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Sean Matuszak
Sean Michael Matuszak is a legend in /b/. His smile lights up the page and brings happiness to all.
Origin
The Sean Matuzak meme originated when a /b/tard found a bunch of tits and vagoo pics of girls that went to his school and followed up by asking /b/ what to do with them [1]. /b/ refused to believe the OP's allegations until he posted evidence. The OP provided pitcures of his yearbook with the girls in the videos/pictures circled. However the face of Sean was seen lurking in the corner and anonymous realised his awesomeness. To the OP's frustration, /b/ paid more attention to the smiling face of Sean than the chicks. Sean is now a demi-god, and OP was b& for posting personal information. Again, he is not OP of naked girl pics, NOR did he bribe anyone for blow jobs. Only faggots and new fags believe that.
Common Misconceptions
All of the following are wrong:
- Sean found and posted the pics/videos of drunk girls
- Sean took/filmed the pictures/video of the girls
- Sean can be seen in the photos/video
- Sean can be heard giving commands to the girls in the video
- Sean became an hero
Seanism/Matuszakianity
After his arrival at /b/ on August 23rd 2008 last thursday, Sean Matuszak became regarded by many as a God, while others saw him as chemo for the cancer that is killing /b/. Within a short amount of time he has accumulated a huge number of followers who appease him with prayers, photoshops of Sean's face, and offerings such as pr0n. Sean is also a great fan of Halo and all things halo, which made the Xbox and Xbox360 one of the greatest systems known to man.
Through conflicting answers on just what to call this new found religion, many chose between the two sects already established Seanism and Matuszakianity. However both are fine to use no matter which path you have chosen both Seanists and Matuszakians set out in their own ways to spread the holy scriptures.
Early Foray Into Poetry
Sean Matuszak was not just a savior, but also a poetic genius as seen here in his earliest known work:
HALO
I think I’ll pwn me some noobs
So I pick up my controller
And play as a MJOLNIR clad soldier
I’m in a CTF on Headlong
So I jump in my Warthog
Fly into your base
And get a splatter when I drive over your face
Now I’ve got your Flag
Cause you missed with your frag
And get to my base for the score
It’s the next round
Protecting my flag
With dead Spartans around
Killed them all with a mag
The timer’s reached zero
And I am the hero
As you sit there sore
Because of the gore
I have done unto your team
Don’t try to insult me you noob
The timer’s reached zero
And I am an hero
As you sit there sore
Because of the gore
I have done unto your team
Don’t try to insult me you noob
By: Sean Matuszak
Commandments
Thou Shall Be Seansome
Thou shalt not sage Sean Matuszak
Seansome
It was realised that because Sean and Awesome were the same thing that a hybrid word to describe them both should be used. The chosen Word was Seansome. It is used to describe something that is full of win and awesome beyond belief.
Also note that Sean is a fucking genius, with an IQ of 158. You wish you were that Seansome, don't you.
An Open Letter From Anonymous to The Staff of Calabasas High School
August 23, 2008
To Whom It May Concern:
I regret to inform you that three of your students, either current or former, have been involved in lewd/illegal activity outside of school. It is not known when this activity occurred, but recently it has come to our attention in the community that Brittany Shaeffer, Jordan Marx, and Emily Whitman were photographed (possibly by themselves) consuming alcohol, and fully nude in sexually suggestive poses, even engaging in opened-mouth kissing with one another. A video even exists of one of the girls masturbating on home webcam.
As painful it is for me to write that, I cannot believe that the administration hasn’t yet taken action, and I cannot in good conscience continue to allow my child to continue to attend your school. This sort of behavior is unacceptable for anyone, especially minors. Where are this girl’s parents? Someone needs to step in and take action. I’m sure Fox News would be very interested in hearing about this.
Have a nice day.
This was an email originally sent to the staff of the school on 8/23/2008 in hopes of generating lulz. However, when it was posted on /b/, moot cryptically 404ed the thread and killed any chance of discovering the result of the noble trolling attempt. All proceeding threads on the topic were baleeted, killing dozens of threads despite popular demand for the "sauce" and for Sean Matuszak. We are still awaiting comment from the school on the matter.
Sean Discovers /b/
And it was good.
Gallery
Many shoops were created in his honour.
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Many people view Sean as a living deity
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Our Saviour
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Awesome goes wherever he does.
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Follow as it is written
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Even the Joker loves Sean
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Sean brings awesomeness, even in disaster zones.
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The great thing about Sean Matuszak isn't being the god of the internet, it's showing everyone online that I am.
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Sean advises you to be awesome.
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The resemblance is eerie.
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Sean loves the xbox360 it is the new choice of /b/
See Also
Links
- EPIC VIDEO
- wat
- Site to use Sean pics
- even gods have myspaces
- Original thread Part 1
- Part 2
- Sean Matuszak clothes, mugs, etc.
Sean Matuszak is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |