User:Hipcrime/Hipcrime's awesome mum by Elvis

The lesbian across the street.
http://soundcloud.com/hipcrime/pam-tape
[02:12] <@hipcrime> moms lezzie next door neighbor got a crush on mom
[02:12] <Needsmoarsyrup> Retro Lulz
[02:12] <@hipcrime> who was married
[02:12] <@hipcrime> her husband, a good ol boy named Lou, was going to shoot her
[02:13] <@hipcrime> he had his shotgun ready
[02:13] <@hipcrime> but mom ended up figting with her in the front yard
[02:13] <@hipcrime> and beat her with her own shoe
[02:13] <Needsmoarsyrup> Sounds hot
[02:13] <~Elvis> fucking hellll
[02:13] <Needsmoarsyrup> Brb listening to tape
[02:13] <@hipcrime> the nice thing about this is
[02:13] <@hipcrime> my brothers voice is on it. :D
[02:14] <@hipcrime> moms tellin me how it happened
[02:15] <@hipcrime> she decked her
[02:15] <@hipcrime> then she tried to kick mom
[02:15] <@hipcrime> cuz mom knocked her down
[02:15] <@hipcrime> she was kickin at mom and
[02:15] <@hipcrime> mom grabbed one of her shoes
[02:15] <@hipcrime> stilettos
[02:15] <@hipcrime> and beat her with her own shoes
[02:15] <@hipcrime> she was asking for it mom says
[02:16] <@hipcrime> mom was a badass
[02:16] <@hipcrime> *is
[02:16] <@hipcrime> retired badass*

The graveyard fight
 [02:25] <@hipcrime> one day
[02:25] <@hipcrime> she got called out to the cemetery to fight
[02:25] <@hipcrime> well
[02:25] <@hipcrime> when she got there
[02:25] <@hipcrime> she was ganged up on
[02:26] <@hipcrime> they beat her w ballbats
[02:26] <~Elvis> :O
[02:26] <Needsmoarsyrup> Now that's not cricket
[02:26] <~Elvis> lol
[02:26] <@hipcrime> she knocked out two women
[02:26] <@hipcrime> shes tellinme now
[02:26] <@hipcrime> so im tryin to paraphrase
[02:27] <@hipcrime> she said "she went down like abowl of jello
[02:27] <@hipcrime> and was beatin this one bitches face into a headstone
[02:27] <~Elvis> HA
[02:27] <@hipcrime> then some dude got her in the back with a ballbat
[02:27] <Needsmoarsyrup> Fucking hardcore
[02:27] <@hipcrime> so she lost kinda, but won in another way
[02:27] <@hipcrime> yep
[02:27] <~Elvis> SHE WON IN EVERY WAY
[02:27] <Needsmoarsyrup> Out numbered, never out awesomed
[02:27] <~Elvis> ^
[02:28] <@hipcrime> mom loves that
[02:28] <@hipcrime> ty Needsmoarsyrup
[02:28] <@hipcrime> mom woke with drugs and a blanket

Don’t ever throw her son down a hill. 
[02:29] <@hipcrime> omg ok lemme tell you this
[02:30] <@hipcrime> hold on mom is recounting it now
[02:30] <@hipcrime> ok someone threw aaron down a hill
[02:30] <@hipcrime> a man
[02:30] <@hipcrime> fill grown man
[02:30] <@hipcrime> and aaron was a kid
[02:30] <@hipcrime> so mom
[02:31] <@hipcrime> came out and beat him but he kept gettin back up
[02:31] <@hipcrime> so his own daughter gave mom a claw hammer
[02:31] <@hipcrime> and mom beat him with the claw end of a claw hammer
[02:31] <@hipcrime> :D
[02:31] <~Elvis> WHAT
[02:31] <@hipcrime> he walked around with the claw hammer marks for the rest of his life
[02:31] <~Elvis> man that girl must have hated her father
[02:32] <@hipcrime> he was a dick
[02:32] <@hipcrime> and i think a perv
[02:32] <~Elvis> he probably threw her down a hill at some point
[02:32] <Needsmoarsyrup> Remind me never to piss off your mother.
[02:32] <@hipcrime> mom thinks he was a perv too
[02:32] <~Elvis> so she decided to carry around a claw hammer
[02:32] <@hipcrime> lol ok Needsmoarsyrup
[02:32] <@hipcrime> <3
[02:32] <@hipcrime> no rachel got the hammer from her own home
[02:32] <@hipcrime> apparently he was a perv
[02:32] <~Elvis> ah
[02:33] <Needsmoarsyrup> Justice at the end of a hammer.
Carpet world
[02:48] <@hipcrime> ok moms babysitter was babysittin for a cop
[02:48] <~Elvis> ohhh
[02:48] <@hipcrime> her bf stole the cops gun
[02:48] <@hipcrime> and sold it to mom
[02:48] <@hipcrime> who traded it for carpet
[02:48] <@hipcrime> badass white andblack shag
[02:48] <@hipcrime> 1975 or so
[02:49] * GOB ([email protected]) has joined #dongforce
[02:49] <Zalgo> [GOB] nazi germany was good times and killerhkhtofu is dead
[02:49] <wiseau> you have breat cancer GOB ?, don't worry about it!
[02:49] <@hipcrime> so the cops came lookin for the gun
[02:49] <@hipcrime> and my great grandma told em she traded it for carpeting
[02:49] <@hipcrime> and they found it
[02:49] <@hipcrime> so that is now clarified
[02:49] <@hipcrime> ----
[02:49] <Needsmoarsyrup> And you kept the carpet?
[02:50] <@hipcrime> it stayed
[02:50] <Needsmoarsyrup> Pure win.
[02:50] <@hipcrime> oh ok she says
[02:50] <@hipcrime> he didnt give a shit he had money
[02:50] <@hipcrime> he was just glad to have the cops away from his door
[02:50] <@hipcrime> so free carpeting