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Crossmack
Crossmack, or Ian Crossland is a moderately prominent YouTube person, e-psychiatrist nonpareil, professional actor, and e-philosopher who understands "THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION". Ian is prone to philosophizing about any topic imaginable, from Jesus's half-black ancestry to the future of online communication: connecting to the internet with our MINDS. His drug-induced ramblings are amusing to watch while basking in the afterglow of just having jacked off, as Ian believes himself on par with the greatest existentialist intellectuals of the 19th century, despite the fact that he's nothing but a drug-addled hippie with an ego the size of Montana. Ian admits that the United States is a macrocosm of a single person (PROTIP: look up "macrocosm"). Ultimately, it is assumed that Crossmack is the 21st century digital sybok jesus christ-neo.
—Crossmack, on Stickam | ||
Crossmack the Thespian
Ian Crossland graduated from Kent State University with a B.A. in theatre in 2001. Some of Ian’s favorite roles have been Matt in The Marriage of Bette and Boo, Laertes in Hamlet, Wallace in Women and Wallace, and DJ Vince Fontaine in Grease. Ian has performed with director Ronan Marra before, appearing in his last production, Off the Hook. Some other shows Ian has performed in are Life Is a Dream, Dial “M” for Murder, Twelfth Night, Macbeth, City of Angels, and Scapin.
Of course none of THAT measures up to dressing up in drag for the role of 'Vera', amirite?
Crossmack removed from LiveVideo due to Psychiatric Problems
—Crossmack (SRSLY) | ||
Woar Crimes
Crossmack has violated the Geneva Conventions dozens of times so far and seems unlikely to refrain from doing this in the future. Meanwhile, the United Nations Security Council has failed to take action. Some of Crossmack's worst crimes against humanity include:
- Psychoanalyzing User:Wattage, a respected war hero
- Comparing himself to Stephen Colbert and giving him comedy advice, as seen here
- Telling his girlfriend that he wants an open relationship, after which she started freaking out. Actually, that was pretty lulzy.
- Being a stoner and arguing about stonerism on the internets
- Borderline hippyism of the sort that would make John Lennon blush
- Probably a bunch of other stuff perpetrated during the short portion of each day when he is not filming himself
- The most incredible e-psychiatry you will ever see in your fucking life
Okay, nevermind, this is more incredible, lol- Being hit by his girlfriend
Dealing with Crossmack
If you are a troll and are confronted by Crossmack, immediately claim that your behavior is somewhow the result of your parents' divorce, apologize for everything you have done, and profess your undying friendship to him as well as your newfound dedication to the One World Movement. Later, hit on his scorned girlfriend, lol.
Quotes
On religion:
On sex:
On AIDS:
On the environment:
—On how to solve global warming | ||
On the problem of threats from authority during civil disobedience:
On fact:
Misc Ian Crossland wisdom:
CrossMackian Theory
Crossmack on Jesus
Crossmack has been known to have an extreme hatred of Jesus and religion. Asking Crossmack about any religious topic on stickam results in a long, pot-induced rant about how religion is just sun worship and how the truth is relative and how Jesus was just a man who conned people into believing he was God; you know, typical pseudo-intellectual pothead rambling.
Crossmack's claims about Jesus:
- Jesus was half-black
- Jesus was a stoner and was constantly high on mushrooms and cannabis (despite the fact that neither grow in the harsh, arid climate of the Negev Desert)
- Jesus was an "extremist"
- Jesus' story was ripped off by people who wanted to make money by being burned and tortured by Nero in pagan Rome.
- Jesus = every pagan god crucified, despite the fact that crucifixion is one of the most common forms of capital punishment in ancient cultures (some modern cultures even do it for shits and giggles).
- Jesus = Horus (Crossmack calls Horus "Horus Ra" which is a misnomer since Ra was the only Ra there was) because the movie Zeitgeist said so, despite the fact that Horus, unlike Jesus, was the product of incest, had sex with his own mother, and after being crucified was chopped into pieces that were then spread along the nile.
Crossmack in ED Chat is Responsible for the Following Memes
- Macrocosm
- THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION
LOGGING INTO THE INTERNET WITH OUR MINDS
05:21 <Crossmack> I'm talking about implants 05:21 <Crossmack> about logging into the internet with our minds
THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION
<hep> those are called life lessons <longcatinmypants> fine, edn <hep> welcome to growing up <hep> what are you going to DO? <hep> besides sit on the internet and whine? <Romantic> Hi ItalianStallionette. * WHITEHAT6591 is now known as nat <tfo> hep: whine and hope that things change by themselves! <Crossmack> do you understand the power of online video communication?
MACROCOSM
[20:55] Crossmack: the United states is a macrocosom of a single person
* - MACROCOSOM/MACROCOSM
The chatlog
The entire tl;dr chat log from December 18, 2006, may be found here.
Crossmack The Movie by an EDiot
Crossmack reacts to Movie
The aforementioned video successfully managed to troll Reverend Crossmack. After viewing it, Ian posted two videos where he discussed reality and macrocosms, then he revealed that he was planning to leave YouTube and delete his videos as the Crossmack Movie had made him incredibly upset and butthurt.
Best of Crossmack: Spirangulation of the Spaceship in the Ether
Other Macrocosms
Trivia
- Crossmack "acted" in a public service announcement for the "church" of scientology along with the orignal Yellow Ranger from Power Rangers.
- Ian is often trolled by the compulsive liar, wannabe-hacker and jenkem user AaronEverettLand.
- According to Cinema Confidential, Crossmack is auditioning in J.J. Abrams' Stark Trek XI for a small on scene role as Sybok (in his early years) [1]
Gallery of Crossmackery
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Ian as Dr. Crossmack, "I believe your diagnosis is the FEAR" -
After Weed & Messianic Delusions -
Ian will cast a spell on YouTube -
Before Weed & Messianic Delusions -
Aaahhh! -
See Also
Resources
- Crossmack as IanCrossland on Youtube
- Crossmack on YouTube (His original account)
Crossmack on Myspace- Crossmack on IMDB, lulz!
- DominicJames22 Crossmack's House Mate
External Links
Crossmack in Short Film with Ironic Title "Thick"Site No Longer Up.Clips by Crossmack; let the hate flow through youSite For Sale- 20 amazing minutes with Crossmack
- TheRedSkull
responds to Crossmack WARNING! fucking insanity prevails..BALEETED! - Crossmack probes ultimate reality. (He can see everything due to his dilated pupils.)
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| Crossmack is part of a series on Language & Communication | |
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Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry •
The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand |
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