O Noes Her Nanomachines!11!!
Are you obsessed by Annie-may?
Do you watch the more popular variants, like Akira or Robotech, or do you delve deep, deep, deep down into the Annie-may singularity, where the cartoons are so cryptic that you need a 95-year old sensei wearing pantyhose to understand them, and a degree in fluent Japanese to boot (shame on you if you do, 4chan is waiting for you). Watching "Japanimation" (sigh) is a risky business, as you risk thrombosis, a sprained calf, or a brain seizure thanks to the frustration. They all merge into each other, all obsessed with cityscapes that look like bad Apple Mac adverts, big-breasted Amazonian women and dumb-ass robots, each looking like an angular Bob Newhart. They also make great fodder for memes, thanks in part to the lonely, scabby children who make up the majority of posters to /b/ and /v/. They represent everything they cannot ever hope to attain, particularly attractive women ("represent" being a key concept here). A quick grope of a snaggle-toothed cousin is probably at the apex of the sexual careers of the fan crowd.
Every so often, however, something comes along that's different, that stands apart from the rest! This doesn't happen very often in a culture that praises homogeneity, so feel blessed when it does!
Unfortunately, this crap isn't that. It's just more of the same.
Background Story
My-Otome (舞-乙HiME|Mai-Otome) is yet another anime series filled with over-sexualised 12-year-old girls in tight-tops, doing things a human body wasn't designed to do (go figure). Certain people masturbate to this stuff. Take note. Arika Yumemiya is a young pseudo-Japanese camwhore who attends a school for otome in the Windbloom Kingdom, which is Poland to Oz's Germany. Otome are the bodyguards for Kings, dignitaries and Dick Cheney who are powered by nanomachines, which is old technology left over from the present. Typically, how this is done is never made clear.
Obviously, a position like this brings great responsibility, but here comes the humdinger - all otome must remain virgins during their tenure or they lose their powers completely. You can't own 乙-Type Highly Advance Materializing Equipment and suck teh cock. There are reasons for this.
Nanomachines And Sex
The Breakdown
Nanomachines, present by the millions in their bloodstreams, provide the source of the otome's power. However, the nanomachines themselves are highly reactive to a protein present in semen - Prostate-Specific Antigen, or PSA for short. So, should a highly-sexed otome allow some young stud to stick his dick inside her any-the-which-way, it's curtains for her. The antigen will cause the body to generate antibodies that destroy the nanomachines in a very short space of time, possibly even before the customary oral ejaculative event. Post-coital bummer, huh?
Obviously, this is about as final a career-killer you can get, and unless the victim sees a future in pawning her soul on a webcam all for the sake of an Amazon wishlist, she'd obviously wish to avoid this fate at all costs (remember, this is the future; there was no social security in A Canticle For Leibowitz, and there won't be here either). Rumor has it that Cracky-Chan began her ascent to "stardom" after losing her nanomachines to teh cock of director Michael Bay, but this is unfounded.
Seriously, WTF!!??!
Examining this thoroughly, you may notice that none of it makes any fucking sense in the slightest. Firstly, shouldn't all of this impending butthurt be avoidable by simply having the male protagonist wear a condom? Perhaps the concept of safe sex is an alien one to the future teenager (come to think of it, it is just that to the teenagers of today). Is the antigen able to enter body vaginally, orally or anally? Or all three? And surely throwing a bucket of semen at the offending otome is a threat? (Bukkake a distinct no-no). In fact, this world's covert op. missions would have probably devolved into rape of said teenagers, or at very least jacking off into their drinks.
The US Army experienced a similar problem - in reverse - whilst fighting in Vietnam. There were so many VD-infected prostitutes around that even the cutlery had venereal warts.
4Chan Enters The Picture
The Meme
My-Otome is one of the more popular pieces of Japanese "art" amongst 4chan /a/ - after Azumanga Daioh and, of course Rozen Maiden (DESU DESU MOTHERFUCKING DESU). Hence, during a late-night intensive discussion of My-Otome on /v/, the semen question arose, and although the heroines of the piece are all shitty, horribly-drawn cartoons with the soul of a broken ox-cart, the posters in question were concerned that they could, indeed, lose them to casual sex.
Although I'm sure none of them would turn down the chance to deflower them themselves.
As is the way of the world, Hentai of otome has surfaced of dubious quality, which both reinforces the desires of those who never gave a shit about a damn nanomachine in the first place, and the fears (real, imagined or fake) of those who see this as the ultimate betrayal. So, when a hentai of the above is inevitably posted. the next post will always be "O Noes Her Nanomachines!11!!!". This has spread to a large amount of other, similar Hentai as well, thus this cry seems to be emitted on a regular basis. Yippee. Fucking give it a rest 4chan, the only people who give a crap about nanomachines and their make-believe afflictions are you and Nikola Tesla. And he died at least 100 years ago. Yeah, only Nikola Tesla, 4chan, and you because you obviously spent the time to read to the very bottom of this article. What the fuck is wrong with you?
The Future Of Nanomachines
There is no "future" for nanomachines per se, as long as the otomes follow the basic pattern of teenage deflowerment as practiced in the Western World. i.e. By next year, they'll all have experienced what it's like to be the White Man's bitch.
External Links
- Wholly inaccurate Wikipedia article about otome. Doesn't even mention sex.
- Still completely inaccurate Wikipedia article 'bout "otome, but mentions sex.
- The Anime News Network. More erotica than CNN!! More Furries than Fox!!
Alternate Version
This means being able to:
1. Grow a cock over pussy
2. Bend it over to shove it up sum sweet loli ass
3. ???
4. PROFIT!!!
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O Noes Her Nanomachines!11!! is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
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O Noes Her Nanomachines!11!! is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |