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| | | #REDIRECT [[Jedi]] |
| [[image:Jedichurchlogo.gif|right]]
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| The '''Jedi Church''' was started [[last Thursday]] by a [[New Zealand|sheep-fucker]] who was sick of being forced to enter a [[religion]] on his census form and, rather than starting a [[LJ|whiney protest blog]] about it, decided to make [[lulz]] of the situation instead. He demanded of his government that [[Jedi]] be recognised as a faith, as [[bullshit|everyone has the right to their own beliefs.]] According to legend, an email was sent back to him stating that if 8000 people would call themselves disciples of the Jedi, it would be recognized.
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| As with [[Scientology]], the [[lulz]] backfired. Within a week [[over 9000|53715]] [[fat]] [[geeks]] who go to [[Star Wars]] conventions to argue with Liam Neeson about how Lightsabers work had crawled out of the woodwork. (Note: not a hypothetical anecdote. Neeson himself has complained in interviews that this actually fucking happens.)
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| Of course, the whole thing [[fail|fell flat on it's fucking face.]] Too late, the [[basement dwellers|younglings]] found out that being "Recognized" does not actually mean anything on paper and that they will be "Recognized but not counted" by [[the man]]. Nonetheless they continue to fight for Jedi rights to this day... and the lulz are strong with these ones.
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| ==Jedi Doctrine==
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| [[Image:Frame1716.jpg|thumb|Member.]]
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| [[Image:Atatfuck.jpg|thumb|Member.]]
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| [[Image:Jedicard.gif|thumb|OFFICIAL member.]]
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| [[Image:Fattrooper.jpg|thumb|Member.]]
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| [[Image:Yodababy.jpg|thumb|Child of Member]]
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| [[Image:Deathstarboy.jpg|thumb|Member.]]
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| [[Image:Yodadog.jpg|thumb|Member and Official Mascot.]]
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| [[Image:Lucas.jpg|thumb|Raper of dreams.]]
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| {{Quote|The Jedi Church has no official doctrine.|LOL, WUT?}}
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| {{Quote|Is the Jedi religion fiction?|LOL, yes.}}
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| {{Quote|Several other religions openly admit that their text is not the word of God, and that it is only a prescribed behavior or a philosophy of life (e.g. Buddhism, Scientology).|Uh-oh.}}
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| {{Quote|The Jedi religion is just like the Sun, it existed before a popular movie gave it a name, and now that it has a name, people all over the world can share their experiences of the Jedi religion, here in the Jedi Church.|We have just lost cabin pressure.}}
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| ==So, Who Are These Jedi?==
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| <gallery>
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| Image:Jedidemographic1.jpg|Quelle suprise!
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| Image:Jedidemographic2.jpg|MON DIEU!
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| Image:Jedidemographic3.jpg|'''SAPRISTI!!!1'''
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| </gallery>
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| ===People who are Jedi===
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| #[[Barack Obama]]
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| #[[Jesus|Jesus Christ]]
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| #[[Satan]]
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| #[[You]]
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| #[[Nintendo]]
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| #[[Your mom]]
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| #[[America]]
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| #[[Islam]]
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| #[[Batman|The Goddamn Batman]] | |
| #[[Insane Clown Posse]]
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| ==Jedis in action==
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| In May 2008, the [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/north_west/7360871.stm BBC reported] that the founders of the church were attacked by [[drunk|Darth]] [[chav|Vader]]. The battle was fierce, [[no|could good triumph over evil?]]
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| <center><youtube>JFMr3RjtcWo</youtube></center>
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| {{quote|Darf vader, innit?|Darf Vader, kicking ass}}
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| {{quote|Ouch that kind of hurt. Its really quite painful|Founder of The Jedi Church, shitting himself}}
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| Having had their asses handed to them in by a chav with a crutch in a black trash bag and reduced to whimpering basement dwellers once more, the Dark Side of the force prevailed.
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| ==Can I Get Married If I'm A Jedi?==
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| <big><big>'''NO! NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T! THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE STORY!'''</big></big>
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| Oh, wai-
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| {{Quote|In New Zealand, i have been informed that there is no obstruction (nor fee) for an ordained Minister of our Church, or in fact anyone, to obtain a marriage license from the Internal Affairs Department, refer Births, Deaths and Marriages. You should list on your application that you are a Minister of the Jedi Church, and then you will be published in the NZ Gazette along with a list of your affiliated organizations.|jedichurch.com}}
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| {{Quote|A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love. Except in participating states and territories.|The Jedi Code, Revised Edition}}
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| If someone had told Anakin and Paddleme about this, the universe could have been saved a lot of trouble.
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| ==What Urgent Business Is The Jedi Council (Anonymously) Debating?==
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| ===Should Jedi Have The Right To Bear Arms?===
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| {{Quote|Course We Should I Totaly Agree How Are We Goin To Take Down The Sith If All We Have Are Our Hands. Do U Think There Goin To Care About The Law Of The Land And Not Carry There Wepons}}
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| {{Quote|All Jedi should bear arms most packies carry huge knifes around with them}}
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| ===Is America Moving To The Dark Side?===
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| {{Quote|america is causing war for money they are self centered and evil and use the UK as a shield and they always have, as jedis it is our duty to put a stop to evil and keep the balance of the force steady}}
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| {{Quote|Bush is a Sith}}
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| The above quote may be true, the Jedi council are looking into it.
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| ===Should The Jedi Gain UN Approval Before Invading A Nation State?===
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| {{Quote|The UN is a sad joke. Look at what happened to the Old Republic!}}
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| {{Quote|Wouldn't it be great if one day there was a Jedi representitive in the UN.}}
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| ===Should Jedi Be Allowed To Use Their Mind Powers To Gain Sexual Pleasure?===
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| {{Quote|Why the fuck not???}}
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| ==They Got One Thing Right==
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| {{Quote|If you would like to have your own page on our Jedi Church website, then please get certified now.|jedichurch.com}}
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| ==External Link==
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| *[http://www.jedichurch.com Official website]
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| *[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/north_west/7360871.stm BBC News report] on them getting their asses handed to them by darf vader, innit.
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| {{Religion}}
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| [[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
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