of the elites were approaching their threshold. And at the same times, they howled. Ryle blew his load into SanghieliWarrior's depths, Ripa blew his load onto SanghieliWarrior's face, getting it coated with green elite c*m, and SanghieliWarrior blew his load onto the floor. He felt like his body was tearing itself apart!

30 minutes later, the orgasms settled down and they all fell asleep.


The next morning, 3 naked teenagers were found dead in the woods. Autopsy reports showed that they overdosed on LSD.

Average Day in the Life of a Sapphire Member

Today we will follow "Jeff." Jeff has school today. First day back from summer, he is now going to be a freshman in high school.

Jeff awakens to the piercing sound of crashing ocean waves. Slamming the alarm off, he turns over to catch a few more Zs. But his mother wouldn't have that.

"Jeffy, back your bags and get your breakfast, the bus leaves in 10 minutes!"

Jeffy, barely audible, replies, "OKAYYYY MOMMMMMM GGRRRRBBLLLLLLLLlll pp..."

Did you know that when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?


"Damn that voice, damn it to Harlow's dungeon!" Jeff thinks. The voice in his head has now awoken him sufficiently, and he rises from his bed. The rest of his morning preparations go uneventfully, and he climbs aboard the bright yellow school bus on time. As Jeff finishes ascending the steps he takes a leisurely scan down the bus for available seating. He sees a neighbor, a fellow Sapphire member, seated three seats down. Jeff scuffles over and smiles at Pip as he sits down. Naturally, Jeff begins a normal conversation with Pip.

"Hey P, you see Harlow's post in Sapphire? Funny as hell right? He must be pretty cool."

"Ya he's chill, I totally respect him," Pip replies.

Jeff starts again, "What about th-"

"Please stop talking about Sapphire," Pip says forcefully. Taken back and a bit offended, Jeff turns to face straight ahead. Pondering, he begins talking again.

"But we always talk about our epic forum adventures, I thought you liked Sapphire."

Pip is more relaxed and sincere now, his initial annoyance has receded.

"I do, but this is high school. We can't be talking about some internet forum group and about how we adore Harlow with all of our hearts."

Jeff, saddened, doesn't understand his dear friend's sentiment.

Pip continues, "If we want to get any new friends we gotta be-"

Jeff cuts in, "not gotta, we should, Pip. Should."

"Yeah. Anyway, we should discuss more social things, worldly events, stuff like that. No one will want to talk about what we normally talk about."

Now Jeff is quite sad. He feels some pulsing pains in his butt, and his buttox tightens. But Jeff is used to this sensation, so he quickly relaxes his butt muscles.

After a few quiet minutes, the bus arrives at school.Jeff hops out and sees Pip already talking with other unfamiliar kids. Disappointed but still light-hearted for school, he strolls through the front doors. Jeff's first class is History. He grabs a seat between a cute girl with ponytailed black hair (to his left) and an a kid (on his right) whos bulging flaps of lipid protruded so far as to nearly touch Jeff's desk. Jeff had now nearly gone 10 minutes without speaking to anyone. After figuring the fat kid may be feeling jolly and acceptable, Jeff leans over, avoiding the kid's fat, and half-whispers,

"Hey you like history? Know anything about this teacher?"

The fat kid turns his melon and answers with harsh pickle-smelling breath, "All I know is that I wanna suck her tits bro, hahaha."

Jeff was quite startled by such a frank remark. Replying hastily, he replies, "Yeah like Harlow sucked Jay hahaha man that must have been great."

Fatty stared at him. "The ­-blam!- you babbling about bro?"

"Nevermind," Jeff said as Fatty's babe of a teacher began introducing herself to the class.

Her name is Shiska and indeed she is attractive. Her boobs bounce when she walks to and fro, and her generous buttcheecks wave hello to anyone fortunate enough to get a good look. And you can be sure Fatty does.

Suddenly Fatty begins moaning ever so slightly. Jeff glances over and sees Fatty obviously jerking his wang beneath his flabs of fat and his I LUV METAL t-shirt. With the smell of large wet pickles in the air, the faint sound of "fapfapfapfapfap," and Shiska's swaying breasts, Jeff begins to get horny. The chemicals are swimming throughout his body.

It has been 5 hours. When will you satisfy yourself to this glory?


"Not now I am in class," Jeff thinks.

FOOL. You cannot resist. Imagine what you would do to that. You can live that right now.


"No, I can't," Jeff insists.

YES. PLEASURE YOURSELF LIKE FATTY. SPRAY YOURSELF OVER THAT CUTE GIRL OVER THERE. I SEE HER, YOU SEE HER. WHY WAIT?!

"NO!" Jeff yells in his head. Or so he thought. He sees all students turn and look directly at him. Even the fapfapfap has ceased.

"I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom," Jeff quickly mutters and bolts out of the room.

Still horny as hell, Jeff claims himself a stall in the freshly polished restroom and begins to ponder.

"Well, no one else is here right now..."

Yes. Do it. It will be so satisfying. Imagine the pleasuring.


Jeff is now speaking aloud. "You don't need to remind me!" Jeff states defiantly, whips out a picture of a young body clad scantily and simultaneously whips out his raging di­ck. Stroking and moaning, Jeff proceeds to pleasure himself in a dirty way which he often fantasized about: in a public restroom! ­

"-blam!- the world, muahahaha!" Jeff laughs menacingly and joyfully as he explodes onto the green stall door ahead of him.

After cleaning himself and his secretions, Jeff strolls out of the restroom happier than ever, forgetting he has his fap picture in his hand. By sheer chance, his friend Pip is walking into the restroom.

"Dude, you know you are holding a picture of Harlow? Better put that away. People may think you are weird with a picture of a random dude, especially one with the dude wearing basically nothing."

Jeff looks up, embarrassed at first, but the initial feeling passes.

"I don't care what they think," he says, giggling.

"Alright man, see ya later," Pip replies, rushing past.

His eyes following his friend rush into the bathroom, Jeff caught a glance of a picture jutting out of Pip's right pocket.

"Hehe...what if we both?..." Jeff thinks.

You still have some more in there. Do it for Harlow.


Jeff casually makes his way into the restroom behind Pip.

Earliest known entry by MarryMeJane

I am sorry for your loss. Betrayal is unforgivable. I was betrayed by fate. You see, I am not supposed to be here, in this time, in this universe. I have memories of a different life. This one is the most vivid memory:

My most vivid memory:

The human and covenant war had long ended. Humans and the sanghieli were now in a delicate diplomatic relationship. I met the arbiter at one of the negotiation meetings. Although the war was over, we needed to rebuild. the sanghieli, felt it was their duty to help us rebuild since they contributed to Earth's near annihilation.

We caught eachother's eyes for just a second, and we both fell in love. I didn't know how he felt about me until later that night, I was beamed out of my bed and kidnapped by thel. He was flying a seraph equipped with beaming technology. I woke up in surprise, I thought I was dreaming. I saw the arbiter looking at me. He said "don't be afraid human. What is your name?"

"j-jane". "jane...such a nice name for a human female." I don't know what came over me, because just then, I ran right at him and hugged him. Instead of pushing me away and acting surprised, he hugged me back. Then we both began to strip our clothes, without words. Just animal instinct.

We were both naked, I gently caressed the brand on his chest, and he nibbled on my breasts with his mandibles.He said to me "Marry me Jane." and I looked up into his eyes. They were loving. "Yes...I want to be with you forever! Please....dominate this human!"He grinned at me and He then laid me on his bed, and gently spread my legs. I threw my arms around his back and gripped his shoulderblades as he thrust into me. His girth was incredible and his reach was far. I moaned and tensed up, he stopped. He looked down at me and said

"were it so easy"

Then he thrust the rest of the way into me. I cried out loudly, with passion. I told him how much I loved him , and to take me away on a great journey. His mandible shifted in what appeared to be a grin. He pulled out, almost to the tip, and thrust back in. I reached up and kissed the mouth inside his mandibles, they raked gently against my cheeks.

Thel growled and picked up the pace, thrusting inside of me again and again and again. He grabbed a hold of my arms and then pinned them down, growling as he gave it to me. I felt the all too familiar feeling of impending climax, and so did he. I heard of and felt him grunting more and more, and I screamed as my body was ravaged by the most white hot orgasm I ever felt. My toes curled, I thought I was going to pass out as he shot his seed into my depths. Here I was thinking that the war was over. But now I had been totally dominated by a handsome elite. I loved it. I wanted to have his babies.

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