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Esker Melchior

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This article is boring. You can help by placing relevant pretty pictures and adding more lulz/drama.

Esker Melchior is the Troll for a Day pseudonym used by a poster on the Yahoo! Finance message board for SCO Group.

Articles posted under this name are satirical in nature. They tend to repeat pro-SCOX comments and sentiments but use ridiculously poor spelling, grammar and punctuation to make the point that the logic behind some pro-SCOX arguments is also ridiculously poor. Often Esker is confused with George W. Bush or Darl McBride. Esker is not the Clicktard.

The articles weave in recent events and comments in way that makes them hard to dismiss as mere noise, robotically generated text, or Santorum pro-gay speeches.

Esker Melchior's comments are amusing enough that they often receive a dozen or more "recommendations" from the nerds who have nothing better to do than read a finance board of a stock they don't own.

Example

Here are two samples of Esker Melchior posts

(Yahoo SCOX Message #303499)

SCOX did so SCRESH teh NOVEEL !!!!!!!!!
09/16/05 08:03 pm
by: esker_melchior
Long-Term Sentiment: Strong Buy

IAM have DO READ TEH NEWER DOCUMENTES in teh SCOX VS NOVEEL and = ITSA NOTHER MEGA DOOZEY!!!!! SCOX DO GIVE teh ALL TRUETH ANSERS tat gona FINAL ELEMONATE teh NOVEEL COMPENY!!!! EVEREY all tihng NOVEEL DID SAYS proved to be ALL MAKE UP NO TRUE!!!! BY SCOX GENIOS LAWERS tank yuo MR DAVE BOISE!!!! ITS jsut ONE SCOX TRUETH anser aftr AN OTHAR!!! SOUND IS LIKE SCOX DRUMMS OF DOOM for TEH NOVEEL!!! IS NO HOPE for MESMEN MAN NOW!!!

READ DOCUMENTES thay make yuo NEW SCOX LONG!!! BUY MUCH SCOX STOCKES!!! MUST GET THEM BEFOURE ITS WINTER!!! YUO KNOW WHY!!!

ITS GOOD teh CUORT ALL AGRERE with SCOX FINLEY NOW and SMOSH NOVEEL!!!! JSUT IN TIME = BECOSE IXORN ALIEN CRAFTS there COMING SOON to EARTH!!!! ONLEY teh MACBRID he can PROCTECT GOOD OL USA from PLANET IXORN COSMUNISMOS!!! NOVEEL = SECRET IXORN 6TH COLUMM!!!

ITS TRUE I DID go to IXORN PLANET becose of ALEIN KIDNAPERS!!! DONT GO IF YUO HAV do CHOISCE becose its SLIME DEVIL PLANET that like to do MANY PROBEINGS!!!! IAM have see THINGES ALL YUO POEPLE woldent BELEIFE!!!! ATACK CRAFTS on BURNING FIRE by teh TANHOSER GATE!!! ORIONS belt it GLITER IN DARK like GALAXEY!!! I BET YUO EVEN DONT KNWO what TRUE SKY LOOK LIKE!!!! HAR!!! HAR!!! I MEAN OUTSIDE LIE-NUX BIOSFERE DOME paint to look as FAKE SKY!!!!

ITS SO I can TELL ALL YUO IT with NOT IXORN FORCIES GET ME becose YUOR ALL JSUT LIE-NUX HIPEYS nobodys gona BELEFE YUO WAHT I TELL YUO TRUETHS!!! ITS SO SAD YUO ALL KNWO alein CRAFTS DO COME but NOBODY BELEFE YUO!!! ITS MEGA IRONICAL!!!! HAR!!! HAR!!! HAR!!! SO BAD FOR YUO!!! NEXT TIME YUO BETER pay SCOX and belefe SCOX = beter LUKC NEXT TIME LIE-NUX HIPEYS!!!! HAR!!! HAR!!!!

(Yahoo SCOX Message #304766)

ATENTON COPEYROIT VIOLOTORES!!!!!!!!!!!
09/20/05 07:03 pm
by: esker_melchior
Long-Term Sentiment: Strong Buy

NOW ALL YUO KNWO it is jsut like SCOX SAYES!!!! MACBRID him say TRUETH of actuel WORKEING OF COPEYROIT LAW rule!!!!! ESKER gona ESPLAIN ALL becos ALL YUOR TO SLUGGEY-BRAINO to unerstan by SELFES!!!

YUO LIE-NUX DUMBOS make EVIL COPEYROIT violoton EVERY WERE!!!! REPLEY to sombody POST = MAKE DERFITIVE WORKES!!!! QOTE WORD OF POST = VIOLOTON YUO can be SUE IN FEDRAL CUORT = MSUT give COPEYROIT ONAR maney BIG DOLORS!!!! READ POST = MAKEING DEFRITIVE wokr IN personal BRAINES!!!! TALK ABUOT PERSON = PERSON ONAR all POSTEING of YUO MAKE abuot PERSON!!!! EVEN ALL TALK TO EACH OTHAR = MEGA BIG MUTUEL VIOLOTON of COPEY ROIT!!!! BOTH OF YUO TO JAIL FOR EVER for VOILOTE!!! RIIAAA GONA MONCH all YUO for VOILOTE!!!! YUOR ALL teh EVIL VOILOTAR of FEDRAL LAWES while THERE a WAR GOEING ON!!!!!!! EVIL EVIL YUO!!!!!

BUT ALL IT = AS SCOX DID PLAN!!!! FOR ALL sayeings of HERE THIS BAORD = TOTAL derfitave of SCOX becos ABUOT SCOX!!!! SCOX = NEW ONAR of all YUOR THINGES!!!! NOW ALL YUO MSUT GIVE TO SCOX ALL!!!! PAY SCOX TEH DOLORS or ITS TEH SLAMER FOR YUO!!!!! HAR!!!! HAR!!!! HAR!!!!

BET YUO DEDNT THINK abot it EVEN!!!!! BECOSE YUOR DUBM LIE-NUX MONKYS tat ONLEY EAT from VACUM CLENER BAG!!! MACBRID ULTAMATE GENIOS wit INFALEBEL PLANN and YUOR NOT HE!!!! HAR!!! HAR!!!!!!!! HAR! HAR!!!!!!!

Truly priceless, worthy of a copyright.

See also

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