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Encyclopedia Dramatica:Dramatic Times/May 2010
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News you can sue May 2010
In the Northern Hemisphere, the weather is finally turning nice as the
weather turns progressively shitty for everyone else. It's a great time
to get away from the computer, play some baseball and draw Mohammed! By
the way, May rhymes with gay.
Contents
* 1 Lulz Recap
o Iron Man Numbers
o Deepwater Horizon
o The Human Centipede
o Catherine Deveny
o Lawrence Taylor
o DrMusic2
o Unabrower
o MissHannahMinx
o U413
o Everybody Draw Mohammad Day
o Nightclub
o Jew Hat
o Law and Order
o Lost
o Paramore
o Gary Coleman
o Soulja Boy (Update)
o Freedom Flotilla
* 2 Users of the month
o A+ Newbie Award
o Vox Dramatica
o New Sysops
* 3 LNN
* 4 Letters to the Editor
* 5 Editing Protips
* 6 Contact information
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Lulz Recap
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Iron Man Numbers
-----------------------------------------------------
Youtube user Ryan "Jerkstore" Dicks posted a video in which he recorded
a breakup over the phone with his girlfriend "Jenna". For 8 minutes, his
shrill, manipulative, batshit-crazy cumdumpster bawled at him while he
didn't give two atoms' worth a fuck as indicated by his statement: "My
threads are doing Iron Man Numbers and I don't care."
During the video, Jenna threatened to cut up her face so we are hoping
that he will provide pix of any noses or eyelids that she will likely
send him in the mail.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Iron_Man_Numbers
Deepwater Horizon
-----------------------------------------------------
For those of you who like to say "Drill Baby Drill" or “To ease
America’s dependency on foreign oil, we should just drill more” the April
20th explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling rig is a glaring
incident that points out just what kind of moron youare. Currently
dumping over 25 thousand barrels of oil per day into the once scenic
Gulf of Mexico, the explosion caused a massive oil slick that is raping
the gulf coast. TL;DR, it's ED's article on that thing that won't get
off the news.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Deepwater_Horizon
The Human Centipede
-----------------------------------------------------
In an attempt to break new grounds at the forefront of American
documentary cinema, husband-and-wife team Tom and Ilona Six created a
100% medically accurate depiction of events surrounding two American
women and a Japanese man, who were stitched together from mouth-to-anus
by a deranged doctor. The directors originally wanted to name their
movie "The Human Donut" but two of the actors never showed up to play
their roles so they had to improvise.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/The_Human_Centipede
Catherine Deveny
-----------------------------------------------------
You know how Lisa Lampanelli says horrible, hilarious things about
celebrities? This woman tried to pull this off in Australia, you can
guess what happened. No more job, but on the other hand she DID say
Steve Irwin's 11 year old half-orphan daughter should get laid.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Catherine_Deveny
Lawrence Taylor
-----------------------------------------------------
A football hall of famer let all the compliments go to his head, raped a
15 year old girl. But just like the Shadow the dog case, it may have all
been a lie.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Lawrence_Taylor
DrMusic2
-----------------------------------------------------
The editor's choice for article of the month, DrMusic2 takes being a
werewolf to the next level. That is to say, he's a "werejohncandy".
During a full moon, he becomes a fat mediocre Canadian comedian with
poorly drawn fangs. DrMusic2 will never drop his act either, so one must
admire his conviction. Not everyone can be 40 year old New Zealanders
who believe in monsters, afterall.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/DrMusic2
The Unabrower
-----------------------------------------------------
An ungrateful, Paki terrorist from Connecticut by the name of Faisal
Shahzad, constructed a bomb and left it in a van intending to destroy
the Viacom office near Times Square, New York on May 1st, 2010. The bomb
was discovered because he left the lights on in the van and it failed to
explode because he was too cheap to buy the proper fertilizer and opted
to use shit instead.
Contrary to popular belief, "The Unabrower" does not pertain to Faisal
but rather his only wife, who will be mansexing him in prison for the
rest of his natural life.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/The_Unabrower
MissHannahMinx
-----------------------------------------------------
Nearly 100,000 fantards jizzed their pants over the most revolting
combination of fatty-fat-fat-goth-wapanese-Youtube-attention-whoring
faggotry to date.
It is a travesty that can only be set right by sending her back in time
to her beloved country of Japan to Nagasaki as the A-Bomb struck.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/MissHannahMinx
U413
-----------------------------------------------------
Alex Ford, operator of the totally Web 1.0, l337 hacking community
"U413" tried to bring a lolsuit down on ED. He turned out to be an
upstanding member of society with a phobia of E-penises and IRC with a
proud heritage of cleaning.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/U413
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Alex_Ford
Everybody Draw Mohammed Day
-----------------------------------------------------
EDF voted this as the event of the month. After witnessing Muslims
trying to kill South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Molly
Norris of Seattle declared May 20, 2010 as "Everybody Draw Mohammed
Day". Artists everywhere answered the call to draw the Prophet of Islam.
Although she would later pussy out, thousands of artworks depicting
Mohammed stood in support of the right to free speech, no matter who it
offends.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Everybody_Draw_Mohammed_Day
Nightclub
-----------------------------------------------------
Our intrepid explorers venture into the meatracks with an exclusive on
Cash's natural habitat.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Nightclub
Jew Hat
-----------------------------------------------------
Not a lot to this one. Some hipster Jews are wearing a silly hat. It's
rather humorous.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Jew_Hat
Law and Order
-----------------------------------------------------
The television series comes to a close as Moot is arrested on charges of
distributing CP and exploding vans.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Law_and_Order
Lost
-----------------------------------------------------
Not to be outdone, Lost ended as well, releasing the creators from six
years of faggotry from their viewer message boards.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Lost
Paramore
-----------------------------------------------------
The spastic lead singer of Paramore, Hayley Williams, accidentally
tweeted her tits to millions of internetters. She would later claim she
was hacked, increasing her popularity vastly. Tl;dr: ginger Vanessa
Hudgens needs to learn how to twitter.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Paramore
Gary Coleman
-----------------------------------------------------
WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT DEATH LOL
The child star actor died of a different stroke.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Gary_Coleman
Soulja Boy (Update)
-----------------------------------------------------
Soulja Boy used the theme from Death Note in a song or some weeb shit.
Weebs are upset or something. Normal people struggle to care.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Soulja_Boy
Freedom Flotilla
-----------------------------------------------------
This just in, Israeli soldiers kill 19 Turks off the shore of Gaza. The
boats turned out to be carrying humanitarian aid supplies and workers.
Faced by an angry public outcry, the IDF defended its action with: "That
is a complete lie. Everyone knows the Palestinians aren't humans."
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Users of the Month
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A+ Newbie Award
-----------------------------------------------------
Congrats to Ksz, a Frenchie who just won the A Plus Newbie Award. As you
all may be well aware by now, APNA comes with no special prize other
than bragging rights.
Vox Dramatica
-----------------------------------------------------
However, the Vox Dramatica prize comes with even bigger bragging rights
and a free t-shirt. This month's winner is DerSquirrel. DerSquirrel is
especially known to sysops for his userpage art and for fighting
strikethroughs. You can help ED by not using <s> in the first place.
IT'S NOT FUNNY, STOP IT.
New Sysops
-----------------------------------------------------
Lmte and JuniusThaddeus got the banhammer this month. Lmte is a known
youtube vigilante and Canadian, JuniusThaddeus is our latest TOW
convert, specializing in small autistic tasks that no one else gives a
shit about. Good luck 2 both of them and please b nice 2 the trainees.
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Lulz News Network
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Since Deeker was featured on the Main Page, his website has 404'd and at
the time of writing, still has not recovered.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Deeker
http://deeker.com
Law and Order, Lost, and 24 are all over. Take that, internet blogs.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/05/07/1617424/bestiality-law-push-goes-back.html
http://deadspin.com/5536653/awesome-track-coach-wins-league-championship-by-disqualifying-girl-for-friendship-bracelet
Track coach Mike Knowles got opposing contestant Robin Laird
disqualified from a vaulting event on a minor technicality: for wearing
a braided friendship bracelet. What a dick.
http://www.kval.com/news/national/93721479.html '''Washington man on
trial for branding children. Unfortunately, they were all his own.'''
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/usa/2978272/John-Travolta-heartache-as-pet-dogs-killed-at-airport.html
Poor John Travolta, first his son and now his dogs. Where is your Xenu now?
http://www.heraldonline.com/2010/05/15/2170870/african-americans-find-home-in.html
Black people <3 twitter. Experts say it's cos it reminds them of chikkins.
http://www.examiner.com/x-48835-Durham-Budget-Fitness-Examiner~y2010m5d19-Hooters-employee-is-given-choice-between-losing-the-pounds-or-losing-her-job
Hooters: gb2gym or b&.
http://www.necn.com/05/19/10/Cash-not-good-enough-for-Apples-iPad/landing.html?blockID=237526&feedID=4215
Sheneequa tries to buy iPad. Apple Store says GTFO
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20005286-504083.html
Sheneequa tries to Tase Wendy's employee for not keeping it real.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/19/national/main6499267.shtml?tag=cbsnewsTwoColLowerPromoArea;morenews
Octomom Supports Birth Control … for Pets
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0520101tattoo1.html
15-year-old retarded kid gets bullied into tattooing a dick and the word
"poop dick" on his butt.
http://www.unionleader.com/uploads/media-items/2010/May/521affidavit.jpg
extra sauce for dickbutt.
http://money.cnn.com/2010/05/21/technology/youtube_viacom_legal_battle/index.htm
"F*** those motherf***ers," says Viacom about Google.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20005944-504083.html History
lesson KKK Cosplay gets teacher banhammered.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/05/27/china.worker.suicides/ An
Hero epidemic at Chinese factory making Apple parts
Oh yeah, Dio fucking died.
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Letters to the editor
===========================================================================
Q: Portals are swell!
A: I know right!
Q: Where can I suggest Main Page content?
A: try http://encyclopediadramatica.com/ED:SUGGEST , which is linked
from Talk:Main Page. This'll send you to some places to get whatever you
find funny on the Main Page. The TJC will usually be recommended.
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Editing protips of the month
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How to make a front pageable article for noobs:
1) Identify something hilarious. It could be something actually
dramatic, it could be something internetty that we're not covering, it
could even be a shitty article we already have.
2) Make your first draft. Make sure it's funny, quotes + pics + videos
will help you a lot when writing about something particularly retarded.
3) Get in #wiki on [[ED IRC]] and ask for help. The community there will
give you tips.
4) revise revise revise
5) New drama always helps, however it should happen.
6) When it's ready, poke Sheneequa or the TJC. If you're not ready
you'll be told to fix shit. Sometimes you'll get constructive criticism,
sometimes you'll be told to "make it suck less". It's a flip of a coin.
7) When your article is front paged, link it to chicks everywhere. There
is nothing hotter than an ED article you wrote on the front page.
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Footers
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This issue of Dramatic Times brought to you by Fap Mann, Sheneequa
White, Old D. Btard, Dan the Man, A. Zed Cat, and the letter "æ".
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