Antonie Dixon

Antonie Dixon was a meth-addled bogan redneck from West Auckland, who failed to become an hero after a two week long rampage across New Zealand in 2003 that culminated in him attacking and cutting off the hands of his ex-girlfriend and her friend with a Samurai sword.. He later an hero'd successfully, becoming a pioneer researcher in the field of the E. Honda method of an heroing.

	“	I'm not an angry person	„
	—Antonie Dixon to the Auckland District Court.

Family life

Dixon was raised in a boarding house by a strict and fanatical mother who did her best to teach little Antonie to be a good boy, but as a teenager, he quickly gravitated towards a life of crime and gang violence.

Ants crawling up the walls

	“	"Did you see a floating black square?" Mr Moore asked. Dixon replied "That's the cube".	„
	—Auckland District Court

Despite outward appearances, Dixon was not at all high on P during his rampage - indeed, the entire episode can be explained by the intimate relationship that Dixon developed with a goblin and his entourage of cackling gremlins:

The gremlin told the court that he was chuckling because Dixon was "a fucking funny cunt".

	“	Dixon said the goblins looked like the devil and the gremlins danced and chuckled. He also said he saw a vampire bat and that the gremlins sometimes talked and danced among themselves.	„
	—Auckland District Court

Failed to become internets sensation

Dixon's rampage caused widespread shock and outrage to a New Zealand public more used to garden variety domestic violence and child abuse. It was not until his initial court appearance that the true lulz of the situation became clear, as the widely published photos of Dixon's insane haircut and stare in the dock became subject of a surge in email traffic as bored fucktards and bureaucrats were unable to resist the temptation of finger pointing and laughing. Use of a samurai sword may also have contributed to lowering the "give a fuck" factor of popular perceptions towards this crime. For an entire generation of Kiwi lusers, Dixon's face became synonymous with meth abuse, yet statistics indicate that this may have led to an increase in overall drug use during this time period, although the more obvious explanation is that New Zealand has become a nation of crackhead epsilon semi-morons, and Dixon's insanity was just a drop in the ocean of more widespread fail.

An heroation

Despite his numerous shortcomings as a human being, in death he has become an influential figure in New Zealand's suicide industry. On the 5th of February, the morning he was to be sentenced, Dixon was assessed by a psychiatrist who found him to be at risk of suicide. He was isolated and put under suicide watch, where HE FUCKING COMMITTED SUICIDE ANYWAY. Media reports are sketchy, but it seems that he ended his pathetic excuse for a life by flinging himself head-first at a wall. Dixon has become a beacon of light to an heroes everywhere, proving that not even incarceration, psychiatric assistance, being on suicide watch and a complete lack of suicide implements can stop a truly determined failure.

Legacy

Antoine Dixon is now a folk-hero in New Zealand, whose life story is told to the young to remind them that if they fail really hard, they might just win.