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DOS
Not to be confused with Denial of Service.
DOS is an ancient operating system ripped off from CP/M at least 100 years ago. There is much drama on the internets regarding exactly who invented DOS. Some argue that it was Jesus. Others say it was some nob headed kid that jizzed on a Xerox machine, exploding the bloody severed head of Sigourney Weaver. Marked by its exceptional ease of use -- and a whole lot of backslashing fun -- this operating system quickly became the crème de la crème of fucktards everywhere. Today, DOS is still in use by people that can't get over the fact that having an XT doesn't really mean you can run Lotus Spreadsheets like a pro with a Dot Matrix printer.
Acronym for Dumb Operating System, Defunct Operating System, Defective Operating System, and Dude Where's My Car.
Dos also means a fanatic Jew.
History
The nucleus of what would eventually become the steaming pile that is DOS was QDOS: the Quick and Dirty Operating System. It was written by Tim Patterson in a few weeks for Seattle Computer Products' computer kit (10Mhz, 16 bit 8086, up to 640k of RAM). Meanwhile, IBM was too Jew to buy the upcoming CP/M-86 for their new IBM-PC (4.7Mhz, 8 bit 8088, up to 256KB of RAM), and was also too lazy to make their own, so they hired Micro-Soft (they had a hyphen back then) to make a CP/M clone for them. Micro-Soft bought QDOS, renamed it MS-DOS, and sold it to IBM, starting their long history of making megabucks with marketing and without actually engineering anything. Digital Research threw a shitfit when they found out that everyone was copying their operating system, but everyone ignored them.
Obtaining DOS
1. Get Microsoft Virtual Machine
2. Install it
3. Obtain DOS Install disks of your choice (BROTIP: Use magnets for faster aquiring)
4. Install DOS on Microsoft VM
5. ???
6. PROFIT
Important DOS Commands
The following are important DOS commands that all hackers use to reveal personal information about their victim.
- echo
- Echo types something back at you and removes Echo from whatever you typed after it. For example:
- echo YOU ARE A HOMO
- would display "YOU ARE A HOMO"
- cls
- Clear screen
- pause
- Waits for user to press the Any Key
- dir
Emulates a 'Matrix' effect in large directories.Disregard that, this is a better way to do it: do "cd .." until it says C:\>. Now do "dir /s" and shit bricks.
- rn c:\windows c:\apple
- Useful for changing your operating system to try out OSX
- edit autoexec.bat
- If you go here and delete everything, you can free up memory on your computer, giving it 64-bit power.
- format c: /q /u
- This enables your dot-matrix printer to create realistic counterfeit money.
- del command.com
- This is the DOS web browser.
- del msdos.sys
- Mandatory command to sort out all DOS problems.
- del HAL.DLL
- Deletes A Windows Genuine Advantage file that Bill Gates puts on your computer to call it illegal.
- deltree /y c:\*.*
- Native virus scanner for DOS. Detects and removes MS-DOS and all known and unknown variants.
- fdisk /mbr
- Another virus scanner that removes the lunix virus.
- ctty com1 (if this still works)
- Disconnects your keyboard (or whatever you typed in) from dos.
- copy /b Image.jpg + Porn.zip Image.jpg
- Hide your porn in an image. It will increase the image's size. And using a .zip file would be stupid. Use .tar.gz, .tar.bz2, or .7z. If you use 7-Zip you can view and extract your porn later if you open the image in 7-Zip.
See Also
External links
- DOSBox-an emulation of the original DOS, only it doesn't crash as often, also it's free
- MyAbandonware-another place where you can download DOS games! Also for free!
DOS is part of a series on Programming. [Enter the Matrix] | |
ADA • Assembly • C • C++ • COBOL • Debug • DOS • Erlang • Error • Fdisk • Fortran • Integer • Java • LOLCode • Machine Code • Matlab • MIRC Script • MUMPS • Open Source • Perl • PHP • Programming language • Python • QBASIC • Ruby on Rails • Scratch • SSH • Visual Basic
Firefox XPS IRC Attack • Safari XPS Attack • Sandworm
Bill Gates • Linus Torvalds • Weev • Goatse Security • Terry Davis • Theo de Raadt
Operating system • Warez • Notepad • Is not a bug, it's a feature • Database Error |
DOS is part of a series on Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage. |