WIRED

WIRED is a magazine started in the early 90s about then-cutting edge technology such as the interwebz and nerdy non-mainstream subcultures like programmers, l33t haxx0rs, and weird festivals. Nowadays it's a heavily-page-reduced, thin-ass magazine, and online blog that's mostly about lamestream pop culture trends, like Movies, autist shit and interviewing the latest movie stars and indie bands.

Oh, and they also have a website.

What Went Wrong?

In 2006 the corporate cockmongerate Condé Nast bought up Wired magazine and immediately began trashing the fuck out of it. Yet another cautionary tale in dot.com sellout, the clueless corporate idiots at Condé Nast had no fucking idea what they had even bought, let alone what to do with it.

What's In Wired?

Wired articles can be broken down into four major categories...

Adverticles

At this point the majority of the articles you see on Wired are bought and paid for by other companies. Their shill shit is so blatantly obvious that they often don't even attempt to try and hide the fact that the entire article was written by a third party marketing ad agency that's just outright hosing the readers over with consumerist crap. Below are a few of the major contract companies which often have their dick so far up Wired's ass they can give them a simultaneous blowjob along with their advertising ass fuck. Many of these companies have been known to buy up to five articles PER DAY, which often results in the most hilariously reaching mediocrity imaginable.

Disney - Star Wars About missing Pics

The technology news you care about...
If all else fails just make up random rumors!
Let's browse Reddit for article ideas!
Wired tackles the really tough questions!

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NASA - Climate Change Fear Mongering About missing Pics

Global cooling is the new global warming!
Yay someone died let's talk about climate change!
Pretty pictures? OH SHIT NO CLIMATE CHANGE!
OH GAWD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW!

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The peril of climate change!

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Apple
Wired has wood for Apple.
Companies Sanctioned By The FTC For Fraudulent Claims In Online Articles
Flickr's Dead!
use Google instead

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Filler

Rather than write articles about new and cutting edge technology, Wired spends most of its "me time" writing the most vapidly insipid bullshit imaginable. Often covering completely trivial and/or nonsensical topics that no one in their right mind would ever even dream of giving a fuck about, these are WIRED's bread and butter and they slather it up thicker than Paula Deen's butterball ass cheeks! The primary reason WIRED is reduced to this drivel is because they often can't risk posting about any technology product or project that's in direct competition with their sponsored shill shit. Doing so would mean a loss of corporate butt buddies and WIRED's become more than a little "addicted" to getting continually fucked up the butt.

The Issues You Care About

Well Piss In A Can And Call It Art!

Sucking Mainstream Media's Cock

Fascinating!

Random Environmental Disasters!

Previous Image | Next Image

Women's Issues

In recent years they decided that the company didn't have enough "diversity" on its staff of writers and so they set out to hire on a slew of legbearded social justice retards to help "even things out". This of course has gone over AMAZINGLY with Wired's readership...

About missing Pics

Binders full of women!

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Now with shitty game reviews!
You'd almost think they were a minority!
This is why no one takes psychology/sociology seriously anymore.
ZOMG ITS VIRTUAL RAPE!
Wired posted these within hours of each other.
Now you can self-trigger using virtual reality!
SJWs suffer from chronic sexual dysfunction.
The matriarchy is real! :D

Politics

TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP... at this point Wired's head is so far up Donald Trump's ass they could give him a free colonoscopy!

You would think that a TECHNOLOGY magazine wouldn't have much to say on political issues... but not Wired, they not only openly endorse Shillary Clinton, they bend over backwards every gawd damn day of the week to make sure every last person on the planet knows about it. On November 6th, 2016 they posted TEN new anti-Trump articles within the span of just 24 hours!

There is of course a simple explanation for this deranged behavior... they got a presidential blow job from Obama himself... no, seriously...

Trump, Trump, Trump About missing Pics

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WIRED IN JAPANIME

In Serial Experiments Lain, one of the most erotic weeaboo sex fantasies, the WIRED is an inexplicable version of the internet that somehow enters the real world and everyone's mind. It makes this lolita a god and she meets a person who thinks he's god and she erases everyone's memory of her in their minds and shit. And there are these FBI dudes trying to stop her, or something. Teh fan sites are interesting and confusing, just like the mind fuck that is the JAPANIME.