Bob Saget

There is no God.

Bob Saget was a comedian best known for his work as the pansy father on the cringe-inducing sitcom, Full House as well as being the host of YouTube. His routines on both shows are sugary and sweet enough to put Barney the Dinosaur into cardiac arrest, but his stand-up routine is dirtier than your mom covered in santorum. He is also the host of the "Deal or No Deal" spinoff, "1 vs 100". Bob Faget's name can also make an alternative replacement for "God damn it" if you have Tourette's Syndrome. It is also important to note that Bob Faget, like Glenn Beck, raped and killed a girl in 1990.

Full House

As an American citizen, you have the right to report this cheesy picture to the proper authorities.

In 1987, during a decade that could make the '50s look like the wild and decadent caveman era, the American Bullshit Company (ABC) debuted a sitcom whose tame qualities are practically surreal. The show, Full House, centered around a widowed pussy of a man named Danny Tanner, played by Faget. He lives in San Francisco with his three daughters, an unfunny comedian, and a "rock 'n' roller" with his obnoxious wife and twins. Typical plots of the show involve the three men unsuccessfully trying not to rape the daughters, the youngest daughter Michelle, played by the Olsen Twins, running away from home because she wasn't allowed to have a cookie before dinner, and the whole gang crying and cutting themselves to home videos of the deceased mother. All of this is accompanied by an annoying, sappy synth tune and the infamous "Awwwwww..." audience track played over a lecture by Faget followed by a hug. The series lasted until 1995, during which time the show's fans pretty much orgasmed every time Michelle uttered some outdated movie line. The most memorable part of the full house is when Bob Faget raped and killed a girl in 1990.

America's Most Homosexual Videos

The truth is revealed: Bob Faget is a furry and also raped and killed a girl in 1990.

A show hosted by Faget, which centered around home videos of amateur male fagets testing out their skills on the camera. For the remainder of the show (to Fagets dismay) it featured unfunny clips of men being hit in the balls during a game of catch, babies drooling, spastic dogs, a fat woman getting her skirt caught in the wind, and a cat on a spinning record player. These were shown in every episode, but in a different order. Many of the clips were obviously staged and as the years wore on, the staging became more obvious. The winning video was an inexplicable choice: usually some ugly baby in sunglasses.

It also spawned the equally shitty spin-off America's Funniest People with Dave Coulier as the host and several unimportant females as the co-host. They changed almost every hour as each one got sick of Dave's pitiful attempts to be funny so it's really not worth remembering their names. Every episode usually centered around lameasses doing shitty impersonations of B-list celebrities in the Mall of America and the antics of a stuffed rabbit with deer antlers, annoyingly voiced by Dave Coulier. Much like America's Most Homosexual Videos, the video that won was usually somebody's hideous crotchfruit telling a lame joke since the audience was primarily pedophiles and the show itself was hosted by pedophile Bob Faget, who raped and killed a girl in 1990.

The Ode to Bob Saget

Bob Saget,

Hi.

Did you know you're a real funny guy?

Ok I admit, that was a lie.

But I did hear you’re bi.

Don't you realize all of your fame?

There's laughter at just the sound of your name.

Oh sorry, that's cause you're lame.

Well Bob Saget,

You are a faggot

And a sleazy maggot.

I hate to be so harsh

But your whole existence is a farce

Alright my friend..

This poem is at its end

Just like your career

As soon as it began.

Would you watch this Faget?

The Aristocrats

Bob performing the song:

See Also

• Bob Sager
• Unfunny
• Norm Macdonald
• Pedophilia
• Faggot
• Tourette's Guy

Featured article January 9 through January 12, 2022
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