Gorilla warfare/Copypasta Archive

Original:

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Adria Richards version

What the fork did you just forking say about me, you little dongle? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my sales class at ITT Tech, and I’ve been involved in numerous tech related conferences, and I have over 300 confirmed complaints filed on my fellow coworkers. I am trained in feminist ideology and I’m the forker in the entire tech sales division. You are nothing to me but just another oppressor. I will wipe you the fork out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my forking words. You think you can get away with saying that dongle like that to me over the Internet? Think again, forker. As we speak I am contacting my network of feminist and your job is being is being taken right now so you better prepare for the storm, dongle. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re forking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can have sent to HR in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with tweets. Not only am I extensively trained in ethical workplace conduct , but I have access to the entire arsenal of the SRS and feminist movement and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable dongle off the face of the continent, you little dong. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever joke was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your forking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddongling idiot. I will fork dongle all over you and you will drown in it. You’re forking dead, kiddo.

Atheist version

What in the name of science did you just say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Evolutionary Quantum Physics, and I have over 300 featured publications. I am trained in the Theory of Evolution and I'm the top scholar in the entire scientific world. You are nothing to me but another non thinker. I will teach you the Evolution of the human genome with the largest amount of scientific proof that has ever been seen; mark my words. You think you can get away with still believing in God? Think again, bigot. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of top scientists and scholars across the USA and you're going to be forced to accept science and reason, so you better prepare for your awakening, sir. The awakening that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call christianity. You'll be educated soon, sir. I can teach you anywhere, anytime, and I can recite by name over seven hundred common ancestors of man, and that's just off the top of my head. Not only am I extensively trained in scientific debate, but I have access to the entire literature of the University of Cambridge and I will use it to its full extent to bring you into Atheism, you little Jesus lover. If only you could have known what retribution your belief system was about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have challenged Atheism. But you couldn't, you didn't and now you're paying the price, you goddamned christian. I will teach the Theory of Evolution all over you and you will drown in it. You'll be an Atheist soon, kiddo

Beatles version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about The Beatles you fucking mod? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my media class studying Hard Day's Night, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret gigs with Paul McCartney, and I have over 300 bootlegged Beatles' records. I am trained in George's riffs and I’m the top fan in the entire Beatles' fan club. You are nothing to me but just another The Who fan. I will play you the fuck off with a Day Tripper riff the likes of which has never been seen before on even the Ed Sullivan show, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about The Beatles over the Internet? Think again, rocker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Beatles tribute bands across the Beatles' fan club and our Epiphone Casinos are being played right now so you better prepare for the festival, maggot. The festival that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call The Who. You’re fucking Phillip Spector, kid. I can play anywhere, anytime, and I own Bootlegs of their recordings in over seven hundred takes, and that’s just the White Album. Not only am I extensively trained in John Lennon's one-liners, but I have access to the entire tablature of the Beatles' discography and I will play it to its full extent to rock your miserable ass back to the USSR, you little shit. If only you could have known what fabulous retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying for tickets, you goddamn mod. I will play From Me To You and you will drum to it. You’re fucking less popular than Jesus, kiddo.

Brony Version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little foal? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Magic Kindergarten, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Changelings, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the Equestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Equestria, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Crystal Empire and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, foal. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hooves. Not only am I extensively trained in unhooved combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Equestria Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable flank off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Camelot version

What the flip did thee just flipping gabble about me, thine miniscule bitch? I’ll have thee know I bested the most prestigious jousting class in the whole of Camelot, and I hath been involved in numerous secret marches on behalf of his Majesty, King Arthur, and I hath over 300 confirmed victories on horseback. I am trained in castle of Guerrilla warfare and I am indeed the highest ranking joustee in the entire land of Great Britannia. Thee are nothing to me but another false crossbearer. I will joust thine shambles with precision the likes of which hath never been observed in the King’s lands, mark my flipping words! Thou think thou can escape retribution by shouting that hogwash at me from afar? I implore thee to think again, peasant. As we converse I am contacting my secretive network of knights across the realm and thine footsteps are being traced right now, so thou best prepare thineself for the storm, pig-maggot! The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing thou call your armour. Thou art a flipping dead man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill thou in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare lance. Not only am I extensively trained in mounted combat, but I hath access to the entire arsenal of the Kings Royal Army, and I shall use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable derriere off the face of the realm, thou miniscule feaces. If only thou could have foreseen what unholy retribution your little “clever” challenge was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thee flipping tongue. But thou couldn’t, thou didn’t, and now thee art paying the price, you goddamn fool. I shall shit fury all over thou britches and thee will drown in it. Thou art flipping dead, child.

Catcher in the Rye Version

What the hell did you just say about me, you big phony? I’ll have you know I was kicked out of Pencey Prep, and I’ve been involved in numerous prostitution attempts, and I have smoked over 300 cigarettes. I am versed in composition writing and I’m the craziest sex maniac in the entire world. You are nothing to me but another phony. I will goddam sock the hell out of you with all my might, for Chrissake. You think you can get away with saying that to me over the Internet and all? Think again, you moron. As we speak I am buzzing my incognito network of ducks around the park and your address is being tracked right now so you better prepare for the winter, lousy bastard. The winter that freezes the fish and all in the pond. You’re goddamn dead, I’m not kidding. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can complain in over seven hundred different ways, and that’s just about my lousy brother D.B. Not only can I whine about everything, but I can dance with every dopey girl that I meet in a bar and I will dance until I knock you out, I swear. If you would know about how I would plug you with six shots with my automatic when I’m bleeding and all, maybe you would have shut your mouth. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and know you’re going to pay the damn price and all, you corny big shot. I will drink highballs all over your room and you will hit the ceiling. You’re a goddamn phony, sonuvabitch. I’m not kidding.

Christian version

What in the Lord's name did you just say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Ministry school, and I have over 300 confirmed conversions. I am trained in the Baptist religion and I'm the top missionary in the entire Christian world. You are nothing to me but another infidel. I will teach you the word of God with the largest gospel choir that has ever been seen, mark my words. You think you can get away with rejecting Christ? Think again, sinner. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pastors and priests across the USA and you're going to be forced to accept Jesus as your lord and saviour, so you better prepare for your baptism, sir. The baptism that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call atheism. You're Christian soon, sir. I can teach you anywhere, anytime, and I can preach in over seven hundred languages, and that's just off the top of my head. Not only am I extensively trained in reciting the bible from memory, but I have access to the entire literature of the Archdiocese of the Americas and I will use it to its full extent to bring you into Christianity, you little atheist. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your heresy was about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have challenged the existence of God. But you couldn't, you didn't and now you're paying the price, you goddamned sinner. I will teach Christianity all over you and you will drown in it. You'll be a believer soon, kiddo.

Evangelical variation

What in the devil’s name did y’all just say about me, you little sinner? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Bible School, been involved in numerous Billy Graham crusades, and have over 300 confirmed soul-savings. I am trained in New Testament apologetics and am the top converter in the entire Baptist Church. Y’all ain’t nothin’ to me but another sinnin’ atheist. I will bring you to Jesus with a passion the likes of which ain’t never before been seen on this Earth, y’all mark what I’m sayin’. You think you can get away with that there sinful talk over the Internet? Think again, pagan. As we speak I’m contactin’ my secret network of deacons across the USA and your local church address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the sermon, devil’s child. The sermon that wipes the blackness right out of your soul. Your sinful days are over, kid. I can radio evangelize anywhere, anytime, and I can bring you to Jesus in over 700 different ways, and that’s just with bare Bible verses. Not only am I extensively trained in hermeneutics, but I have access to the entire hymnal collection of the Protestant Church and I will use it to its full extent to see that you know who the Lord Jesus is. If only you could have known what kind of fire and brimstone preachin’ your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your blasphemous tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re payin’ the tithe, you unredeemed heathen. You’re goin’ to Hell.

Dark Night/Batman version

What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the League of Shadows, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The mob, and I have beaten over 300 confirmed criminals. I am trained in ninjitsu and I’m the top detective in Gotham You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this city, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with wearing hockey pads? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am using my secret network of sonar phones across the city and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, scum. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking done, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can beat the shit out of you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my tangerine. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Lucious Fox and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit justice all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Im the goddamn Batman.

DC Comics version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about DC, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the art college, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Anime, and I have over 300 published comics. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top publisher in the entire US comics industry. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed bitching, but I have access to the entire arsenal of lawyers and angry writers on twitter and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Death Note version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? I’ll have you know I graduated top of Japan and I’m responsible for heart attacks of criminals world wide, and I have 124,925 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I’m the god of this new world. You are nothing to me but just another name. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can’t even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my followers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million differant ways, and that’s just with my notebook. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand world wild followers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo

DESU version

What the desu did you just fucking desu about me, you little desu? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my desu in the Navy Desus, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret desus on Al-Desu, and I have over 300 confirmed desus. I am trained in desu warfare and I’m the top desu in the entire US armed desu. You are nothing to me but just another desu. I will desu you the fuck out with desu the likes of which has never been seen before on this desu, mark my fucking desu. You think you can get away with saying that desu to me over the desu? Think again, desu. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of desu across the USA and your desu is being traced right now so you better prepare for the spam, maggot. The spam that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your desu. You’re fucking desu, kid. I can be desu, desu, and I can desu you in over desu ways, and that’s just with my bare desu. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed desu, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Desu and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable desu off the face of the desu, you little desu. If only you could have known what unholy desu your little “desu” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking desu. But you desu, you desu, and now you’re desu, you goddamn desu. I will shit desu all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking desu, kiddo.

Elder Scrolls versions

What in the name of Talos did you just say to me, you milk drinker? I'll have you know I am the Dragonborn, and I've been on numerous raids on dragons and I have over 300 dragon souls. I am trained in the Thu'um and I'm the top archer in the entire Imperial Legion. You are nothing to me but just another enemy. I will kill you with arrows the likes of which has never been seen before on Nirn, mark my words. You think you can just say that to me over the webs created by the Dwemer? Think again, milk drinker. As we speak I am contacting my Dark Brotherhood assassins across Tamriel and your hold is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Call Storm shout, milk drinker. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call Mundus. You are going to be sent to Aetherius, milk drinker. I can be at any hold, any time, and can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Thu'um. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Imperial Legion and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Mundus, you milk drinker. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" opinionated statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fool. I will shout fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're dead, milk drinker.

Alternate version

By the Nine Divines! What did you just say about me, you little skeeverbutt? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the College of Winterhold, and I've been known to cast one hell of a fireball, and I have over 300 confirmed summons. I am trained in daedric warfare and I'm the swords master of the entire Imperial forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will make you beg to Akatosh as I bend you over like a common whelp, mark my words, on my oath as the Dovahkiin. You think you can come into my mind through this magic device and insult me? Think again, scum. As we speak I have every assassin and thief across all of Tamriel looking for your initial position so you better prepare for the storm atronach, you Draugr. The storm atronach that wipes out the pathetic little husk you call your life. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my dragon shouts! Not only am I extensively trained in archery and horseback riding, but I have access to the entire congregation of the Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood, Mages College, and untold hordes of Daedric warriors, and I will use every one of them to banish you to the plane of Oblivion. If only you could have had the clairvoyance to see what divine retribution your little "clever" runes were about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue you dark skin. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will become the embodiment of Mehrunes Dagon, and open a portal to Oblivion the likes of which you have never seen. You're fucking dead, milk-drinker.

Fallout 4 Version

The fuck did you just fucking say about me you raider bitch? I'll have you know I'm the General of the Minutemen in the Boston Commonwealth and I have over 300 settlements all allied to the Brotherhood Of Steel. I am trained in U.S. Military and have over 4,000 confirmed Power Armour kills. Your camp is nothing to me, just another location to fire a mini nuke on. I will wipe you, your friends and your whole family out with a force the likes of which you've never seen before you piece of shit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with this shit with me over courier? Think again asshole. As we speak I have 7,000 Vertibirds coming for you and Minutemen sweeping the whole commonwealth, raider cunt. Brotherhood of Steel eat shit like you for breakfast whilst doing 300 push ups using their erect dicks only. Not only am I extensively trained in the use of Power Armour I have Rank 4 in Heavy Weapons and Sneak, and the entire arsenal of the Commonwealth weaponry at my disposal to wipe you off the face of this fucking irradiated planet. If only you could have known what your jet fueled bullshit spam mail would have caused to everyone you know, maybe you would have torn up and burnt that piece of paper to charcoal. But you wouldn't, you didn't, and now you're cashing the caps your mouth wrote, you goddamn scum sucking junkie. I will shoot MIRVs all over you and you will swallow one whole. You're fucking dead raider.

Feminist version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you male pig? I'll have you know I graduated top of my Womyn's Studies class, and I've been involved in numerous demonstrations against oppression of womynkind, and I have over 300 signatures on my petition. I am trained in debate tactics and I'm the top speaker in the entire Feminist Frequency. You are nothing to me but just another cis scum. I will reeducate the fuck out of you with feminism the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, male oppressor. As we speak I am contacting my public network of activists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, misogynist. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your worldview. You're fucking dead, nerd. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can disprove your biased theories in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with no preparation time. Not only am I extensively trained in rhetorics, but I have access to the entire funding of the Tropes vs Women in Video Games project and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable opinions off the face of the Internet, you rapist. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you godessdamn idiot. I will rain empowerment all over womyn and your cisprivilege will drown in it. Your rape culture is over, man.

Alternate version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you sexist pig? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in women's studies, and I've been involved in numerous rallies against men, and I have over 300 confirmed divorces. I am trained in pretending I'm allergic to latex and I'm the top body painter in the entire class. You are nothing to me but just another misogynist. I will wipe you the fuck out with chants the likes of which has never been heard before on this Earth, mark my fucking tits. You think you can get away with looking at my tits? Think again, sexist. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of feminists across the USA and your sperm is being traced right now so you better prepare for child support, maggot. child support that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a bank account. You're fucking broke, kid. I can be at any feminism rally, anytime I'm not at womyn's studies and I can manipulate you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare breasts. Not only am I extensively trained in pretending you raped me, but I have access to the entire array of colors in my art class, and I will use it to its full extent to paint my body with slogans, you masculine pig. If only you could have known what unholy debt your little “clever” cumshot was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking orgasm. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn man. My STIs will shit fury all over your dick and you will drown in it. You're fucking diseased, manno.

Alternate alternate Version

What the fuck did you say about me, you cis rapist? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in gender studies, and I've been involved in numerous public raids on 4chan, and I have banned over 300 misogynist shits. I am trained in not citing my sources and I'm the top land whale in the entire Tumblr army. You're nothing to me but another trigger. I will ban you the fuck out with butthurt the likes of which have never been seen on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with raping me over the Internet? Think again, cis white boy. As we speak I'm contacting my secret network of landwhales all over #stopgamergate and your account is being rustled right now so you better prepare your jimmies, sexist pig. The media will biasly slander out the pathetic little thing you call a gender. You're fucking dead, rapist. I can be anywhere, anytime, and kill you with my massive fat folds, and that's just with my bare keyboard. Not only am I extensively trained in being triggered, I have access to the entire arsenal of Tumblr, and I will use it to its full extent to send death threats to your family all over the fucking Internet, fucking patriarchal bitch. If only you could have know what raging hormone filled butthurt your little "clever" comment was about to bring down on you, maybe you would have circumcised yourself. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn PTSD inducing troll. I will shitpost all over you and you will choke on your own injustice. You're fucking dead, cis boy. 

Hacker version

What the fuck did you just fucking type about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids with Anonymous, and I have over 300 confirmed DDoSes. I am trained in online trolling and I’m the top hacker in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another virus host. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on the Internet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with typing that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we chat over IRC I am tracing your IP with my damn bare hands so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your computer. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hack into your files in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in hacking, but I have access to the entire arsenal of every piece of malware ever created and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the world wide web, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking fingers. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit code all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Hank Hill version

Hwat the hell did you just freaking say about me, you little bobby? I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class in the sales of propane and propane acessories, and I've been involved in numerous secret propane raids on Thatherton Fuels, and I have over 300 confirmed sales. I am trained in grilla warfare and I'm the top salesman in the entire Strickland Propane company. I will wipe you the hell out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in arlen, mark my god danged words. You think you can get away with saying that crap to me over the phone? Think again, boy. As we speak I am contacting my group of redneck friends across the street and your number is being traced right now so you better prepare for hell, hippie. The hell that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your charcoal grill. You're freaking dead, boy. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can sell to you in over 700 different ways. and thats just with my grill catalog. Not only am I extensively trained in the sales of propane and propane acessories, but I have access to the entire propane and grill stock of Strickland Propane and I will use it to its full extent to sell you a grill thats off the face of the great USA, you little democrat. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" charcoal grill was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your freaking money. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price you god danged idiot. I will spill propane all over you and you will drown in it. You're freaking buying, customer.

Hipster version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pleb? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Art School, and I've been involved in numerous listens of NMH on vinyl , and I have over 3000 confirmed songs in my Foobar 2000 playlist. I am trained in songwriting and tumblr use and I'm the top vinyl collector in the record store I work at. You are nothing to me but just another mainstream listening pleb. I will wipe you the fuck out with music the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am readying my field recordings, be prepared for a storm of 2deep4u. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your taste. Not only am I extensively trained in tumblr use, but I have access to the entire collection over at Amoeba Records and I will use it to its full extent to better your miserable pleb taste. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit obscurity all over you and you will drown in it. You're a fucking pleb, kiddo.

Hitler version

What ze fuck did you just fucking say about me, you verdammter Jude? I'll have you know I graduated top of mein class in ze Hitlerjugend, and I've been involved in numerous secret Gestapo raids in Berlin, and I have over 300 million confirmed executions. I am trained in gorilla gassing and I am ze top sniper in ze entire Wehrmacht. You are nothing to me but just another race traitor. I will wipe you ze fuck out with precision ze likes of which has never been seen before on this Reich, mark mein fucking words. You think you can get away with saying zat scheiße to me over ze Internet? Think again, arschloch. As vee speak I am contacting mein secret network of spies across Deutschland and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for ze storm, blödel. Ze storm zat wipes out ze pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and zat's just with mein machinenpistole. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed kampf, but I have access to ze entire arsenal of ze Wehrmacht forces and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable arsch off ze face of ze Reich, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy blitzkrieg your little "clever" kommentar was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying ze price, you verdammter dummkopf. I will shit Zyklon B all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

iPhone Salesman version

What the iOS did you just say about Apple, you little Android ? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in business marketing, and I've been involved in numerous lawsuit investigations in Apple, and I have over 300 confirmed iPhone sales. I am trained in Phone warfare and I'm the top businessman in the entire US cell phone company business. You are nothing to me but just another jailbreaker. I will outsell you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with trying to jailbreak around me? Think again. As we speak I am contacting my secret Facetime network of geeks across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out your gigabytes and gives me all your money. Your tricks are mine, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can stop you from jailbreaking in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in selling iPhones, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Apple Products and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your entire monthly plan. If only you could have known what unholy retribution of trying to jailbreak and trying to download apps for free would bring you, maybe you would have not of jailbreaked at all. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your malevolent goals and you will watch me with your bricked iPod as you're you and your shit music is taken away in a police van. I'm fucking rich, kiddo.

Jewish Version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little goyim? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Harvard, and I've been involved in numerous secret pyramid schemes in the USA, and I have over 300 million dollars. I am trained in economics and I'm the top jew in the entire society of intellectual hebrews. You are nothing to me but just another customer. I will bankrupt you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of bankers across the USA and your bank account is being drained right now so you better prepare for the eviction, maggot. The eviction that kicks out the pathetic little thing you call your ass. You're fucking broke, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can extort money from you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my holocaust stories. Not only am I extensively trained in ripping you off, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the JIDF and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable trolling off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking goyim tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the unreasonable price of 10% above market value, you goddamn idiot. I will overprice items all around you and you will drown in them. Oy vey, kiddo.

Joseph Ducreux version

What did thou just sayest about meself, thou yellow-bellied hound? I shall inform thee that I am imployed in the top ranks of the Inquisition, and I have taken part in most numerous cladestine battles against sinners, and I have slain over 300 heretics. I am most educated in the knightly ways and the Lord boasts of my ability to kill. Thou art naught but a peasant and another heretic in my eyes. I will slay thee with most deadly force and thy blood shall flow like rain on this Earth, hark to my words. Dost thou believe thee can freely send me these letters via messenger on horseback? Thou would doest well to mull upon it a second time, peasant. As my quill scrabbles on this paper, I am alerting the Inquistion all over Europe and thou shall be executed accordingly. Thou would doest well to begin repenting, lad. I can find thee wherever thou goest, and I can slay thee in a million ways with nothing but my hands. I am not only most trained in combat with no weapons, I also have access to thousands of men with extensive training of their own and I will deploy them with orders to burn and pillage thy village, thou insolent little disease. If only thou hadst known the wicked requital that thy “snide” insult was about to bring upon thee, mayhap thou would hast watched thy foul tongue. Alas, thou did not, and now, thou shall be punished at the hands of justice, thou tottering moron. I will defecate mine rage all over thee, and thou will suffocate in my fury. Thou art as well as executed, lad.

Kindergarden version

What the heck did you just flipping say about me, you big meanie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Tiny Tots Program, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the girl's bathroom, and I have over 300 confirmed noogies. I am trained in Nerf warfare and I have the most gold stars in the entire kindergarten class. You are nothing to me but just another butthead. I will beat you the heck up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my dang words. You think you can get away with saying that baloney to me on the glowy type-box? Think again, doodiehead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of teachers across the USA and your parents are being called to pick you up right now so you better prepare for the spanking, junior. The spanking that wipes out the dumb little thing you call your playtime. You're in big darn trouble, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can wedgie you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed fartfights, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States PTA and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your dorky bottom off the face of the playground, you little poopypants. If only you could have known what serious punishments your little "smartypants" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goshdarned tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you silly doofus. I will spray boogers all over you and you will cry about it. You're frickin grounded, buttmunch.

Kirby version

What the poyo did you just say, you Waddle Dee? I'll have you know I'm responsible for crashing the Halberd over 10 times, and I have over 30 confirmed copy abilities! I am trained in sucking and I'm the best Star Warrior in all of Popstar. You are nothing to me but just another copy essence. I will suck you with power you've never seen before, mark my poyo. You think you can get away with knocking my copy ability away? Think again, Bronto. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of clones across the Galaxy and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the wind, Doo. The wind that sucks out the pathetic little thing you call existence. You're fucking food now, enemy. I can kill you as anything, anytime, and that's just with my mouth. Not only am I extensively trained in sucking, but I have the skills of blowing stars, which will blow you off this planet, you demon. If only you could have known what super tuff pink puff you just rang in with your collision damage, maybe you would have walked away. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you Waddle Dee. I will open my mouth and suck like a vacuum. You're getting swallowed. -Aege

Lara Croft version

Where the fuck is my bloody mother you fucking little scum. I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in archeology and I have been involved in numerous countries raiding tombs and I have raided over 300 confirmed tombs. I am trained by the British government and have been top of my class in the British government of Croft Manor. You are nothing more to me than some stupid Nathan Drake lookalike. I will shoot you the fuck out and push you back to the free masons the likes which has never seen before in any adventure from yours truly, mark my fucking words. You think you could get away kidnapping and murdering my parents? Think again, adventurer. As we speak I am contacting my secret global respective agents from the British government, the KGB and the CIA as your adventuring days are being traced right now so you better prepare for the kick in the nads, wanker. The kick that wipes your nuts out the pathetic little title you claim adventurer. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can track you in over 69 hundred ways, and that's just from using my large tits. Not only am I extensively trained by the manor of Croft via the British government, but I have access from the various computers by the CIA, KGB, and everyone else and I will use all that to its full extent to wipe your gilted ass off this mountain, you bloody wanker. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your so-called "I'm a hunter" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your bloody fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn hasbeen. I will violently push you all over to the deep ends of the ocean and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, wanker.

League of Legends version

What the Sightstone did you just fucking say about me, you little bronzie? I’ll have you know I graduated bottom of my class in Elo Hell, and I’ve been involved in 500 failed Baron steals, and I play with a blank Rune page because Runes are for pussies. I am trained in Split Pushing and I’m the best flamer in Elo Hell you’ll ever see. You are keeping me from getting Challenjour. I will Smite you the fuck off the map with Righteous Glory the likes of which has never been seen on Summoner’s Rift, you fucking scrub. You think you can win this game after flaming me? Think again, you little fuck. As I type, I’m tracking your pussie IP address and DDOSSING your little bitch ass off the game, faggot. Your internet will be so slow Internet Explorer will seem like a fucking Cheetah. You fucked yourself, kid. I will que Ranked every time you do, every day, never missing. I can die to a tower seven hundred ways. Not only can I build six Tears and make you cry IRL, but I was raised in Elo Hell, meaning you will never escape my grasp. My skills have allowed me to gain 5 LP every game and lose 20, which makes climbing out of this abyss the hardest thing you will ever do, you fuck boi. If only you could have known what those spam pings would have brought down upon you, maybe you would have just fucking CS’D the minions. But you couldn’t, wouldn’t, and now you’ll lose all your Elo, you fucking faggot. I will go full Classic Teemo jungle on your ass. You’re never getting out of Elo Hell, kid. GG.

Lord of The Rings version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Shire Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Mordor, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Gollum warfare and I'm the top hobbit in the entire Hobbiton armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Middle-Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me on a ring? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Gondor and your master is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Rohirrim and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" ring was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Sauron.

Louise Belcher/Bob's Burgers version

Where the fuck did my fucking bunny hat go, Logan you bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class flipping burgers at my dad's burger restaurant, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids writing my school essay, and I have owned over 300 confirmed gerbils. I am trained in Bugerboss warfare and as the youngest child I’m the top flipper in the entire Bob's Burgers restaurant. You are nothing to me but just another stupid bully. I will wipe you the fuck out with my plan of revenge the likes of which has never been seen before at Wagstaff Elementary, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away just to steal my hat? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting Tina and Gene and your stupid bullying cuckery is being traced right now so you better prepare for revenge, cuck. My revenge that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, idiot. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can plot vengeance against you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my experience with burger flipping. Not only am I extensively trained in the Burgerboss video game, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Bob's ol' burger restaurant and I will use it to its full extent to take vengeance against your miserable cuck ass off the face of Wagstaff, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” idea was about after taking my bunny ears hat away, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you stupid little idiot. I will burn you down and you will be burnt in the fiery burger ashes of either charcoal or propane. You’re fucking dead, Logan.

Mario version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little goomba? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the plumber program at the technical school, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Bower's castle, and I have over 300 power stars. I am trained in unclogging toilets and I’m the top plumber in the entire Mushroom Kingdom. You are nothing to me but just another koopaling. I will jump on your head with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Super Mario World, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with hiding the princess in another castle? Think again, goomba. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Yoshis and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, shy guy . The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, lakitu. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with flower power. Not only am I extensively trained in jumping on my foes' heads, but I have access to the entire arsenal of yellow, red, and green blocks and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Bullet Bills all over you and you will drown them. You’re fucking dead, Koopa.

Mass Effect version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Vorcha? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Systems Alliance, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Batarian Pirates, Collectors, and Cults, and I have over 3000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Systems Alliance. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting The Shadow Broker and your IP is being traced right now through the Extranet, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Systems Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Vorcha. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Medieval Crusader version

What slanderous attacks hast thou thrown against my good name, thou contemptible wench? Whereas I have risen even unto the foremost rank in the Royal Admiralty; whereas I have on many an occasion partaken in clandestine crusades against the Saracens; whereas by mine hands have fallen barbarians numbering some fifteen score; whereas I am most skilled in the ways of the ape warrior; whereas I am the premier marksman amongst all of our Kingdom's knights: Thou art in my sights but yet another quarry. The Lord be my witness, I shall smite thee as no-one under the sun hath heretofore been smitten. Dost thou deign to fancy thyself secure to cast thy spittle upon my face from behind the Spider's Veil? Then thou hast wandered into grievous error. Yea, even at this very moment, I am sending word across the land to my fellow Templars, and the provenance of thy scrivenings shall in short time become known unto me. A veritable maelstrom of vengeance is upon thy gates, thou wretched worm, which surely shall obliterate thy loathsome pretension of life. Truly, thou art foregone, child. I move as swift as the wind, and with mine own two hands I may at my pleasure slay thee in any of thirty and five score modes. For verily as I am a master in the pugilistic arts, even so doth the manifold armory of the Royal Guard lie at my beck and call, which in its plenitude of power I shall not delay to unleash upon thee, that thy fœtid flesh may no longer pollute this land with its presence, thou pitiful putrescence. Would that thou couldst have foreseen what great wrath thou hast by thy "brazen" jocosity summoned upon thyself! Perhaps thou wouldst have rather kept shut thy filth-spewing mouth. But neither couldst thou thus foresee, nor didst thou take heed of prudence, and thou art now reaping what thou hast sown, thou accursèd simpleton. I will excrete rage all round about thee, wherein shalt thou be consumed. Thou hast shuffled off this mortal coil, urchin.

[meta] version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about Navy Seal copypastas, you little newfag? I’ll have you know they've ranked top out of all the comments on the Internet, and they have been translated in numerous contexts on 4chan, and have over 300 confirmed variants. Navy Seal copypastas are trained in memetic warfare and are the top copypasta in the entire circlejerk arsenel. You are nothing to them but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this board, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about Navy Seal copypastas over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this copypasta is contacting it's secret network of /b/tards across the USA and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. Navy Seal copypastas can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with mad-lib permutations. Not only are they extensively trained in trolling, but they have access to the entire arsenal of Anonymous and will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. This copypasta will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Mexican Cartel version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you puta pequeno? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Los Zetas, and I’ve been involved in numerous executions on the Sinaloas, and I have over 300 public beheadings. I am trained in chainsaw warfare and I’m the top decapitator in all of Juarez. You are nothing to me but just another head waiting to be severed. I will detatch it with a lack of precision and cutting force the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, gringo. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mariachi bands across the USA and a narcocorrido is being written about you right now so you better prepare for the chainsaw, gordo. The chainsaw that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your head. You’re fucking dead, paco. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in exactly one way, and that’s with my brand new Husqvarna 440 chainsaw. Not only am I extensively trained in chainsaw combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the local hardware store and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable head off the face of the body, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your head and your head will come off in it. You’re fucking dead, gringo.

Minecraft version

What the craft did you just say to me you little creeper? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Mithrina Academy, and have been involved in numerous secret griefs with Team Avolition, and I have griefed over 300 servers. I am trained in creeper warfare and I'm the top skeleton in all of the minecraft griefing teams in existance. You are nothing to me but just another block. I will blow you up with precisiion the likes of which has never been seen before in this blocky world. Notch my fucking pickaxe. You think you can get away with griefing me like that? Think again, blockhead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of creepers across my server and your coords traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, zombie. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're blocking dead, kid. I can teleport anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my wooden sword. Not only am I extensively trained in PvP, but I have have access to all the chests on my server and I will use them to their full extent to ban your miserable block off the face of the server, you little block. If ony you could have known what unholy retribution your "clever" comment was about to TNT down upon you. Maybe you would have held your fucking pickaxe. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you blockhead. I will drop gravel all over you, and you will suffocate in it. You're blocking dead, blockface.

Misogynist Version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you fat dyke? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my hood in smackin bitches, and I’ve been involved in numerous flashings at feminist rallies and I have over 300 confirmed rapes. I am trained in watching TV and I’m the top misogynist in the entire US correctional system. You are nothing to me but just another skank. I will wipe you the fuck out with bitch slaps the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking dick. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, feminazi. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pimps across the USA and your tits are being traced right now so you better prepare me a sandwich, bitch. The sandwich that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call equality. You’re fucking slapped, bitch. I can be in any kitchen, anytime, and I can slap you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare dick. Not only am I extensively trained in putting bitches in their place, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the playboy mansion and I will use it to its full extent to beat your miserable ass onto the face of the kitchen bench, you dumb slut. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “feminist” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have made my fucking dinner. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn dyke. I will shit double standards all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, slut. I don’t give a fuck who you are or which kitchen you’re in. You can count on me to bend your ass over the kitchen table. I’ll put you in so much fucking pain that it’ll make giving birth look like oraI sex with your dyke girlfriend. I don’t give a fuck how many debates you have won or how oppressed you are IRL, how well you can cook, or how many fucking dildos you own to pleasure yourself. I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the ovens on in your house, leave all the water boiling, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you with my dick in my hands. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what that sticky white stuff on your face is. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run over to you with my pimp hand cocked and slap you to the ground. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse for a uterus, but how I’d rather go to a great fucking length (like my dick) to make sure your last remaining days are spent in my kitchen making sandwiches. It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and slap you again myself you filthy rug muncher. Welcome to the kitchen, population: you and all womankind.

Mormon version

What the freak did you just flipping say about me, you little Apostate? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Seminary, and I’ve been involved in numerous splits with the Elders, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Commitment Pattern and I was the top converter in the entire Church. You are nothing to me but just another unfaithful servant. I will dust my feet at you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before upon the face of the Earth, mark my freaking words. You think you can get away with saying that "anti" stuff to me over the Internet? Think again, brother. As we speak I am contacting my sacred network of Danites across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the brimstone, maggot. The brimstone that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re flipping dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cast you out in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in the laying on of hands, but I have access to the Signs and Tokens of the Holy Temple and I will use them to their full extent to smite your miserable kiester all the way to Kolob, you little turd. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would not have spoken ill of the Lord's Anointed. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you stinking idiot. I will let Satan's water wash over you and you will drown in it. You’re flipping dead, kiddo.

MW3 verson

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in my MW3 clan, and I’ve been involved in numerous team deathmatches on teams from all over the world, and I have over 3000000000 confirmed kills on my ktd ratio. I am trained in guerrilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US server of MW3. You are nothing to me but just another female gamer. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across my gaming forums and youtube and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytimebecaue my four x-boxes are always running, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my ballestic knife. Not only am I extensively trained in backstabs and grenades, but I have access to noobtubes and aerial strikes and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the x-box server, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Say goodbye to your ktd.

NASA version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the NASA Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Mars, and I have over 300 confirmed launches. I am trained in rocket science and I'm the top astronaut in the entire US space program. You are nothing to me but just another planet. I will orbit you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this solar system, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of aerospace engineers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the launch, maggot. The launch that launches the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can launch you to the moon in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in rocket science, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration and I will use it to its full extent to launch your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will launch shit all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

Ned Flanders version

What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily.

Newfag Response version

Dude are you for real right now? You have got to be kidding me you fucking faggy piece of shit. I bet 1000 dollars you are a fucking liar. You fucking guido tool douchebag.
1. You are too young and shitty to even graduate from school
2. In case you did. How many blowjobs did you give to graduate?
3. Secret raids on Al-Quaeda? I bet you only sucked Osama's dick
4. 300 confirmed kills? I think you meant 300 confirmed anal sex with men
5. It's Guerrilla warfare, you fucking ass douchebag cunt
6. You think your cool for getting trolled for reading this?
7. I don't give a fuck if you come to my house with your spy bitches, I will beat the fuck out of you
8. Only with your bare hands? I bet you can only do handjobs, fag
9. The entire arsenal? you are a fucking faggot lier
10. If your SO badass, than why are you on /b/?
11. You better watch yourself because I will fucking hunt you down myself.

Alternate version

Okay, so you expect me to believe that you were the very best that your generation of Navy SEALs had to offer? I highly doubt that. If you were as good as you say you were, i don't think for a second that you would be browsing 4chan. This is mostly a place for jobless neckbeards that still live with their parents, and nerdy high school kids that don't have any friends. It really isn't the place for highly-trained assassins to be hanging out in their spare time. Even if it was, something far worse than a troll being mean to you probably would have set you off a long time ago. What about the slew of gore and child pornography that gets posted here on a regular basis? Isn't that something that deserves a person being hunted down and made to regret their actions? Yeah, you're just not the 4chan type. Sure, there's a wide variety of people that browse here, but you're far from the core demographic if you are who you say you are (which isn't the case). Even if it were true that you're an incredibly talented soldier, I think all the military discipline would prevent you from getting mad enough to murder some random idiot on the internet. I also doubt that even the best SEALs have a "secret network of spies across the USA". Why would all of the most expanisive Big Brother network in the world be willing to help a troubled PTSD-sufferer hunt down some random kid on the internet? That doesn't even make sense. If you're gonna try to scare somebody, make it more believable than "IM A SUPER SOLDIER HURR DURR". You might frighten a thirteen year old who doesn't know any better, but to must have us you just look like a kid with an anger problem and a very active imagination. Hopefully things will be easier for you when your puberty's over. Best of luck with that... kiddo

Newfag/Troll version

What the faggot did you just fucking troll about me, newfag? I'll have you know that I am the top graduate of Internet Fag Lords Anon, and I have been involved in numerous Internet Raids, and I have delivered over 4189 confirmed trolls. I am trained in raiding bitches and I am the top troller in the entire 4Chan /b/ Community. You are nothing to me but another newfag, and I will not hesitate to bitch at you until you feel like you must fight me IRL, you cock monging whore. You think you can get away with exploiting the fact that I'm only an internet warrior? Think again, assclown. As we speak, I am contacting my hacker friends and they are already tapping into your faggot ass iPhone, so you better prepare for the hacking. The hacking that viruses your bitch iPhone you call a fucking real piece of technology. You're fucking trolled, newfag. I can anon anywhere, anytime, and I troll in over seven hundred ways, and that's just while I'm on my Android. Not only am I extensively trained in trolling and bitching, but I have access to the entire 9Fag and Raddit Communities and I will use them to their fullest extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little newfag. If only you could have known what ungodly fag lording your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking broswag. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you newfag piece of shit. I will rage fury all over you and you will lag in it. You're fucking trolled, newfag.

Neptune version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little red bitch orb? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the gas giants, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids elliptical orbits, and I have over 300 confirmed storms in my might atmosphere. I am the furthest planet in the solar system and I have the largest liquid water oceans in the known universe. You are nothing to me but just another point of light. I will wipe you the divert comets at your with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Earth or mars, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of moons across the solar system and your orbital path is being traced right now so you better prepare for the apocalypse, maggot. The impact that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your world. Your fucking dead, kid. I can anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with a comet over seven miles wide, and that's just with my gravity. Not only am I a large body of mass, but I have access to the entire arsenal of moons and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the solar system, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution you little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Pedo version

What the fuck did you just say about me, you little kid? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Pedo Academy, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Prepubescents, and I have over 300 Gb of CP. I am trained in gorilla buttsex and I'm the top pedo in the entire US continent. You are nothing to me but just another underage asshole. I will lick you the fuck out with tongue action the precision of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, kid. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pedos across the USA (via /b/) and your IP is being traced (I am Anonymoose) so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that will cream the pathetic little thing you call your butthole. You're gonna get buttfucked, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can buttsex you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in child molestation, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Pedophilia Front (/b/) and I will use it to its full extent to relentlessly rape your butt, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your underage titties and you will drown in it. You’re fucked, kiddo.

Poetic Google Translate version

A dog again, what did you say to them I? Many people are involved in a secret Al, I'm Navy SEALs and with more than 300 people are aware that for some of my highest scores. I have are many of the best shooters in the American military conflict. There is nothing for me there is no other purpose. Such a thing on earth, the baby of the opposite sex rape deletes the words to say that he had never seen before. Impunity is my belief that the profit? Also, think of puppies. Gudeogieul better prepare another piece of the storm, I spy my secret to tell, and the IP network administrator for the United States. He storms of life are things called compassion. You killed him. This is no time, often from the back seat, and to kill, and she gave birth based. Hands that you are accessing loaded a few things, but not too big and the shoulder against unarmed combat training at sea and the continental United States may all hate miserable ass without housing needs. It is a small box "smart" down, but the goddess of revenge, could rape her tongue. What price can not condemn the price. I was by the Moors, and the angry waves. Honey, you're dead.

Polite Gentleman version

I say, what the devil did you just audaciously proclaim about my well-being, you trollop? I shall inform you that I have graduated top of my class at the Gentleman's Academy of Sophisticated Persons, and have been involved in numerous endeavors with the Ruffians down the street from my abode; might I also add that I've accumulated over 300 pieces of antique furniture? I am educated in fine dining and high class catering and I'm the top Victorian era furniture appraiser in the entire high society. You are naught to me but a simple, uncouth brute. I shall embarrass the dickens out of you with class the likes of which has never been witnessed before on this humble planet, I solemnly promise. You assume you can disrespect my image on the internet? Think again, savage. As we speak I am contacting my diligent secretary to arrange a brunch together at the finest coffee shop in town, so you had better prepare a fetching enough outfit to compete with my immaculate attire, barbarian. The brunch that sends you packing back to the countryside. You are inevitably defeated, heathen. I can be booked at any appointment, any hour, and I can educate you in over seven hundred cultures, and that's just with the literary selection in my guest lobby. Not only am I extensively fluent in in several languages, I have access to the entire Giorgio Armani fall collection and I will flaunt it's finely tailored mastery to outshine your drab, common appearance off the face of humanity, you slob. If only you had foreseen the kind of comeuppance your inflammatory "insignificant" comment was bound to earn you, perhaps you would have tempered your words. But you insisted, and now I will teach you manners and grace and you will learn dignity and poise, yet. Consider yourself in etiquette school, peasant.

Raghead Version

آخر کیا تم صرف میرے بارے میں کیا کہنا لوڈ fucking تھا، آپ کی بہت کم کتیا؟ میں نے تم میں نیوی سیل میں میری کلاس کے سب سے اوپر گریجویشن معلوم ہے، اور میں نے امام Quaeda پر متعدد خفیہ چھاپے میں ملوث کیا گیا ہے ہو گا، اور میں نے 300 سے زائد افراد جاں بحق کی تصدیق کی ہے. میں گورللا جنگ میں تربیت حاصل کی اور میں نے پوری امریکی مسلح افواج میں سب سے اوپر سپنر ہوں کر رہا ہوں. تم نے مجھ سے کچھ نہیں بلکہ صرف ایک ہدف ہیں. میں صحت سے متعلق کے ساتھ آپ کو اس زمین پر اس سے پہلے کبھی نہیں دیکھا گیا ہے، جن میں سے پسند کرتا ہے آخر صفایا کرے گا، میری، اتارنا fucking الفاظ کو نشان زد کر. آپ کو انٹرنیٹ پر مجھ پر شٹ کہہ کے ساتھ دور حاصل کر سکتے ہیں لگتا ہے؟ ، پھر fucker سوچو. آپ بہتر طوفان، کیڑا کے لئے تیار تو جیسا کہ ہم بات میں امریکہ اور آپ کا IP بھر میں جاسوس کے اپنے خفیہ نیٹ ورک سے رابطہ کر رہا ہوں اس وقت کا پتہ لگایا جا رہا ہے. کہ طوفان تم نے اپنی زندگی کو فون انتہائی افسوس ناک بات چھوٹی چیز باہر مسح. تم مر، بچے لوڈ fucking کر رہے ہیں. میں کبھی بھی کہیں بھی ہو سکتے ہیں، اور میں سو سات سے زائد طریقوں سے آپ کو مار سکتا ہے، اور یہ کہ صرف اپنے ہاتھوں سے ہے. نہ صرف میں بڑے پیمانے پر غیر مسلح لڑائی میں تربیت حاصل کی ہوں، لیکن میں ریاست ہائے متحدہ امریکہ میرین کور کے تمام ہتھیاروں تک رسائی حاصل ہے اور میں براعظم، آپ کی بہت کم گندگی کے چہرے سے اپنے دکھی گدا مسح اپنی مکمل حد تک اسے استعمال کریں گے. آپ کو اپنے چھوٹے سے "ہوشیار" تبصرہ تم پر نیچے لانے کے بارے میں کیا تھا اپویتر عذاب جانا جاتا ہے ہو سکتا ہے صرف اس صورت میں، ہو سکتا ہے آپ کو آپ کے، اتارنا fucking زبان منعقد ہوتی. لیکن تم، تم نے نہیں کیا نہیں کر سکتے، اور اب تم، تم مورھ دت تیرے کی قیمت ادا کر رہے ہیں. میں تم سب سے زیادہ گندگی روش گے اور آپ اس میں ڈوب جائے گی. آپ، بچے مر لوڈ fucking کر رہے ہیں.

Scooby-Doo version

What the scooby-dooby-do did you just say about me, you little scooby snack? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in The Mystery Gang, and I've been involved in numerous secret investigations in America, and I have over 300 confirmed fake supernatural villains uncovered. I am trained in shit-pants warfare and I'm the top pussy in the entire US supernatural investigation committee. You are nothing to me but just another phony. I will uncover your fake supernatural disguise with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with trying to scare people around me? Think again. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of ghosts across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out your Halloween costume closet and gives me all your scooby snacks. Your tricks are mine, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can stop you scaring people in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in solving mysteries, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Ghost Busters' HQ and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your entire horror-inducing gags. If only you could have known what unholy retribution of trying to scare people and trying to frighten me would bring you, maybe you would have not of dressed up as a ghost at all. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over your malevolent goals and you will watch me in your pathetic ghost suit as you're taken away in a police van. Your pranks are over, kiddo.

Shrek version

What the shrek did you just shreking say about me, you little puss? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Shreks, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on fairytale creatures, and I have over 300 confirmed swamps. I am trained in donkeh warfare and I'm the top shreker in the entire Duloc armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will shrek you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this swamp, mark my shreking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, shreker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pixies across Duloc and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, swamp maggot. The storm that shreks out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking shreked, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can shrek you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare ear tube antenna things. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed shrek, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Duloc Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to shrek your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little puss. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your shreking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're shreking shreked, kiddo.

Alternate Version

What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of mah swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will shrek fury all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.

So Cash version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 5:30 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a blowjob from two bitches (Shit was SO Cash), one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions). Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000 $ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Navy Seals tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life

Alternate version

Hey kiddos, My name is John, and what the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who haven't graduated top of their class in the Navy Seals. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda‘? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people with less than 300 confirmed kills, but you all take it to a whole new level. This is even worse than having no training in gorilla warfare. Don't be another target. Just prepare for the storm, maggot. l’m pretty much perfect. l’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces, and I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. What secret network of spies can you contact, other than “hurr durr, anonomouse iz lejun”? I also am extensively trained in unarmed combat, and have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps. (It just blew up; shit was SO blast). You are all faggots who should have held your fucking tongue. Thanks for listening, you goddamn idiot. Pic Related: It's me and my beach

And another one

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little faggot? I'll have you know my name is John and I was the captain of a football team, and was the starter on my basketball team and have over 300 confirmed girlfriends. I am trained in Guido warfare and I hate every single one of you. You are nothing to me but just fat, retarded lowlifes. I will get straight A’s the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get pussy that easily? Think again, fucker. As we speak my girlfriend is blowing me (Shit is SO cash). You're everything bad in the world, faggot. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I am pretty much perfect in over 700 different ways. Not only do you jerk off to pictures on facebook, but you spend every single second of your day looking at stupid ass pictures. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "cash" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't stop being a stranger, you didn't hit me with your best shot, and now you're jerking off to naked drawn Japanese pictures. I will shit fury all over you and I will take it to a whole new level. You're a faggot who should just kill yourself. Thanks for listening.

Soul Eater version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little fool? My legend began in the twelfth century and I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Death Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Witches, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top weapon in all the world. You are nothing to me but just another fool. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fool. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, fool. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Lord Death and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little fool. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn fool. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, fool.

Special Ed version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Special Ed, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the candy drawer, and I have over 300 confirmed gold stars. I am trained in gorilla conversation and I'm the top crafter in the entire US education system. You are nothing to me but just another conversation doll. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of aspies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed conversation, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Johnson School Gym and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit spaghetti all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Spongebob Version

What in Neptune did you just fucking say about me, you little barnacle? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at the Krusty Krab, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Chum Bucket, and I have over 300 confirmed orders filled. I am trained in bubble blowing and I’m the top jellyfish hunter in the entire Pacific armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in the oceans, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that fish paste to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of sharks across the Pacific and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, plankton. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cook patties in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed grilling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Krusty Krab Storage Room and I will use it to its full extent to cook a tastier burger than you, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn fiddlestick. I will shit tartar sauce all over you and you will drown in it. DROWN IN IT! You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

SSBB version

What the melee did you just taunting say about me, you little primid? I'll have you know I'm the top of all the tourneyfags in my country, and I've been involved in the raid of Subspace, and I have over 1000 confirmed meteor smashes. I am trained in wiimote brawling and I'm the top brawler in the bottom tier. You are nothing to me but just another level "puny". I will wipe you out with skill you haven't averaged on your daily replay, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying "Yes!" to me on Wifi? Think again, Ganon. As we speak I am contacting my Tourneyfag friends and your CDs and stickers are being stolen, so you bettere prepare for the falcon, noob. The falcon that punches out the pathetic ellipses you call your live stock. You're fucking KO'd, kid. I can be anyone, any color, and I can kill you over 5 times, and that's just with one life. Not only am I extensively trained in close combat, but I have access to the entire items listed in Brawl, and Melee, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your lives off the stage, you little noob. If only you could have known what combo kill your little taunt was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have paused your fingers. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn noob. I will sling punches all over you and you will be Star Ko'd. You're fucking owned, primid.

Star vs. the Forces of Evil Version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you pretty bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in cuckqueaning, and I’ve cast in numerous All-Seeing Eyes on Marco, and he has over 300 confirmed fucks. I am trained in cuckqueaning and I’m the top'quean in all Mewni. You are nothing to me but just another lover for Marco. He will cum his balls out in you with passion the likes of which has never seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting Marco and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the seduction, slut. The seduction that results in the best orgasm of the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re going to have a great time, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can be cucked in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with Marco's bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in voyeurism, but I have access to the entire arsenal of spying spells and I will use it to its full extent to watch your beautiful ass get pounded by Marco, you little slut. If only you could have known what an amazing time your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon the three of us, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now we’re all paying the price, you goddamn fine piece of ass. Marco will unleash himself on you and you will both drown in pleasure. I'm fucking cucked, vixen.

Star Wars version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you rebel scum? I'll have you know I was the last Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, and I started the Clone Wars, and I have over 300 controlled solar sectors. I am trained in the Dark Side of the Force and I'm the top Sith in the entire Galactic Empire. Your planet is nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe it the fuck out with power the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the holonet? Think again, Jedi. As we speak I am contacting my apprentice from across the galaxy and your rebel base is being traced right now so you better prepare for the 501st, Jedi scum. The 501st that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rebel base. You're fucking dead, Jedi. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just without my lightsaber. Not only am I extensively trained in Dark Side combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the galactic imperial stormtroopers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the galaxy, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" destruction of my Death Star was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have retreated your fucking X wing. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn rebel. I will shoot lightning all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Jedi.

Stoner version

What the bong did you just fucking say about me, you little stoner? I'll have you know I smoked the most ganja in my class at Washington State University, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the fridge when I get the munchies, and I have over 420 confirmed puffs. I am trained in lighting blunts in the rain and I'm the top stoner in the entire city of Seattle. You are nothing to me but just another joint. I will light you up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words bro. You think you can get away with selling that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dealers across the USA and your strain is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, bro. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your crop. You're fucking baked, kid. I can smoke anywhere, anytime, and I can smoke blunts you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in one-hand smoking, but I have access to the entire hydroponic greenhouse of the Northwest and I will use it to its full extent to get high as a kite. I will spray bong water all over you and you will drown in it. I'm fucking blazed, officer.

Swag version

What the swag did you just fucking yolo about me, you little wayne? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I've been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I'm the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fuck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, nigga. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You're fucking dead, nigga. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swagginess to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non-trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You're fucking dead, nigga.

Toontown version

What the foghorn did you just ruffing say about me, you little noob? I’ll have you know I've soloed the Trolley of Toontown Central and I’m responsible for the dating shows of cats via Toon Valley, and I have 195 pink slips. I trained my toon to be the best in a battle of level twelves and I’m the 137 of this district. You are nothing to me but just another moocher. I will wipe you the heckle out in a method called reporting , mark my words. You think you can get away with saying meow to me on Toontown? Think again NOOB. As we speak I am contacting all my 100 laff friends and your toon is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for greening, parker. The greening that wipes out the lovely things you call your level seven gags. You’re being sent back to the playground, kid. I can be in any lobby, anytime and green you in over 4 different bosses, and that’s just with my 34 laff uber. Not only am I trained in soloing the CEO, but I have teleport access for all of the playgrounds including the headquarters. If only you could have known what your crappy gameplay was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of trained your gags more efficiently. But you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, I will bring you into the VP to green you. I will also dc you in the middle of a back nine and you will cry over it. You’re getting disconnected. Love your friendly little lacker.

U WOT M8? version

wot the fok did ye just say 2 us, man? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 chocolate globbernaughts from tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me while sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead.

Warhammer 40k version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you worthless heretic? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Space Marines, and I've led an incomprehensible number of secret raids against the forces of chaos, and I have over 30 million confirmed purgings. I am trained in armored warfare and I'm the top Ultramarine in all the Space Marine Chapters. You are nothing to me but just another heretic. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this universe, mark my fucking words.

You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Warp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the galaxy and your powers are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bolter.

Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Adeptus Mechanicus and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the planet, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot.

Wealthy Investor version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Harvard Business School, and I’ve been involved in numerous leveraged buyouts, and I have over 300 million invested in my Cayman Islands bank account alone. I am trained in portfolio management and I’m the top short seller in the entire US market. You are nothing to me but just another piggy bank. I will wipe the value of your assets the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of accountants across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your Roth IRA. You’re fucking over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can make you broke in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just if I stick to stocks. Not only am I extensively trained in equity markets, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Securities and Exchange Commission and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking done, kiddo. theres many of us.

Wizard101 version

What the fizzle did you just frickin' say about me, you Private? I'll have you know I soloed the Tutorial, and I've been involved in a myriad amounts of puppeting cases in ranked PVP, and I have 101 registered PVP wins. I am trained to be the best in my school and I'm the Warlord of this realm. You are nothing to me but just another Lost Soul. I will dispel your spells the fuck out of the spiral with a number amount of treasure cards that you dare not count, mark my magical words. You think you can get away with whispering noob after losing to me? Think again, novice. As we speak, I am contacting my Promethean Warlord friends and you are being puppeted so you better prepare for the spells. The spells that drain out the pathetic thing with the pathetic number you call your life points. You're fucking screwed, kid. I can cast any spell, anytime, and I can kill you in one hit, and that's just with my pet. Not only am I extensively trained in gearless combat, but I have access to all the worlds in the Spiral which includes your house and I will use it to haunt you off Wizard101, you little adept. If only you could have known what imminent punishment your little taunt was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have casted the proper shield or dispel. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you fizzling noob. I will dispel you all over and make you cry from the fizzle. You're going to the Commons.

Wolverine version

What the fuck did you just fucking snikt about me, you little bub? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Avengers, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Utopia, and I have over 3,000,000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the best at what I do in the entire Canadian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another bub. I will snikt you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about me over the Internet? Think again, bub. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Canadian Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking snikted, bub.

WoW version

What the fuck did you just fucking say about my gear, you little n00b? I’ll have you know I am a lvl 90 Undead Arcane Mage, and I’ve won so many PVP matches, and I have done raids on every 10 man heroic dungeon. I also have a fuckton of macros and I have a GS of 10K. You are nothing to me but just a lvl 12 gnome hunter. I will pwn the fuck out of you with Arcane Missiles the likes of which has never been seen before on Azeroth AND Outland, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over raid? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my guild of mages and shamans across The Eastern Kingdoms and your character is being targeted right now so you better prepare for the ownage, n00b. The Arcane Barrage that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your character. You’re fucking pwn’d, n00b. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my secondary talent tree. Not only am I extensively trained in Arcane magic, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Fire magic and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable neckbeard off the face of Azeroth, you little faggot. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re getting debuffed, you goddamnn00b. I will shit Dragon’s Breath all over you and you will burn in it. You’re fucking pwn’d, faggot.

Yu-Gi-Oh version

What the Shadow Realm did you just fucking say about me, you little low level duelist? I'll have you know I graduated top of Obelisk Blue in Dueling Academy, and I've been involved in numerous secret duels in Battle City, and I have over 300 confirmed Blue-Eyes White Dragons. I am trained in Duel Monsters warfare and I'm the top Duelist in the entire Kaiba Corporation. You are nothing to me but just another Kuriboh. I will summon monsters with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Duelist Kingdom, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the other side of the Arena? Think again, Pegasus. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of friends across the globe and your mind is being crushed right now so you better switch to defense mode, and defend your life points. The Dark Hole that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call a field. Your girlfriend is dead, you fruit booty anime villain. I can be two people anywhere, anytime, and I can end this duel in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my Celtic Guardian. Not only am I extensively trained in ancient Egyptian, but I have access to the Millennium Items of the United States Army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable Toon World off the face of the Battlefield, you little weirdo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little Millennium Eye comment was about to bring down upon humanity, maybe you would have held your cards in hand. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, Pegasus. I will unleash fury all over the arena and then I will Mind Shuffle in it. You're fucking dead, Pegasus.

Old Man War Veteran version

Eh? What the heck did you say, kiddo? I've you know I'm very bad at hearing. I learned many different languages and been in WWII, fighting in the army. I had been involved in many raids in Germany fighting the Nazis. I've over 5000 confirmed nazi kills. I was trained in warfare to likes you ever seen in 1942. And a war hero. You would be something if you were back in my day, but you're nothing but a pesky kid who keeps annoying old people for a living while we shout at you on our yard. It sickens me. As we speak, I'm contacting the police to teach you a lesson in manners, and will be flicking you in the ear for being a damn nusiance. You better prepare for a storm, kid. The storm that will send you to military school, like I was, back in the old days. Your old life is over, kid. I can be shitting myself laughing because I'm old, when I hear about you being punished by your parents. You think your smart allec personality scares me. Think again, I have a entire arsenal of military friends who'll be visiting you very soon on your immature behavior. Maybe you should grow up, and now you're going to pay the price. The general will be pleased to teach you a lesson in authority. You're fucking going to see hell like I saw, kiddo.

Candlejack ver

What the fuck did you just say about about me, candlejack? I've you kno

Military realistic version?

What copypasta did you say about the military? I've you know that not everything in it is true, and we're not going to press charges against you if you stop using it on some silly website, killing you would be a criminal offense and goes against all we stand for, unless you're a terrorist. Graduating from military school to joining the navy seals has been a great experience, being very involved in raids on ISIS and having over 500 comfirmed kills isn't what I counted for, this is not a video game, this is real life. Being a sniper takes great precision to take out my targets to protect people in the middle east. And you would be something if you got to know the military to be a somebody, it's lot of hard work. You believe everything you put in the copypasta, think again. As we speak, my contacts of informants suggest this is not realistic, and you're just entertaining yourself on the internet in such extreme wayss. We wouldn't trace your IP, if you're really threatening us. As we don't take it seriously. I can be anywhere, anytime, to talk to you in seven hundred ways of advice in the military, not just with my bare hands, that's true. I'm very trained in the arts of unarmed combat. Having access to many arsenals of the USMC won't make me go rogue and start shooting people to death because of a internet copypasta making fun of the military. Whatever comments you post as a anti-military comment, we can understand your problems, just calm down, and just allow us to respect your opinions, and war is pretty much hell. Obviously if you threaten the military, you're going to pay a high price, you would be going to prison, kiddo.

Arr Pirates matey

What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now

See also

• So cash/variations
• Bel-air
• Copypasta