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Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/June 11, 2022: Difference between revisions

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{{AOTN|Retard|Rocking The Extra Chromosome.jpg|
{{AOTN|Keegan Salisbury|FedoraKeegan.png|
A '''[http://r-word.org retard]''' is a term of endearment for the genetically inferior, stupid, and ugly sub-human species put on this earth from God solely for the entertainment of normal people, due to their handicap of being incredibly funny. A retard is anyone with an IQ of 110 or lower, which points to the obvious conclusion that approximately 99.8% of [[Americans]] are, in truth, retards. Just barely below [[niggers]], [[Jews]] and [[homosexuals]] on the human evolutionary scale, it is commonly believed that '''retards''' are created by fucktarded, [[mouth breather]] [[cum|sperm]].
'''[[Powerword|Keegan James Salisbury]]''' is a severely autistic {{age|2004|9|15}}-year-old near-[[manchild]] from Crystal Lake, [[Illinois]] with [[Special Snowflake Syndrome]] who usually does nothing but sit on his computer and make both [[YTP]]s and [[YTPMV]]s, whack off to his waifus ([[pedo|some of which are underage]]), threaten people he doesn't like to do dangerous internet acts, cyberstalk people, overreact to the slightest provocations and have [[RAGE|autistic meltdowns]].


Other than laughing at the way that they look and act, tards are biologically cursed, wastes of space, time, and the taxpayer's money. Failed abortions, many bleeding heart liberals feel the need to "adopt" these parasites to keep them as beloved pets to entertain them for 20-30 years and dump them into housing institutions for states to fund them.
Somehow, he managed to somewhat blend in with his half-assed vigilante campaigns and DDoSing [[Lulz|(despite getting hacked in return as well)]]. This train of spergery ended after it was revealed he sexually harassed Kylie (who would become one of his exes), and Keegan's world came crashing down upon him. After getting caught in 4K over sexually abusing Kylie, Keegan started degrading her at the speed of light. Keegan got [[butthurt]] over people rightfully calling out his perverted lard-ass and formed a new community out of his based ex-friends' cringe enemies to form an entire battalion of mental lolcows squirting lulzy milk 24/7. This [[retard]] was previously mentioned on [[Garrett_Simmers#Keegan|another page]] that was originally removed because he reported it and claimed it was "[[pussy|bullying him and invading his privacy]]". To be fair, he was just a whiny 9-year-old back then, but now he became a [[fat]] {{age|2004|9|15}}-year-old [[autistic]] [[pansexual]] who hasn't learned from his mistakes.


A proven, common cause of retardation is  [[your mother]] getting stuck in the stink, forgetting to wipe the tard-infested shit off your father's dick, then getting stuck in the pink thus conceiving your retarded ass ([[for great justice]]). Check [[science]]. There are some new developments that indicate that some forms of autism may be linked to early [[television]] viewing.
|BE QUIET MOM, I'M MAKING A VIDEO FOR PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS FOR GOOGLE CHROME!!|Conspiracy Theory|College|Asking for it}}
 
A common tell-tale sign of being a retard is trying to use the [[punk|plugs]] from [[Hot Topic]] to pleasure yourself, shitting your underwear, being a [[faggot]], masturbating over fictional [[Brony|pink and sparkling ponies]], or all of the theories listed.
 
Alternative theories suggest that retardation is also caused by [[Falcon punch|punching pregnant women in the stomach]], or by a man using a condom, as some Durex factories carry headlice, stringrays and [[AIDS]]. Though, if you consider yourself one of those Bible-fucking, religious Christ fags, you could argue that a retard is the way they are thanks to a trolling [[God]] sticking His mighty, all powerful middle finger up the cunt of the pregnant woman and cursing the womb.
|DID YOU KNOW THE JEWS ARE BEHIND FUCKING EVERYTHING?!|Conspiracy Theory|College|Asking for it}}

Latest revision as of 17:35, 10 June 2022

Keegan Salisbury

Keegan James Salisbury is a severely autistic 20-year-old near-manchild from Crystal Lake, Illinois with Special Snowflake Syndrome who usually does nothing but sit on his computer and make both YTPs and YTPMVs, whack off to his waifus (some of which are underage), threaten people he doesn't like to do dangerous internet acts, cyberstalk people, overreact to the slightest provocations and have autistic meltdowns.

Somehow, he managed to somewhat blend in with his half-assed vigilante campaigns and DDoSing (despite getting hacked in return as well). This train of spergery ended after it was revealed he sexually harassed Kylie (who would become one of his exes), and Keegan's world came crashing down upon him. After getting caught in 4K over sexually abusing Kylie, Keegan started degrading her at the speed of light. Keegan got butthurt over people rightfully calling out his perverted lard-ass and formed a new community out of his based ex-friends' cringe enemies to form an entire battalion of mental lolcows squirting lulzy milk 24/7. This retard was previously mentioned on another page that was originally removed because he reported it and claimed it was "bullying him and invading his privacy". To be fair, he was just a whiny 9-year-old back then, but now he became a fat 20-year-old autistic pansexual who hasn't learned from his mistakes.

(( BE QUIET MOM, I'M MAKING A VIDEO FOR PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS FOR GOOGLE CHROME!! ))


What have I missed?
 		Conspiracy Theory
2 days ago 		College
4 days ago 		Asking for it
6 days ago
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