Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton, AKA Paris Cumdrinking Hitler is an American sperm dumpster. She is an utterly spoiled cocksucking retard Americunt slut and the very definition of tits or GTFO. She was a load not spit out by her mom left over on her dads dick right before he limply re-inserted.

Even by celebrity standards this woman takes the caek. Not only is she incredibly stupid, ugly and a whore but unlike other celebrities she did not even 'earn' her money herself. Most celebrities go downhill after they release a song or a movie or some shit and the fame gets to them. Even though she comes from a rich family, Paris started at the bottom and seems determined to stay there.

During her time in the spotlight, Paris has downgraded from pwned to FAIL to finally Kill it with fire.

First Impressions

This is the only reason you look up Paris Hilton on ED anyway.

Once upon a time, you had to have at least a teensy bit of talent to become a superfamous international celebrity and be on every television channel and radio station ever. Then in late 2003, Paris Hilton, named for the hotel, allegedly leaked a three-minute video of her blowing some C-list director in Iraq onto the Internets. She is proof that you can be a multimillionaire party girl and still be white trash.

The media went apeshit, and Paris was instantly a household name (without the need for having big or even "nice" tits).

But why?! She's just a stupid slut/zombie, why make her a man baby?

She's really skinny, attractive, blonde, has an amazing voice, has a fucked-up nose and may well have been born with a cleft palate or harelip; her face has thus had too much plastic surgery (but nobody will talk about this); to complete all this, she has a wonky eye meaning one eye looking at you and the other looking for you. She also, like, has a cute catchphrase, and a totally cute fashion style, and sticks her hand up cow asses on Fox reality shows that retards watch. Her redeeming quality might be her ability to perform a good blowjob, but unfortunately all the recipients of such an act must then come to terms with their newly diseased status.

16 year old girls, fucktards, lifeless trolls and nerds maintain that if you don't like her, you are jealous, fat and ugly. LOL.

She never carries enough tissues for her pelvic floor issues. And nappies are just soo not Paris. If you are a taxi driver don't even think about it. Even for an instant, if you find her standing next to you in a line of any sort (discos especially) make sure you remove yourself to a safe distance. Some theorize 200 feet, although this is uncertain as she micturates mightily.

Paris Hitler also, in 2006 released a really shitty album entitled "Paris", in which she sings about shit, crap, that director she made cum ->, and more shit nobody cares about. The album is shit, the single is shit, and you shouldn't even waste the disk space to illegally download the shitty album, because it is a never ending virus and the song is like a bug you just want to squash quickly. the only legitimate use for it would be to torture the sandniggers at guantanamo bay

As of August 2006, Paris has declared that she basically will go celibate for an entire year. The previous sentence contains more lulz than Oscar Wilde's corpse.

Tmobile Terrorism

Paris Hilton's sidekick was ruinated by The Unix Terrorist. It was lol celebrity/lol internet news for a while and then no one cared.

Paris' Granddaddy is LULZy

Dr. Frankenstein wishes he had such instructions available way back when!

A sincere letter from a fan

“

Dear Paris Hilton,

Please keep it in your pants, and furthermore, please remove your pants and the contents therein to the sixth moon of Neptune.

You're not hot. I look at you and see a walking petri dish for a new mutant strain of venereal disease, a mutate combining the worst parts of the herpes, hanta and Ebola viruses. I full-blown level-5 hot zone for one's privates.

And also -- seriously -- a powerful tranny vibe, too.

It's a kind of sexual early warning light that won't stop blinking.

I'm not 100% certain that you have herpes, and I don't know for the fact you've had some pieces swapped out for aftermarket parts intended for an entirely different chassis. But I'll go with my gut.

You know that everyone knows they could see your sex tapes after only thirty seconds of Googling, and yet most of us haven't bothered? Why do you think that is?

That damn light that just won't stop blinking.

Please, please. Just go away.

Suck the barbed cock of Satan,

Ace

„

PWNED!!!11

In 2007, due to being a complete whore and completely useless member of society, she got thrown in the pokey, taken out due to Ghonnaherpasciphilaides, and put back in. The news channels had a freakout and had a shitload of boring stuff to talk about. Paris did cry which was very lulzy. She is a dirty dirty whore and being a woman, deserves to be raped by a gang of men wearing pineapple condoms.

“	Muuummm... it´s not funny	„
—Paris Hilton

Eventually she was let out on ho day out, broke it, and got thrown back into jail. The judge sentenced her to 45 days detention for the lulz.

Reenactment of her time spent in jail.

Paris Hilton: THE MOVIE

These are true. All true. Normally ED doesn't give a flying fuck whether something is for real or not, but even we couldn't make this shit up.

IMDB along with the keywords for the film.

In 2008 Paris starred in her first movie The Hottie & The Nottie (more like The Thottie and the Nottie, amirite?!). For some strange reason Paris is considered the "Hottie".

At the time of writing, it was the 10th Lowest Rated movie evar with a rating of 1.5 stars out of 10.
Only 28 people showed up on the opening weekend.
Read the user comments for yourself.
Worldwide, only 5% of critics gave the movie a positive review.

The trailer (trash) itself:

The Moar You Know . . .

The world-famous Paris Hilton offers five-star accommodations and unparalleled guest services

Although it's often distinguished that Paris is the eldest offspring of Richard and Kathy Hilton, the truth behind the young socialite is that she was actually a failed experiment, ironically created in a Ukrainian nuclear facility. The reason as to why scientists, any governments or human beings in general would even fathom the creation of such a heinous creature is unknown to this day, but the creators of this project soon realized the horror their experiment would wreak upon the earth, so they made the decision to abort the project and have Ms. Hilton cryogenically frozen until proper action could be taken against her. Unfortunately, the beast somehow managed to escape the facility and inexplicably made her way to the United States. Scientists tried to warn the world, but it was too late, as prepubescent fangirls and hopelessly naive teenagers everywhere had almost immediately taken an unhealthy obsession to the young woman. An anonymous participant in the experiment says that he just wants to warn the world that the woman we have all come to know and love is in reality a ruthless monster, and that if she is not stopped soon, anonymous fears the well-being of all man kind.

Proof that AMG reviewers are fucking idiots.

The voice you hear on the amazing Paris album is actually hers, and not Carah Faye Charnow as thought. Carah Faye Charnow only submitted dummy vocals for the album, which weren't used in the final product. But it is still amazing.
Paris Hilton's music album took less vocal editing than Britney Spears and Shakira. Fascinating!
One of the songs on said album is entitled "Screwed", which can mean: A description of the person who bought this shit, or Paris talking about what she did with the fat record company exec in order to record this travesty.
The main difference between Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole Smith is that Paris is alive and doesn't have ~~fake~~ boobs.
In 2004, Hilton participated in Sean "Diddy" Puffy Combs' Citizen Change campaign to encourage youths to vote in the presidential election. She drew criticism after it was revealed that she had neither voted nor has the mental capacity to read a ballot.
On January 22, 2007, Hilton's private life was again thrust into the media spotlight with the launch of a website that claims to feature images of personal documents, video, and other material allegedly obtained when the contents of a storage locker rented by Hilton were auctioned off due to the lack of a $208 payment. The site, parisexposed.com, began charging online access to this material, which led to a spokesperson for Hilton telling the Associated Press wire service that her legal options are being explored. In the meantime, anyone can read her medical records in which it is revealed that (A) she had a "miscarriage" (aka abortion) (B) Paris is taking Valtrex to treat herpes, (C) in various video clips Paris refers to black African Americans as "niggers" and references various anti-sodomite designations about fags (D) she is a huge slutty cocaine fiend that believes "only poor people go to public schools".~~[1]~~ BALEETED
In August/September 2006, artist Banksy and Dangermouse replaced up to 500 copies of Paris Hilton's debut cd, Paris, in 48 different UK record stores with his own cover art and remixes by Danger Mouse. Music tracks were given titles such as "Why am I Famous?", "What Have I Done?" and "What Am I For?". Several copies of the CD were purchased by the public before stores were able to remove them, some going on to be sold for as much as £750 on online auction websites such as eBay. The cover art depicted Paris Hilton digitally altered to appear topless. Other pictures feature her with a dog's head replacing her own, & her stepping out of a luxury car, edited to include a group of homeless people, which included the caption "90% of success is just showing up."
In February 2008 famed celebrity stalker and convicted child molester Sam Dashefsky began going on an epic quest to stalk Paris and gain highly secretive hook ups from Teh List.
Courtney Love has sparked concern about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's plans to work as camp counselors for children in a TV series, after claiming drugs were readily available at Hilton's recent birthday party. In a posting on her website, the former Hole singer has spoken out about the "white powder" she discovered in the toilet at Hilton's 24 February party. The head of Foundations For Jewish Camping is worried about the pair's stint as camp counselors in the upcoming fifth season of their reality show The Simple Life. The latest season of the show has already made headlines after Richie was taken to hospital on Friday suffering from dehydration on set.
Sadly, Paris Hilton has her own channel on YouTube.
Paris Hilton spawned the greatest show ever, Knight Rider.
Lovingly combining both "Celebrity" and "Socialite", the media often refers to Paris Hilton as a "Cellulite".
Lovingly combining both "Paris" and "Socialite", the media sometimes refers to Paris Hilton as a "Parisite".
Paris is worshiped by young girls all over the world, like Girlybitch08, inspiring them to become pro-ana and suck cocks to become e-famous.
She had sex with Jack Osbourne. That's right... she fucked him. If you ever fapped it to her, you will now stop because the fantasy of your penis going into her vagina is still interrupted by the fact that Jack Osbourne's was there first. Go vomit.
Hilton has actually made it into "The Guinness Book of World Records." In the 2007 edition, Paris ~~will be~~ is listed as the most overrated celebrity.
Her feet have the manly shoe size of 11.

One of Paris' various secret attacks allows her to grow to a height of 500 feet tall, thus allowing her to smother her opposition under her massive, brody feet.
Even Disney takes potshots at Paris Hilton! (London Tipton)
By the way, she's a whore, and to day the only recipient of the Valtrex Lifetime Achievement Award for singlehandedly quadrupling the infection rate of herpes in the United States within a 6 month period.