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Christopher Reeve
Christopher Reeve (the opposite of Christopher Walken) was the actor who played Superman, made quadriplegic after a horse riding accident. He made interesting appearances in select usericons on LJ. Also a prime (albeit dead) player in the "Christopher Reeve is a Dead Cripple" drama initiated by LJ user jimmybobob79.
In his defense the horse was made entirely out of kryptonite.
Christopher Reeve eventually snuffed it due to festering bedsores. This was after his loving, caring wife stopped flipping him over when she realised that he was actually just trolling her with the time honoured DGT of withholding sex. The world has been a better place since.
So what happened?
On May 27, 1995, Reeve's horse had a desire for some lulz, faked shitbrix, and Reeve fell off, causing a cervical spinal injury that superspasticated Reeve from the neck-down. Witnesses said that the horse gave a cheerful cry, jumped over the third fence, and then suddenly stopped. In mid-air. Someone said that a ninja spooked the horse, and another person claimed that it might have been a stray speck of dust.
Reeve an heroically held on and the bridle, the bit, two megabytes, and the reins were pulled off the horse and tied his hands together. He landed headfirst (lol) on the other side of the fence. His homemade aluminum foil cap prevented any brain damage, O RLY?, but the impact of his soon to be useless body hitting the ground shattered his first and second vertebrae.
After a vet was called to bring the horse down from mid-air, it was decided that Reeve, or the body tree protruding legs upward from the ground, should be attended to. Reeve had not been breathing for over an hour before paramedics stopped attaching tree decorations to him for the lulz, and dug him up.
Many many people (at least 69) point to the epic, all powerful abilities of his most famous film character, Superman, and the remarkable contrast from this to the exact opposite-ness he achieved after his accident. Some argue that Reeve secretly wanted to achieve the fabled level of Super Irony, and staged FUCKING EVERYTHING.
He was apparently obsessed with all things super, and was said to have sucked many a Jew cock in order to get the Superman role. This of course blows away the Super Irony GET theory, as EVERYONE knows that bad things eventually happen to people who mix with Jews. To sum up - Jews did it. Jews killed Superman.