San Antonio

The most important city in the World

San Antonio, Texas is a gulf of faggotry, Mexican food, and fat people. Second only to Austin in liberalism, San Antonio is home to one of the largest gay populations (percentage-wise) in the nation. That's a whole hell of a lot of little brown faggots. It is also interesting to note that San Antonio is also host to the most fabulous crop of fag hags this side of the Mississippi. Many of these intrepid women often bring a sense of fun, friendship, and humor to the otherwise drab life of homos. Also, San Antonio is notable for being one of the hottest and most intolerable places on the planet.

White People

San Antonio is home to the Tejanos, confused white people in San Antonio bent on driving the dirty brown wetbacks out of their homeland. Most of them live in the richer, whiter, more intelligent, and generally better upper parts of San Antonio - Alamo Heights, North Central, and north of 1604. This side of town is notable for not being a complete shithole filled with cholos and fat Spurfags with faces that look like they were pounded in by a Ford F150. Note that since San Antonio is really fucking hot it is not the natural habitat of white people and unless they have a brown diarrhea-colored tan like niggers they will never be comfortable with 110F summers, mosquitoes, and 70% humidity. Alamo Heights and the white people that live there would love to hold a genocide of the Mexicans living around them, but unfortunately they can only report so many illegals per day and if you ask them about it they will go on about "diversity" and "tolerance".

Cholos

The Cholo in its habitat

Just about every brown faggot in San Antonio is a cholo. In other words: fat, Spurs jersey, blind allegiance to a shitty basketball team, likely drives a white Ford F150, dumb, and thinks San Antonio is great. The reason cholos can be so misguided is because they have never been anywhere else except Mexico, which is shittier than San Antonio. They will spend their childhood slacking off in school while they refuse to learn English like all Americans should, surprised when they get a D in Spanish while the white students get As, and then surprised when the slackjawed marker-browed chicana they fucked is a pregnant fatty. They will then drop out, have 5 more kids, and get some low-paying job by working for a white person. This cycle has continued since the Civil Rights era and is primarily why San Antonio is a sweltering shithole.

Cholos, and Mexicans in general, feel most at home in areas with extremely high murder rates, which is why they all live on the south side of the city. Mother Mexico, which is connected by a secret underground tunnel to San Antonio's South Side, and ferries illegal immigrants by on the order of over 9000 every day to low-income housing projects, is eternally glad to be rid of the brown plague, and quietly lines the city council's pockets with spic-cash, or pesos, which are essentially worthless because they are made of factory-direct plastic.

Despite this, cholos contribute a lot to the city: for example, their incessant consumption of cheese-draped Mexican food allows them to balloon outward to a cartoonish exaggeration of reality, and has helped make San Antonio the single fattest city in the entire fucking United States -- the fattest city in the world, in the fattest country in the world. The few non-cholo Mexicans who, though still innately lazy, have the gift of mobility, work unfailingly in the wage slavery of construction jobs, where they are paid in food stamps and expired coupon books. A few excrement-colored chicana/os peacefully demonstrate against these "human rights abuses" by joining the Gandhi-inspired MS-13 gang, getting massive virgin Mary tattoos on their backs, and raping white women. But the rich white employers who run the construction businesses know deep down that it's okay to undercompensate, because the terms "Mexican" and "human" are mutually exclusive, anyways.

Asians

Asians recognize San Antonio is shitty, but since they are a rare specimen they are usually oppressed by white people until they pack up and leave for California. Most Asians in San Antonio were tricked into coming there, and are usually shitty Asians anyway--like Vietnamese or Thai.

The Alamo

The Alamo is the pride of San Antonio, most notably because the city is a backward piece of primitive shit that doesn't have anything else to be proud of. Ironically, the people most proud of the Alamo are ignorant fucks who have little knowledge of history. As you would expect from Mexicans, the Alamo is plastered all over everything relating to the city, including its flag. Thankfully, Ozzy Osbourne pissed on it in what is the only instance of an important person visiting San Antonio.

Education

Since San Antonio is mostly filled with retarded mouth-breathers, San Antonio is not a city known for its education unlike Detroit and instead tries to pimp out the Spurs in an obvious inferiority complex. All high schools in San Antonio will be embarrassingly easy unless you live in a white district, especially so if one of those schools is NEISD. A foreigner visiting San Antonio may wonder why a high school football team from NEISD is on the local newspapers, and the reason is because high school is the highest level of education most San Antonies complete so they attach shamelessly to their high school years of being a mouth-breathing cholo that cannot walk without wobbling like a penguin. The only college worth mentioning is Trinity University, which is not surprisingly 74% white--far whiter than most schools in the city.

City government

The government of San Antonio is run by a bunch of primitive inbred retard fucks that think developing outdated highways for 10 years in an age where cities should be more urbanized is a good idea. Like you would expect, the corrupt government has led the city to become an outdated symbol of 20th century retardation, much like Stalinist cities in the USSR that no one visits anymore. Since the city is filled with construction, dust, and a general aura of shittiness, most smart people pack up and move to the west coast

Other notables

• San Antonio is also home to Fiesta, an event over 100 years old of something or other. It includes the second largest night parade in the world (only because Nawlins got pwned), and lots of alcohol. That's a whole hell of a lot of little brown alcoholics. It's so bad that every business downtown is closed on Friday to prevent their employees from getting robbed on their way home.

• Pee-Wee's bike is not in San Antonio. Over 1 million lechusa sightings have been made in San Antonio and over 100,000 people daily are hexed by 'ojo'. Clearly San Antonio is a place of many wonders.

• While San Antonio is roughly one hundred miles from the border, there happens to be a Chinese restaurant on every street corner.

• SeaWorld San Antonio is about three hundred miles from the ocean and the animals are brewed with barley, hops, and yeast and lagered with beechwood for a smoother taste. They've got land horses instead of the sea kind.

• San Antonio is also the place of a person who is very internet famous.

• Alex-jon, who happens to be a little brown faggot lives there, and his grandmother owns two stores downtown. They're nice, and smell like old people. Also the former stomping ground of hardvice from high school through college, and still the home of his bad_mom.

• In general, the majority use of Internets is limited to poor bastards trying to find work at establishments who don't give a damn. The other portion is the growing population of teen mothers seeking new boyfriends on MySpace and renewing foodstamp cards.

Other Names

• Military City, USA (b/c of so many bases)
• The Mexican Dent (we think you get the point)
• Alamo City
• San Anto
• San Antone

See Also

San Antonio Rock City