Cock Block

Cockblocking is an act of Trolling IRL in which a person prevents sexual intercourse. While this can be done for lulz, there are many other reasons cockblocking may be attempted. Other women will often try to ruin your chances with the girl you've spent all evening getting drunk enough to want to fuck by talking her into leaving. This is not because she is concerned for a friend, but because she is either angry that you rejected her or she is a raging lesbian trying to steal away your booty. Note: Bitches have been cockblocking for as long as they've been around. Nice Guys will also engage in cockblocking; when the woman they have been trying to romance shows you some attention instead. This is in hopes that she will let them out of the Friend Zone and finally see them as the perfect boyfriends they are.

Methodology

Hot girl wants to go out for night on the town. Hot girl realizes that she got the clap last time she went to a party. Hot girl needs fat girl who will pull her off of guys' laps and make sure she doesn't swallow any cock. Fat friend agrees because she doesnt want her friend to get any, since fat friend hardly does anyway, and proceeds to interrupt every conversation she has that night with "OMG Caitlyn! DON'T YOU HAVE A BF???"

Meanwhile, Fat Friend ends up fucking some guy whose wingman didn't warn him he was about to take home a hambeast, thus proving that chicks pay more attention, or that guys will fuck anything.

Male cockblocks

It is also possible for a cock-blocker to be male. This occurs when the person perusing sex's friend just can't get any and becomes jealous. The pathetic loser will then attempt a cock block in order to stop his friend from getting sum, so that he and his friend may then go back to his place together and play World of Warcraft while talking about that chick they 'almost nailed.' During the act of cock blocking, the candidate will feel like a fucking moron blaming themselves instead of their friend who is actually preventing them from pounding some vag (or man hole if that's what you're into). They could also be a pathetic loser, who walks in on you and asks if you kept the character sheets from your last D&D party.

Additionally it is thought that gay guys are the greatest cock blocker.

False cockblocking

It is important to note that there are many instances where one might think that they have been cockblocked but something else has actually happened. Most basement dwellers, 13-year-old boys, and you assume that if you actually leave your parent's house and talk to an actual woman, she will throw herself on your dick. There is a great deal of confusion then when they are rejected and it is assumed that somebody has somehow overcame your amazing charisma.

For example:

• If another man takes her attention and succeeds in sticking it in her pooper, you are just full of fail.

• Chris Hansen is not cockblocking your delicious loli, you are a pedophile about to get V&.

• Your mother is not cockblocking you, your family just isn't in to that kind of thing.

• Furfags always complain about being cockblocked via fursecution. This is not the case because all furries should be burned by fire.

How to respond to cockblocking

That'll teach her to cockblock again.

The best protection against cockblocking is to have a good wingman to run interference for you. He can take one for the team by sleeping with your target's ugly friend. While it might seem like a good idea to let your wingman fight against the neckbeard trying to ruin your evening, kicking his ass by yourself will impress the lady and she will do whatever you want. A good cunt punt or curb stomp is the best way to accomplish this.

If all this fails and you find yourself alone, you can always get a prostitutes free of attachment. If you're broke, there are a number of cheap or free ways to relieve your blue balls. Fat girls generally give it away for free and nobody will interfere out of pity for you. Depending how drunk you are, you might get picked up by the police and spend a romantic night with Bubba. Finally, if you are desperate, a cat is fine too.

How to cockblock somebody else

To send any horny man into a fit of rage, one need only apply the same tactics used to troll somebody online. Remember, flirting is serious business and the slightest disruption will force your target to adopt another strategy. Simply walking up to the two and asking if his girlfriend knows that he is cheating on her should be enough to send the girl running. However, more challenging cases involving sluts, Cock Trappers, or his wife might require some advanced work. One must first find a female willing to ruin your target's game. As mentioned earlier, the fact that your target is not paying attention to her means that she will automatically be insanely jealous. Have her angrily stomp over to him and either claim that she is carrying his child or to warn the woman that she was almost raped by him. If that doesn't work, a swift kick in the balls will make sure that he can't perform tonight.

Extra points are awarded if you wind up fucking the girl he was after.

Needless to say women cannot be cockblocked as they lack a penis

Gallery

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  Some people take cockblocking too far...
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  Cock Trappers have been known to use cockblocking equipment as part of their schemes.
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See Also

• Cocktease
• Friendzone
• Virgin

External Links

• A First Hand Account

Cock Block is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.