Brogrammer

Chip Studley, at his office in Redmond, other hand is down his undies

Brogrammers are manly men who make manly code. Windows 98 and all other bitchin' operating systems were coded by the fat sausage-like fingers of a brogrammer. Imagine a douchey jock but fatter and paler and prone to keeping one hand down his pants at all times. His code tends to be sloppy and full of bugs because he's too busy jacking to online porn to check his work.

Why are there no girls on the internet?

1. Women are not smart enough to make code. This is common knowledge.
2. Women are happy to await the return of their baconmaker while happily making sammiches
3. The Bible explicitly states that the sole function of women is to serve the sexual and gastronomic needs of the brogrammer. It's right there in Genesis.

This brings up a reasonable question: why would women want to code? The answer is obvious: They don't, it's a sucky and shitty job that usually doesn't pay very well. But feminists keep bringing it up, so we here at ED have to make an article on this crap. Consider yourself "informed", especially since the TOW article about brogrammers is such crap.

Fundamental Character Traits

Yes ladies, you can get sloppy 94ths delivered with bot-like precision!

Brogrammers are only manly men, and since you are a virgin, here are quick tips on how to identify a Brogrammer:

• His desk will be full of Red Bull or Monster cans and there will be typical mainstream music playing in his speakers. Nicki Minaj makes him hard.
• He will usually be dressed with either a cool shirt (i.e. one that only a hipster would wear) or a shirt with a drinking joke. Sunglasses will never be missing, not even while working indoors at night.
• Facial hair is mandatory, other hipster fashion statements (tight jeans, ugly shirts, oxfords with white socks) frequently seen.
• Don't expect him to code well or to understand serious languages, all he'll do is poorly written Ruby in conjunction with Ruby on Rails, because that's "the cool language that cool people know".
• All brogrammers will have the popped collars and fat fingers that are needed for brogramming.
• Prone to raepiness and bitch-slapping

And in case you're not fully onboard with the contempt the world should feel for these meat-curtain-boys? consider this.

“	Andrew Anglin, the publisher of the Daily Stormer, told Mother Jones in March that the majority of his site’s traffic comes from Santa Clara County, in the heart of Silicon Valley. “The average alt-right-ist,” the white supremacist Richard Spencer told the magazine, “is probably a 28-year-old tech-savvy guy working in IT.”	„
—[1]

Useful and lulzy quotes

	“	Silicon Valley, often held up as the shining future of the American economy, has had its luster tarnished of late by complaints of endemic male chauvinism and misogyny—what Mother Jones in April called the “brogrammer problem”. The problem isn’t new, but many in the industry were embarrassed by fresh examples such as the Klout ad that asked, “Wanna bro down and crush some code?” and the Path executive who bragged of winning a job by submitting pictures from a “nudie calendar” he’d created. If that’s the path to Silicon Valley stardom, critics reasoned, it’s no wonder that Newsweek’s list of the 100 most powerful people in tech was 92-percent male.	„
	—--we totally did not make that up

	“	Last week, entrepreneur Jenn Allen, who used to date Arrington, publicly accused him of physical abuse and rape in a Facebook post and in a comment on a subsequent Gawker story. The accusations have been much-discussed, at least in private, at least among the Silicon Valley elite, of which Arrington is a truculent but influential member. And it has opened the floodgates, as former friends and colleagues come forward with their own troubling stories about Arrington's past.	„
	—-- lol

	“	They are re-examining their relationship with the company after reading about last week’s comments made by Emil Michael, Uber’s senior vice president for business at Uber, who suggested that the company hire researchers to spy on journalists critical of Uber’s policies and executives.	„
	—--more lol

	“	Robert Scott Dervaes, 45, paid several unsolicited visits to Uber headquarters on Market Street this fall, according to the former Secret Service agent who serves as Kalanick's bodyguard. There, he delivered random ramblings through "slurred speech." Later, on Twitter, Dervaes — who, according to his tweets, apparently thinks Kalanick is out to get him — also delivered "credible" death threats to Kalanick, attorneys for Uber declared in court.	„
	—--not making this up either

	“	Openness directed towards feelings and aesthetics rather than ideas. Women generally also have a stronger interest in people rather than things, relative to men (also interpreted as empathizing vs. systemizing). These two differences in part explain why women relatively prefer jobs in social or artistic areas. More men may like coding because it requires systemizing and even within SWEs, comparatively more women work on front end, which deals with both people and aesthetics. Extraversion expressed as gregariousness rather than assertiveness. Also, higher agreeableness. This leads to women generally having a harder time negotiating salary, asking for raises, speaking up, and leading. Note that these are just average differences and there’s overlap between men and women, but this is seen solely as a women’s issue. This leads to exclusory programs like Stretch and swaths of men without support. Neuroticism (higher anxiety, lower stress tolerance).This may contribute to the higher levels of anxiety women report on Googlegeist and to the lower number of women in high stress jobs.	„
	—lolol

Notorious examples

• Jack Dorsey and Evan Williams, the two beef-curtains who started Twitter and tried to fire each other
• Travis Kalanick, founder of Uber and total screaming fucknut
• Evan Spiegel, creator of Snapchat, says things like “have some girl put your large kappa sigma dick down her throat”
• Justin Mateen of popular douche-dating system Tinder, likes to fondle female employees: "Wolfe, who had dated Mateen, says he called her a “slut,” a “gold digger” and a “whore,” among other things, and hounded her for details about her personal life long after the two had stopped dating. In text messages included in the complaint, he talked about “middle aged Muslim pigs” and referred to someone else as “that homo.”"
• Mahbod Moghadam, cofounder of Rap Genius, and firedtherefrom lol
• Hey anyone remember Pax Dickinson? Neither do we "Aviators: on. Collar: popped. Smirk: engaged. A brogrammer at home in its native habitat. lol"
• Brian Chesky of Airbnb lol "In 2008 when Airbnb launched it only had two customers and one of those was Chesky. The company had a difficult time starting up because the idea behind the company was not really appealing." What a pussy.
• Jacob Appelbaum, hero of Tor and Wikileaks can't keep his grubby little paws off the wimmenz
• Perry Roach, founder of web censorship company Netsweeper loves him some stupidlawsuits
• James Damore of Google, who wants a sammitch biotch
• And don't forget their patron saint, Michael Arrington, who started TechCrunch and was fired by his own partners lol

See Also

• In the kitchen
• Men's Rights Activist
• Politically correct
• Wimminz

External Links

• Shitty and useless TOW article
• Asshole Programmer, which turned out to belong to a Tumblr developer, how apropos
• CNN article
• Atlantic article
• "Silicon Valley asshole problem"
• Mashable article
• From "five reasons why you're a cunt"