User:Plasticcup/Geoff Alpert

This is a man who won't take "no" for an answer.

Geoff Alpert is an intelligent, chivalrous, well-rounded individual. Born on March 21st, he received his high school education at Vampire High, Marijuana High, and the prestigious Yale School Cherry Hill. He has gone through the special education system, and it has left him well-adjusted. Today, Geoff claims to attend the "University of Weed," after transferring from "University of smoking marijuana."

Geoff's numerous jobs have occupied him well. According to him, he has held positions such as GameStop, "boats and hoes," "marijuana," "fix cars," and hitman, not to mention his many others. Despite all of the time he spends bettering himself with these unique occupations, he still manages to find free time to relax and connect on facebook. Geoff's varied tastes manifest themselves in his thousands of likes, such as "Shemalebook," "Wegmans Food," and "Queen's Feet."

Being a modest person, Geoff describes himself in simplistic terms.

“	i like milfs and pregnant women and feet fetish and love bbws i hate my sister 420 all the time weed kill muslims now kill the Taliban people	„
—Geoff Alpert, His facebook profile, ~November 2011

He is interested in men and women, and is currently assumed to be searching for a partner.

Seems like an okay guy.

And you'd be wrong. Geoff has no job, and he graduated high school in 2011 around the age of 19-20. He spends his abundance of free time on facebook, trying to find something to do. Normally when someone likes a page for an odd turn-on, we assume it was a mistake or a prank. If this is either, it's gone on for a good long time. With the new innovation of the facebook ticker, it's easily illustrated just how much Geoff will jump from page to page, liking anything with one of his turn-ons attached to its body. He's filled the number of subscriptions one person can make, all of them to women, and will shamelessly comment on anything any girl has done to ask her to friend him, or sometimes more outright saying that he wants her. It doesn't matter to him if the vagina isn't online for sex, if it's old, married, young, etc. Whether or not Geoff would turn down dead vagina or non-human vagina remains to be seen, but they certainly aren't above him.

No, he didn't type "telnet" as a joke. He just can't type.

Holy shit! Can I help make this better?

As it turns out, Geoff's simple mind isn't difficult to figure out. All you need is one facebook profile with a profile picture of a girl and he's liable to take a friend request without a second thought. In fact, he may not even do it with a first thought. Claiming to be from his high school should get him to warm up, and he'll be quite likely to respond to anything he can put his dick in.

Stay classy, son.

Could it be an accidental like? Sure. But this is Geoff.

Dox

• 609.781.1709 (Originally added to Geoff's profile with a "+44" country code in the beginning, for the UK. This is likely untrue.)
• Moorestown, New Jersey

Links

His facebook page