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Chris-chan/Places
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Christian Weston Chandler.
Bless.
Contrary to popular belief, our friend Christian wasn't always the socially awkward, perverse, racist, shut-in, freakish fatty that he is today. Until recently, he actually had a social life (albeit just as socially awkward and perverse)! Unfortunately, he did leave a trail of distressed children, females and security guards in his wake, but no one gives a fuck about that.
So come join us as ED takes you on a mystical, magical and whimsical journey around Christian's world and the state of Virginia, which often ends with hilarious consequences of bannings and restraining orders!!!
The Chandler Residence
The House
The lair of the Chandlers, Chris, his parents Bob and Barbara, as well as his cat Scamper and a billion other fucking cats (their dead dog too, somewhere in the back-yard).
It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, VA. The house itself reeks of the early 1980s, having tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. The house probably hasn't been re-sided in years. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has destroyed the value of local properties.
- As of March 2009, all space not used for walking or sleeping appears to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of Chris's 20th birthday, for instance), the house was actually once quite tidy. In his video tour, Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered", suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller during the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horribly inadequate understatement. The house is packed with shit; the former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. The other rooms are similarly full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevice-like rat runs with chairs, TVs, and other outdated furnishings.
Due to an incident in Chris' recent "Holiday Wishes" video, the belief has arisen that his house may be haunted. Some have dismissed the phantom movement by the front door at 0:41 as one of Barbara's millions of cats that infest the grounds, but it is much more likely to be the restless spirit of a former Ian Anderson captive. Ivy, perhaps?
Chris' Room
Ground Zero, The Dragon's Lair, The Gates to Hell, Rome. Call it what you want, Chris' room is the epicenter of the whole Chris-chan empire. Chris has spent most of his recent life in this room, ever since he got kicked out of Piedmont Virginia Community College, the mall and the Pokemon league, he only leaves it to go to Church (or due to some trolling escapade). Probably definitely smells of piss, shit, sweat, cum and dead inflatable girls. The few times when he really left his room were when the PVCC field agents managed to drag him to Charlottesville's bars.
Chris's bedroom is on the second floor of his house, with two windows on the northwest wall and a smaller window (covered by his shitty Pokémon card designs) on the north-east wall. Based on Chris's video tour of his house, his cluttered room is actually spotless compared to the rest of the house, another reason why Chris may spend so much time holed up in his sanctuary.
- Just like ShecameforCWC.jpg is pretty much the picture that sums up Chris's mind, his room — like most bedrooms — also sums up quite nicely a lot of the awful things about Chris:
- His incredible attachment to material possessions, as evidenced by the incredible amounts of clutter that lie in his room.
- His also incredible laziness, as evidence by the large amounts of disorganized clutter that lie on the floor, his bed and his couch.
- In contrast, notice the careful and orderly arrangement of his video games, DVDs, trading cards, posters and toys: evidence of how they rank on his list of priorities when compared to serious stuff like work or school.
- Megan's shrine, the definite and unquestionable proof of Chris's obsession with the only person that has ever been friendly to him.
- The notoriously high presence of Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog and other franchises aimed at 8-12 year old kids — or in other words, people of the same mental and emotional age as Chris.
- Also, the prominent presence of Transformers, held by Chris as a symbol of manliness, are one more proof of Chris's fear of becoming a homo.
- The fact that most of his possessions are toys or video games — that is, things he can absolutely control, that always do what he wants, basically the wet dream of a manipulator.
- Finally, the fact that Chris retreats to his room whenever he feels the slightest bit of stress, his refusal to discard his detritus, and the fact that Chris has his own imaginary world called Cwcville, could possibly mean that Chris's toys are like a physical, earthly extension of his own imaginary world, thus infusing him with a sense of safety and comfort.
- Just like ShecameforCWC.jpg is pretty much the picture that sums up Chris's mind, his room — like most bedrooms — also sums up quite nicely a lot of the awful things about Chris:
The Yard
On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill, But the yard of the house consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front.
The plants in the planters have long since died, probably due to a foul stench poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed, and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where the Lumberjack would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where Patti once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the pansy-ass he is, Chris cannot muster the strength to pick the damn thing up. Some have speculated that this is divine intervention, in order to keep Patti's body safe from Chris and his fur-fag tendencies.
However in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the fuck quest) We can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and the trees were healthy.
- Many people speculate that over the years Chris' parents have gotten too ugly, fat or too lazy to care for their garden leaving the area quite barren.
Areas
Ruckersville, VA
Chris' home is highlighted with the red mark.
Chris' home is at the center of the crosshair
Rural area outlying Charlottesville, VA and Ground Zero of Christian Weston Chandler (aka the Window to Hell). Left and returned several years later, after having problems with a school near Richmond.
Charlottesville, VA
To America, it's the home of Thomas Jefferson's home Monticello and the University of Virginia. For Christian Weston Chandler, it's home to Fashion Square Mall, Game Place, and various other stores he is banned from.
The town is so quaint that they drew a map of the place so that it looks like a low budget 80's theme park. According to the map the entrance of the town is guarded by the world's biggest knight.
Ride the racist roller-coaster Y'all!
Schools
Nathanael Greene Elementary School
Christian's elementary school.
He was pulled out of the school by Bob, after Chris told his father that he had become homophobic, due to him sitting on the homosexual principal's lap (srsly).
Providence Middle School
Christian's middle school. He had him quite some gal-pals there and virtually fuck all of any interest happened to him.
Manchester High School
Perhaps the only happy four years of Chris' educational life, Manchester High School is where Chris finished his compulsory education. As with his previous school, nothing eventful happened to him aside from being the water boy for his basketball team. Which is kind of shocking as you would have thought that the bullies at the school would have spent every single day of those four years tormenting Chris into killing himself.
Chris had a crush on Kellie Andes and was more than likely made fun of on a daily basis.
James Madison University
Shenandoah Valley
Apparently, he commuted here for special-ed help with his friend Joshua Martinez.
If he ever attempts this again, expect epic IRL trolling.
Banned Locations
The Fashion Square Mall
Home of Chris's love quest exploits and where he met Anna McLerran (creator of the "Tale of the crazy pacer" blog). Currently banned for loitering.
Fun Fact: The Mall was also used in the Tom Clancy book, The Teeth of the Tiger as the scene of an Islamic terrorist act. The only relevance this has with Chris is that he also caused terror there himself to many a YOUNG LADY and security guard.
The GAMe PLACe
The Game Place is a Games Workshop-like Dungeons & Dragons game store situated inside a Staples center that Chris hung out at (until he was banned for acting like a total cock, arguing with children and going behind the store counter), which also briefly hosted the Pokemon TCG League where Chris was a volunteer gym leader. Chris was probably the oldest, at the age of 26, and was accompanied by Megan Schroeder.
Other persons of interest are the store staff: Michael Schneider, "Mimms" and Lucas, the latter presumably being an eleven year old.
- At some point in The Game Place Pokémon League history, Chris loudly objected to being paired up with "novices". These are ten-year-olds who still managed to beat him frequently.
- There have been emails sent by the person who manages TGP events, probably finally looking for reasons to ditch CWC's high-maintenance HFA-ass.
- Chris reportedly brought in consoles and hogged the store's flat screen TV, angering the manager. Of course, Chris couldn't understand why a manager would be annoyed by a squealing man bogarting his TV for hours to play Animal Crossing on "da big screen."
- Chris has since been banned from the store for acting inappropriately (such as being a racist prick, personally insulting the manager and getting into arguments with children).
- There were also some 12-15 year old black kids who frequented The GAMe PLACe. Chris picked on them and acted like they wanted to steal from him.
- Also, Chris once argued with a huge black guy named TJ. Obviously, Chris was in the wrong. When they started talking about how Chris would never get laid, Chris yelled, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" As TJ stood up like he was going to beat Chris's ass, Chris shrunk and whimpered, "I mean your face down monster..."
Piedmont Virginia Community College
Piedmont, Virginia Community College, AKA PVCC. Chris earned two certificates here.
Mary Lee Walsh was the student dean who gave Chris a difficult time on his love quest, which is what any sensible person would do. Chris in turn made her a character in his comics and inspired the villain group the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, which is also abbrieviated PVCC, once again proving Chrissy's originality.
According to Chris, the college itself is intolerant of those who are love questing, and makes extra effort to cockblock any males on its campus by brutally censoring any signs that show the least bit of romance.
- By mid-October 2003, Chris had been using his Attraction Sign for 2 months without success for his love quest. Mary Lee Walsh, under the correct impression that Chris was soliciting sex, seized the sign, yelled at him in a very violent manner, and harshly criticized his methods. Chris made a new sign only to have Walsh foil his plot again in a few weeks. This served only to make Chris rage and spam the college with his ads. As a result, Walsh gave Chris a stern lecture, banned him from PVCC for a year, made him take an anger management course, and forced him to see a shrink.
Target
Charlottesville
Chris was banned from the very recently opened (at the time) Charlottesville branch of Target, for what he believed was loitering (but turned out to be for soliciting females -obviously).
Chris had intended to use the place to scope out girls, by sitting in the Café near the entrance (justifying himself for being there all day by Jew), The managerial staff caught wind of his intentions after several complaints from distressed women and was asked to vacate the premises. Chris refused and got mouthy, so he was promptly hand-cuffed and arrested, later appearing in court.
PROTIP: A security guard, being a private citizen (unless it's a real cop's part time job, as is the case with some security guards), can only arrest someone on citizen's arrest and only if they witness a person committing a felony. Chris would have had to actually rape a woman or it's just misdemeanor trespassing and the rent-a-cops would need to have called the real police. If Chris wasn't retarded, he could have sued Target and its security guards for illegal detainment, assault, battery, etc. and he could be a millionaire right now.
- Chris goes into this event in great detail in his comic strip entitled: "Off-Target" (the one where he uses a vastly oversized drinking straw).
Wal-Mart
Charlottesville
Chris's supermarket of choice until he was banned for (yet again) soliciting girls for sex. He calls the place "Mal-Wart" in his comics - clever.
Unfortunately for our ass-pie friend, they've decided to build a new store right next door to him in Ruckersville sometime mid-2009 or late-2010, and a Lowes is planned to open there some time in December, so look forward to many more overweight autistic loitering and soliciting, Jerkop related lulz and mishaps, and eventual bannings & restraining orders.
The Store is managed by ScotPalazzo according to Chris.
Grace Baptist Church
Charlottesville
Grace Baptist Church was Chris's church until he got kicked out on March 17, 2008. Lordsillynipples had emailed Chris in September 2008 asking him why he got kicked out of Grace Baptist Church and Chris responded with the following: "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in my video I did on my 25th Birthday, and he found the ED page."
Christian's parents still go to the GBC, so it is most likely that they agreed with the grounds on which Chris was kicked out. That, or they had personal motives for not wanting to go to the same church as Chris.
When your own parents don't want to be seen in public with you, you know you're a freak!
Other Locations
Wendy's
Charlottesville
(His Actual workplace)
American fast food chain that Chris worked at in 2001 for a whopping TWO months before getting his fat H.F.A.-ass fired.
The mysterious circumstances of his firing have never been revealed, as Chris has never given a clear or concise answer on the cause of his dismissal from Wendy's. It's been alleged that Chris helped a small child cut open a baked potato (jacket potato) and/or was doing his Donald Duck impressions. In Mumble chats, Chris said that it was because he was trying to get napkins for a small child (it's unclear if this was the sole reason or he was clarifying the "fan's" question of if he was helping a small child cut his baked potato) and on his date from March 10, 2009, when asked if his Donald Duck impersonation had scared the child (it sounds like something out of The Exorcist), he said that the child was "tired" at the time.
- Chris was asked about his time at Wendy's several times after the date in March, and during that he brought up more information, particularly regarding his supervisor, who didn't think very highly of him. He mentioned a time involving him getting his uniform dirty and simply continuing to wear it, not taking into account the usual sanitation standards of most fast food restaurants and also not realizing he could get another, clean shirt. Chris made many other, probably small but frequent mistakes and likely failed to actually do his job, which apparently consisted primarily of custodial duties. The supervisor, allegedly, used the child incident to finally fire Chris, who wasn't actually notified in advance of his firing and came to work only to be told by his former co-workers that he wasn't supposed to be there.
- If either are true, then they were petty reasons to fire a person, but because the firee in question is a sexist, racist, opinionated, socially retarded, homophobic, smelly freak like Chris, we can find their reasons totally rational.
Wesley Memorial Church
Charlottesville
Full title: Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, Chris's new and current church. Christian started attending the Wesley Methodist Church in 2008 after getting kicked out of his old church, the Grace Baptist Church, most likely for asspierational behaviour. Chris also sees his counsellor here. WFMC is also closely associated with the University of Virginia.
Chris also mentioned donating several hundred dollars to his church, likely this one, as well as one of the clergy there (likely his counselor) suggesting he read the "How to Talk to Girls" book written by a nine-year old.
Ironically for a homophobe, Chris attends a homo-accepting church because it is the only one that won't kick him out.
Having been besieged with nudes of Chris, they now have this disclaimer on their homepage: "We are not responsible for any content or links that may appear on the personal web pages of any member of this congregation.".
Country Cookin
Country Cookin (spelt without a "G" or an apostrophe (oh, those wacky rednecks)) Is Christian's restaurant of choice. It is a Virginia based chain of rustic steak house/buffet and grill restaurants (akin to Golden Corral in the US, and Harvester or Brewer's Fayre in the UK). It's authentic country-style food, served in an authentic pre-fab highway restaurant. Erm.
Chris has mentioned Country Cookin on several occasions and even has taken his troll friend Joshua Martinez out to eat there.
See Also
- Chris-chan - The TRUE and ORIGINAL Chris-chan ED page.
- Chris-chan/People - People mentally scarred from being in the presence of Mr. Weston Chandler.
- CChanSonichuCWC - The REAL Chris-chan's YouTube account.