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Gish Gallop

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Sometimes being foundationally and fractally wrong can help you in a "debate".
"Dr." Duane "Blabberbot" Gish, the quick-tongued creatard looncase, invented a way to weaponize stupidity.
His debate tactic (that used to be called "vomiting up brain-dead verbal diarrhea") is now called "The Gish Gallop". Ever since, it became the go-to drama generating technique for Creationists, conspiracy nuts and whackaloons everywhere. By inventing the Gish Gallop method, Gishbot finally achieved the immortality his religion failed to give him.

The Gish Gallop is an underhanded punch to the beanbag, and is used almost exclusively by delusional douchenozzles. Strangely enough, it manages to merge several other "Internet Winning Debate Techniques" into one huge colon-blocking brick. It's a dozen Inane flames folded together. It's the verbal equivalent of the 50 Hitler Post and tl;dr Verbal DDOS Attack. In some ways it is also several nested copies of the Your argument is invalid gambit....turned inside-out and worn at a jaunty hat.

Want to know who to blame for it shit? THIS Douche. He's to blame! Fuck him to death with an electric carving knife....right in his smarmy rape face!.

How to Perform the Gish Gallop

Zero to Dickbag in under a paragraph.

The Gish Gallop, although simple enough for even the most simple-minded to deploy, does require a bit of prep-work. Here's a step-by-step guide.

See all these common sense rules? Break every single goddamned one of them!

Main Steps

  1. Be passionately wrong about a subject you do not understand.
  2. Challenge someone who holds a different opinion to a "formal" debate.
  3. Write Down a List of 5 legitimate rebuttals to the opposing point of view.
  4. Take the list from Step 3 and wipe your dirty ass with it. As a moron who uses the Gish Gallop, you will never have any use for it.
  5. Write Down a List of 20 utterly stupid, fallacy-laden lies, ad-hominem insults and strawmen arguments that you could kinda, sorta pin on your opponents position.
  6. Write Down 5 more utter non-sequitur "rebuttals" that are so deliberately broken, fucktarded and nonsensical that it would make the listener seriously wonder if you are actually speaking English.
  7. Combine all 25 lies into a dense paragraph of nonsense.
  8. Repeat steps 4-7 at least 4 more times.
  9. When it comes time to offer your first point -- instead of making one single cogent point and then backing it up with common-sense evidence and argumentation (the way you should in a formal debate) -- blurt out one of your tangled, over-complicated hell-paragraphs of deranged horseshit, preferably in one sudden, breathless burst.
  10. Then angrily insist that if your opponent can't debunk every single point (even the most clearly stupid ones) then the opponent has shown that your opponents position is wrong and yours is (somehow) right by default, and that anyone shows that you are wrong are liars from the butthole of Karl Marx.

at this point one of two things will happen...

Outcome #1: Optimum WIN

  • 11a. Your opponent will be flustered, flabbergasted and stunned...unable to know where to start the time-consuming process of unsnarling your mass of self-contradicting balderdash. He will use all of his time on disproving the worst lies, and can not manage to defeat all of them.
  • 12a. Declare Victory!

or

Outcome #2: Self-Inflicted AssPwnage

  • 11b. Your opponent will see the few key traits that all your points have in common. Then he will handily disprove every single point by destroying the flimsy "foundation" these fallacies are heaped upon. Irretrievable pwnage occurs. The entire audience now sees you for the brain-damaged sham you are, and laughs and points. Then they throw rotten fruit at you and hoot like howler monkeys on Ecstasy.
  • 12b. Pompously Declare Victory Anyway! It does not matter that your opponent is right; the mere fact that he is your opponent makes him a commie nazi pedo, so fuck him and his "facts"!

The super-retarded non-sequiturs from Step 6 are the secret evil heart of the Gish Gallop.
Anyone who hears these will feel compelled to unpack and parse these lies first, but won't be able to. If done right, those lies will be too confusing, mystifying and complicated to debunk in the time allowed. This leaves the other 20 lies hanging in the air uncontested. This tricks the gullible or biased in the audience into thinking that those points were plausible after all.

How to turn Thoughtful Debate into Brain-Hemorrhage Inducing Chaos
   
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"While you are tied down by pesky annoyances like Intellectual Integrity, Honesty and the Need to fully research and reference your claims, the Creationist is free to utilize their army of bullshit claims and logical fallacies...while you dash around trying to clean it all up." -- ThetaOmega, explaining why the Gish Gallop is so painful to deal with.
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True Pooka on dealing with the Gish Gallop


 
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"The Modus Operandi of the Creationist is to memorize a bunch of copypasta and find somebody to regurgitate it to." -- TruePooka on where the Gallop starts.
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What the Gish Gallop Looks Like in Action

Moderator: Hi everyone. This is a debate between Prima and Secunda. The topic of the debate will be: "Does Capitalism Lead to Tooth Decay?"
Prima will be Defending the Position that Capitalism does not lead to tooth decay, while Secunda will back up his assertion that it does cause tooth decay.
Participants have requested the following format: Each will make one point in support of their contention, and have 3 minutes to defend why the contention is true. Then the opponent will have 3 minutes for rebuttal. So it will be Prima Point, Secunda Rebuttal....Secunda Point, Prima Rebuttal...Prima Point, Secunda Rebuttal...and so on. There will be six rounds in all and at the end each will have a 5 minute closing statement followed by questions from the audience.
Participants have also requested that both parties stay on topic, and that both not deny the arguments of the opposition before the arguments are heard.
We do of course expect the participants to obey the forum rules, so try to keep it clean and professional.
Prima: Don't Worry. I will.
Secunda: Let's get this going...
Moderator: Good luck to both!
Prima: Okay, first of all due to a more robust, decentralized economy more people have easier access to high quality dentistry and cheap teeth cleaning impliments (....and so on....after which Prima shows numerous peer-reviewed papers, statistics and testimonials by well-informed and trusted authorities.)
Secunda: Capitalism is wrong because Jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven! Tooth Decay is God's punishment for a sinful world! My Opponent merely wants to defy god by drinking soda pop and eating too much bad food, and that's why he supports Capitalism! If it were truly our place to choose our own economic system, we'd have perfect teeth instead of rotten sinful ones! You know who else had bad teeth? HITLER, That's who. That's why you never saw him smile, because you'd see his sinful teeth and he knew he should've been ashamed of them. And Hitler fought against Stalin, who fought against Capitalism....do you know WHY? Because Stalin KNEW that Communism cures Tooth Decay! You never see Buddhist Monks with bad teeth, that's because their religion demands that they never touch gold! And if you don't touch gold you can't engage in Capitalism! Jesus also had perfect teeth....and you might say that's because he's the perfect human who was actually God in disguise...but it was really because he threw the money-changers out of the temple! Tooth Decay is worse in people who eat alot of candy, and only someone who lives in a decadent Capitalist culture can (or wants to) overindulge in sweets! And let's not forget Gingivitus...which actually means "Money Filth Lust" in an ancient Mesopotamian Language that only smart people have ever heard of or understand! AND THAT my fellow Sinners is Why Capitalism Causes Tooth Decay! And if MY OPPONENT can't disprove every single point I've just made, then he is as Guilty for Apartheid as P.W. Botha was!
I Defy you to Prove Me Wrong!
(Secunda wheezes as he runs out of breath. Long moment of stunned silence, while Prima stands, mouth agape.)
Prima: ....
Moderator: Wait....Whut!?

People Who Use the Gish Gallop

Other Internet-winning debate techniques

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