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Encyclopedia Dramatica:Dramatic Times/March 2010
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News you can sue March 2010
It's 2010 and the futuristic utopian world filled with personal
jetpacks and flying cars foretold by science fiction novelists foretold has
gone horribly astray. It's March! It's time to march! To march on to the
future! To march on to your fate!
It's time for the Mesmerizing March Issue!
Contents
* 1 Lulz Recap
o Christian Spanking Blogs
o Deeker
o Health Care Rage
o Gorgeous George's Lolsuit
o Dogo Nahawa Massacre
o Australian Media Interviews ED sysop
o Moot gets sick of Kimmo Alm
o Angel Locsin
o Die Antwoord
o Ellen Bennett
o Emma Jones
o Incarnate
o Pspunk666
o Rod Burch
o Robot Unicorn Attack
o Schroedinger's Cunt
o Jaymz Mutz
o Kitsune Youkai
o Cheeseburger Josh
o Quiptxt Day
o Parry Aftab
* 2 Users of the month
o A+ Newbie Award
o Vox Dramatica
o New Sysops
* 3 LNN
* 4 Letters to the Editor
* 5 Editing Protips
* 6 Contact information
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Lulz Recap
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Christian Spanking Blogs
-----------------------------------------------------
A recently-discovered community of Christian bloggers discusses the finer
points of using one's bare hands to put the fear of God into a child's ass.
Girls only though, because doing it to boys would be weird. Editor's choice
for article of the month.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Christian_Spanking_Blogs
Deeker
-----------------------------------------------------
A challenger for article of the month, Deeker is a 38 year old man who
takes diaper fetish sickfuckery to new levels. Definitely a recommended
read.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Deeker
Health Care Rage
-----------------------------------------------------
The latest installment of dan rages about politics, Health Care Rage is a
fairer view of both blog rage and the uselessness of it. Recommended for
those with any knowledge of US politics.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Health_Care_Rage
Gorgeous George's Lolsuit
-----------------------------------------------------
Youtube loser and huge fatty Gorgeous George files an internet lawsuit
against a trio of Something Awful Goons in the Federal Court for the
Eastern District of Virginia. It was laughed at the court, and resurrected
the internet's ability to laugh at him.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Gorgeous_George#Lolsuit
Dogo Nahawa Massacre
-----------------------------------------------------
200 to 500 Christians are killed by Muslims with Machetes in Nigeria. In
other news, completely unrelated to the massacre, Internet users around the
world reported a sharp decline in fraudulent email scams that day.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Dogo_Nahawa_Massacre
Australian Media Interviews ED sysop
-----------------------------------------------------
In the wake of ED's coverage of Trinity Bates, Henri Paget, a reporter from
nineMSN, an Australian-based news site, posted an article about an
interview he conducted with an anonymous ED administrator. This rare
contact between an ED sysop and the mass-media representative resulted in a
fascinating conversation.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Australian_Media_ED_Interview
Kimmo Alm Emails
-----------------------------------------------------
Sick of being spammed by AnonTalk for years, 4chan.org's owner Moot finally
snapped and let loose the /b/tards of hell. The following article contains
all of the emails sent from the AnonTalk sysop to Moot, proving his
faggotry.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Kimmo_Alm_Emails
Angel Locsin
-----------------------------------------------------
Following in the footsteps of Steve Hodder-Watt is Angel Locsin, a Filipino
Mary-Sue. After discovering ED's article on the Phillipines, Angel called
upon the wrath of her 70,000-retard personal army of fans to vandalize the
article and forever immortalize herself in the annals of ED.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Angel_Locsin
Die Antwoord
-----------------------------------------------------
SOUTH AFRICA: What happens when a meth-filled Chav covered in bad tattoos
got together with a foulmouthed, mulleted loli and a giant fatass nerd who
just learnt to work his copy of Pro Tools? Experience "Die Antwoord" (The
Answer) in this totally zef article. I can't believe I just typed that
out... <shoots self>.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Die_Antwoord
Ellen Bennett
-----------------------------------------------------
Red Cross efforts to provide aid and shelter to earthquake victims in Haiti
met with catastrophe as Ellen Bennett ate all the rations and booked hotel
rooms meant for victims and aid workers. Afterwards, the vacationing
Scientology Volunteer Minister went on Youtube to encourage others to do
the same.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Ellen_Bennett
Emma Jones
-----------------------------------------------------
An attempt at teaching Middle Eastern kids to speak English ended with the
British instructor developing a particular thirst for drain cleaner after
her ex posted her nudes on Facebook.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Emma_Jones
Incarnate
-----------------------------------------------------
A new comic failed to hit the shelves after its author, Nick Simmons, son
of KISS rock-star Gene Simmons, was caught red-handed tracing the fuck out
of Bleach and every other popular manga out there.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Incarnate
Pspunk666
-----------------------------------------------------
Donning his brand-spanking-new Guy Fawkes mask, a retard rose among the
newfags to be the newfaggiest of them all. What followed was an earth-
shattering battle of Nerd vs. Nerd.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Pspunk666
Rod Burch
-----------------------------------------------------
We come to you with breaking news of a pedophile on the loose on Youtube!
Er, we mean ANOTHER pedophile! And this one is pretty creepy.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Rod_Burch
Robot Unicorn Attack
-----------------------------------------------------
Featuring Erasure's "Always" this ultra gay game coupled with an ultra gay
song took over /v/ as well as generating over 11 million plays is Robot
Unicorn Attack. It's fun as hell, but it'll probably turn you gay.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Robot_Unicorn_Attack
Schroedinger's Cunt
-----------------------------------------------------
Our scientists discover a universal law of the internets regarding
girlfriends and posting pics of her on the internet. Sadly, though our
researchers' experiments were successful, their relationships were not.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Schroedinger's_Cunt
VampiricSpektor
-----------------------------------------------------
This carry over from last month is back, and with more drama. If you missed
the day we cleared the entire Main Page for an HD video of him buttdancing,
you are pretty fucking lucky. Masochists/those into fat ugly men can still
view it in his article.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Vampiricspektor
Jaymz Mutz
-----------------------------------------------------
Up-and-coming novelist and Dracoguard wannabe Jaymz Mutz was discovered
this month after releasing his recent depictions of bestiality and dogsex.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Jaymz_Mutz
Kitsune Youkai
-----------------------------------------------------
A garden-variety sockpuppet-wielding FA furry, took a turn for the bizarre
as he was found in suicidal condition after one of the sockpuppets he was
dating broke up with him.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Kitsune_Youkai
Cheeseburger Josh
-----------------------------------------------------
A Texan is snubbed at the lack of cheese in his burger, equips his tapout
shirt and throws a fit until he's beat down by a beardie.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Cheeseburger_Josh
Arbchat Conclusions
-----------------------------------------------------
Subseven's article on How2arbchat and learn from the mistakes of Prince
Jeremy.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Arbchat_Conclusions
Quiptxt Day
-----------------------------------------------------
iPhone app proves to be extremely vulnerable, Anonymous has captured your
disgusting nudes.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Quiptxt_Day
Parry Aftab
-----------------------------------------------------
Disgusting hambeast goes on the Today Show on the last day of the month to
tell us the evils of internet trolling.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Parry_Aftab
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Users of the Month
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A+ Newbie Award
-----------------------------------------------------
* The newbie of the month is PerpetuallyAroused. He is the author of
Christian Spanking Blogs, which might be the funniest article this month.
He also rewrote Dave Chappelle and a few other awful pages.
Vox Dramatica
-----------------------------------------------------
* March 2010's winner of Vox Dramatica + free t-shirt is Michaeldsuarez.
Michael came from Wikipedia and in true towfag style has nearly 1000 menial
edits this month. I think he even wrote an article in there.
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Lulz News Network
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* RosettaStone allows you to talk to aliens and dead people
http://www.switched.com/2010/03/16/rosettastone-communicates-with-your-descendants-and-aliens-from/
* SSBBW camwhore seeks to become the fattest woman in the world. Also her
husband encourages it (guess his race!) and she has a child approximately
four years old.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1257850/Super-sized-mother-determined-worlds-fattest-woman-years.html
http://supersizedbombshells.com/Treasure/index.html
* Bank robber calls bank ahead of time to tell them he's coming
http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/24/phone.in.robbery/
* Iceland illegalizes strip clubs, but it's for liberal reasons so it's
okay.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/mar/25/iceland-most-feminist-country
* Convict escapes a halfway house, posts on facebook. "on da run"
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-facebook-crook28-2010mar28,0,3015877.story
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Letters to the editor
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Q: Dear Editor: why do you think Australia is enraged at our page when it
is clear no aboriginals are literate, and therefor none of them could read
it?
A: Thank you for writing. Our experts believe this is because the state
pays for translators who not only read the article, they tell them how to
feel about it.
Q: Dear Editor: Why do you think Australia is enraged at our page when it
is clear that aboriginals, being inhuman monkey men, were unable to read
it? Do you think they will take down our page before they take down the
tree of dead cats that said aboriginals filled?
A: What an unfounded stereotype. Next time try a gas joke.
Q: Any projects going on lately?
A: We added a timeline to the bottom of every featured article. You can
start at http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Childfree and view every featured
article on ED.
Q: How do I send questions or letters to the editor?
A: Either on the TJC on site or private message me at
http://facebook.com/SheneequaED
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Editing protips of the month
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*Read the welcome template. We shortened it so it should even take the
slowest of you about 2 minutes. This is better than wasting 20 minutes
trying to write about how David from next door is totally a faggot.
*If the subject of your article is funny enough, just tell the truth. You
don't really need to try to make something like p-p-p-powerbook or Prince
Jeremy funny.
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Footers
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This issue of Dramatic Times brought to you by Fap Mann, Sheneequa Smith,
and the letter "R".
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