Guild Wars 2

Not to be confused with it's shitty predecessor Guild Wars

NCSoft

NCSoft, former: NiggaSoft (Nig-ah-soft) is the parent company of ArenaNet, responsible for the death of World of Warcraft, and the death of 11 million virgins shortly afterwards.

How It Started.

Your typical GW2 fan

Many, many thursdays ago, in a land called 2007, ArenaNet announced the sequel to the instant hit game Guild Wars. Even though the faggots working over at ArenaNet intended to use the original Guild Wars game engine to encompass the sequel, many were surprised on the release of several trailers in late 2009 on Youtube. Scores of WoWfags cried, and several minutes after watching the CGI animation of epic proportions, You and your friends decided to give it a try.

You've played your fair share of MMO's in the past, but if one thing's for sure - once you go Guild Wars 2, you've got even less of a chance than Red Shirt Guy at getting laid.

GW2 is a unique, family-friendly MMORPG. It offers no levelling challenges, quests no longer exist, PLUS it's Buy-to-Play. Despite ArenaNet being as evil as they are, the game has progressed since 2007, so much so that it has forced WoW to go Free to Play. It's just that great.

"If you love MMOs, you'll want to play Guild Wars 2, and if you hate MMOs, you'll REALLY want to play Guild Wars 2" -Troll science marketing

The Wait Begins: 2007

ArenaNet finally called an end to GW1 and made the insanely stupid decision to announce Guild Wars 2 even before it had started developement, which has left most in anticipation for the game in a terribly isolated state for the past four years.

No mainstream info was given out other than the game title itself.

2 years later..

No release date yet, maybe it was all a joke like Starcraft Ghost for the sole purpose of lulz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35BPhT-KI1E

This and many other CGI quality trailers were released this year. This was way back before internal alpha testing - another reason that ArenaNet are master trolls for teasing through PAX and gamescon demo's, and keeping all of the goodies in house.

Commando

Yet more trailers were published throughout the year - ArenaNet yet again managed to piss the entire future playerbase off by even publishing blogs, occasionally with more mini-teasers at ingame content.

Somehow, we made it through this year. Only 5 more to go.

One interesting video from IGN trolled most of the retard plant-weeaboo / furfags as an April Fools prank, that featured a new class that would've actually made the game way better than it is now.

What happened in 2011

- ArenaNet starts publishing documentaries on the game content to shove it up the player's ass in yet another kind of way.

- The 'Engineer' profession gets announced just before Comic-Con.

(Engineer is a watered down, family-friendly version of Commando. How does that make you feel?)

- GamesCom happened, and still ArenaNet refused to give any solid release date, and as a result the whole event was useless. Scores of fans went home without recieving their annual cerebral orgasm from Colin Johansson.

- Soon after, at PAX Prime, ArenaNet yet again revealed pretty much nothing, besides giving a hint that you'll be able to be a member of multiple guilds at the same time.

"I guess it isn't Guild Wars anymore, it's Guild Friends? Fuck that"

Guild Wars 2 - FAQ

When will the game be released?
-First quarter of 2012. Now that you've waited 4 years for the game to come out, you can enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Is this the WoW-Killer?
-WoW died already, didnt you get the memo[1]?.

Do I have the ability to own fellow noobs in the open world for the lulz?
-You couldnt win against a noob at Minecraft. And that isn't even a game, amirite?

When can I give the greedy bastards at NiggaSoft my money?
-When it's ready.

Can I jump?
-Yes. If you're still having issues try this instead.

Classes

Because Guild Wars 2 isn't WoW, classes are called professions, and as a result crafting professions such as cotton-picking in guild wars 2 are regarded as nigger traits

Known Professions:

Necromancer
Elementalist
Guardian
Ranger
Orange
Thief
Engineer
Warrior
Missingno (The eigth and final class hasnt been revealed yet)

Sylvari

Before & After

Demographic: Scene/Emo/Hipster/Plant-People

The camwhore class. These native plant elves were actually based on a transmutation of a 3D Bulbasaur and any able-bodied wimminz. The male versions roughly translate to blood elves in WoW.

These are sure to be the most overrated and overplayed race on release. So we ask that You please make a Sylvari so the elite gamers can play a real class.

Norn

Demographic: Anders B. Breivik

The family-friendly norwegian vrykul race. Fun Fact: The guild wars theme song is actually the Norn's main theme.

The norn, being this scary are not to be fucked with. Prepare your anus for some scandinavian ass-whooping.

Asura

Demographic: Unemployed, 25-35 years old.

The elite-gamer class. Even though the models look like the blue monster from Disney's Lilo and Stitch combined with a 3D render of Stewie Griffin's face, the class on a whole proves to be the badass gnome equivalent (Only this time, with a kick-ass model).

References

[2] - Bulbasaur 3D Design
[3] - ArenaNet Blog
[4] - IGNEntertainment Commando Spoof
[5] - Discussion thread under off-topic / videogames
[6] - Official site