Jan Terri

Jan Teri was an amateur musical artist in the late 1980's/early 1990's. Using the most cutting edge technological equipment of her time, Jan gave the 1990's some of the most unnerving home videos this side since chechclear.

	“	The songs are the words, the videos are supposed to correlate the pictures. So you have a visual effect	„
	—Jan Terri, a master of her craft

Jan Terri is extremely talented and if your ears are blessed with the sound of her voice you will go to Heaven.

Road to Super Stardom

Prior to becoming a pop sensation, Jan Terri made a living as a black person, passing out VHS tapes of her demos to her passengers in hopes of getting her big break. This worked as expected, and Jan's talent languished as the years passed. However, with the advent of the internet, Jan found her second change at success. Following in the footsteps of other immensely talented individuals, her artistic vision was revealed to the world. Decked out in only the classiest of faux leather jackets and 4 cans of Aqua Net, Jan belts out her heartfelt anthems of heartbreak across Chicago's finest sewage treatment plants and airports. Her rise to the top was astounding as her videos went viral across the web and she was featured on national television. Unfortunately for Jan, this occurred in 2000, long before websites that would appreciate her talent were established. However, as with all brilliant artists, the internet has all but assured that Jan Terri will be, now and forever, remembered.

The Hits

Losing You

Her most well known single, Losing You was a tale of heartbreak and redemption. Doing her best impression of an English Bulldog and struggling to keep her balance, when the camera isn't zooming out into the distance we spot a spandex laden Jan forcing herself on Mexican Billy Ray Cyrus. Given very subtle context clues, we're left to interpret Jan is very successful in life (complete with fancy limo and luggage carrying negro) but contemplates throwing it all away for the wild excitment with her outlaw beau. Parking in a No Parking Zone? That's the kind of crazy life Jan Terri craves! Probably. She later admited she can't remember what she was singing about.

	“	Somebody's leaving, I don't remember. At the time, I don't remember if he was leavin', or I was leavin', but somebody in the song is saying bye bye	„

Baby Blues

In this dedication to Hitlers glorious vision of a blond, blue eyed master race, Jan serenades the audience with her vision of a man with eyes blue enough that they could somehow shoot gallons of water from them at will while simultaneously paying tribute to one her musical inspiration Elmer Fudd.

Journey to Mars

After regaining consciousness after spending a crazy weekend methed out while having a Pink Floyd record playing in the background, Jan decided to try her hand at prog rock. Donning aluminum foil jumpsuits, Jan and friends sulked around town for an afternoon making strange, alien-like gestures in front of various locations, adding in the most visually advanced graphic animation available at the time. When it still looked like shit, they threw in some lens flare and called it a day.

Holiday Specials

Knowing every respected artist dabbled in holiday songs, Jan made tried her damnedest to enter the fray. As expected, these videos are brilliant and need to elaboration.

	“	I was going for more of an eerie expect [sic], and it wouldn't have the same effect in color. It would kind of look kind of stupid.	„
	—Jan Terri, on creative direction for Get Down Goblin