AMG

Remember, musicians - If you scored anything less than a 4/5 on allmusic, The Smurfs > you.

Allmusic's biggest reviewer, some time in the 90's. The Jonas Brothers, Brittney Spears and N*SYNC all got positive reviews from this guy.

AMG (standing for All Media Guide) is a media info website which comes in three flavors: Allmusic, Allgame, and Allmovie.

Allmusic.com

Allmusic.com, also known as The Music Hugbox, is a source of information on music of all genres, and is used to power Windows Media Player's handy "randomly and obnoxiously adding annoying asterisks, hash symbols and irrelevant information to track titles" feature.

Allmusic has one overarching review philosophy: Everything is great, no matter how shit it is. Their ratings system goes from three stars all the way up to five! If a CD is ever shamefully bad enough to warrant a bottom-of-the-barrel 3-star score, this will invariably be accompanied by a disclaimer such as "it is difficult to view this album as a failure" or "die-hard fans will likely appreciate this album".

Of course, this rule is only exaggerated by music being old, or supposedly 'important'. A good example of this is the Beatles album, Beatles For Sale. Quoting the review, by Steven Thomas Erlewine,

"...feels like an admission of defeat or at least a regression. (It doesn't help that Lennon's cover of his beloved obscurity "Mr. Moonlight" winds up as arguably the worst thing the group ever recorded.)... ...leaving the impression that Beatlemania may have been fun but now the group is exhausted. That exhaustion results in the group's most uneven album..."

SCORE: 5/5

Current Day Allmusic

File:Allmusic 5 rating.jpg

They change their minds. A lot.

While the allmusic covering the bands and artists of the 1800s-1990s would give the perfect score to an album at the drop of a hat, Anything from 2002 and onward suffers quite the opposite problem. Allmusic never, ever, gives a perfect score to a new album at release. It doesn't matter if the reviewer compares it to Led Zeppelin, or if it's acclaimed to the point of statements like "One of the best albums of the year", the highest rating they will give an album out of the game is a 4.5. And those are extremely rare.

Some argure that the last album to get a perfect score was Fred Hersch's "Leaves of Grass" in 2005, but that was a jazz album so who fucking cares. Also, it was the only one that I could find. Compilations and re-releases don't count.