Paul Harvey

"In our 'For What It's Worth' Department: I honestly could not get any whiter."

Paul Harvey is one of the most depressing white men ever. Every morning he delivers the so-called "news" in a monotone voice on radio broadcasts, drolling on about current issues, such as how monkeys are being used in S.W.A.T. teams.

Paul Harvey has been blamed for mass car pile-ups on highways, where drivers become hapless victims of his "The Rest of the Story" radio broadcasts, and instantly become drowsy from the intense boredom of Harvey's droning and fall asleep at the wheel.

He also likes to tell horrible stories where people are massacred and die. For example, he once told this story of a woman who was car-jacked while she was in the car. The guy threw her out and her foot got caught on the seat belt. The guy shut the door and sped off. She was dragged to her death. Paul Harvey then started to laugh and cut to a comment about how great it is to shop at Wal Mart.

Harvey's only redeeming quality is the fact that he was a confirmed racist. While describing how good a certain play he was shilling for was going to be, he said, "And the only black person you'll see is in the cheap seats!"

Death

Caturday February 28th 2009, "Paaaaul Haaarvy... good DAY!"

links

• PaulHarvey.com