Talk:Russian Army

Oh Wow

I thought that ED was about factual and dramatic trolling, now about stupid butthurt trolling. Wouldn't that make ED encylcopedia butthurtica, otherwise?

"The Russian Army is a big crowd of russkies and bears with AK-47s and vodka. Since WWII Russia realy had not won in wars, but according to Russian Patriots RUSSIAN ARMY IS THE GREATEST ORGANISATION ON THE EARTH AND EVERYBODY ARE AFRAID RUSSIA!!!"

Russian Wars since WWII:

Afghanistan - defeat

First Chechen War - defeat

Dagestan War - victory

Second Chechen War - victory

Ossetian War - victory - see ED's very own "Messin' with Sasquatch article"

Russian army has a long history. It was created in IX century by Russian Lord (Kniaz) Oleg until he had tried to pwned Konstantinopol. Later, sometimes Russian army was kicked by pechenegs, hazarians, bulgarians, and sometimes they were kicked by Russian army.

First, we don't know who created it, but since Oleg rose though the army's ranks, anyone with an IQ above 0 can realize that he didn't create it. Second, Oleg pwnd Constantinople, he didn't try to. Third, the Russians destroyed all those listed, which is why today we have Russians, but not quite so much Pechenegs and Hazars, (not Hazarians - that's not even a nation,) and Bulgaria's a small country in Eastern Europe, whereas Russia is quite large, and usually countries aren't too keen to give out free land. Again, anyone with an IQ above 0 knows that.

But in XII century happened something interesting: Golden Horde occupied Russia. And during 300 years mongols were fucking Russian women (and maybe men, who knows). Russian Patriots very concerned about this theme. They are talking that its all a jewish propaganda, Russia everytime was free and in fact Golden Horde was occupied by Russia.

Russians are talking about Jewish Propaganda during the times of Tamerlane? Lolwut? Are we just making shit up now?

When Peter I became the first Russian emperor, Russian army was upgraded from pile of stupid drunken bearded motherfuckers till pile of stupid drunken bearded motherfuckers with European gadgets.

Peter the Great actually cut off beards, not forced Russians to grow them. And under Ivan the Terrible, Russian Army was quite effective, which was before Peter the Great. Ivan the Terrible only became terrible after the idiot Boyars assassinated his wife, the only thing that was keeping him same. And insane rulers usually aren't very good.

Until the 20th century Russia had some local wars and one big war - in 1812, Napoleon, the French Emperor, attacked Russia. And firstly he was lucky - he kicked russian ass in Borodinskoe battle and took Moscow. But then problems began: tender French soldiers don't know that winters in Russia is fucking cold. And in December Napoleon escaped away from Russia.

Napoleon first got pwnd in Russia at Mir, in the "winter" month of July. At Polotsk, in the "winter" month of August, the Russians prevented Napoleon from hitting their actual capital at the time, St. Petersburg. Later, in October at Polotsk, the Russians prevented Napoleon from retreating via any other route, except for the one that they "generously" designated for him, which led to the ultimate French Army defeat at Berezina. And it's either Battle of Borodino or Borodinskoe Srazheniye. "Borodinskoe Battle" is like saying "Russkiy Language" - completely idiotic.

XX century was the coolest. Firstly, Russia was pwned by Japan. Secondly, Russia was pwned by Germany. Thirdly, Russia was pwned by Poland. And in winter of 1940 Russia was pwned by Finland. But in 1945 Russia made a main reason for masturbation of Russian Patriots - took a Berlin, the capital of Germany. And it was the last victory in Russian army's history.

So after pwning Russia, Finland generously gave Russia a ton of land? And Berlin was in 1945. Dagestan, Chechnya, South Ossetia, those all came in 1999, 2002 and 2008, and correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't 2008 a bigger number than 1945?

Whoever made those edits is the worst kind of troll - one that everyone laughs at, not with. Can we please revert the article to a sane form, so that ED doesn't get laughed at as well? Ivana Bezvodkina 05:45, 13 September 2012 (EDT)

lolwat

	“	I thought that ED was about factual...	„

- Let me stop you right there, and say that if you have some expertise on the matter, please feel free to contribute and clean up. I will, however, ask you to edit the article in the spirit of ED. We are not here to document "history". ED is not neutral. Keep an eye out for the difference between accidental retards and blatant retards. Let's try to piss off some Russians, hm? TylerRosenow º Ӕ º ₡ º ✉ 10:51, 13 September 2012 (EDT)

That's why I said "factual and dramatic trolling", instead of just saying "a boring presentation of the facts," i.e. like they're presented on Wikidorkia. What do you think would be a more effective mechanism of fun making, someone going "you're an idiot, 2+2=10, Romney said so!" or someone going "verily good sir, in your search for facts, you kindly forgot that 1+1=2"? I'm not arguing that ED exists for a boring factual recitation, because ED exists for hilarious and blunt factual recitation, which includes dissing others. Imagine a "Darwin Awards" section in a recent military article on Wikidorkia. That'll never happen, cause they're politically correct unless they're banning those who disagree with admins. On ED - that's the staple of a great military history article. Here, we get to be blunt and funny, and if you know your facts, you are that much better at dissing others.

For instance, someone going "Since WWII Russia realy had not won in wars, but according to Russian Patriots RUSSIAN ARMY IS THE GREATEST ORGANISATION ON THE EARTH AND EVERYBODY ARE AFRAID RUSSIA!!!" can easily be made fun of, by linking to ED's very own article: https://encyclopediadramatica.se/South_Ossetia

On the other hand, a statement like this "The Red/Russian Army was sent to Chechnya, but was forced to withdraw by Alcoholic Yeltsin, right after they destroyed the Chechen Army, and were about to secure Groznyy, Chechnya's capital" hurts, cause the truth hurts. It also lets the Russian vets express their "gratitude" towards inept politicians. If I was to list modern Russian Generals, damn, where do I start? Where do I end? If I was to list decent modern Russian/Soviet politicians, erm, I got Vladimir Putin, and that's about it, so one of the purposes of this article is to diss politicians, by showing their ineptitude, when they're compared to the Russian Army. Ivana Bezvodkina 15:14, 13 September 2012 (EDT)

Don't be a jew, ED Is here to make every race in the world mad, Tigercommander 03:53, 4 December 2014 (EST)

to everyone

This article is fucking unpleasurable, with or without this OCD+asspie's factual corrections. Please leave it.   Andrés    talk    contribs   15:33, 13 September 2012 (EDT)

Updated - Feedback?

Longer? Less links? GTFO? xoxoLazarus Plus 03:20, 16 August 2014 (EDT)

Rus' had no genetic imprint on Slavs. Those Vikings (Varangians, Swedes... what have you) came, took some Slav slaves with them... and left. That's it. Russians are actually Finno-Ugric and have no relation to Slavs (Ukrainians and Belarusians). It's very easy to distinguish between the two, simply because Slavs (like most Europeans) have brachicephalic skulls, while Russians got dolichocephalic ones. Only people in the very west of Portugal and in the Horn of Africa have similar skulls, meaning that Russians are neither Slavs, nor Europeans. The part of Russia that some people like to refer to as Eastern Europe, is really a part of North Asia. You can't really argue with science.