Megan Meier/Megan Meier of Bel-Air

<Megan Meier

Now this here is a story, listen up here really good
'bout a 13 year old chubby-chick who got misunderstood
And I'd like to take a minute, so just sit down in your chair
I'll tell you why I hanged myself: a boy made of thin air

In a suburb of St. Louis, is where I wuz born and raised
Whoring out on the ol' MySpace was where I spent all my days
Chillin' out and maxin', I was relaxin' and all cool
And trying to lose weight so I could look less of a mule
When this boy online, named JOSH, who looked EXTRAORDINARY FINE
Added me and said, "hey bitch, u sho is lookin mad divine"
I thought we were in love, it was like so totally rad
til he says, "Your a big fatty slut, yo cunny smell real bad!"

My fatty belly shook with tears, my eyes they started cryin
I wrote some angry bulletins to suckers who were lyin
right then I'd say fer reelz my life was rilly rilly bare
I thought, "Fuck yeah! I know, I'll get a belt out, and chair!"

I yelled back to my mother "yo Momma you major tard"
I go up to my bedroom now to punch my fuckin' card
I put the belt around my neck, I counted down to zero
I said goodbye cruel world! and Bam! Became instant AN HERO!!

If the story ended there, it wouldn't really be so bad
But there's another little piece of this-here-story to be had
Six weeks past when my XL coffin went into the ground
My mom and my daddy got some news that was like so profound
See, it turns out that the DREW FAMILY who lives right down the street
Hatched this stone-cold plan to grease up my fat teenage pussymeat.
They made that JOSH profile, and sat back to laugh and watch
Gave him a sexy mullet, and a big bulge in his crotch.

When my parents got the news, well shit, it made them mad unstable
They went down into the basement to those fuckers' foosball table
My momma starts to holler, and my daddy starts to frown
They pulled out a couple axes, then they fuckin' went to town.

And so the final tally for this story is as follows:
A foosball deck, two families, and a fat teen whore who swallows.