Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/November 7, 2022

Alcohol

Alcohol (also known as liquor, booze, hooch, lush, and rape fuel) is man's greatest achievement. It was invented in 1920 and named after notorious Sicilian Sumo Wrestler AlCopone. Failure to regularly enjoy alcohol makes you a stupid mormon faggot. It's consumed by people who enjoy its ability to make them completely retarded. Despite what mormon propaganda may say, there are no negative effects from alcohol consumption as wives always deserve their beatings, drunk driving is way more fun than regular driving, and what did your liver ever do for you anyway?

Sometimes the mind needs a little unhinging, something to help all the synapses fire at once. Certainly, the correlation between boozing it up and the creation of great literature is a time-tested truism: just ask Dylan Thomas, Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allen Poe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Herman Mellville, Eugene O'Neill, Truman Capote, William Faulkner, James Joyce, Jack London, or Ann Coulter, though it did help pwn the first four.

The fact of one's insobriety is an excellent reason (all may agree) to post to your favorite blog, BBS, or message board (because why talk to real people whilst drunk when you can be on teh internetz, right?). You hit your stride, your muse sticks her tongue straight into your ear, all your arguments are unassailable, everybody loves you, and your directionless passion explodes in the forensic equivalent of Great Solar Stance kung-fu. Then you go to bed and, when you wake up, you've been transported to a parallel Bizarro-universe where actually you sounded like an ass and every loveless dweeb is calling you on it. Also you might vomit. Unfortunately, alcohol is one of the largest proprietors of retardedness, 2nd only to Naruto.

By this mystical, counter-intuitive path it may be supposed that some drama results. Do not blame the alcohol, however; blame the mortal vessel too weak to refract its blinding genius into an intense, coherent beam. And, by all means, have some more.

(( BOOZIN N CRUISIN ))

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