Mitch Mcconnell

The first Turtle Leader

Senator Green hardshell Mitch, also known as Terrapin of the Senate Floor, Mitch claps or Snaps , Immortal Galapagos, Mitch the Magic Turtle or Green Jesus is the Majority Leader of the United States of America Senate. He defeated his owner who bought him from Petco as a mere hatchling. He was neglected and moss covered at the time of his escape. He vowed from that point forward to run the country even further into the ground. In 2016, he was given an opportunity to lead the big party under Donald J. Trump. He has not answered questioning regarding his plan for pushing unsustainable environmental practices in order that humanity dies off in a virus or solar flare while him and his turtle people hide in their shells until it blows over.

Mcconnell's Turtle food money source

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Even his shell hard right fans don't deny the semblance

According to the Center for Responsive Politics, McConnell has received over $1.5 million from the oil and gas industry since 2012. This has so far been spent on a gargantuan head of lettuce.

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mitch's reaction to lettuce

DON'T TOUCH MY LETTUCE!


GOD DAMN SOFT SHELL LIBERAL FAGGOTS!!!

Hope of Turtle Presidency

in happier days

Mitch was highly euphoric when discovering that Jeb Bush almost gave America a first Turtle president. Mitch himself would have done this but strict and lame Petco chain of supply mean Mitch could be an african turtle.This is nothing he fears as his fellow Turtle Jeb seemed to be one of the fastest of turtle speakers.

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it was hard for Mitch to get over the loss of his brother Jeb taking office for turtlekind, hence why Trump gave Speaker to Paul Ryan not Mitch for his Jeb sympathies