Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/March 22, 2023

Smoking

Smoking is an addictive habit in which the smoker burns tobacco in a long object and sucks white smoke from the tip. Smoking most closely resembles ritual, repetitive fellatio. It derives its addictive powers from this non-coincidental resemblance. As any Republican Senator can tell you, "once you cock, you can't stop."

As one of the most bizarre and drawn-out self-pwnage techniques known to humankind, it has a success rate of approximately 50%. This relatively low effectiveness compared to other techniques is more than offset by the extreme lulz of its users' tendency to pretend they're not harming themselves, or that they're even addicted at all.

Smoking, like fellatio, has a number of serious negative health impacts for the smoker, including cancer, heart disease, limpdick, and smelling like jenkem for hours after the last cigarette. This is all upstaged by the fact that sucking on a little burning phallus in public makes one cool -- possibly even an hero.

Smoking is also a guaranteed drama generator OTI. As a drama-generating technique, any smoking-related post is guaranteed to get at least 100 bitterly divisive comments, often touching off a flame war between whiny liberal moonbat anti-smokers and rabid libertarian smokers. Because tobacco smoke smells like shit and clings to lungs, skin, hair and clothing, anti-smokers hate it with a near-religious fervor. Because hippies are fundamentally offensive and the smell of their patchouli overpowers even the most potent cigar, pro-smokers defend their phallic habit with equal fervor. The resulting lulz-packed threads inevitably attract scores of Ayn Rand fanbois and asthmatic basement dwellers. Trolling opportunities abound.

(( Be Cool like Eddie Van Halen Kids; Smoke 300 Cigarettes Every Day ))

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