Hardcore Dancing
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Warning! Watching Hardcore Dancing can cause overdose in lulz resulting in hospitalisation |
Not to be confused with children suffering from mental retardation, epileptics, or anyone else suffering from violent illness, hardcore dancing is also known as "slam dancing". Invented last Thursday by emo children and scenesters as a vegan alternative to moshing. Comparable to parlor karate in many ways, the original aim was to create a form of dance that was more extreme than mosh, but ended up being just like those who created it: shallow, trendy, and unnaturally idiotic in appearance.
Special Moves
All the hardcore emo children know the names of the radical techniques used to make one's self look like a seizure victim among retards. A few of these special moves include:
- The windmill - Performed by rotating the right joystick rapidly while mashing the left trigger. Causes moshzilla to whirl its arms around like a 5 year old on meth.
- The two step - Performed by stepping forward with the left foot, stepping forward with the right foot, slowly stepping forward with the left foot, and the pausing for a beat.
- The axehandle - Just like the windmill.
- Floorpunch - Unlike the old days of Grunge where one would actually punch the floor until there was either no floor or fist left, floorpunching in emo terms means punching at the floor and missing repeatedly.
- Picking up change - All the vintage clothing leads onlookers the believe that the scenester is in need of money. Hence, this move was created.
- Crowd killing - Performed by moshing as usual.
- Spin kicks - Throw one leg up into the air and flail it around as long as you can without falling over, making one susceptible to a floorpunch.
- Raging Wheelborrow - Similar to buttsex, this legendary move requires two people and the ability to do pushups.
- The 2-Step - Proceed to dance by crossing ones legs as if moving however staying stationary, this is achieved by then moving the leg that was crossed over infront of the other, continue to do this multiple times, this can be combined with floor-punches and many other puss-core moves.
Put together, these 1337 moves make the perfect disguise. That is, if someone wanted to disguise themself as a trendy dumbass or epileptic.
Generally, these "moves" all kind of look the same.
Here's an example of the gayness level of this so called dance:
And this:
See Also
External Links
- The coalition against hardcore dancing Noble site attempting to turn down the volume of stupid.
- Emorobics Like aerobics, but with the eighties music replaced by runny diarhea.
- Proof of the existance of the Raging Wheelborrow and how incredibily hxc it really is.
- Proper technique for getting your shit ruined.
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Hardcore Dancing is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |